Chapter 10: Pops
Hello and welcome back. Ahhh, this chapter was hard for me. I didn't quite know where I wanted it to go, but I think now I do. When I write these chapters, I sit down and make sure to have an end goal set and just… write until I get there. It gets muddled sometimes, but I just rewrite it until I get there.
Thank you to those who commented. It makes me so happy that you guys think my story is good, and it makes me nearly explode when you think my writing is good. The reviews is what keeps this story alive, I think.
Speaking of which! Momo, I agree with you. Jasper is very wishy washy, but he's portrayed that way because he was like that in the novels. At least, that's how I felt he was. His love was something that was always very secure, but so was his dedication to his family. So, if both of those things were threatened by each other, I figured maybe that'd be cause for his swaying opinion. I must admit though, that I'm just going with the flow of how I believe he would react at this point. This chapter will sort things out a bit better, though. Promise.
You ready to meet her pops? Yeah you are.
(EDIT: I apologize. In the last chapter I said that THIS chapter would be crazy, but it's more of a filler. The NEXT one will be crazy. Promise.)
Hida was a complete idiot. She wasn't the first to admit it, but she didn't have to be because she already knew it.
She knew she was dying. She had been there when her mother was dying, she had seen the signs. Her mother's body had been the first to give out. Her mother had always been a plump woman, had always seemed to carry just a little extra meat on her bones, it's what had made her that much more appealing to those around her. In her final days, her mother had lost her curves, lost the extra meat along with the meat that kept her alive. Her mother was skin and bones in the end, and Hida hated it. She hated it because her mother was still beautiful. The sweet scent she emitted seemed to hang on her, grapple her bones and made her seem elegant; even in death. It permeated whatever room she inhabited, clung to the walls. Even after her mother died, her scent seemed to stain the walls of her room, her bed, her hairbrush. Everything.
Her mother didn't smell like Hida did, she was not as sickeningly sweet as the honey Hida produced. Her mother smelled of cinnamon, a flavor that was the opposite of Hida's honey. It was not smooth, it did not drag people down to the bottom of the ocean like her honey did. Her mother's cinnamon attacked, assaulted those around her, until they were forced to look at her. It set them ablaze when they inhaled it, set a fire in their lungs. The fire would spread to their nerves, make every touch painfully pleasurable. Her mother was a strong woman even in her final days, and the elegance and grace her scent provided seemed to make her falsified strength believable.
When her scent had run wild, confined her to her bed in her closed off room, then her mind began to go. Her mind had left and ran to someplace else, someplace that wasn't the bed she was dying in. Hida remembered trying to talk to her, trying to make a connection with the empty shell, trying to talk to something that wasn't her mother anymore. She was only met with slight smiles, and in the last few days, only blank stares. Her mother had left her far before she had actually died, and Hida was thankful for that. It meant that she was brought relief when she died, that she passed peacefully.
Hida hated her mother for a while after she had passed. She was angry that her mother left her. Angry that her mother didn't teach her everything there was to know about herself. Angry that her mother had left her with her father. Angry that her mother would never get to see her progress in life. After a month or two, she was no longer angry at her mother. She understood that her mother did what she thought she had to, that she had made up her mind, that she had loved Hida even if she left her. She did not feel sad about it anymore, as the years had passed. Rather, she felt happy for her mother. She was free. Free from having to feed on others, free from her father, free from that small room and the bed she seemed to be shackled to.
Hida understood why her mother gave up. Because she was in the same boat as her mother at the moment. Because she wasn't feeding, it was hard for her to keep up. Hida's body felt like it was chained to the Earth, she had problems finding the energy to move. It was hard to keep her bones from falling apart, she could feel her existence nearly slipping. She was nowhere near as bad as her mother had been, but she was tired. Bone tired. Tired in her heart. Tired in her soul. It dragged her down, but she pushed herself to move, to speak, to think. To live. She needed to prove to herself that she could survive without feeding. She needed to prove to the Cullens that she could be trusted. It was morbid to think, but Hida laughed at the thought that dying made her feel proud.
Hida stared down at the tray of food in front of her. She could eat food, and it would sustain her for a bit, but her body was still lacking it's proper nutrition. She sat with the Cullens at lunch, where Bella and herself were the only ones who ate. She ate all the time, she ate everything she saw, she ate foods that were so high in fats and protein she felt like she would combust. And still, she lost weight. Because she wasn't feeding, her bones had begun to prick the surface of her skin. It was barely noticeable under her clothes, although her change in style was enough to at least cause Alice some concern. She found herself wearing Rosalie's sweater, the one Emmett had told her that Rosalie stole from him when Hida had asked him, over a shirt she didn't really care about. Paired with jeans and random sneakers, that had become her daily outfit.
