Chapter 10
After her mother had let her know that she was going to cover for her if it came to that, time before the trip to Greece seemed to go quickly for Caroline.
In fact the week flew… may be a little too fast for her liking.
Knowing that was not going to be living her normal life made her nervous.
Molly and Nora and her own mother were wonderful but… they did not know the kids as she did.
She wondered if they were going to get them to school on time and if they were going to buy the right snacks and – and there was so much that could go wrong for them when she was away.
And of course – the kids would miss her.
She did not have to question if it was the wrong thing for her to go.
She already knew the answer to that. Of course it was.
But she felt she had to see it through.
One way or another, she just had too.
And so the day before she was due to leave she put her plan into action and headed down to the docks with Kayla in tow at lunch time to see if she was able to catch Shawn. He was not normally back at the market till mid afternoon.
Luck was on her side for once and she was able to find him. He was sitting with some of his friends eating the lunch she had made for him the night before.
It struck her then that the two of them were a well-oiled machine when they were together and that for the next two weeks there was going to be a lot of upheaval.
But maybe this was a good thing. Maybe she was going to get to the bottom of the pot and then she was going to be able to put it behind her.
Shawn caught sight of them and put down his lunch as he came rushing over to see his wife and their child.
"Well if this is not the pleasantest picture I have seen in a long while in the middle of the morning I do not know what is," he said as he kissed her. "What are you doing here lass? Not that I am not thrilled to see two of my beauties here."
It saved him staring at his friends ugly mugs.
"I wish I came here with a bit of good news for you, but I am afraid that is not the case my dear." She said as he knelt down to stroke their daughter's cheek.
He stood back up pretty sharpish at her words though.
"What is it darling?" he asked.
"Well I just spoke to my mother and my aunt Peggy has had a fall. She needs someone to go up there for a while and look after her and my mother would go but she is just getting over a cold herself."
She watched it is in his eyes as it dawned on him where she was going with this.
"I know it is not very good timing but I cannot leave the two of them to fret."
She wondered if he was going to argue against it as she knew that was going to be his instinct to do but he scratched his head and then he shrugged.
"Well it is not very good timing for the two of us but as far as I can see there is not going to be a good time for one of the two of us take off for the week until this little love has turned eighteen so it is no use dwelling on that. If she needs you, she needs you."
Caroline did not think she had ever felt worse in her life.
He was such a good man. And he did not even question her, and she knew this was going to be a damn sight harder logistically and practically on him than he would say right then.
And then there was the emotion strain of the two of them being apart.
Caroline was quite convinced she was the worst person in the world in that moment.
She was letting everyone but Victor down.
And he was the only one she had no made vows too.
"But if I am needed here then I won't go." She said as she stepped out from behind the pram and came close to him. It was always so easy to feel the guilty when the two of them were together. And it was easy to feel the shame and to wonder why she was doing this.
She had something which so many women dreamt of. She knew that there had been more than a few girls jealous in Salem the day she had become Mrs Shawn Brady and she knew how lucky she was to be his wife.
He wrapped his arms about her.
"What did I say, hey? You are always going to be needed here," he said as he kissed her on the forehead.
He did not think he could look into the future and see a future where he did not need her. That was just not possible.
Shawn wondered then at how lucky he was. She worked so hard. And she put up with him. And she had given him a fine bunch of kids.
They needed to be together so that they could build something which was really worth having for their three little ones. And so that they could finish bringing them up well. He knew they had made a few mistakes but he did not think they could be called bad parents.
But he would be… if he did not have her by his side.
"How did I get so lucky Mrs B?" he asked as he cupped her cheek.
She swallowed down the lump in his throat.
She wished he had got so lucky.
That he had got women who was never and could never do this to him.
The faith which he had in her broke her heart.
"When is it you have got to leave?"
"I am going to head off tomorrow morning. That way I can leave our house somewhat straight and sort some things out."
He nodded. "Ok, I will swing by Ma and Pops on the way home and tell her that she and Molly are going to be needed over the next week."
He still had to work as much as he would love to take the time off and watch his babies himself.
"Yeah and I will make sure to leave some notes."
She knew her mother in law was not going to like that as she had raised more than her fair share of kids but they – they were not her kids and if she could make the next two weeks easier on them then she would.
"Can you try and get home a little early tonight?" she asked before she had thought through what she was saying…
It was on the spur of the moment. She just knew she wanted him at home with her tonight if they were not going to get all that much time together…
He nodded. He was not going to deny her that.
"I am going to be home in time to put the little ones to bed ok? I will say there prays with them and then may be the two of us can have some time."
She nodded.
She would like that.
X x x
Shawn was good as his word as he always was.
