Chapter Ten: Feeling Him

I missed my wife.

It had been almost a month since the sex ban had begun, and I was left to help myself. Of course I couldn't do it in bed because Bella wasn't getting any, so it didn't seem fair. I was left to my morning shower, and I fucking hated it. I missed her skin against mine, my mouth on her breasts, and being buried balls deep in her.

I just fucking missed her.

So, I got creative and used my own damn imagination. It wasn't even close to the real thing, but it did the job. I stroked my dick slowly, trying to envision it was her hand and not mine. The warm water poured down from above me as I braced one hand against the tiled wall. I moved faster and faster, moaning as I grew closer to coming.

"Edward, I think I—"

My head snapped toward the glass door as my eyes locked with my fucking mom's. Oh, shit! That's just painful! Her mouth fell open as I let go of my dick. It was only a second — fucking second before she turned around and ran out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Son of a fucking bitch," I hissed, running my hands over my face.

I'd just been caught jacking off by my mother. The last time that had happened I was fourteen and forgot to lock my bedroom door. I really, really, really missed my damn privacy, and now I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye ever again.

So, you know, that was great.

. . . . .

"It's not funny."

Bella covered her mouth, trying to stifle the laughs that wouldn't stop. "I'm sorry."

"You're still laughing."

She threw her head back against the pillow, shaking her head. "I just . . . I can just imagine your face. I'm so sorry, but it's hilarious."

I rolled my eyes and huffed. "I was caught dick in hand, Bella. Dick in hand! Why the hell didn't she knock? Why don't we have damn shower curtain over that door?"

"It's glass! Why would we?" she laughed. "Really, I'm trying to stop but the more you describe it, the funnier it gets."

"I can't have sex and now I can't even jerk off in my own shower."

She laid her hand against my cheek, sitting up to kiss me. "I'm really sorry, all right? I know you're traumatized and laughing doesn't help."

"Not even a little," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not sure I'll ever get her expression out of my mind. Every time I touch my dick now, I'll remember that. I'll have like, flashbacks or some shit."

She barked out a laugh, covering her mouth quickly as I glared at her. "Maybe we should, I don't know, have a night alone? We might have a decent size house, but with the extra person it does get a little crowded sometimes."

Though it'd been almost a month since we'd found out about her condition, Bella's placenta had yet to migrate. She'd had a little more bleeding a few days ago, so Dr. Uley decided to keep her on modified bed rest a little longer — which, of course, meant Mom would continue living with us. Bella couldn't leave the house except for appointments, so I knew it was starting to wear on her.

"I can't ask you to help me if I can't do anything for you," I said, taking her hand. "I'll just . . . let my balls go blue."

She smiled, shaking her head. "I don't mind. Honestly, I might not be able to get any, but that doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy. Maybe we could have a little date night. Order some deliciously greasy pizza, get a movie, and then see what happens. We haven't had a date night in months."

I nodded, thinking up a plan. Bella had been restricted to this house for a while, so she needed some fun. I wasn't stupid enough to not realize that was what she was implying. Well, it wasn't much implying, really. The only time she'd had company was over Thanksgiving, and that was probably more stressful than fun.

Our house wasn't near as big as my parents, so cramming ten other people into it for the holiday left a huge fucking mess. I mean, it was nice to celebrate with everyone and Bella enjoyed having our family here, but it wasn't relaxing. She needed relaxing and nice, not boring or insanely loud.

"How about I think up something and brave my mother to ask if she'd mind taking Sofia to her house for a night?" I asked.

Her face lit up as she grinned. "I'd really like that. I miss being intimate with you. Sex is something we can't do, but just being alone together would be nice."

"Then leave it all to me, all right? I love you."

"I love you too, Edward."

I leaned over, pressing my lips to hers for a long moment. I had a late surgery today, so I decided not to go in first thing. Mom had taken Little One to school and ran some errands, so I took advantage of the extra hour to spend with Bella. I couldn't fucking wait for an entire night.

. . . . .

By the time I got home that night, everyone had already eaten and Little One was getting her bath. Though my first surgery had been late and simple, my day had gotten hectic with multiple car accidents filling the ER. We often passed them off to Olympic Medical Center if the injuries were severe, but they were jammed too, and I'd had the skills to take care of the two critical victims. It was pure luck that the second had come in after I'd finished with the first and not during. Otherwise, the fifty-year-old man that I'd saved might not have been so lucky.

