Chapter 10: Recall the Taste of Your Tears

I didn't want to get out of bed today. It was a week since Caroline broke the news about the impending wedding bells in Damon's future, and I was doing my best to avoid him for fear of blurting it out accidently and making a fool of myself.

He called a couple of times, both of which I didn't answer, and he even asked my dad if everything was okay. I felt bad, because it wasn't his fault that I was still in love with him after all this time, and that the thought alone of him marrying someone else let alone Rebekah, made me physically ill. He was just trying to be my friend.

I crawled out from under the covers and stared at the ceiling. I was being selfish again. I wanted more than anything to stay in bed well passed noon, eating ice cream, and watching bad romantic comedies…but today was the day that Giuseppe was gifting the Boarding House to Stefan and Caroline and that called for a party; a party that everyone was going to…including Damon and Rebekah no doubt.

But this was Caroline's day. So I was going to get up, get dressed and pull my ass through the day…for Caroline.

…

I took a deep breath as I walked up the driveway to the Boarding House. "I'm doing this for Caroline." I nodded as I pushed the doorbell. I was expecting Caroline to answer, or maybe even Stefan, but not Giuseppe.

He raised his brow in surprised amusement. "Elena…so nice to see you home." He ushered me into the entrance, and led me to the parlour room with a gentle hand on my lower back. "You look lovely." He smiled kindly.

"Thank you." I had settled on a white a-lined dress that fell above my knees with a sweetheart neck line that tied around my neck in a halter. The dress was scattered artistically with red Hawaiian flowers and I paired it with red peep toed heels to match.

"Come, some have already arrived." It always amused me how Giuseppe spoke like he was from a hundred years ago. He was always so formal…they all were except for Damon. Ever the black sheep.

"Elena!" Caroline squealed throwing her arms around me. "You made it!"

I hugged her back. "Of course."

She pulled back and lowered her voice. "You know Damon and Rebekah are here, don't you?"

I nodded. "Yes, but that doesn't matter…I'm here for you." I poked her shoulder playfully. "This is going to be fun. I'm not going to let her ruin this for me."

Caroline linked arms with me and pulled me into the kitchen to make us drinks. "Well she's doing a great job of ruining it for me." She nodded to the window that looked out to the backyard. Rebekah was finishing off a glass of wine at the deck table with two other couples. Damon grabbed her hand gently as she reached out for the bottle and placed it down on the table between them; he received a heated glare. "She has been spending the last half an hour getting completely sloshed and complaining to Damon and anyone else within ear shot about how this place should belong to them." She picked up the half empty bottle on the counter. "Such a bitch." She poured us each a glass, finishing it, and we watched the couple outside.

"Well it is supposed to be Damon's." It was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

Caroline whipped her head around to glare at me. "What?"

I sighed. "Come on Care…you know the history. The Salvatore Boarding house is always passed down to the eldest son. Technically it should be Damon's." I shrugged.

She cocked her hip and crossed her arms. "So you agree with her?" It sounded more like a statement than a question.

I raised my hands in surrender. "Look, what Giuseppe decides to do with it is up to him. Damon has a place in Georgia anyway…it's just," I watched him through the window. "I know how badly he must have wanted this house. He was probably looking forward to it his whole life."

Caroline uncrossed her arms and frowned in concern for a second before 'pfft'ing and rolling her eyes. "Please, Damon could care less about this house; he never mentioned anything to us about it before."

I shrugged again. "Maybe I'm wrong, but he seemed upset when it was brought up last week."

"Really?"

"Maybe I read it wrong."

"Should I talk to him?"

"I think he has enough to deal with right now, Care. God, she is so hammered." Rebekah stumbled to her feet, glared angrily at Damon and snatched her empty glass off the table. "Shit, she's coming here." I panicked, I was ready to bolt, but she was already walking through the door.

It slammed behind her and it took her a minute before settling on Caroline, not even acknowledging my presence. "More wine?" She held up her glass with a drunk smirk. She seemed to steady herself pretty well in her heels for being that drunk. They were definitely higher than mine, by at least an inch and a half; beige to contrast on her short white strapless dress. It was so tight it looked like she was vacuum sealed in it, hugging every perfect curve.

It was disgusting how hot she looked while still acting like a total fool.

"Nope!" Caroline chimed. "I think you took care of that." She held up the empty bottle.

Rebekah slowly stepped towards the island, putting the glass down and resting her hands on the counter for support. "Don't act so smug, Caroline." She slurred. "You don't even live here yet."

"God, seriously?" Caroline exclaimed. "Get over it!"

Damon came in for Rebekah and immediately settled on me. He smiled. "Elena."

I smiled back. I couldn't even help it; mostly because he just seemed so relieved…happy even. "Hi."

Rebekah's eyes snapped up to mine instantaneously, filled with something dark. "Elena…Elena Gilbert." she drawled slowly with malice. "I barely recognized you; it's very brave of you to be here."

I frowned. "I don't see how, I was invited." I responded with a cocky attitude.

She chuckled coming to stand beside me. "Do I look stupid?"

"Yup." Caroline answered quickly.