He was home almost before the kids were with the promise that his sister had said she was more than happy to come and live with him for as long as Caroline needed to be with her aunt.
And the reality became more and more real to her of what she was doing she realised that that was quite the weight to put on Molly's shoulders.
She was not yet twenty and was just out of school for the year.
But she reminded her self that the Brady's had not raised any fools and all of their kids knew plenty about responsibility.
And when all was said and done Molly loved being an aunt.
The kids were going to be in safe hands with her.
Besides that they had both their grandmother's close and their grandfather and their uncle…
"Papa, you are home!" said Kimberly as she came rushing through the door straight to her father's arms.
Caroline had a feeling this was going to be the best home coming her kids had from school in a while.
"Oh yes I am," he said as he swooped down and picked her up as she came rushing towards him.
Caroline beamed as Roman followed suit. Soon enough Shawn had an arm about each of them and was asking how these days were.
"Come on, tell your old pop what my number one son did at school and what my best and my brightest learnt today?"
Caroline laughed as she put Kayla down but knew she was going to have to try and tackle him one day of those endearments for Kayla's sake if no one else's.
Immediately the baby girl went to the sofa and begun pulling herself up.
"We did finger painting!" Kimberly said to her father showing her still somewhat paint covered hands.
"And we did long division!" said Roman as Shawn settled the three of them on the sofa.
"Well it sounds as if you two have had a grand day. I am so glad."
His own day had been a little less good he thought as his eyes sort his wife.
This place was not going to be the same without his darling Caroline.
It never was.
A cry from Kayla caught his attention.
It had not been a cry of anguish – but one of sheer victory.
Shawn had been about to call Caroline till he realised she was right there with him to witness this moment…
This moment of liberation for their daughter.
It did not last long – no longer than a few seconds but before she fell, Kayla definitely managed to move a few inches to her right, under her own steam. And on her feet.
Once she had come down to the floor she looked to where her family was congregated, a mischievous look in her eye as if she was wondering if she was in trouble or not.
She did not have to wait long until this was denied by her father's roar of approval.
"Oh you clever little girl!" Shawn beamed, untangling himself from his two eldest children in favour of their younger sibling.
He swept her up in his arms and rubbed her leg where she had fallen though it did not seem to be troubling her too much.
The baby relished in her father approval for a moment, laughing as he covered her chubby cheek with kisses before looking straight at her mother.
Caroline was delighted… but at the moment that her daughter had walked for the first time she had felt bile rise within in her.
Because she was going to miss all of this over the next two weeks. Willingly.
She felt tears well in her eyes as she crossed to Shawn and Kayla.
The last thing she could do was have this moment with them.
What are you doing?
"Oh our baby is not going to be a baby for too much longer," she said as a cover for her emotion which was not so much of a stretch.
She was very proud of their girl. She had been just the same when she had watched Roman and Kimmie take their own first steps.
"No, she is not. Why do they do this Caroline? Why do they grow up so damn fast?" asked Shawn as he kissed their daughter.
Again.
She just didn't know.
As Caroline cooked dinner for the five of them, all attention she was glad to see for once stayed on their youngest.
Having found her feet she did not want to lose them and so Shawn made a game of it.
Roman sat at one end of the living room, Kimmie at the other and the two of them called and coaxed their little sister on her way up and down between the two of them.
"She is going to sleep well tonight," Caroline said as she wondered over and stood by her husband who took her hand and kissed it.
Dinner was a treat. After they had said grace, the five of them sat down together with Caroline feeding Kayla who was otherwise content to catch her breath and play with a spoon while her elder brother and sister sat either side of their parents round the square table.
Knowing that this was going to be the last time they were all together, Caroline had brought sausages on the way home, which were Romans favorite so all in all as they came to the end of the meal the kids were happy.
"Mama, can we leave the table and go play?" asked Kimberly.
"Actually darling I want to talk to you and your brother before you do."
"Is this about why pop is home so early?" asked Roman.
"Partly…"
"Now I do not want the two of you to worry," said Caroline. "But your Aunt Peggy is a little under the weather."
"Who's Aunt Peggy?" Roman asked.
It was not as if she played a big role in their lives.
Caroline faltered for just a moment.
"Well, she is grandma's sister. And she has been feeling a little poorly so she wants someone to go and look after her the way that I look after you when you get sick."
"So is grandma going away for a little bit?" Kimberly figured out what was going on.
Her father ran a hand through her hair.
"No sweetheart," he cut in seeing his wife was not finding this easy.
Caroline as such a wonderful mother. It was never easy for her to leave the kids.
"You both know that mama makes stew a lot better than your grandmother so she is going to be the –"
"No!"