"I need to apologize to you," Mom said as I looked over the pot roast that was waiting for me. "You know, for this morning."

I lifted my head, meeting her eyes because I knew avoiding eye contact would just make it more awkward. But I mean, it was still pretty fucking awkward and this morning's trauma was fresh on my mind. "Yeah . . . that was . . . eventful."

She laughed softly, sliding onto the bar stool across from me. "I should have knocked or better yet, listened for the shower. I'm sorry for barging in on you, but you know, it's not like I haven't seen it before."

"That's a little awkward, Mom," I chuckled nervously. Fuck, this was weird. "Just . . . don't do it again, please. I should have locked the door."

She nodded as I turned to the microwave, laying the plate inside. "It won't happen again. Oh, and set it for three minutes."

I did as she said then leaned against the counter. "Let's never discuss it again either, okay? I actually have a favor to ask you, too."

"Anything, sweetheart."

"Bella and I need some alone time. I think this morning's . . . event made that very clear to us. Would you mind taking Little One back to your house on Friday night? I'll pick her up first thing Saturday and you can even stay home a few days since I'm off. We really appreciate your help, so I swear that I'm not being ungrateful. I just . . . miss being alone with my wife."

"I think that's a great idea." She smiled, nodding. "Your dad's been asking if I'd come home for a few days, so that works out perfectly. We'll keep her Friday night and you can pick her up in the morning. I'll come back once you go back to work. Wednesday, right?"

"Yeah, Bella has another doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I took a vacation day to extend my long weekend. Really, though, your help has been incredible these last few weeks. I don't always realize how much I work, so having you here to help out with Bella and Sofia saves my ass."

"I love that I'm able to help, Edward. I can only imagine how stressful Bella's condition is on you two, so I'll do whatever I can do ease that burden."

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest as I dropped my head. "I thought it'd be resolved by now, you know? Or she'd at least be off bed rest. But the fact that she's still bleeding here and there is scaring the hell out of me."

"I know it is, sweetheart."

She stood from her seat, walking around the counter to me. Her arms wrapped around my torso, but it wasn't much comfort. There was so much unknown and I just . . . I needed to know. One way or the other, I needed to know what was going to happen with Bella and our son. Would she need a C-section? Would the rest of her pregnancy be filled with worry? Or would this all resolve and just a terrifying memory?

"It will be okay," she said, pulling back from the embrace. "Bella and that little boy will come out of this just fine, and when you hold him in your arms for the first time, you'll forget all about how scary this was. You'll just feel joy."

I smiled softly, nodding. "I hope so. I try not to worry about this in front of Bella because she doesn't need that, but . . . it's nice to get it off my chest. I'm scared, and I'm not used to being scared."

"You're like your father in that way. You both think you know all the answers and can handle anything, but when it's someone you love . . . you don't know how to handle it."

"I don't have a fucking clue," I groaned, running my hand through my hair. "I guess I'll just have to figure it out, though, huh?"

"You will. It'll all be okay."

. . . . .

When Friday afternoon rolled around, I left the hospital a little early so that I could pick Little One up from school. Though she was usually the happiest kid in the whole fucking world to go to her grandparent's house, this time it was the complete opposite. She'd had a temper tantrum of epic proportions when we'd told her last night, so I wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Leaning against my car, I waited as the bell rang and the kids started coming out of the school. Little One staggered behind everyone else, pouting as she walked toward me. The kid knew how to break my fucking heart, let's just say. I was pretty damn close to telling Bella we'd have a date night some other time, but that wouldn't be fair.

"Bad day, baby?" I asked, taking her backpack as she climbed into the backseat. "I thought we could go get a milkshake before heading home. Just me and you."

That perked her up.

"Really?" she asked, almost smiling. "I'm not going with Nana?"

"How about we talk about it over milkshakes?"

She huffed, nodding reluctantly. "Fine. I know you gonna make me go, though."

Clearly, the kid wasn't dumb.

Once I made sure she was buckled in, I got back in the car and drove to the diner in town. Little One's mood hadn't improved much until we sat down in the booth and the waitress brought out our chocolate shakes with whip cream and brownie pieces. Then she actually smiled.

