I'm getting really bored of this story so it will definitely be ending soon. Brief fluff will be written concerning minor characters who received the most votes in reviews for the last chapter. Since most signed reviewers have requested that I not extend the torture scene, I've decided censor it out.
TR811 C0pps Vs. ThE DaNgErOuS LuNaTiC
(Part I)
Sollux groaned, attempting to focus on the lines of complicated red and blue code sitting in front of him on his computer screen. The idiot trolls in the room weren't making it easy for him.
Karkat Vantas was currently throwing a fit because of something his future self said to his present day self five days ago online. He screamed profanities, stomped his black sneakers against the floor, and smashed his tiny grey fists against his computer monitor until his stupid face turned red. It would have been somewhat hilarious had it not also been so infuriatingly redundant. This sort of thing happened a lot with Karkat, he was stuck on some kind of a perpetual loop of cosmic cluster fuck douche-baggery.
"That fucking asshole, that FUCKING NUB MUNCHING UNJULATING ASSHOLE!" Karkat screamed, and with difficulty Sollux resisted the urge to strangle him.
"Do it Karkat," goaded Terezi evilly. "Send him the message. Tell that fuck munch who's boss!"
Silently, Karkat agreed that this was in fact the best solution. He strode over to his computer, sitting down and typing the following response to what ever had previously been said to him:
Karkat: YOU ARE AN INCOMPETENT, EMPTY HEADED, CUNT-SUCKING MORON, WHICH IS WHY NOBODY LIKES YOU. SO GO CRAWL INTO A HOLE AND FUCKING SHOOT YOURSELF. EVERYONE WILL BE SO FUCKING HAPPY THAT THEY'LL HAVE A HUGE FUCKING DANCE PARTY ON YOUR SHIT-BLOODED CORPSE, INCLUDING ME. BUT SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU.
"Now press send! Press send!" insisted Terezi excitedly.
Karkat pressed send and she broke out into a fit of laughter.
"You do realize that you just sent the same message that you've been screaming about for five days to yourself five days in the past?" she cackled.
"Shut up. I hate you!"
"Karkat you're such an incredible dumb ass!" Terezi said pointing at the wall behind Karkat's head and breaking out into another fit of maniacal laughter.
"Terezi, I'm trying to fucking code over here," complained Sollux. "I swear to god if I have listen to another one of Karkat's stupid temper tantrums I'm gonna' kill him and you.
Vriska burst through the door to the computer room. Sollux, Karkat and Terezi turned in her direction, and stared at her incredulously as she charged toward them, holding her cell phone out in front of her as though it were something disgusting that she didn't really want to be holding, perhaps a dried, cellphone-shaped turd.
"Gather your fucking weapons," she announced, yellow eyes flashing dangerous as she raised her red handled pirate's cutlass. "The psycho must die."
...
Aradia moved through the hallways, the metal joints of her clunky appendages scrapping along stone floor. Frequently, she wandered in this sort of aimless meandering way, feeling like the ghost that she knew she was beneath the robotic facade. The blue blood that now ran through her false veins, was something foreign, perhaps even harvested from unwilling donors. It felt stolen to her, unnatural. So she drifted, longing for the dark brown blood that had once been her living body's sustenance.
She had once loved Sollux, she was sure she had, at least when they were both kids on Alternia, back they were both oppressed, looked down on, underprivileged, and pissed as hell; back when they were both low blood trolls.
She didn't think she could love anything now. She was an outside looking in; an unnatural specter; an atrocity of science. She watched her friends now the way that she had once watched actors on television, with a detached hopeless indifference. Never was there a way to communicate the danger of their obvious stupidity. Her words were lost like shouted comments at a scripted television series. So really it was pointless to even try.
She drifted over toward, Equius' room, draping her robotic body. Equius had constructed the vessel, a skillfully detailed silver duplicate of her original body down to her coiled horns and long, tousled hair. She could not stop thinking about the muscle bound, high blood engineer now; could not stop herself from forgetting how much she had hated the nasty bigot when she was alive.