Despite wearing the same thing every day, her appeal to others only seemed to increase thanks to her scent. She was like her mother, they were both like flowers. The more she wilted, the sweeter she smelled, and the sicker she became. Even though she accepted the fact that she might die, her body had not. Her body's natural response was to try and find food as quickly as possible, and that meant her scent was running rampant. She could see the stares she was getting from those who were affected by it around her. Their eyes all fell on her, travelled the curves of her body, took in the fake brightness in her eyes, bit at her lips.
She was a complete idiot. She was dying, she was having trouble controlling her powers, and she had plans to face an entire Newborn army with people that didn't seem to trust her anymore. Even so, she looked at the person who called her name, the southern drawl that caused her insides to melt. Even so, she still smiled at the person who seemed to be as madly in love with her as she was with him.
"Jasper." She mocked his accent, watching the smirk that formed on his perfect lips because of it. "What do you want, hm?"
She didn't know when, she didn't know why, but Jasper had slowly begun to close the distance with her. It began with stealing glances, wandering eyes catching his and then retreating back to the ground. It made her feel like she was a twelve year old again, back when she couldn't even look in anyone's eyes, let alone someone she liked. She could see it in his eyes that he had made a choice, though she couldn't understand what the choice was or why it was made. She didn't understand, but she was glad to have him came the smiles, the beautiful expressions that came with them, and the words that fell from his beautiful lips. They were perfect, dipped in southern charm and hospitality. Alice had told her once that Jasper was simply a 'good southern gentleman,' and Hida knew that was the truth. It was the gentle "how are you"s and "good morning"s that lead to the deeper conversations, and eventually extended to touches. She was ecstatic to have his touch back, to have him grace her skin again. She didn't care if she bursted into flames or melted into nothing, she loved the feeling of him. It's what grounded her, kept her safe, told her that he wasn't going to leave her anymore.
So, here she was, holding hands with someone that seemed to have come back to her. Hida wasn't used to people coming back after they left her, but she was thankful that he did. Hida didn't know what he was fighting himself over, but she was thankful that he seemed to have resolved it, and that he came back to her. He accepted her, it seemed, and that thought always made her heart turn to mush. It made her feel warm, wholesome.
"Are you doin' alright, sugar?" Jasper placed a hand on her cheek, asking a question he already knew the answer to. The answer was no. "You're warmer than usual."
Hida smiled at the new nickname Jasper had given her, 'sugar.' It was sweet, to match her scent she imagined. He had picked it up while they were training, and Hida was sure that it just stuck with him. The Jasper she knew called her 'darlin' most of the time, but the old Jasper, Major Jasper, had taken to calling her 'sugar' in that deep southern voice of his. Hida knew the difference between the two. It wasn't like it was a whole new Jasper, there were only slight changes in his stance and voice. His personality stayed the same, it was only intensified. She liked the Major too, he made her feel safe even if he was much more intimidating than the Jasper of this time period.
Hida would have usually blamed her being warmer because of the things his accent did to her body, but she knew she was past the point of making excuses. Jasper knew, Alice knew, the Cullens knew; even Bella seemed to have an inkling. Even Jacob and his dogs knew. She was sick, she was dying, but she had to abstain from feeding to keep a low profile. She didn't want to risk getting caught or somehow put everyone in danger. Hida didn't trust herself not to mess up, she feared she would lose herself because she hadn't been feeding. Besides, she decided that she would prove to the Cullens that they could trust her. They were all she had, and all that Jasper had too, so she didn't want to let it all go to waste. She needed to prove to them that she could do it. She needed to prove to herself that she could do it.
She decided, after Jasper came back to her, that she wouldn't die. She knew there was a possibility, yes. She knew that in her state, she could be killed easily. She knew that she was dying. But because she wanted to be with Jasper, she decided that she needed to live. She wouldn't live for him, no, but she would live because she wanted to live beside him. She would live for herself, so that she could exist by his side. It was a strange feeling, one that left her floating in that space that took up her mind. It was strange to want to live so badly, even if she was letting herself die. But this was the choice she made.
Hida smiled at Jasper, turning her head to kiss the palm of his hand. It was cold against her skin, against her lips, but it still ignited all her nerves at once. Burned her, set her on fire. "I'll be fine, Jasper. I promise I'm not going to die on you."
"Are you sure?" Jasper didn't know if she truly meant that.
"Yes." She lied.
"Are you sure you're okay? Do you want any water, or something to eat?"
Hida smiled at Esme, shaking her head. Esme seemed to hold love for Hida, though she knew that was simply just a part of Esme's kind nature. She seemed to always express hospitality, even if she didn't trust the person.
"No thank you. I'm fine." Hida didn't want Esme to worry about her, even if it was justified. Even if it gave her hope of the Cullens accepting her.
Esme looked like she wanted to say something, but was interrupted when Jasper handing Hida her phone, informing her, "Your father said he is on his way. He should be here in a few minutes, darlin'."
Hida scowled, even as she let Jasper's arms wrap around her and pull her into his lap. She curled up against him, his cold body felt nice against her burning skin. Cooled her. "Jasper, I told you not to call him."
