Chapter 10

Blake did her best to remain focused as Dr. Oobleck rattled off a rapid-fire string of statements masquerading as a lecture, but there were far too many questions running through her mind, questions Oobleck's class wasn't capable of answering. It had been two weeks since she had masturbated to thoughts of Yang, but though her period had come and gone, thoughts of other girls still haunted her fantasies. For the past few days, she had been able to think of little else, losing track of her studies in order to reflect and consider this new dilemma.

She furrowed her brow. Dilemma seemed like an insensitive term to use. There was a perfectly lovely gay couple she had seen around Beacon, and calling their feelings a dilemma felt rude. She couldn't help but be concerned, however. She grimaced. That word probably wasn't kind either. She finally settled on the term confused. She had been with Adam since she'd started puberty, and not once during their relationship had she looked at another woman and felt anything. Why then was she suddenly having all these feelings? She'd never really put much stock in the idea that one's sexuality could change over time, much less as rapidly as this seemed to be coming on.

She'd spent the past few days experimenting, taking every chance she could to get herself off to as many different scenes as she could, both from her books and from actual porn sites. She had discovered that she still got off to guys, though she found that when she watched porn of straight couples, she often found herself with eyes for the woman, rather than the man. Was she bisexual then? She wasn't sure how to process that idea, not necessarily because she thought it strange but because it had simply never occurred to her.

She decided to test herself. She was seated on the far right side of the classroom and semi-close to the front, a decent enough position to see the faces of most of the rest of the class without drawing too much attention to herself. She started at the left side of the room, back row, and worked her way down, taking a few moments to observe the face and body of each student and consider how willing she would be to kiss that person, regardless of emotional attachment. She did her best to reach a conclusion quickly, before she thought up some fantasy that might corrupt her judgment.

By the time she was halfway through the room, the pattern was already clear. None of the boys did anything for her. They weren't all bad looking, by any means. Quite a few were sufficiently handsome, Blake supposed, but she wouldn't kiss any of them just based on their looks. It was mostly the same story with the girls, but the fact that there was no discernible difference was disconcerting. She sped through the rest of her classmates with little variation, at least until she arrived at the people she knew. Jaune was a definite no, and while Ren seemed nice, Blake couldn't muster the urge to see him in a sexual light. Nora was a bit too weird for most people's taste, but as Blake turned to Pyrrha, took a good long look at her, she felt her first pang of uncertainty.

She imagined herself being overwhelmed on the battlefield, with Grimm closing in around her. As she teetered back and forth, weak and wounded, she pictured Pyrrha swooping in and saving the day, driving away the Grimm with the same prowess she displayed in Glynda's combat class. It wasn't love at first sight, but the thought of Pyrrha then walking over and lifting her, bridal style, and cradling her in her strong arms was not unpleasant.

There was Velvet, the one other Faunus Blake was somewhat well acquainted with. She knew nothing of Velvet's sexuality, could barely picture the shy girl in a sexual way at all, but as she considered the scenario of she and the rabbit Faunus on a park bench beneath a sky of fireworks, the thought of the two of them turning to each other, hesitating for only a moment, and then locking lips came naturally enough.

Then here was Yang…

Blake looked away from her teammates and sought the most attractive male face in the classroom. There was a hunky boy near the center of the room, one she knew nothing about and who seemed to keep mostly to himself. He had semi-short black hair with sloping bangs, and he dressed in a style that Blake had come to accept that she thought was cool but no one else did. She carved out a backstory for him in her head, making him a renegade warrior with a dark, gritty past that would fit in with some of the characters from her novels.

As she fleshed out his younger years, she realized he was starting to seem more attractive to her. Why was that? She'd skipped over him not two minutes ago. She returned her eyes to the front of the class so that the frown of concentration on her face might make it seem like she was paying attention.

She considered most of the fantasies she had when she read her books, the sorts of men that she had been attracted to when she delved into the pages. She thought of Master Kenta from Ninjas of Love, the mysterious assassin. Kenta was confident, quiet, and powerful, and the thought of being fucked by such a man still put a tickle in her stomach and warmth between her legs. Adam had been like that, had been ambitious and charismatic. He had been a monster as well, but she had been his lover for years before she had realized that.