"So, what's up, buttercup?" I asked as she giggled.

"You don't call me buttercup, Daddy. That's silly."

I chuckled softly, nodding. "Maybe a little, but I do what to know why you don't want to go to Nana and Pawpaw's house tonight. It's just one night."

"Mommy's not going. I need to stay with Mommy."

"Why, baby?" My brow creased as I rested my chin on my fist. "Why can't you leave Mommy? I'll be with her, so I promise she won't be alone."

She played with her straw, stirring it around in the chocolate shake as she shrugged. Jesus Christ, it was like pulling teeth.

"I know you have a reason."

"She's sick," she sighed. "I gotta stay with her because she needs me."

"Sofia, Mommy's not sick, like that. You don't really understand what's going on, do you?"

I hadn't exactly explained it to her very well, so I took full responsibility for her thinking this way. Now I understood why she was so reluctant to leave — hell, she threw a tantrum when she had to go back to school after that, too. The last time Bella was gone for a night our lives had had to change. Bella had to stay in bed and from Sofia's point of view, I could understand why she thought Bella was sick. In a way she was, but not how Sofia was thinking.

Little One shrugged, slurping on the milkshake before pushing the straw from her lips. "Mommy and the baby have to stay in bed because if they don't, Mommy will fall asleep like she did at my party. I don't want Mommy to fall asleep like that again, so I wanna stay with her. That was really scary."

I nodded, reaching across the table to grasp her small hand. "I was scared too, you know? Mommy fainted at your party, but not because she's sick. That happened because she was bleeding, and it shocked her to see. She has to stay in bed so she doesn't bleed anymore. This is a little hard to explain, so if you don't get it, tell me, okay?"

"Okay."

"When women are pregnant like Mommy is, their bodies . . . change. Besides the baby in her belly, she also has something called a placenta. That's how the baby gets his oxygen and nutrients — food, basically. It's a very important part of Mommy and the baby. Does that make any sense?"

"Not weally."

Yeah, this was going to be difficult.

"Well, all you need to know is that the placenta is in Mommy and it's the reason the baby is alive and growing. Now, I didn't really want to explain this to you yet, but I think you'll be okay with knowing it. When Mommy has the baby, she pushes it out of her. Anyway, that placenta is supposed to be far away from where the baby comes out when she pushes. Mommy's isn't. Do you understand that?"

"The pacenta is in the way of where the baby comes from?"

"Yes! Here, I'll draw you picture. That'll help better."

I took the menu and flipped it over, grabbing one of the crayons off the table. There was no way in hell I was explaining child birth to her in this diner, but I realized Bella and I would probably need to before our son was born. That was something she could do. We agreed on it once. I drew a circle on the paper and then a little stick figure for our son — incredible piece of art, let's just say.

"Here's your brother," I said, pointing it out to her. I drew another circle on the edge of the big one and told her that was where he'd come out of. I figured calling it a cervix would just raise more questions, so I left that out. "Now, this is the placenta."

I drew it close to the small circle as she nodded. "Where's it a'posed to be?"

"Way up here." I pointed. "The problem with this is that if Mommy is too active, she could bleed more. We don't want that, which is why she's had to stay in bed or on the couch. Now, it should move as the baby and her belly grow, but if it doesn't the baby will have to come out another way."

She cocked her head, biting her lip. "Another hole?"

"Surgery, like Daddy does."

"No!" Her eyes grew wide as she shook her head quickly. "That's bad. You do surgewy on sick people. I thought you said she wasn't sick!"

"That's what we're trying to prevent, Little One. I know it's a scary thought, but we're doing everything we can to keep that from happening. Mommy is okay right now. She's not going to faint anymore as long as she keeps doing what she's doing. Hopefully we can stop that soon, though. She goes back to the doctor on Tuesday to see if her placenta has moved. I promise you that nothing will happen to her — no matter what."

"But I wanna stay with her and make sure."

I smiled sadly, caressing her hand. "But that's not fun, baby. Mommy can't do a lot with you right now, and you deserve to have some fun. We have about four more months until the baby comes. We can't spend all of that time worrying about what might happen. Even if Mommy does need surgery, she will be okay. Daddy will make sure of it."

"Pwomise? You'll make her better?"

"Of course, baby. That's what daddies do."