Damon shot a half-hearted glare in her direction. "Rebekah, come on…don't do this." He pleaded, his eyes darted to me.

"Do you think I didn't know?" Rebekah continued.

My heart started to race. "Know what?" I didn't let my mask drop.

"Hm…" she laughed to herself again. "You must hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because I have what you will never have again." She smiled sweetly. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole. She knew. I felt my face get hot and my breathing slowed. "You were just a big mistake."

"Rebekah." Damon barked. "Stop talking…you're fucking drunk." He stormed over and grabbed her arm.

"I may be drunk, Damon but my memory is still perfectly intact." She chuckled, resting her hand on his chest. "That is what you said, wasn't it?"

My eyes drifted to Damon's, wounded by the sting of his betrayal and rejection. His wide guilty eyes and tense jaw was answer enough for me. It was a mistake…I was a mistake.

"Elena…" he started.

"Don't say anything." I cut him off. "I've got to go." I mumbled to Caroline before heading for the front door.

"Wait!" Caroline's voice called out to me. "Elena!" she followed me down the driveway. "Elena, what the hell just happened…what was Rebekah talking about?" her tone suggested she knew but need to hear it from me.

I spun around and walked back part way to her, tears collecting in my eyes. "I slept with Damon." I admitted. "It happened before my mom died; he showed up at my house at four in the morning and left before I woke up. He was my first."

Her jaw dropped. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I was so upset, I didn't want to talk about it. I thought that it was special…that there was something there, but there wasn't, it was just a mistake, I was just a mistake." I choked out wiping a fallen tear.

Caroline shook her head. "That's not true."

"Yes it is…I saw it on his face, Caroline. She won." I resigned sadly. "Rebekah won." I turned around and headed back to my car.

…

I sat up in my room mindlessly flipping through an old magazine when I heard a knock on the door. Jeremy and my dad were home so I knew that I didn't have to get up.

"Oh, hi Damon." I heard my dad say.

"What are you doing here?" I told Jeremy what was going on earlier today when I came home in tears. For being my younger brother, he was always so protective of me.

"I need to see Elena." His voice was low and rushed…desperate.

"She's-"

"She's not here." Jeremy cut my dad off.

"Her car's outside, I know she's here."

"She went for a walk." Jeremy continued, boldly.

It was silent for a second. "ELENA!" I heard Damon yell throughout the house.

"What the hell is going on?" my dad asked both Damon and my brother.

"Trust me dad, you don't want to know."

I couldn't take this anymore. I hopped off the bed and made my way down the stairs. Damon and Jeremy were bickering back and forth. "Jer!" I called out. All three of them looked up at me; Jeremy with concealed anger, my dad with confusion and Damon with relief. "It's okay."

"Okay? After what he did?" Jeremy yelled in frustration.

"Jer!" I didn't want this coming out in front of dad. I didn't want it to ruin the relationship he had with Damon. "Damon…lets go upstairs." I turned around and started heading to my room, with Damon following me.

"Stop!" my dad called. "Tell me what the hell is going on. What did he do Elena?" He was worried, almost scared to know the answer.

I faked a smile. "Nothing. It's was nothing dad, don't worry okay." I heard Jeremy scoff loudly as we climbed the rest of the stairs and entered my room. I closed the door behind us and sat back on my bed, while Damon stood awkwardly at the door.

"I haven't been in here since…" He trailed off when I pinned him with an icy glare.

I crossed my arms. "Why are you here Damon, hm? Where's Rebekah?" My eyes dropped back down to the magazine flipping through it, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

He sighed, and took a few steps closer to the bed. He didn't sit, unsure if he should or not. "At home…I'm so sorry, Elena."

"You seem to be saying that a lot lately."

He finally sat down pulling the magazine away and tossing it to the ground. "Because I am. Elena…I never meant to hurt you."

"Which time?" I couldn't help but be a little bitter.

Damon met my eyes sadly. "All of them. I told her it was a mistake after it happened, but I didn't mean it." He admitted quietly.

"What?"

"It shouldn't have happened…but I don't regret that it did. I never have." I wanted to believe the seemingly honest words that came out of his mouth, but I was having trouble allowing myself that bit of happiness.

I laughed. "Don't lie to make me feel better, please…it's insulting."

He took my hand. "I'm not lying. I'll never forget that night." His voice held some kind of hope, of what I wasn't sure, but I wasn't willing to give it to him.

"Funny, all I've been trying to do since it happened is forget about that night." I uttered coldly.

There was a slice of pain that shot over his face as he slipped his hand out of mine. "Fine." He resigned. He stood and walked slowly to the door in stunned silence. He paused before turning around. He swallowed hard. "Do you still have feelings for me Elena?" he asked so quietly I barely heard him.

My heart hammered so hard in my chest I thought that it would pop right from between my ribs. What kind of response was he expecting? An honest answer? A lie? Something to finally put an end to his guilt? Regardless there was only one answer I was physically and emotionally able to give him…because the alternative was heart ache. "No." I said strongly, doing my best to keep the pain out of my voice as I lied to him. "No, Damon I don't."

His jaw tensed as he nodded once, he quickly turned his head away from me and left my room. I thought I saw disappointment…but maybe I was wrong.