That was her type, the sort of man that turned her on. The men she craved were strong, often older, and experienced. Most of the boys around her probably couldn't beat her in a fight, were her own age, and likely couldn't make her cum without help. Was that why she was only now starting to have eyes for women? She had still been a perplexed mess when it came to boys by the time Adam had made her his, and she had devoted herself so fully to him that she had never once considered anyone else. She'd never thought to look at another girl lustfully, never experimented with her sexuality because she had been convinced for so long that she had found a lifelong partner. Now, she was free to pick and choose.

I guess I'm a lesbian now, she thought, savoring the feel of the statement. Or at least bi. She let that thought sink in, toyed around with it like a new tenant rearranging furniture to find a layout that suited them. I, Blake Belladonna, am also attracted to girls. Just thinking it felt good in some strange way, like finding a hidden treasure in a familiar place just because she looked at it in a new way.

She supposed she would need to reconsider her dating options. Beacon was brimming with beautiful women, and suddenly having all of them on the table was a daunting idea. She supposed she could look over the room again for a start, try to evaluate what she found attractive and decide if any of her classmates were worth pursuing. As she moved her neck to do so, however, her eyes made it no further than Yang, who was sitting directly beside her. All the images from a few weeks ago, memories of Yang's nearly naked body and seductive grin, came rushing back. Yang was strong and certainly experienced, if the night of initiation were any indicator…

Blake swallowed, an action she was unusually aware of herself doing. Hadn't she been nervous about the very idea of living with Yang, much less dating her? She tried to temper her sudden infatuation with logic, pointing out to herself all the things she knew about Yang that would grate on her nerves. The blonde was stubborn, somewhat impulsive, and quick to anger. One look at Yang, however, and her thoughts turned. Yang was all of those things, yes, but she was also strong, dynamic, and equally quick to compassion and forgiveness…

"Miss Belladonna!" intruded the voice of Doctor Oobleck, shattering Blake's concentration and nearly making her jump out of her chair. "This is the third time you've glanced around the room looking like a terrified groundhog. If something is affecting your ability to pay attention, speak up!"

Blake felt frozen for a moment, and one flick of her eyes was enough to confirm that the rest of the class was now staring at her. She hoped her face wasn't as red as it felt. "I—need to use the restroom," she lied.

"I see. Well, go ahead if it's that pressing. I realize that the history of political relations between Vale and Atlas is a riveting topic, but don't have an accident in the classroom over it."

Blake was glad to hurry from the room after that comment. If her face got any hotter, she was sure she'd start sweating. As she stood, she saw Yang looking after her, concerned. Blake made sure not to meet her eyes, lest her own mind betray her. She half-jogged out into the hall towards the bathroom, desperate for a place she could hide in.

#

Yang rolled her peas back and forth across her plate with her fork, taking in the roar of the cafeteria chatter but not really listening to any of it. She and her team were eating lunch with their usual company of teams JNPR and SABL, practically taking up an entire table by themselves. She did her best to peek over at Blake without turning her head, but if past glances were any indicator, Blake was too distracted to notice her unless she leaned in and blew in Blake's ear.

Blake had never come across as the best conversationalist, and even on her best day, she usually spent the lunch period reading or drawing, only occasionally speaking up. However, she usually seemed to be listening, always prepared to chime in and never being caught unaware if someone spoke to her directly. Today was different. She didn't even play with her food, just sitting with fork in hand and staring lamely down at her plate like a still-life painting. She had been so flustered earlier when Oobleck called her out in class, but Yang wasn't sure how to approach her to ask what was wrong.

"Yang!" Weiss snapped. "Are you listening to me?"

Yang's head whipped up, her knees jumping and rattling the table. "Wha? Oh, yeah. Of course."

Weiss glowered at her, clearly not buying her fib. "I thought you wanted to hear about my trip to Atlas Academy."

