Crystal had thought nothing had changed. And yet, everything had changed. If not in her relationship with Thaddeus than in her and in her relationship with God.

She started a number of prayers, but she never got past God, or Lord, or Father. The words stuck in her throat as she pictured that night. Why would God listen to her now when she'd gone against everything she believed? She used to feel like He was right in the room when she spoke, right next to her. Now it felt like He was up on His throne with a billion miles separating them. Would He even incline His ear to her from way up there. She didn't seem to know how to bridge that gap. And He knew. Knew that she'd enjoyed the sin.

Was it temporary insanity that she was suffering from? Would this have happened if her father had still been alive? What would she say to Thaddeus when she saw him again? If she saw him again. 4 days passed and she had seen neither hide nor hair of him.

She went to church the same as she had every Sunday of her life. She felt physically different as if there were a huge scarlet letter hanging somewhere on her person that marked her as tainted, a ridiculous notion but one she couldn't quite shake.

When the sermon was on single people staying sexually pure in today's world, she wanted to sink right down into her pew. How did he know? He couldn't know. She had no neighbors that could see anything. That was one of the advantages of living on a farm, privacy. But there was One who did know with absolute certainty.

The sermon made complete sense. The preacher made many valid, biblical points like her body was not her own, it was the Holy Spirit's temple, and sexual immorality was not to be counted as a sin among saints. It should have moved her into repentance perhaps, but she was at war with herself. A part of her wanted to turn from the sin, but wouldn't that mean turning from Thaddeus as well?

sss

"What's the matter with you, Sledge? You act like you're a million miles away," Eddie said Wednesday night from the other end of the kitchen table.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"When I'm leading you in dominoes, something's wrong."

He hesitated over saying anything, but then he told him, "It's over a girl I spent the night with recently. Just doing some heavy thinking about it."

"I knew it. You done gone and fell in love, ain't you?"

"No. I mean yes. I think I do. It's what accompanies all that that worries me. Can you picture me settling down? Cause I can't." He flicked a domino. "It ain't her, of course; it's me. If ever I was going to settle down, she'd be the one I'd do it with. But I think she wants all that family life foolishness and I don't. She should have all that. But I'm not sure I want to stay away from her either. Is that bad?"

Eddie's mother was somewhere in the house. The woman had a great love for organizing and rearranging. The accompanying clatter that went with that was probably enough to drown them out, but Eddie lowered his voice to be on the cautious side. "The way I see it, them women know what they're getting themselves into and I know what I'm getting myself into. It's only when there's miscommunication that there's trouble and it becomes wrong like when there's an angry husband involved or you don't listen when a girl tells you no."

"So you think it ain't wrong then?"

"Well, did it feel right?" he said, wagging his eyebrows.

He frowned. "Be serious."

"When you been concerned about right and wrong? You gone and got some religion on me? I always said you could use some. A little fear of God never hurt anybody. Leastways, that's what Momma always tells me."

"Naw, nothing like that, but she's into all that God stuff. I just...I don't want to hurt her. I like her too much for that."

"Well, then I think you should talk to her about all this. See what she thought about your night together. I could tell you what I think about it, but I ain't God and what matters is what she thinks."

"Maybe you got a point. Well, we might as well call it a night. My mind's just not on the game."

He got up to go and was halfway to the door.

"It's Crystal, ain't it?" Eddie divined.

He whirled back around with a fierce look and pointed a finger at him. "You ever breathe a word of that to anybody, you going to have to use them dominoes for teeth."

"Aww, I wouldn't do nothing to hurt Crystal," Eddie promised.

"Good, cause she don't deserve to have her reputation sullied over me. Them church ladies that call themselves Christians would look down on her and never let her let her live it down."

sss

Someone was beating on the door.

"Who in the world?" Crystal mumbled sleepily as she slipped her robe over her nightgown.

"Thaddeus," she said with obvious relief when she saw who it was through the screen door. "I thought it might've been a prowler."

"Would a prowler knock on your door?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I ain't thinking too clearly at 1:00 a.m. after being woken up from a good night's sleep. What are doing here anyway?"

"I just had to see you. I can't stop thinking about you," he said, his voice thick with yearning.

"Oh, Thaddeus," she said a little sadly. She should have shut the door, she knew. Told him to go home, but she opened the screen door instead.

"We should talk," she said.

He nodded in agreement and they headed towards the living room.

"I'm sorry," she said as soon as they had sat down. "I didn't mean to scare you off and I didn't mean for what happened to happen. That wasn't why I invited you to stay."

"I know that and that wasn't why I stayed. I'm sorry I ran off. I probably gave you the wrong impression. I still like you. I like you a lot." He reached out and took her hands in his.

"And that's the problem, ain't it? What are people going to think if they find out you're coming over here this time of night?"

"Ah, heck. Who cares what they think? Who are we hurting, Crystal? Nobody." He pulled the belt on her robe loose.

But he was wrong. It was hurting her, it was hurting the God who loved them, and if he wanted to be honest with himself, he was being hurt too.

Even as she thought these things, her senses and memories of the last time overpowered her. And she gave in again.