A/N: I'm very relieved that it seems everyone forgot about the footage that Phil was working on. It made the impact of the cliffie very dramatic and I was hoping for that. This chapter comes with a warning.
Abyssus is Latin for "chasm or abyss."
Chapter Ten: Abyssus
A cold, trembling fury filled with the gut wrenching effects of betrayal. That was what this feels like. He does not think he has ever been so angry in his entire life. He does not think it possible that he could have felt this betrayed if she had stabbed him in the back with her rapier. Yes, he now knew her weapon of choice. She had held it in her hand when she had swiped at an invisible barrier to get at the Crystal before snatching it in her delicate hands. It was not that she had taken it. It was not that she had been lying to him all this time. He had trusted in those things. He had known those things. It had always been a second thought in his mind. No, it was that she had stolen it and given it to that figure that he had vowed to kill. It was that she was in league with the same fiend that had declared war against him and had sought to control him. Who had tried to use his own body against him. She had aided in this. She had been responsible and had twisted her way inside him. She had made him feel where he had thought he was dead. Most infuriating of all was that he had let her do it. He had willfully fallen into her clutches and allowed her to remain by his side. He was such a fool.
Muscles screamed in protest as he got onto his feet. Strained tendons were forced to stretch as he takes pounding steps towards the door and throws it open.
"Noct, I don't think..." says Phil, running after him.
"Get us off this course," he growls through clenching teeth.
"Where are we going?"
"Nihilsomno."
"But..."
"I want her there," he orders, making his way into the hallway.
The pounding pressure in his head matches the pounding in his chest as he makes his way to find her.
"You really shouldn't be…"
"Hey, what the … Noct, what are you doing up?" asks Cal as he comes into the hallway.
"Where is Stella?" he manages to bite out.
"Woah, calm down there," says Cal, reaching out to help but he moves away before he can.
"Noct," says Phil just behind him. "You have to wait. Don't do anything impulsive."
"What's going on?" asks Cal.
"Where Is Stella?" he demands again.
"Noctis?"
He whirls around at the sound and sees her standing just outside the door to her cabin. She looks confused and above all, concerned. Her concern makes him even angrier. Before anyone can blink, he is standing right in front of her and forcing her back into her cabin.
"Noct!" Cal and Phil shout at the same time as he kicks the door shut behind them.
His legs feel heavy and his head is throbbing, but he manages to stumble on top of Stella on the bed. His rune activates, causing the entire cabin to glow blue before he uses his broad sword to jam against the door to prevent the others from breaking in. Then pins her wrists beside her head as he leans down to glare into her face.
"Clever girl," he whispers menacingly as his fingers press tightly against her wrists. "What did you plan to do once we got to Tenebrae? Capture me? Use me to get inside my own city and destroy it?"
"What are you talk…?"
But he interrupts her. "You never denied that you were responsible. You never denied that you had not taken it. Deny it now," he challenges her as he shoves at her wrists. "Deny it right now so I have a reason to slit your treacherous throat."
Her eyes search his through a frown. He does not want to notice the confusion he sees within them. He does not want to see the worry that is still in her eyes. That worry for him.
"Maybe you should just slit it," she suggests. Her chest is heaving beneath his as she takes panting breathes. "Maybe you should start with my heart instead."
"Do not think to play the noble martyr here!" he hisses vehemently. "It was not noble to tease me. It was not noble to make me crave you. It was not noble to plant yourself so deeply within my mind that there is no room left but to think only of you."
"You think are you are any better?" she whispers as a lone tear escapes from the corner of her eye and he can see how tired she is. "It was you who approached me that night. It was you who had to be so irresistible and addictive. It is you who makes me feel half out of my mind." Her breathing sounds even more erratic as she ends her rant in a high voice.
"Half out of your mind?" he asks her and his tone is deceptively calm.
"I am glad I make you crazy," she says resentfully. "Because then you will feel just as I crazy as I do."