Yang did her best to put on an apologetic smile, holding up her hands in a gesture of peace. "I do, it's just…"

"I'm not feeling very hungry," Blake said all of a sudden. "I'll see you guys in class."

She pushed her tray towards Nora, who dove on it as if she hadn't just finished her own, and strode away without an explanation.

"Blake!" Yang called, but she either didn't hear or didn't want to turn back. Within moments, she had disappeared out the doors and into the crowded campus.

"Does she seem—off to you guys today?" Yang asked.

"I know," Ruby replied, her voice almost pitiful. Ruby had never been one for hiding her emotions, and it was obvious just by looking at her how worried she was about their teammate. "I wish I knew what was going on."

"She seems fine to me," Weiss said, sipping her drink as if nothing in the world could possibly be wrong. "She's always going off by herself."

"Yeah," Yang said, "but this is—different."

"Yang is right," Pyrrha interjected. "She's barely been able to sit still today, and when she does, she goes off into her own world."

"Ooh, we should do something to cheer her up!" Nora chimed in. "We should go raid the boy's dorms and steal their underwear!"

"The dorms are coed, Nora," Ren said. "We live together, remember? There are no male dorms."

That one fact seemed enough to stymie Nora, at least for another few seconds as she reconsidered their options.

"We could get some drinks," Liz suggested. "That should mellow her out."

"She doesn't strike me as the drinking type," Brie said, a sentiment Art echoed.

"We could still take her out somewhere," Yang said. "That always helped me relax."

"Yang!" Ruby said in the tone of a huffy parent, only missing the hands on her hips. "Are you crazy? Blake is introverted. The last thing she's going to want if she's feeling anxious is to be around a whole bunch of strange people."

"What?" Nora gushed, returning to the conversation like a volcano. "What does she have to be anxious about? All of us will be there."

"That's not the point," Soren quietly added.

"Yeah," Yang said. "Ruby knows what she's talking about on this one. She had a bit of a loner streak when she was younger." Yang gave her sister a one-armed hug as she spoke, and though Ruby pouted, she didn't pull away.

"So what should we do?" Jaune asked.

"We should just have a quiet evening in out room," Ruby said. "Familiar settings always helps."

"Ooh!" Nora spouted once again. "Ren and I should make her dinner. We should have breakfast for dinner! I don't know about you guys, but I am hankering for pancakes!"

"I could bring some beers and soda," Liz said. "We could make an evening of it."

Ruby narrowed her lips. "Too many people might not be a good idea. I know that whenever I was down, I never wanted too big of a crowd. It made me feel more isolated. It would probably be best if it was just the four of us, something quiet and intimate that lets her know we're doing it for her."

"We could watch some movies," Yang suggested. "I don't know if we have any that she would enjoy though."

"If she's got something on her mind, it might be better to do something more engaging. That way she won't dwell on it as much."

"I have some board games," Weiss said.

Ruby's eyes lit up, and her frown curled back up into a grin. "That's perfect! It'll be like a family game night. You're a genius, Weiss."

Weiss seemed momentarily caught off guard by the force of Ruby's praise, but a moment later she was flattering herself as though she had earned twice as much.

"If you guys want to play some of her favorite music," Soren said, "I can tell you who she likes."

"If you need any snacks or drinks, just let me know," Liz said.

"Aw, you guys are great," Ruby said. "Thank you all so much."

"Happy to help," Soren said with a smile.

Yang wondered how much he wanted to be there though. She'd spoken with him about his "date" with Blake in the library, and I spite of his initial reticence towards the idea, she had detected a hint of excitement in his voice when he had told her about it. He'd been disappointed when Blake had declined to go to the movies with them not long after that, and she'd secretly been hoping that the two of them would get hitched or at least start meeting more often. But for the last few weeks, Blake had been growing steadily more reclusive, practically flinching whenever Yang tried to intervene. Yang could only pray that tonight would help her partner loosen up.

"So it's settled then," Ruby said, sounding like her normal chipper self. "Family fun night with team RWBY it is."

