Authors Note: I know, I know, that I should of not broke that promise to myself that if I did not get 6 reviews by the 6th, I would not update until the 17th. But after you read this chapter, you'll know why I just had to post this chapter. Hopefully this chapter will make you all write a review... however if you don't I will consider to stop writing this story and possibly delete it. Because this thing of not getting enough reviews is discouraging me from writing and is making me feel like I am a horrible writer. Which makes me want to cry. Ok, enough with all this rambling on how I did not get enough reviews, lets talk about some important stuff. Like if you don't follow my new guidelines on reviewing I will not post until the 2nd part of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Which by the way comes out on May 2010, yes I know that is a long time. Frankly I do not want to wait that long, might make it shorter, depends on the amount of reviews. Hope you review.
Oh yah, before I forget, thanks to those 3 people whom reviewed for chapter 9 and I am looking for a new beta. The one whom offered still has not replied back to me. Review or write an email to me if your interested and tell me if you prefer to do it on the DocX thingy or you would like to do it through email. Either way is fine.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, but I do own what ever Lily thinks when in presence of James.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
'Friday, December 17, 1976
Dear Diary,
I am so, so, so, so... so sorry for not writing in you for about... um... 47 days. (wow thats a lot of days) The reason is that I kind of… um... punched my hand into the hard, stone walls of Hogwarts and broke every single bone in my right hand. (By the way, I write with my right hand) Well if you could talk, you would ask, couldn't sweet Madame Pomfrey fix my hand with a flick of her wand? Well... she couldn't, she told me that this type of break can only be fixed the muggle way. (aka putting a cast on my hand and let it heal by itself, which takes a long time to do so) You may also ask why in the hell was I stupid enough to punch the hard, stone walls of Hogwarts? Well…
"Urgh," I screamed in frustration, well you might ask why I was screaming in frustration. Well that day in Transfiguration Class Professor McGonagall, was handing out the tests that we recently taken on Animagi. Well, when Professor McGonagall was passing by my desk she handed me, like always, my test upside down. I quickly flipped it over and on the top of the parchment, there was a big fat red 'T'. 'T' is for troll, which is the worst possible grade ever; I never get trolls on any test, even if it is a Transfiguration grade, most of the time I get... I get an Acceptable. And by some odd luck I got a passing grade on the OWLS in order to take this NEWT level class. Which I have to take in order to become an Auror.
"Miss Evans, we will need to talk about your recent grades after class."
In my corner of my eye I saw Sir Dufus Head snickering. I would of turned to him and glare at him, but Professor McGonagall was standing in front of me and I do not want another detention to be added to my semi-perfect record.
"Fine," I angrily said. McGonagall nodded her head and walked on to another student to give them back their test, which was the Dufus himself. McGonagall gave him his paper and he turned to me from across the room and yelled, "Hey, Evans I go an 'O' nanana, I got a more higher grade than the Lily Evans."
"Mr. Black, we need to talk about your immature, impulsive behavior, as well as your incorrect grammar, after class," Professor McGonagall said to Black as she went to the next student.
I chuckled, and then Black decided to show me his grade, yet again, and childishly stick out his quite long tongue.
Well you might say this event can not cause someone to punch your hand into a hard, stone wall. But what happened after class might.
"Miss Evans I am very concerned with your grades in Transfiguration. You have the potential to do better, however this potential may need a hand along the way. So I have decided that Mister Black, should tutor you in this class-"
"Do I have to tutor her; it's simply a waste of time my time. I have better things to do," Black whined.
"Mister Black you know tutoring her will get you out of detentions that I have planned for you for every night of the week" McGonagall's cat like eyes stared straight into Black's black eyes, "and no Hogsmeade weekend, "she paused dramatically, " until the end of the year."
"But, Professor, he deserves those detentions, anyways why would I want a fool like him tutoring me… Why can't you make someone else do it?"
"I think Mister Black will be the best option because he is one of two students in my class whom has the highest grade." My jaw dropped, I think I might cry.
"Why does Black have to give me that hand along the way, why can't you make that other person give me that hand along the way. Anyways why would I want to touch Black's dirty hand."
"Miss Evans my word is final."
After I stalked out of the classroom, Black followed directly behind me.
"Hahaha, you have to worst grade in the class. And I have the best."
"Urgh," this is where we began this story, I stopped and turned around and punched him in the face. But my hand was too slow, because he ducked and my fist slammed into the wall. And here I am today, finally writing in you after 17 long boring weeks. Madame Pomfrey told me I couldn't play quidditch until after Christmas break, which is in 4 weeks. She even said I wasn't allowed to fly a broom, after she saw me flying James' broom after practice. Gah, I am so bored, without Quidditch I am like a lifeless zombie. Luckily, James allowed me to watch practices.