She lifts her head above the mattress, because that is all the movement he will allow her and issues a silent challenge right into his face. He glares right back down at her and his hold on her wrists tighten painfully but she does not back down.
"You strange and fascinating creature," he all but growls just before he forces his lips against hers, pushing her head back against the mattress.
He becomes aware of how her body molds and welcomes his atop her. It unleashes his frustrated wanted as he shows her his own resentment through his lips. Even when he can finally know the feeling of her lips against his, he does not feel satisfied. He wants to taste her mouth and she resists him by keep her lips closed, but she does not try to push his lips from hers. So he slants his mouth and makes her open for him. Then he can finally taste her. Taste after wanting to so obsessively and never being able to before. He can taste her anger as she must be tasting his, but there is something else there too. As he continues to explore her mouth, he feels more of it than her anger. What he feels there frightens him. It, was something too deep and too foreign for him to accept. Something that was only good and pure and everything he was not. Under all her resentment, she still wanted to offer it to him. He could not accept it now and he knows he never can accept it.
With a groan he drags his lips away from her mouth and lowers them to her ear.
"Why?" he whispers and the anger is gone to be replaced with the hurt and disappointment that he feels. "Why, Stella?"
His lips find her neck and slide down, tasting her skin as he goes, before settling just above her heart. He stares at the expanse of skin that covers the thing he finally realizes he has always wanted. What she had been offering to him. Her offering that he can never keep. Bending down, he places a lingering kiss where he knows it steadily beats. His eyes are blue when they look up at hers. He sees the strain her features. There is a bone weary tiredness that had not been there before. He releases her wrists and moves away.
He can tell from her face that she knows what this means. Lifting himself up and away from her, she sits up to follow. He turns his back to her without looking at her again and makes his way to the door.
"Noctis," she calls at his back.
He straightens his back but does not turn around. "You will be tried before the Concilium and surely charged," he says and his voice is devoid of any emotion from before. "They will demand your execution."
He grabs the hilt of his sword and pries it from the door. "You are not to leave this room and your only visitor will be your cousin."
He twists the knob and forces his ears not to hear her as he reenters the hallway and slams the door behind him. There are muffled sounds of cries on the other side and he feels his energy drain away. Leaning heavily against the door, he leans his head back with eyes closed. He takes a breath to try and refocus himself. Kissing her had only made it worse. Impossibly so. The feel of her lips. The taste of her mouth. His hands against the skin of her wrists had felt so warm. Warm in the way that people should be warm. Warm as the sun had felt against his skin. He felt he had taken some of that warmth from her and he was already feeling it subside back into the coldness. She had shivered when he had trailed his lips across her chest. That she should have taken from his cold as he had taken from her warm. To think that he would never be able to take from her again. It did not seem right. It did not seem fair. It did not make any sense.
"Noct?"
He opens his eyes to see Cal standing a few feet away from him and feels even more regret.
"I did not hurt her," he answers before Cal can ask.
"Not physically," says Cal.
"No, not physically," he agrees. He cannot say the same for her emotional state.
"I don't believe it," Cal tells him. "You can't believe it either."
"It does not matter what I believe," he answers. "They will try her and they will kill her."
"Noct, I know this doesn't look good. The evidence is damning, but there's gotta be something else going on," says Cal, coming closer to him.
"There are many things going on," he tells him wearily. "But they will not save her."
Pushing himself away from the door, he starts to make his way back to his room.
"She does not leave her room and only you can visit with her," he says as he passes Cal.
"Noct, you have to do something," pleads Cal.
"What would you have me do?" he asks turning around and looking at Cal. "She has never denied not taking it. I let you both come so that you could prove her innocence but all I find is her guilt. What else would you have me do?"
Cal hesitates because they both know that he has already done more than they could have expected. He let them both into his life and had already given them both a chance.
"I hold no ill will towards you, Cal," he says. "But I know that any camaraderie we may have formed will not hold because of this. You have an obligation to your cousin and I have an obligation to my kingdom. I will make sure that you do not come to harm when we reach Nihilsomno."
