Gah… Sorry, it's been so long since I've updated. I've got a lot going on with a chronic illness I have and I'm moving. Plus I'm kind of a spaz and struggle to focus on one thing at once so I'm also writing a bunch of new stories too!
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Call Me… Deku
Chapter 10
Bakugo sat with his spy catching group in Shinso's home the following day after school but didn't bother listening to what they were discussing. He touched his shoulder softly, trembling as he thought about Midoriya's hands ghosting over his skin. Everything seemed so real about his dream and yet so illusionary as well.
He could barely remember parts, just like other dreams he'd had, but the parts that he could remember seemed burned into his mind, making him feel the boy's loss all over again. The one thing that stuck out the most though, was Izuku telling him that it wasn't all his fault… that someone else was even more to blame.
It helped ease the guilt and heaviness in his heart if only a little. Bakugo knew he wouldn't ever be able to let it go though. After all, the confession and loving touches were a product of his own mind, not a real occurrence.
"Yo! Baku-bro… What's eating you, man? Every day you come to school looking like you haven't slept and today you look… I don't know… distant?" Kirishima asked worriedly. The other two members of his group were quietly examining him as well.
Katsuki snapped out of his thoughts and began fidgeting, feeling like a very exposed nerve ending under their gaze and scrutiny. "It's none of your fucking bus—"
"None of our business… Yes, you've told us that before, but it's been weeks now and you are clearly devolving. All three of us are aware of your brash 'I don't need anyone' attitude, but we are probably the closest thing you'll ever have to friends and we'd like to assist you if we can." Shinso cut in.
Bakugo sighed, still fighting internally on whether or not to bring them into his turmoil. He firmly believed that what had occurred the night before was a very lucid dream, but he also thought that maybe some parts of it were true. What if someone else had broken Midoriya? He owed it to the teen to find that person and break them.
Katsuki also knew that what Shinso said was true; they were his friends and maybe talking to them would give him some sense of peace. He lowered his eyes in shame and unzipped his backpack, pulling out the nearly ruined notebook. "If I tell you about what's been bothering me… You promise it stays between us?" he asked quietly, biting the inside of his lip harshly.
Kirishima scooted towards the edge of his seat, nodding before Katsuki had even finished talking. The other two were quick to agree as well.
"There was this little nerd I was in love with since I was a kid…" Bakugo started, running his fingers over the cover of the notebook softly. "But he was quirkless and small and weak and I was a total asshole… Instead of just accepting how I felt, I bullied him. Every fucking day, I made his shitty life that much worse."
"Katsuki… Back at the beginning of the year, you said that the notebook belonged to a kid you used to know and at the time I wondered if the blood on it belonged to him. D-does it?" Kirishima asked hesitantly, even his usually boisterous voice hushed with seriousness.
Bakugo nodded solemnly, his whole body sagging with more guilt than he thought he'd ever felt before. It was one thing to know what had happened but another entirely to admit his hand in the boy's death to others. Speaking the truth made it so much more real.
"I… uh…" Katsuki tried, his voice cracking as tears worked their way down his cheeks and he sniffled. "I was running my mouth as usual and told him to jump off the roof of our middle school. I swear I didn't mean it… I was going to apologize to him and tell him how I really felt when I saw him actually do it. He fucking jumped and I wasn't fast enough to catch him! I waited with him until the ambulance showed up and the heroes gave me this notebook that he'd had clutched to his chest. He… he didn't make it."
"So, this kid you bullied to death, what was his name?" Hitoshi asked, his eyes narrowed.
"Shinso!" Kirishima snapped, glaring at him from across the table. "Can't you see he's already ashamed enough! Don't be unmanly and make him feel worse."
"He should feel bad," Todoroki responded coldly. "Usually, there would be repercussions from the school or law but it seems like Bakugo came out of the situation without having to own up to his part in this boy's misfortune."
"They're right, Eijiro" Katsuki stated, putting his hand on the redhead's shoulder before he argued any further. "Because of my grades and 'heroes quirk,' the school officials played dumb when authorities asked if Izuku was having trouble with anyone at school."
"So, you fell in love with a quirkless kid named Izuku and then used your superior status to put him down instead of making him feel wanted. Fine… That still happened well over a year ago and we are talking about your behavior in the last two months or so." Shinso pushed, though his voice softened some.
Hitoshi had been bullied a lot for his quirk, but everyone who'd been cruel to him was still blissfully unaware and unapologetic for how they'd behaved. If what Bakugo said was true, he was on his way to make things right when tragedy struck. It didn't negate all of the bullyings, but at least he was trying to make it up to the boy and was still feeling the shame from it.
Katsuki let out a humorless chuckle, rubbing his hot eyes and tear-stained cheeks roughly. "I'm fucking losing my mind!"
"In what way?" Todoroki asked.
"I know it sounds crazy but I keep hearing him talk to me at night. Every time I fall asleep his voice wakes me back up. Last night I had the most realistic dream ever… like I touched him and actually felt his skin but it didn't feel real either. I don't fucking know and it doesn't make any fucking sense but it's like he's really coming to see me from the grave."
The three teens at the table stared at Bakugo with unreadable expressions on their face, even Kirishima. He looked between them and knew they were all thinking the same thing—that ghosts weren't real and he really was just falling apart.
Katsuki shook his head and waved them off, "Now that you know that I'm the scum of the Earth and are aware of how I'm losing my fucking grip on reality, leave it alone. Let's just get back to figuring out who the rat is." He flipped through his notebook to go back over his classmate's profiles, but stopped short when All Might's signature caught his eye.
He froze, the whole world seeming to stop around him. In his phantom dream, Midoriya had said that someone else was the one who finally broke him and that autograph was the last entry in his hero notebook.