But a least I am able to write in you again, my precious diary whom holds all my secrets that keep bottling up in my head.
Oh yah, I forgot to mention what happened to those Transfiguration tutoring sessions with Black. Well it was the first session and it was five minutes into that eventful session…
"Arighty, I want you to," he paused to think," to do my homework, yes do my homework."
"I am not doing your homework, I can't even write you dumbass, do it yourself. Anyways aren't you suppose to be tutoring me in Transfiguration."
"Well doing my homework is the tutoring part; while you do my homework I will be attending an appointment with someone in the broom closet." He stood to leave, once he did this I threw, with my good hand, the heavy Transfiguration textbook at his gigantic head. And left him on the library floor, where Madame Pince found him the following morning.
The next time I saw Professor McGonagall I begged her to change my tutor, to someone with more maturity, however she said no. But at the second tutoring session, I turned Sirius into a demented looking, pink-colored cat. And left him as a cat, because well a) I thought he was better off being a cat, and b) I had no idea how to change him back, serves him right. So when Professor McGonagall found out the following morning that I turned Black into a cat. She turned him back to human and Black begged her (he went on his knees) to not, make him tutor me ever again. It upsets me that she listens to him and not me.
So, she assigned me a new tutor which is currently is James. He is a much better tutor than Black will ever be, after two tutoring sessions I was able to turn a bunny into a silver cup. Now my Transfiguration grade is an 'E', which is an Exceeds Expectations. James says that if I keep up the good work I maybe able to get an 'O' by next year. I feel so proud of myself.
Gee, I am so excited, in 2 more days I will finally be seeing Elizabeth and Harold. And eight days till Christmas. Wow, time is surely going fast. Like the time from when James left for his detention with Professor McGonagall and the time, he has returned which is right now. Write in you as soon as possible.
Lily'
"Back Lils," James said as the portrait closed.
"Apparently," I sighed for no apparent reason.
"Why the sigh, are you not happy that I am back?"
"Why would I?" I jokingly said, "So how was your detention with McGonagall?"
He plopped down in the seat next to me," Ghastly boring, like it always is."
"Oh you never told me why you got a detention? I thought you were going to be good this year and not get any detentions."
"Mhmmm," he nervously ran his manly hand in his unruly soft looking black hair," Don't get made at me Lils, but I hexed Sniv- Snape."
My jaw dropped, I thought he was going to stop hexing him, apparently he didn't learn his lesson last year.
"Lils, I did not hex him for the fun of it. He was taunting me, saying things about my friends. I tried to ignore, but I blew a fuse when he said one thing about Mo-"
"About whom?"
"Never mind," he grumbled.
"Did you just make up that excuse so I wouldn't hear the real meaning of this story? That you hexed someone for the fun of it."
"No, Lils. I am telling the truth, don't you trust me. I would never lie to you."
"Fine, but don't ever hex him again, or I won't see you ever again."
"But you live in my house."
"Fine, I won't talk to you ever again."
"Then you will have no one to talk to."
"I have Bill."
"He turns red every time you talk to him."
"So…"
"He barely can even talk either when he is in your presence."
"So… he can listen to me talk."
"But, can he help you with Transfiguration and listen to all your girly problems."
"I never talk about girly problems."
"Then what is all that talk, 'Ooh I hate her, she is such a slut and a whore.' 'That boy is such a hotty-"
"I never said that boy is such, a hotty."
"Yes you did, remember when yesterday when you were talking about Victory Vane and Amos Diggory."
"I never said hotty," I paused and started laughing," You thought I said hotty, when I said haughty."
Once I finished looking at James I saw a confused look, the same look Sir Dufus Head has on his face 24/7, "What does haughty mean?"
"I thought you were smart, I used to call you that all the time, last year."
"You only said I was arrogant and conceited, but never haughty."
"Haughty means arrogant and conceited."
"Oooh," he ran a hand through his hair, "That makes a lot more sense; I thought when you called me that, last year, I thought you called me a hotty. This made me more arrogant, because I thought you liked me, but then you proved me wrong when you said no to all my invitations for a date in Hogsmeade." A distant, sad look replaced the confused one, which in turn made me sad in the inside. Oh, James do not think that, I do like you maybe, just maybe love you. But I do not know what love is, I never saw it or experienced it. Oh, James don't be sad, it tears what ever left of my heart into a million tiny pieces, to see you like this. I never actually thought my refusals were going to hurt you, I thought they were all a joke. I wonder what would of happened if I actually had accepted one of your many invitations. But that would of never happened last year because of me being friends with Snape. Snape fed me untrue myths about you, he made me your enemy. Until Snape took the first hit at my heart, making it breakable for my father and Voldemort to destroy. Oh James, my heart has been semi rebuilt because of you, because of your loving actions. I guess you do still love me, because who would of done that for me, if that said person did not love me.