"I know. That's why I did it." Hida didn't need to hear the chuckle in his throat, she could feel it in his chest where it started. It vibrated and hollowed. He rubbed her arm gentle, causing her skin to break out in brilliant goosebumps. He knew it was helping her. "There's something wrong."
Hida knew there was something wrong. Sure, she was dying, but she shouldn't have been dying as fast as she was. The only reason she was at the Cullen's house was because she had fainted earlier. It started as a fever, then it developed into a headache. Her whole body felt warm, and her scent had become so overwhelming that even Alice had said something to her.
"Hey. You smell… delicious." She remembered Alice saying. She had looked up to see Alice standing there, a frown adorning her usually graceful features. It didn't suit her. "Not that it's a bad thing, it's just become… overbearing. You're drawing too much attention to yourself an-... Are you alright..?"
Hida would have said she was alright, but she could barely hear Alice over the pounding in her head. The last thing she remembered was Alice's eyes going wide before she had apparently passed out. It was more embarrassing than anything since Alice was the one that had carried her out of the classroom after she passed out. If there weren't already rumors that her, Jasper, and Alice were all three in a relationship before, there were now. Hida didn't mind the rumors, she liked freaking people out.
Alice had brought her back to their house, Jasper soon following suit after word had got out. Eventually, the rest of their family had come home as well, after Edward had read Alice's mind and contacted everyone. Part of them coming home so quickly was also apparently due to the way Jasper had taken the liberty of making more than enough anxious phone calls to Carlisle even though he was at work. Hida had woken up by the time Carlisle was able to leave the hospital and head home, and she had apologized for Jasper freaking out. Besides, there wasn't anything Carlisle could do. They already knew what the problem was, and how to fix it, and they already all knew that Hida wouldn't let them even if they wanted her to. Hida could tell that they didn't want her to feed, so she wouldn't; even if they for some reason asked her to, she still would refuse it.
When Emmett and Rosalie got back from wherever they had run off to together, Hida was pleasantly surprised to see that Rosalie had somewhat grown concerned about her. She knew that Jasper didn't like how protective Rosalie had grown to be towards her, but she appreciated the fact that she at least wasn't trying to kill her anymore. She still glared at her and made snide comments, but that was reasonably so, seeing as how Hida was still on thin ice with everyone. Emmett played a big part in Rosalie warming up to her, he seemed to make Rosalie calmer than even Jasper could. It was the mate thing, she had figured. She knew she felt the same around Jasper.
Hida lifted her head in order to look into Jasper's eyes, and she didn't like what she saw. There was the love and affection that had seemed to come back, and she was thankful for that, but she didn't like the fact that their golden hue was gone. His eyes had become a dark brown, not yet black. Hida knew it meant that he hadn't fed in a while, and she knew it meant that being around her was hard for Jasper to do. She felt guilty sitting in his lap, especially with her scent trying to cling to everything that gave it attention. It would take more for a vampire to fall for her, but Hida knew it was still hard for Jasper because he was new to the 'vegetarian' lifestyle. At times, she could see the pain it caused him. It showed in the way his jaw clenched, and the way his eyes squinted and followed her stiffly. Even as he smiled at her and rubbed her back, he seemed to be in pain. She didn't want to cause him pain.
It was for this reason that she hadn't yet called her dad and told him not to come. As the minutes passed and the deafening silence made her ears ring, she tried to keep calm even with the thought of him pressing her mind. He had to know something. He would be able to help, and Hida knew there would be a cost to it. Hida laid her head once again against Jasper's chest and waited. She tried to keep her emotions in tact, so that her heart would not race and give away her fear.
But as she heard the familiar truck door slam, and feet trudging against gravel, her heart stopped. Jasper stopped rubbing her back and seemed to tense up, and all eyes fell against her skin. They could tell. As much as she didn't want them to, she knew everyone could tell how scared she was. It emitted from her just as much as her scent did, and it nearly drowned out everything else in the room.
She tried to reign in her scent, to make it disappear so that no one could see how truly terrified she was, but it didn't work. As her emotions grew and swelled within her, her scent desperately clung to the walls and the ceiling. It ran around with her fear, mixing into a dangerous drink that was forced down her throat, one that made her sicker than she was.
Soon, she didn't need to reign in her scent because it was forced out. It was dominated by her father's own scent, threatened into leaving the room as he turned the doorknob and walked in. His scent was nonexistent when he wanted it to be, just like his heartbeat. It was masked, hidden.
She turned her head to see her father walk into the room, a shiver running down her spine at the smile on his face. It was fake, like the rest of him. It hid things. Things that terrified her into making herself as small as possible in Jasper's lap.
His eyes landed on Hida, and his smile grew wider, coaxed her fear into swelling, bursting in her mind. He spoke in a voice that was so smooth it chilled her to the bone. Even her own named sounded like a death sentence falling from his lips.
"Hida."
It was her father, the thing that terrified her the most.