Bakugo knew that All Might had saved them from the sludge villain, but had Midoriya gotten to speak with him after that? Before? He'd obviously gotten the autograph that day because the entry before that had Kamui Woods and Mt. Lady's stats from the battle that morning.
Anger boiled in his chest at the thought of the man he idolized hurting the boy he loved. If he felt this betrayed, he couldn't imagine how badly Izuku would have felt. "What did he fucking say to you?…" he whispered.
"What are you grumbling about now?" Shoto asked, suppressing how genuinely curious he was. He could see the 'All Might' signature in Midoriya's notebook and Bakugo's deepening glare. Deku had told him about the Leagues plans for the Number One Pro, but he hadn't said anything about meeting him personally before joining the villain group.
"Uh… nothing… nothing…" Bakugo assured, deciding to deal with that revelation when his friends weren't around to hound him about it. "Let's just get back to this spy catching shit so we can find this asshole."
Shinso sighed and stood up, heading to his room and opening the door. Five cats flew out, jumping on his guests and sniffing everything. The three looked at him in bewilderment, unprepared for the sudden onslaught. "That was a pretty heavy confession… I figured a little animal therapy would help get us back on track."
Todoroki couldn't help but grin and pet the fat cat that had settled in his lap, turning slightly to stare up at Shinso. They gazed at each other softly, momentarily getting lost in each other's eyes.
Midoriya lounged on his bed, still caught up in how it felt to be so close to his Kacchan again. His skin tingled with desire and unfulfilled need, wishing that it was still pressed up against Bakugo's warm body. He wondered what the teen was doing now—how he was handling their encounter.
It was exciting to know that the blonde could figure out his game at any point, especially since he'd straight up told him that he was awake and not dreaming. But Izuku also wasn't sure that he was ready for Bakugo to figure it out yet.
His phone pinged and he lazily rolled to his stomach, grumbling that someone was interrupting his ability to relive the previous night's experience.
[Little Spy]: Update on Bakugo. Available whenever you want to meet.
[Deku]: Awesomesauce… I'll come by your house sometime tonight.
Izuku squealed to himself with nervousness and excitement, nearly toppling out of bed as he scrambled to get ready. It was nearly dark out already and he wanted to be back in time to pester Katsuki if he felt so inclined.
For months after his suicide attempt, he'd felt nothing but numbness and cold determination to make the heroes of the world and Bakugo pay for what they'd done to hurt him. Midoriya still felt that way when it concerned All Might and the other 'Pros', but he simply loved Katsuki too much to continue wanting to destroy him.
He still felt the urge to break Bakugo and mold him into something new, but that desire mostly stemmed from his worry that someone so dedicated to becoming a hero wouldn't want anything to do with him now that he fought for the opposite side.
Izuku was certain that Katsuki loved him now, and had for some time since the teen spilled his most intimate secrets every week at the headstone, but would that devotion stay strong? Would the blonde turn his back because he was a villain? Would he despise him and feel betrayed when he found out how the mossy haired teen had toyed with him and cracked his sanity?
Midoriya shuddered and tried to shake away the unwanted thoughts. "If he can't love me for what I am now, then I'll just go ahead and ruin him to the point it doesn't matter." He mumbled to himself, hiding his insecurities behind an obsessive and sociopathic way of thinking.
He picked up his bags and made sure all of his gadgets were packed before heading to the bar area for Kurogiri, returning his composure to one of indifference. "My spies house, please. I'll text when I'm ready to come back."
"Is this League business?" the warp gate asked, eyeing their youngest member. "You know Shigaraki has ordered me not to assist you with your 'Kacchan mania'.
"My business is the Leagues business. If Tomura has a problem with how I chose to spend my free time then he can bring it up with me directly." Midoriya stated firmly. His eyes hardened, glittering darkly like icy emeralds.
"I apologize, Deku. I meant you no disrespect, I simply do not wish to irritate either of our Master's favorite pupils."
Midoriya tilted his head and smiled menacingly. "Not a problem. Just be aware that if you or that man-child get in my way I will kill both of you."
"Deku…" the All For One spoke, his voice low and warning as it came from the TV speakers. "You know how I feel about interagency fighting and my soft spot for Tomura. You should not speak about harming one of my favorites so fearlessly around me."
Izuku flickered his attention to the screen, refusing to back down on his position. He knew that the Master villain could kill him right then in an instant and there would be nothing he could to do to stop him. But he didn't care.
"You tell Tomura and me all the time that it's our right to destroy things we don't like. I don't like him and I'm a far better candidate to take over the organization anyway. My threat only stands if he tries to interfere with my plans… Plans that could very well bring another powerful hero to our side. If he stands against me on this, he stands against the League as well and is, therefore, an enemy."
All For One chuckled darkly, amused by the boldness and finality of his pupil's tone. "You will make a fine leader or right-hand man one day, Deku. I'll continue to allow you to explore this fascination with Bakugo as long as your priorities remain clear… Behave yourself…"
Midoriya nodded in triumph and turned back to Kurogiri, suppressing the urge to bounce on his toes with excitement. He was so ready to hear what Todoroki had to say and even more ready to visit Bakugo again.
The warp gate opened his previously closed eyes and suppressed the urge to shiver. Deku had threatened his life too, but All For One hadn't said a damn thing about him getting killed. It made sense in some ways since he wasn't in the running to take over the organization. But he still felt like he was highly important to the League and its success.
Midoriya leaned in close to him right before he stepped into the newly created portal. "Don't worry… I don't want to kill you, Kurogiri. But, since you've been so kind to me up to this point, I promise if you do end up betraying me and siding with Shigaraki, I'll make it quick and painless."
The elder man did shudder this time, especially when Deku began giggling.
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