"I'm not worried about me," cries Cal. "Are you going to watch Stella die for this? Are you gonna be able to? Aren't you going to feel anything?"
"What you ask me is unfair," he points out flatly. "What kind of a response are you searching for from me?"
Cal shakes his head. "No, you're right. Those aren't fair questions. You've been through a lot."
A lot would be right.
"See to your cousin," he says finally. Turning back around, he starts to make his way back to his cabin. "It is not long before we reach Nihilsomno."
"You really should get some more sleep, Noct."
The suggestion causes him to stop. Concern had been the last thing he was expecting from Cal.
"Maybe we'll all wake up from this nightmare," says Cal and he can almost see him shaking his head behind him.
Stella had shown a fear of them. Cal was showing him his dread of them. Did they really not understand?
"Then you both should have stayed away from me," he answers.
"Why?"
"Do you not know?" he asks turning so that Cal can see the red of his eyes. "I am the nightmare."
It should not have been hard to see. He does not think he ever gave them any illusions to think otherwise. It should be obvious that he was not good. He was not good at all. Cal, with his ever present need to see the positive in any situation, must have simply ignored that. Stella had jumped right into his world of darkness, fully knowing what he was. In her attempt to deceive him, she must have gotten caught within it. For the dark was tempting. He could never deny that it was. It had just never occurred to him that he would be tempting too. Not to someone like her. Now he would send her to be destroyed for it. This was what the darkness did. It ripped you apart. This was the cost to involve yourself with a nightmare.
He stumbles back into his cabin to find Phil waiting for him.
"I did not kill her," he grumbles as he staggers towards the bed.
"No, but I think I'm right when I think she would rather that you had," comments Phil dryly.
"Are you worried for her?" he asks, looking up at his friend.
"I'm worried about you," states Phil.
"I am fine," he bites out, even though his body feels like it wants to tear itself a part from the inside out.
"Doesn't look that way to me," Phil responds.
"What do you want me to do?" he demands angrily. "Do you want me to go back to Stella and forget what she has done? Pretend that she has not betrayed me more than I can bear?"
"Why do you feel so betrayed, Noct? What is Stella to you?"
He has to bite back the words that immediately come to mind. Stella was to him what the sun was to the moon. Just like his dream had said she was. He knew now, why he wanted her so much and now he saw the abyss between them. The chasm that was too wide and too deep for him to have her. It was a leap that he would not take to get her.
"That's what I thought," says Phil with a shake of his head.
"Are you disappointed?" he asks almost annoyed.
"No, I'm just thinking about what a mess this is," answers Phil, adjusting his glasses.
"Like my whole life has been," he mutters.
"You might want to get washed," Phil suggests, matter of factly. His glass covered eyes look at his. It reminds him of when he had handed him the umbrella so long ago.
"Do I smell?"
"No, but you always did feel better after a shower," Phil comments.
"You are worse than a mother," he grumbles, rubbing his face in irritation.
"Yeah well maybe you need someone to hackle you sometimes," Phil answers. "Besides, you don't want the Legatus' first glimpse of you to be a pouty, heartbroken kid but the Prince who returned after finding the thief of the Crystal."
What should have been good news, was not. It made him angry and it made him feel hollow. Hollow in a way he had not felt in a very long time. He does feel like a pouty child who had just had his heart broken, just as he had then.
"Phil, I have a rather stupid question to ask," he says.
"I like stupid questions," states Phil. "Because then I can give stupid answers."
He can almost smirk at that.
"Do you really think she did it?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes."
He watches as Phil sighs deeply and shakes his head again.
"Take your shower, Noct," says Phil with a sigh. Never one to give in to sentimentality. "You'll have a clearer head afterwards. We don't have that much time until we reach home."