I felt tears started to well up in my eyes, and slowly fall down my face. I felt my whole body start to shake. I stared at my shaking hands, watching those tears drop down into my hands. I heard someone call my name, but I barely heard him or her. Someone suddenly placed their arms around me, and I fell onto their chest. I felt their hands rub circles into my back trying to calm down, whisper warm soothing words to me. I tried to think of whoever is comforting me but I could not think, I only thought about the pain that I caused James to have and the feeling of someone actually loving me. And possibly me loving them back.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
I woke up to the sound of the birds chirping and Sir Dufus Head's loud boisterous voice. I felt dry tears on my face, and someone's arms wrapped around my body, I couldn't see who's because my eyes are still closed. Last night's events came rushing back to me, the realization of the pain that I caused James and the realization of me possibly loving James. I shuddered, I cannot be in love with James, I never been in love with anybody before and he is my best friend. It would ruin our friendship if we ever broke up.
Oh my Merlin, I think I might be still in the common room, and I think that James' arms around my body, who else, other than James knew how to sooth me. I finally opened my eyes and saw that the latter was the only prediction that was true. We were in his bed, the curtains around his bed closed. My head rested against James' chest. I heard his heartbeat, beat a familiar rhythm. I heard a sigh erupt from James' mouth. I looked up to his face, his beautiful face.
"Oh your up," he said as he loosened his grasp around my body, "Sorry, Lils, Sirius is always a morning person the day before vacation."
"It's fine, its Sirius what would you expect."
"But he promised last night that he would not make such a commotion."
"Huh."
"It does not matter; I will just have to kill Sirius once we get back home."
"Can I help?" He chuckled.
"Always, when it comes to hexing Padfoot," he smiled.
From outside James bed, I heard someone talking, "Padfoot, I thought you promised Prongs that you will be quiet this morning." Oh, it was just Remus, reprimanding Sirius.
"Oh, I forgot that Evans was here this morning," Sirius said quite loudly.
"Then shut up."
"I won't Moony, because I will be as loud –"
"Serves you right," I heard Remus quietly say, "Come on Padfoot, I will take the curse off you once we get to the Great Hall, where hopefully some other thing will silence you, and no it is not one of your girl toys."
I heard James chuckle as the door to the room close.
"Maybe Remus will keep that silencing charm on Sirius for the rest of his life." James chuckled even more. I sat up on his bed, sitting Indian styled, while James sat up and leaned against his headboard.
"Maybe," James paused, "Lils, maybe we should talk about why you were crying last night."
"I rather not," I looked at my hands, twisting them in my lap. I felt the bed moved a bit as he moved more close to me. I cannot let James know that I possibly like or maybe love him.
"It bugs me to see you hide from me like this," I felt his warm hand absentmindedly stroke my face, every time his fingers touched my skin it tingled, " I felt hopeless watching you last night, crying your heart out, I thought I said or did something wrong." Has hand dropped from my face, no don't go, I like the feeling of you stroking my face.
I looked up to him and saw that sad look on his face the night before, "No, James you didn't say or do anything wrong."
"Then what Lils, I want to help you," he begged as his gentle fingers started stroking my hand, the tingling sensation coming forth again. His sad hazel eyes searched my own. Both of these actions caused my heartbeat to quicken, a knot formed in my throat, making me unable to spit out what my heart is telling me to say. To say that I love him, I truly do love him. I wish to tell him this, I really do, but I just can't, as he can't watch me cry, without his own heart breaking. Like my own is doing right now, by not telling him, what I am truly feeling. Maybe I can express my love in a different way that does not require speaking.
My eyes glance at his soft, pinkish lips. My own lips crave his to be on mine. This is the perfect moment to lean in and let my lips succumb his. Telling him how I really feel, but something is holding me back from doing so. An inner conscience is doing so, telling me that it will ruin our friendship, if I do it. But my heart is telling me it is now or never. Oh Merlin, what should I do?
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
Author's Note: Hehehehe, cliff hangers rock. And this cliff hanger will be cleared up once I get 5 or more reviews. Yes, I know I am evil, but I am still an author whom wants to know how she is doing. Please write a review, even if it is just a 'hello', 'this story stinks', or an 'I hate you for doing this to me, I need to know what Lily does'. Constructive Criticism is always welcome. Remember that 5 more reviews before my hit list reaches 30 people will guarantee the next chapter the next day. As well as 10 reviews before my hit list reaches 10, will guarantee the chapter the same day as posted. And if I get like 50 reviews in the hour I first posted the chapter, will definitely guarantee a new chapter 2 hours after this one is posted. Hope you review.