* Please Review! Kym: no, he doesn't know she saw that and I think I made mention that Derek didn't know. And stop reading my mind! LOL! Yes, I knew that in the show he was very public about it but I changed that so London could say what she says at the end of this chapter*

She didn't call him all the next day. She ignored his texts. Derek wanted to go across the hall to her apartment but he didn't. Maybe she regretted what happen between them and now didn't want to see him again. The thought made Derek's chest tighten as he walked through his apartment. He started to rub it in the center. He didn't regret it. It was one of the best first kisses he had ever had. So if she didn't want to be with him, could he be still be her friend? Yeah, he would because he wanted in her life, wanted her in his. He couldn't imagine not seeing her, talking to her, and hanging out with her ever again.

London poured herself a cup a coffee and leaned against the counter. Her phone went off again and again she ignored it. She was angry and didn't know what to say to him. How dare he kiss her like he had then turn around and kiss someone else! London was hurt. She might be out of the dating game for a while but she knew that was not supposed to happen. But then again, Derek wasn't like one of the guys she had been exposed too.

Both went to bed without talking or seeing each other for the first time in the three months they had been friends.

Sunday came and London woke slowly. She turned to her back and stared up at the ceiling. Maybe he kissed her to see what it was going to be like and then decided he didn't like it. It's not like she had that much experience in kissing, not like she was sure he had. Maybe he wanted more then just the innocent kisses she had been giving him.

In their entire friendship, Derek had been single. She had seen him with fans, see him playfully flirt with them but he never seen to have a interest in any of them. He was a man, so didn't that mean he had needs? Maddox didn't have a girlfriend but she knew he was still got laid at least once a week. London sighed. She didn't want to be someone Derek had sex with and that must be what he want. She wasn't going to give in but she wasn't willingly to lose him as a friend. He was her only friend in the city. He showed her things, taught her things and had been patient when she needed it. Yeah, she wasn't willingly to lose that.

Derek threw his arms into the sleeves of his shirt before tugging it over his head after his shower. He pushed his hair to the right side of his head and ran his fingers through it, working them like a brush to get the strands to lay right. He sat back on his bed and started to slip on his socks. His eyes fluttering over to his phone. Should he text her or call her? He knew she'd be up. She was an early riser, always had been.

" Derek!"

London's voice made his head snap to his doorway. He all but jumped up and ran out of his room. Some of the wet strands of his hair slipped and fell into his eyes. Derek was quick to push them back, reaching the railing and looking down as she slowly walked out of the hallway. She put her hands in her back pockets and titled her head to look up at him.

" Hey." He said. She smiled and some of the tension in his chest lighten.

" Breakfast is almost ready. You coming or what?" She asked.

It was the same question she gave him every Sunday because Sundays they always had breakfast at her apartment. Maddox always made cinnamon french toast and bacon, London made the coffee. The two guys learned early on to not let London cook when she nearly burned down the apartment building. Their Sundays were always the same. Derek would move slowly, knowing she would burst into his place, demanding him to hurry up. It had always amused him so he purposely made sure he was late. But that morning, he hadn't thought they'd have breakfast.

" Breakfast?" He asked in confusion.

" Yeah. Come on." She turned to leave so Derek rushed to the stairs.

" London, wait. We need to talk." He hurried to say. London turned around and shook her head.

" No, we don't." She said. One of his hands glided down the rail as he slowed his steps on the stairs.

" Yeah, we do. We should talk about what happen between us." Derek said.

" No, I don't want too." London said. Derek frowned, stopped walking and sat right down in the middle of the staircase.

" London, we can't just ignore it. We made out and I want to talk about it." He said. London shook her head and brought her arms around to the front of her. She shifted her weight to her right leg and her left hand took a hold of her right arm.

" Well, I don't. It doesn't matter, okay? Because friends make out all the time and it doesn't matter." She said.

" It mattered to me. I want..." London held up a hand and shook her head again, faster that time.

" Don't, please. Don't ruin what we have going on, okay? You are my best friend here and I don't want to lose that. I need you to be my friend so I don't want to talk about what happen." She said.

" London..."

" Derek, please." She begged, quietly. She swallowed hard. The expression on her face almost pained him. Sadness and uncertainly lanced her features. " Please." She said again when he didn't speak. Derek inhaled and sat up straight. A staring contest began between the two of them, with neither wanting to be the first to look away.

" So we just pretend like nothing happen than?" He finally asked.

" It's for the best." London said. " Now come on. Maddox was pulling off the last piece of bacon when I came over here." But neither one moved and both just continued to stare at each other. His brilliant blue eyes met her dark hazel ones. She pressed her lips together, silently begging him to just drop the subject. He didn't want to but if he pushed her, she would walk out and that he couldn't take. Derek sighed, loud and low.