"Kimmie it is just going to be for a couple of weeks my love, that's all, just till Aunt Peg is feeling back on her feet."
But that was it. Whether her parents had given her permission to leave the table or not the little girl had run off upstairs.
"I'll go," Shawn said as he raced off after her leaving Caroline with Roman and Kayla, calling his daughter as he did so.
"Are you ok with this sweetheart?" she asked Roman.
If he had the same reaction of his sister than she did not know if she was going to be able to go in the end.
She was with their mother.
And may be this really was going to be the mistake of her life.
But Roman shook his head.
"I think if Aunt Peg is sick then you should go and take care of her. No one wants to be on their own when they are not feeling very well." He said with more wisdom than his six years.
Caroline felt her heart burst with pride.
"No, they don't."
Her little boy jumped down off of his seat, crossed the room and settled himself into her lap.
She smiled and kissed his forehead.
He was getting to be such a big boy but he was till her little one right then.
"You do not have to worry about the girls when you are away. I can help Pop take care of them."
And just like that she was proved wrong.
Caroline blinked away the tears which had welled in her eyes and rocked back and forth a little wishing she had the wisdom to settle for what she had.
It was a good life after all. A very good life.
X x x
Shawn was with their eldest daughter of most of the evening.
Caroline had to say even though he was the one who was dealing with her she found herself most affected by Kimberly's reaction. She had almost expected their son to be the one who took it badly but he was the one who had taken it on the chin.
Kimberly was such a Pop's girl. She could understand the tears and the tantrums if it was Shawn who was going to be leaving her for a whole two weeks but she had not thought she was going to be so distressed about her old ma going.
But she was.
In the mean time when her husband was with their daughter she begun to pack. It was not quite the suit case one might take if they were going to see a sick relative.
She packed a towel, swimsuits, her best dresses.
Victor had spoken about the two of them lulling about in the sun all day and that just sounded so good to her.
Winter had already been too long so feeling a little sun of her skin was going to be divine.
She also packed her best lingerie – the under wear which had seen hardly the light of day or night since she had had Kimberly.
When Shawn and she had been young there had been a chance for the two of them two put time together to one side and keep it there but now it felt as if it had been a long time since she had had that.
It was an odd thought to think that now she was going to have that sort of time again she was going to be having it with another man.
She shut her case up and got herself ready for bed, and was just about there when Shawn came into the room.
"How is she?"
"She is going to just fine. You know Kimmie. She makes a fuss but in the end if she has to get on with something then she will."
"I just feel so awful about leaving you in the lurch like this."
"Now you stop that right now. It is not as if you want to go is it? It is not as if this is a pleasure trip?" he sighed as he walked run to her side of the bed and she rose to greet him.
His hands were quickly on her waist and their noses were touching.
She sighed. She and Victor had begun because of a stupid drunken kiss a day when she had felt the last thing in the world that Shawn Brady had wanted was the family and the life that they had built together.
But just then she did not think she had ever felt as loved and supported by him.
"No – no, of course it isn't," she said as shut her eyes and kissed him deeply.
When she had been with Victor is was so easy to get wrapped up in their plans for the wonderful time which they were going to have together when they were gone… but right there and then, all she could think of was Shawn and the children and how much she was going to miss the four of them when they were apart.
She felt Shawn apply a little pressure on her and she welcomed it, lying down on the bed as his hands sort to spare her night gown the effort of concealing her body.
The children were asleep. They were home and the world was quiet.
Why should they not do what married couples did?
She wanted to be with him and it was as she lay in his arms afterwards that for the first time she found she was able to put what was to come out of her mind.
All she had to think about was how comfortable she was with her husband's arms about her, him laying lazy kisses on her bare shoulders.
"I love you."
"Oh, I love you too sweetheart," she responded without thought. "I really love you."
"I am going to be heart sick for you, you know? I am going to be lost without you."
"The time is going to go fast. I am going to be back where I belong before you even know it."
"It is going to be too long for me either way."
They were quiet after that and she knew he had shut his eyes.
This dear, good man of hers.
In the morning he was going to be gone. He was going to be on the dock and she was going to get the kids to school and then her mother would come for Kayla.
That was the way she had arranged it.
And then she was going to step out of what she knew and loved and risk it all for something which she could love.
And she hated herself more than ever because even then there was something which was kicking in her stomach, excited beyond words at the thought of time with Victor.
Real time – time to be alone and to love.
The thought of losing Shawn filled her with so much dread she was terrified.
And yet the thought of never being with Victor made her feel hopeless.
She was playing the fire.
She had accepted that a long time ago.
Now all she was able to do was pray no one she loved would be burnt.
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