Sometimes it bothered him that his friends knew him so well. If not Phil, Durus would have most assuredly pointed out that he take a shower to ease his mind. Sometimes it was the both of them telling him what was good for him. The only two that he does not really mind, though he puts a show of annoyance when they do. The shower did do him a bit of good. It always brought him a sense of peace to feel the water flow down his body. To feel his body being cleansed, he can almost believe that it was cleansing more than just his physical self. If only guilt could be washed away as easily as dirt. Then maybe he would be someone else. Someone who was not a nightmare. Someone who was not what evil connected with. Someone who was not one of the frightening things in the dark.
Wiping the moisture from the foggy mirror, he leans in to stare into his own eyes and finds that they are still red. It reminds him of the red he saw beneath the hood of that white figure. The pain and the fight for control that had followed. He had fought it and he had sensed its surprise. He had felt its surprise at being fought off as it had been. It had been expecting to overtake him easily but it had been wrong. The man was good, very good at his powers of manipulation. But he had not been good enough and he should have known why. If the man had done his research as meticulously as he must have he should have known he would not have overpowered him easily. The man should have known he would fight him. So why had he seemed so surprised when his attempt had failed?
His thoughts go to Stella next. He thinks of her words and the taste of her mouth. It was the taste of what it would have been like if he were a good man. The taste showed him of what it would mean to be alive and whole. In her kiss he had felt what it would have been like to have those gaping holes filled where they had left him. She had offered him hope, even when she had accused him of driving her out of her mind. Which meant that she resented her feelings towards him. As much as he resented his feelings towards her. Yet even with that resentment, he had felt her offering her heart to him. Offering her heart to one who had none. What more precious gift could one bestow upon another? So why, why had she taken his Crystal and given it to that villain? He would have felt her lies when she spoke them. He would have sensed her deceit every time he looked at her. Had his own desire have shielded him from seeing this? Had he been too wrapped up in his own crazed impulses to realize that she had been lying? No, she had not been lying. Her fight to keep him from entering her mouth had not been from lack of desire. It had been stubborn refusal against her own want and his.
It did not make any sense. The feeling strikes him so suddenly then has him almost collapsing into the sink. His knuckles are white as they clench the sides of the metal to stop himself from becoming overwhelmed. It was a cry. A cry like he had heard from the Crystal when it had been taken. A cry that he could feel deep within himself.
"Stella," he says, before he feels the dread creep in and he is out the door in a flash.
He barrels down the hallway as Durus comes off pilot duty.
"Noct?"
"Stella!" he shouts as he shoulders his way through the door of her cabin. The door slams against the wall from his force and he feels his heart pounding in his chest.
The sounds of heavy footfalls behind him come to a stop directly at his back.
"Noct, what the...?" asks Phil but stops when he sees the state of the room.
"I don't care what you say but I put this thing on auto because you guys shouldn't be near my cou... Stella? Where is she?!" shouts Cal behind them. "We've got to search the ship!"
"You will not find her," he answers darkly without turning around. "They are already gone."
The lamp beside the bed is broken on the floor. The glass of the bulb is shattered. It looked as if it had been thrown. The bed sheets are all askew. As if she had been dragged from it. What disturbed him the most was not the struggle that must have happened, but the words that had been written on the wall.
"What does that mean?" Cal asks angrily behind him. "And how the frak did someone sneak in here to kidnap Stella?"
"Adventum Aduro," he answers, paying careful attention to what the words were written with. They had been carved by something that was both sharp and fragile. There was only one thing he could think of that was used. His Crystal. "The second coming of the light."
"How is it that you both didn't know he was here?" asks Phil.
"You mean Stell knew he was here and she didn't...?"
"No, Cal," he says turning around to look at him. He shakes his head. "Stella did not know he was here and I was too weak to notice."
"If she didn't know then that means that she... that still doesn't explain why she took the Crystal," says Durus.
"She never took the Crystal," says Phil as if he can read the answer from his face.
"Okay, I'm a little confused here," says Cal. "You have footage that she took it. What are you talking about?"
"While Stella physically did take the Crystal, she did not do so of her own free will," he explains.