#

Yang absentmindedly scratched her chin as she observed the game board set up on the table by their kitchen. They had let Weiss convince them to play Monopoly, which, going by the state of the board, hadn't been the best idea. Yang had managed to scrounge together a few houses on her red Vacuo spaces, along with the utilities: the Cross Continental Transit System and the Atlesian Air-fleet, and Ruby and Blake were faring little better. Weiss, on the other hand, had control of all four railroads, the green Atlas spaces, and she had just finished placing hotels on the dark blue Schnee Dust Company spaces, creating a veritable walk of death to any who didn't roll high enough to pass over it.

Ruby took her turn, landing on a chance card. "Jail!" Ruby exclaimed. "Oh thank goodness!"

Her little sister looked delighted to take her token and place it squarely in prison, unable now to land on a property that would bankrupt her, at least for the next few turns. Yang was next, and her roll had her landing on Free Parking. She took the chance to place a few more houses on her properties, as Weiss was drawing near them. Weiss's turn, however, proved to foil her plan, as she rolled an eleven and skipped right over Yang's spaces and landed on her own railroad. She shot Yang a smug look.

Blake was next. The black-haired girl had been struggling the past few turns, not conducive with their plans to cheer her up. She seemed to grow more irate with each loss, though she never voiced a complaint; it was just something Yang sensed. Blake had landed on Yang's Atlesian Air-Fleet space last turn, and she now faced Weiss's gauntlet of hotels. As Blake shook the dice in her hands, Yang said a silent prayer that she would manage to avoid Weiss's properties, virtually all of which would bankrupt her.

Blake swept her hand over the board, the dice clattering onto it. Nine. Yang counted the spaces as Blake moved her piece.

"Ha," Weiss said. "You just landed on the Schnee Dust Mines. That'll be fifteen hundred lien."

Blake didn't have near that much, and she hadn't enough property to mortgage off either. No matter what she did, it was bankruptcy.

As Weiss collected the last of Blake's lien, she said, "It looks like you'll be indentured to me for a long time, Miss Belladonna."

The comment was barbed, but Blake seemed to take it like a sword stroke, her fists balling up and her lips setting into a line. Neither Ruby nor Weiss seemed to notice. As Ruby grabbed the dice to take her turn, Blake stood from her chair and hastened back into the bedroom.

"Doubles? Nooo!" Ruby cried, her stint in jail ended unfortunately early.

Weiss was cackling at her, but Yang barely heard them. She watched as Blake didn't stop at the bedroom, continuing her march until she reached the front door and quietly exiting. Ruby and Weiss were making too much noise to hear the door close.

"Yang, it's your turn," Weiss said, calling Yang's attention back to her surroundings.

"Uh—," Yang uttered, looking back towards the front door. "I'm out."

She stood and jogged towards the door, the sound of Ruby and Weiss's confusion trailing after her. She stepped into the hall, her head swiveling both left and right for a sign of Blake's passage, but the black-haired girl was nowhere to be seen.

#

Blake burst onto the balcony of the ballroom and was momentarily gladdened to find it empty, the only silver lining she could find in this miserable rain cloud of a day.

What am I doing? This is stupid, Blake. What's the matter with you?

She leaned onto her elbows against the balustrade, the panoramic view of Beacon sprawling out before her, but she kept her eyes on the railing, her mind spiraling away into her tumultuous thoughts. She knew she was being foolish. She knew Weiss couldn't possibly understand how painful her words had been, but after the incident with Oobleck earlier, she couldn't maintain her control over her emotions. Her Scroll buzzed for the tenth time since she'd left the bedroom, but like all the times before, she ignored it.

Don't think about it, Blake. You know what happens when you go down that road.

She did her best, but she couldn't hold back the deluge of memories. There had been a time when Blake had considered leaving the White Fang, years before she had left Adam standing alone as the rest of the train pulled away. Her reasons for wanting to leave back then had been much the same as the ones that had finally made her break away, her fear that the peaceful organization she had thought would lead her people to salvation was being turned into a terrorist force. She had brought these fears before Adam and confessed her desire to leave. She had thought he would be angry with her, that he would demand she leave and never return if he didn't kill her right there. What he had done was somehow worse.