She knocked on his door.
"Yes, who is it?" his voice asked her from inside of the room.
"It's not Vriska, if that's what you're afraid of," said Aradia.
Equius unlocked the door and let her inside.
"Aradia? What brings you here?" he asked her.
Her metal eyes wandered down from his face to his black tank top, slick with blue sweat. It clung to the contours of his muscular body, much like the thin fabric of his black athletic shorts, which did little to mask the generous bulge of his imposing crotch.
"I think you know the answer to that question," answered Aradia coldly. "You programmed me to want to fuck you."
"...Such course language."
"But it's true, isn't it?" Insisted Aradia.
"Miss Aradia, I am an upper-class gentleman, and I assure you that I have always behaved as such," he said.
"Oh, just take your clothes off already."
Aradia found herself propelled toward him, as if by some primal, subliminal instinct, her hands sliding below the waist band of his black athletic shorts. Blue droplets of sweat dripped from his forehead, and he shivered as he felt the cold metal curves of her steel body press into him. His mouth fell open as though in disbelief, as Aradia explored the contours of his muscular legs and buttocks, before moving her hands to his penis. He felt himself get hard immediately as her smooth metal hands closing around his shaft. It was a pleasure seeking touch, ultimately exploratory and selfish. She felt the growing organ in her hand, entranced by the warmth of the living flesh.
The door flew open and hit the wall behind it forcefully. Aradia jumped backward quickly, exhuming her hands from Equius' pants.
"Let's go people! We've got a clown to murder!" Vriska shouted. "Who's with me!"
Equius groaned and stuck his hands in his pockets rolling his eyes. This was the second time Vriska Serset managed to unwittingly cock block him.
"Of course Equius won't help you," said Sollux. "But I'm pretty sure Aradia will. Her and Tavros used to be friends way before he met you."
"Is Tavros in trouble?" Aradia asked her tone very serious.
"Gamzee's gone nuts without the sopor," lisped Sollux. He wanted to add "Just like I told Karkat he would." but thought better of it since Karkat was currently standing right next to him, and was likely to respond to such a comment with a characteristic bout of disproportionate anger.
Aradia nodded and walked quickly from the room, understanding at once what that must have meant. Gamzee's creepy little crush on Tavros was certainly no secret, and she had long suspected that this combined with a drug related melt down and Gamzee's disturbing subjugulator obsession may potentially result in disaster. She looked around her, observing the crowd of trolls that Vriska had managed to gather as her army. There was Sollux, of course, that one didn't surprise her. Sollux was a really good guy, after all, and he knew better than anybody that low blood trolls ought to stick together. Then there was Karkat, also not a surprise. Karkat, having announced himself "the leader" at the dawn of their species' ultimate decimation and their subsequent exile to the asteroid, felt a sense of responsibility to the group as a whole. Terezi was famous for playing "troll cops" so of course she wasn't going to miss this...and Eridan, well that one didn't make any sense to her at all. Why on earth would he involve himself in this?
They moved forward, through the narrowing hallways, down stairways to the dim and twisted passageways which coiled beneath the inhabitable area of the catacombs. Vriska lead the charge, holding her pirate's cutlass out in front of her as she navigated the dark passageways. Sollux moved beside her, his face illuminated by the dull glow of his cellphone as he observed his GPS carefully, watching the flashing red dot that indicated the location of Gamzee's cell phone. Periodically, he would tell the group which way to turn, or if there was a wall in front of them, veiled by the increasing intensity of the catacomb's darkness. Karkat was armed with his sickles, Terezi with her cane, which concealed a pair of retractable blades. Eridan had his magician's wand-shaped taser. Aradia, who technically was a weapon, carried nothing. The lamplight glow of her robotic eyes provided the group with just enough light to progress through the now otherwise totally lightless corridors.
"Turn left," Sollux instructed, and the group moved left.