"You mean someone threatened her?" asks Cal.
"He has control of her," he says in a small voice. "He wanted to control me but realized that he could not overpower me. So he took the one that he could."
"You're saying he wants the both of you?"
He nods as he looks back at the words written on the wall.
"Why?" asks Phil.
"Adventum Aduro is the second coming of the light," he explains. "The first time the light came, the Crystals were formed."
"He's seeking to create a new world order," finishes Phil as he finally understands.
"What does that have to do with you and Stella?" demands Cal.
"I am the moon and Stella is the sun," he answers. "Together we can bring the second coming."
"But since he has to control you both, that means that he's forcing something before it's meant to happen," finishes Phil. "He could end up destroying the planet."
"Well, then we saved ourselves one problem since he can't control you," says Cal. "Right?"
Always looking on the brighter side of things. Perhaps if things did not look so grave, he might have smiled at that.
"But what makes you so powerful and Stella not? You've always shown you have more power than her."
He has never had to openly tell someone why before. Phil and Durus already knew and it was never something that they talked about. He has never even said the words out loud.
Phil sees his hesitation. "You know that when you've had a near death experience you can see the light."
"Yeah."
"So you know that when that happens, you risk someone's life to gain power."
"Are you telling me that someone died and Noct got better powers?" asks Cal, turning to look at him as if with new eyes.
"Not just one, two," he corrects.
Cal gaps in horror at this. His next question is asked quietly. "Did you know the two that died?"
"Yes," he answers and he takes a deep breath before he continues. "I killed my parents for it."
"You didn't actually kill your parents," corrects Durus.
"I did kill my parents," he presses. "If not for me, they would still be alive."
"You didn't kill them, Noct," presses Phil.
"You would not have thought so if you had not been there," he snaps. Then he turns his glare towards Cal. "Do you still think that I am a good man? That is why he cannot control me. It is because I am more evil than he is."
"No, I don't believe that," says Cal with a shake of his head. "If you were really so evil you wouldn't have hesitated killing Stella just now. He wouldn't have to try to take over your body if you were so bad."
He frowns at Cal because he cannot believe how stubborn he was. Even confessing to him that he had been the one that killed his own parents, this man could look him in the eye and tell him that he was not wicked. He looks up at Phil and Durus and he is surprised at them as well. All this time and they had not blamed him when everyone else had?
"So where is he going?" asks Cal instead.
There is a pause as he looks at Cal with his own look of bafflement.
"You really look too positively on things," he comments and he is uncertain whether he means this as a compliment or not. He watches the grin that appears on Cal's face and he knows that he will never understand this man's optimism. "The only place close by is Nihilsomno. He will take Stella there."
He pushes through them to get back to his room. They were not far from the city and he needed to make sure that he was ready.
"Noct, are you going to be able to face him so soon?" asks Phil from behind him.
He does not answer as he makes his way into his room and closes the door. His mind was a whirlwind of chaos that he needed to stabilize. He needs to grip onto what he knows as fact. Stella was taken against her will, which means that she was not entirely under the figure's spell, but she can be overtaken by him. Which meant that she had not taken the Crystal because she had wanted to. He wonders if she had been conscious of the fact that she had taken it. Perhaps that was why he had never felt that hint of guilt in her whenever he had openly accused her of taking it. Then why had she looked so guilty as she looked at him earlier? Maybe it had not been guilt. Maybe it had been dread. They had been speaking about the research of the Crystals. What had she already known about that? He thinks about that night that they met and of her wonderment as she had asked him what he thought the light was. To him it had always just been something that was there to taunt him of the death that he had missed. To her, it had been something of amazement.
What did he think of the light now? Images of his dream came to the forefront of his mind. Two white flowers being placed in his empty hands by a blue eyed angel that he had almost believed had never existed. Her blond hair a shining beacon of hope in a sea of black. Tears that had been formed because of her sympathy. He remembers how he had felt as if he had already known her as soon as he had seen her. Something about her that he had to know and could not remember. So many things had happened since that day in the rain and he tries so hard not to think about that day. By shoving that memory from his mind, he had buried her memory as well. To think that his sympathetic beacon had grown up to become the shining source of his light.