" Well, let me grab Mr. Cat and we can be off. We keep Maddox waiting and he's likely to eat all the bacon." Derek said, forcing a smile. Relief flashed through her, hard and fast. Her entire body relaxed. Her shoulders slightly rolled forward. Her eyes shut and a small smile played across her soft lips as she nodded.

" And we know he will." She said when she opened her eyes a second later. Derek nodded with his smile in place.

" Yeah, we know he will." He said.

" He's a son of a bitch." London said.

" He's a bastard." Derek said. London laughed, almost making his smile real by the sound.

" Get Mr. Cat. I'll wait." She said.

With his heart heavy, Derek pulled himself up and turned. He jogged up the stairs, knowing just where his lazy, good for nothing cat was. Lounging against Derek's bed like he always did in the mornings, afternoons, and evenings. So she thought the kissing was a mistake. Knowing that, made his heart hurt, his mouth go dry and his head spin. She wanted to stay friends, he would give her that because being friends was better, in his eyes, than not having her at all.

NRNRNR

" So I have been thinking about what you told me." London said, a few weeks later.

" About what?" Derek asked from his kitchen.

He poured a can of coke over the ice in her glass, glancing up at her as she settled herself into his couch. She wasn't looking at him and although he couldn't see the front of her given that the couch back was to him, Derek knew she was fussing with the blanket he kept out there for her. She loved being wrapped up a blanket when they watched TV or movies.

" About your past." London said, finally looking up at him. Derek dropped his eyes to the glass and finished filling it. The sizzle of the coke sprinkled up as the ice clinked into the glass.

" What about it?" Derek asked. He grabbed the Jack Daniels she loved and started to unscrew the cap.

" Well, you said no one knows about it and I think that's a mistake." London said.

" And why's that?" He asked.

" Because it's not something you need to be ashamed of. You know, your story has really helped me, made me see that I'm not alone in what I was feeling. I think you should share it with people." Derek laughed, adding the liquor to her soda.

" No, thanks, Lond." He said.

" Do you know how many lives you could touch or change with it?" He sighed but looked up at her. The serious look on her face told him everything he needed to know. She would not let this go. Once she got an idea in her head, it stuck. Nothing and no one could change her mind. Derek set the Jack down and smiled at her.

" No, I can't." He said.

" Yes, you can." She said.

" No, London." Derek repeated. He loved that they could be so playful together again.

" Yes, Derek." She said.

" You are one of the must stubborn people I have ever met." He said.

" And you are not going to change the subject." London said. Derek's smile fell as he moved to pick up both their glasses. " You know I'm right. People look up to you. They love you. Coming forward and admitting what happen to you will not only make you more relatable to your fans, but it will help others to seek help and admit they have a problem."

" I don't know." Derek said. He started around his kitchen counter, heading right for her. They had planned on watching all the Friday the 13 movies, in a row, one right after the other.

" I know it's not something you are proud of but think of all you could do with it. You actually have a lot of power over people. You could do wonders for the mental health world. You disagree with what happen to you and you have found a way around your depression because you don't suffer from it anymore so why not share that with your fans." He handed down her glass then sank down next to her.

" I know they are still using that treatment today." He said.

" Right, but if you came forward and said, ' look, this treatment did this to me. It robbed me of my childhood, it made me feel like shit and it didn't work.' And then you say what you did to take care of your depression, you could help dozens of people." She said. Derek leaned back against the couch, turning his head so he could watch her as she spoke.

" You think so?" He asked.

" I know so. You once told me that you wanted to do more with your life then sing and preform, that you wanted to give more to your fans the CD's. You want people to see more in you then just a rock star. Well, this could be it. This could show your fans that you are more than just a poster they hang on the wall." London said.

" I don't know. It's such a dark time in my life." Derek said. " And what if I tell and people look at me like I'm a freak? Do you know how embarrassing it is that I threw up all over myself, that I couldn't control myself?"

" I don't think you're a freak and you shouldn't be embarrassed by it. What you went through wasn't your fault and it made you the strong man you are today." She said. Derek lifted his head and smiled.

" You think I'm strong?" He asked.

" I do." She said, nodding and making his smile widen into a grin. " I can't imagine going through what you went through and coming out of top, like you have. The fact that you haven't let your past drag you down has pulled me through my problems. It has made me see that I can get through this. I can adjust to this life and be fine. If you hadn't shared that with me..." London shrugged and shook her head, making his smile fade. " I might have given up and moved back to Africa."

" It really helped you? Knowing those things about me?" Derek asked.

" You have no idea." London said, seriously. Derek looked away , thinking deeply about what she said. His left hand came to his chin where he started to rub.

" I pissed myself too." He admitted.

" And you still helped me." Derek looked back at her to find her smiling.

" You really think I could do good by letting this all out?" He asked.

" I do." London said.

" And if I need help getting it out?" Derek asked with the slightest tilt of his head.

" Then I will help you." London promised.