Granted, I wouldn't be the one performing the cesarean if Bella needed it, but I would make sure she was all right. Bella wouldn't be in any danger if it came to that. I may have sucked building and fixing things around the house, but being a surgeon? Taking care of her that way? I was incredible, and not a damn thing would happen to Bella if it came to that.

"Can I come home fiwst thing tomorrow?" she asked.

I nodded. "I'll come get you whenever you're ready, and you can call and make sure Mommy is okay tonight. It's just one night. I promise. Cross my heart, even."

"I guess so," she sighed. "But I don't hafta go away again before the baby comes, got it?"

I chuckled, holding my hand out. "Deal."

. . . . .

After a long goodbye with Bella — which including Little One telling her placenta to move — Mom finally got Sofia into the car. I was kind of amazed that just explaining the whole situating and promising to take care of Bella worked. Little One was smarter than I realized. I should have known that she was just scared to leave her mom, but I hadn't.

I wouldn't put anything past her again, though.

"Now I feel bad about wanting a night alone," Bella said, moving her legs on the couch so I could sit down. "I knew she'd been overly attached to me lately, but I hadn't realized she was so afraid to leave me."

"She's a smart kid," I said, putting her feet in my lap and starting to massage them. Yeah, I gave massages. Husband of the year, obviously. "She knows something's wrong, so she thought leaving would be a bad idea. I guess we think the same way. I hate leaving you to go to work."

"Aww, now I feel bad for both of you. I'm fine. I mean, I feel great. I hate sitting around all day and doing nothing when I actually have energy. Maybe my placenta will listen to Sofia."

I laughed, nodding. "She was very demanding. I think I might have scared her about that, though."

"How?"

"I told her about the possibility of a cesarean — surgery. She made me promise to make you better, which I intend to do, by the way."

"You're going to do it?" she asked, raising her brow. "I'm pretty sure that's not allowed."

"No, but I'll be in there and I know what I'm doing, so I'll step in if I have to. I can make sure both of my girls — and soon my boy — are healthy. That's my job." I reached over, caressing her stomach as my left hand continued on her foot. "I can take care of you that way, and I swear I will."

"I've never doubted that. When Sofia's sick, I don't want anyone else but you taking care of her, even when you're scared to death and second guess yourself. I know you'll take care of us that way. As for the house stuff, I wouldn't let you near a hammer for all the money in the world." She laughed.

"I'm never going to live down hanging that picture!"

When we'd moved in here, I'd tried to get some things done around the house that Bella wanted. Well, no one had ever fucking told me that you needed to find a stud put a nail in the wall. My dad explained surgical procedures to me, not decorating. I'd hit the nail with the hammer and put a huge fucking hole in the wall. Bella had laughed for about an hour, and then gotten the putty out to fix it before hanging the damn picture herself.

"Nope." She grinned, laying her hand over mine. "But that's okay. I'll hang the pictures while you save people's lives."

"I'm very good at that, you know." I smirked, but then suddenly felt something move under my hand. My eyes went wide as I looked at her stomach. "He . . ."

"You felt it?" she asked as her mouth fell open. "You felt that, too?"

I nodded feverishly as I laughed. "He fucking kicked me! Bella! He kicked!"

I put my other hand on her stomach, praying for another kick. I'd never felt him move before, though she'd been feeling it for weeks. I couldn't . . . holy shit, I couldn't explain how it made me feel.

"Kick again for Daddy, baby boy," she said as her voice cracked with emotion. "Come on. You've been moving around for me, so do it for him."

"Oh my God," I said in awe, feeling him again. "He's so strong. I can't . . . I can't believe I feel it. Holy shit."

"It feels so weird, doesn't it? It's like . . . a flutter kind of. I didn't think you'd be able to feel it yet."

"Me neither." I looked up at her, grinning from ear to ear. "He's incredible. Bella, our soon is moving. I mean, I know I'm stating the obvious, but he's fucking moving!"

"Yep, and he's doing it just for his daddy."

I kissed her stomach over and over before bringing my lips up to hers. I was ecstatic. I was on the best damn high of my life because he'd moved. My son had moved for me, and it was the most incredible feeling in the world. Getting a hand job tonight was almost forgotten. I mean, I still wanted it, but right now I couldn't take my hand away from her stomach.

This was the most important thing in the world to me at the moment.