He had told her she could leave if she could do one thing. He promised to show her something, and if she could still pity humans afterwards, then she was free to go. He had taken her to the Schnee Dust Mines. She had seen Faunus so weighed down with debt that working in the mines for the rest of their lives wouldn't scratch the surface, making them slaves in all but name. She had seen Faunus callously mistreated by the "guards" the Schnees had hired to "protect" the Faunus from bigoted protesters, little more than bondsmen with a less distasteful title. One Faunus had died in the mines and not been removed until he had started to stink.

Adam had taken her to the slums nearby, where the workers lived like rats in hovels no better than a hole in the wall. She had seen how they were given water barely distinct from poison and food that could be called trash. They had looked like animals, ragged and borderline feral. They had stared at her and Adam with terror in their eyes, like beasts in a cage shying from the master's whip that they could not dodge. Everything anti-Faunus demonstrators claimed about her and her kind had been made real in that place. They had become animals because that's what they were treated like.

How many years had it taken after that for her to let go of the hatred that those sights had inspired in her? How long before she had recognized that Adam treated humans just as cruelly?

He treated them that way because they deserved it.

That's a lie! Shut up!

You still hate them. Just looking at Schnee makes you furious.

Blake gripped the sides of her head, begging for the voice to stop. The intruding thoughts had her voice, but they spoke with Adam's words. The thoughts prowled ever in the corners of her mind, but at time like these, they burst out of the brush and sank their teeth into her heart. What hurt the worst was that everything the voice said was true, was knowing that the voice wasn't an invasive force but the thoughts she pretended she didn't still believe in. She realized she was crying, her tears so hot she was certain they were boiling before they spilled over her eyelashes and down her cheeks.

"Blake?"

It was Yang's voice, but Blake didn't dare turn around. She tried to scrub the water from her eyes, considered leaping from the balcony and disappearing, but by the time she worked up the nerve to try, a tender hand had her by the shoulder.

"Blake, what's wrong?" Yang asked, her gentle attempt to get Blake to turn towards her still more forceful than Blake had the will to resist.

A thousand things leapt to the tip of Blake's tongue, confessions, pleas for help, but none of them made it past her lips. Accept me. Accept me, please.

"I…" Blake sobbed, unable to form words without blubbering.

Hold me. She remained with her back against the balustrade, trying to hide her eyes behind her bangs. See through me. Understand me, please! Realize what I am and tell me you don't care!

Yang had always spoken sympathetically about the Faunus, and Soren had painted her as a champion of the downtrodden, so why couldn't she just open her mouth and tell Yang the truth about what was wrong? Blake sank to the floor, curling up into a ball and burying her face in her knees. She felt Yang kneel down to join her, that hand still clasping her by the arm.

"Blake, it was just a game," the blonde said, though her voice made it clear she knew this was too deep to be about a boardgame. But that was it. She didn't see any deeper than that, Blake's secret still hidden in darkness.

"I know," Blake managed to stammer, fighting to steady her voice. "It's just—when I get upset, I start thinking about bad things, and I can't stop."

A truth yes, but one that meant nothing. Yang's look of confusion changed to one of solemn understanding, but Blake knew she didn't really understand and wouldn't try to understand any further.

Yang shifted her position and sat beside Blake, wrapping her right arm around Blake's shoulder. "Yeah," she whispered. "I'm the same way."

Blake didn't answer. She'd never seen Yang so much as sniffle, much less brood or weep, so how could she say they were the same? Either way, though, her shoulder was there to be cried on, her arm was comforting, and her body was warm, so Blake allowed her head to drift down and rest on Yang's shoulder. In a moment, Blake was able to feel the silence wrapping around them, and the thought of disturbing it with tears seemed to convince them to stay in her eyes. She was able to feel the fading heat of the sun on her skin and see the sky becoming a rainbow, and all the words that had been screaming inside her head closed their mouths to see it.