"Hey, Vriska," Terezi whispered teasingly. "Why are you all so worked up over this whole Tavros thing?"
Vriska ignored her and kept moving forward, her eyes dead set on the blackness in front of her.
"Is it because you loooove him?"
"Bitch, I will stab you in the face," Vriska whispered back furiously. "Let's get something strait, alright. Nitram is my property, and nobody damages Vriska Serset's property and lives to tell the fucking tale. Nobody. The clown has to fucking die."
"Shh! Everybody, quiet. We're getting close," Whispered Sollux.
The trolls moved forward, through the darkness, brandishing their weapons. As they progressed through the passageway they began to hear voices; angry shouting; a sadistic cackle; screams of pain; a young man's frantic sobbing.
"Oh...oh no. Poor Tavros," Aradia whispered quietly to herself.
Terezi's hand tightened around the handle of her cane.
"Shh! He'll hear us," she whispered.
"What the motherfuck was that!" they heard Gamzee's voice shout from somewhere nearby.
There was the sound of a violent slap followed by a tear-choked whimper.
"Shut the fuck up. Stop crying." Gamzee hissed quietly. "There's someone out there. Don't motherfuckin' move or make any kind of a motherfuckin' noise. Scream for help and I swear to the motherfuckin' mirthful messiahs, I really will motherfucking kill you this time."
Sollux put his cellphone in his pocket. Eridan handed him the steel baseball bat that he had been carrying on his belt. Sollux ceased the weapon quickly, preparing himself to strike with it. Terezi hit the switch on her blind girl cane, and a pair of razor sharp blades flipped out from either end of it. She could smell Gamzee moving closer to them in the dark, the purple blood that dripped from his injured mouth registered in her nostrils as a distinctively unappealing brand of grape soda. The bronze blood splatters on the front of the mad man's shirt smelled like the sweet creamy peanut butter at the center of a piece of stale Halloween candy.
"He's here," Terezi whispered to her fellow troll cops. "He's on the ceiling. I don't know how, but he's on the ceiling. He definitely watching us."
Terezi heard a loud crash that was Gamzee letting go of one of the pipes that ran along the ceiling and landing on Eridan's shoulders. Eridan screamed and Terezi heard the buzz of his wand shaped taser, the swish of a blade, and the metallic clank of Aradia's metal fist as it missed Gamzee's head and hit the stone wall behind him. The smell of lilacs and purple hyacinths splattered the air.
"He fucking stabbed me!" Eridan shouted, and the sound of his voice was accompanied by the shrill buzz of his stolen taser, far off in one of the shadowy corners of the room, were Gamzee had retreated.
The buzz of the taser grew closer and Aradia screamed. Her metallic body crumbled, hitting stone floor all at once, and she bled blue from her robotic mouth...to Terezi it smelled like a blueberry pie. Vriska sliced the air with her cutlass. Sollux swung his baseball bat. Both trolls missed as Gamzee ducked out of the way and lunged toward Karkat with the taser. Karkat swung his sickles, managing to knock the taser out of Gamzee's hands. It tumbled to the ground and Terezi lunged for it, following the smell of the splattered grape soda that clung to its cylindrical contours. She spun her cane like a ringmaster as she smelled him rushing toward her, and sliced him across the chest, knocking him backward in surprise.
Aradia rose from the ground and stumbled forward, her hand finding what she assumed must have been a light switch. A dull yellow light clicked on, illuminating the room.
"Heh heh heh heh heh Ha HAH HAH heh...," Gamzee's voice cackled, though he was no were to be seen in the room. "You dumb motherfuckers brought motherfuckin' Mrs. McGoo. I'd be insulted if it wasn't so motherfuckin' hilarious. Heh. heh heh heh...Give up Bitchka, you're no match for me without your vision sevenfold!"
"Come out here, you fucking lunatic! Say that to my fucking face!" Vriska screamed, slicing the air with her cutlass.
"Well..." said Gamzee, grinning. "...If you mutherfuckin' insist."