Now she would be used against him. She had always been used against him in some way. It means that they had always known how he would feel about her. As impossible as that sounds, he believes this. He thinks about the two faceless lovers locked in the eternal embrace. Their heads had been severed in anger, as if the vision of them had insulted. So they had been disfigured to hide the scene's completion to forever frustrate those that would look upon it later. There was nothing so frustrating as a kiss that had almost been, of a touch that had never been felt. He knew the feeling of having both denied. Now he knew the taste of what fulfillment would feel like and he hopes that when this was all over, he would feel the completion.
The thought nearly has him sneering at himself. Hope. Evil things had not the luxury for something like hope. They took hope away from those too weak to fight back. They stole hope from others as he had stolen the hope of life from his parents. He makes himself think about the resentment that had been on Stella's face when she had confessed his effect on her. He can accept her resentment more than he could ever accept her heart. Bitter emotions were easier to hold onto than the happier ones.
The ship dips down in its descent and stops him from continuing his useless ramblings as he now stands outside the ship upon the deck. There is no time to ponder over things that are not productive. No matter the why, there would always be the abyss between him and her. He focuses his eyes on the familiar sight of his city beneath him. What repercussions would he have to face once this was all over?
"Noct, where do you want me to land?"
He closes his eyes and inhales as he opens his awareness.
"We are going to have to separate," he answers when a picture flashes through his mind. His eyes are blue when they open again and he almost chokes as he realizes what is going to happen. The chasm is too wide. They could not be as he had dreamt. He does not understand what this means.
"Noct?"
"Drop me off at the highest point and get to the airfield," he orders. "He is going to try and steal an airship."
"That building right there?" asks Cal as they make their way to the highrise beside the Temple of Etro.
How fitting, he thinks.
"I am going to jump," he says to himself moreso than to his friends. He was going to take a risk. Leaping over the railing he freefalls for a few feet before reappearing on his feet at the top of the building. He looks up and nods at ship before it turns to head towards the airfield.
There is no time for thought. He cannot think about it as he jumps off the edge of the building. Teleporting here and there until he lands on his feet in the small alley between buildings. His feet do not even have time to fully land before he's propelling himself forward into a fast run. It does not make sense but he will not stop to think about it. He does not even want to think about what he plans to do once he gets there. There is no plan at all. He does not know what he is going to do once he reaches her.
He comes to a sliding stop as he reaches the main street. It is then that he pauses in hesitation. This is wrong. This is all wrong. Why was this happening like this? She stands there in an outfit of white and black, waiting for him to come. As he looks at her, he wonders if this is a test of destiny. This was either the bridge over the abyss or the fall into the never ending darkness. She had not been looking at him when he had first approached but she turns her face when she realizes that he has come. He takes a hesitant step towards her. Her face then. He does not think he will ever forget the look on her face. She makes to run to him and he sees the Stella that is real.
The shift within her is almost too quick to catch. Not for him. He had spent so many obsessive moments staring at her closely that he sees it as it happens. He notices and feels the change immediately. Along with the change, his rune flashes blue as his instinct feels the danger that she poses. He looks back at her and sees that there is no trace of the Stella that he longs for. Her eyes, those wonderfully expressive seas of blue, turn almost red as her own rune flashes gold and she unsheathes her rapier. He unsheathes his own as he glares at this version of Stella that he does not recognize. It angers him to see this mock version of her. A twisted imitation when he had wanted the original so much.
His eyes remain blue and do not change, even as she charges forth and their swords clash together. Golden and blue sparks light up the street as false day fights against black night. She takes advantage of his hesitation and slashes down in an effort to separate his head from his body. He teleports away but she is already upon him again as he reappears. Her moves are like golden streaks as she swings and swipes in order to cut him. He knows now that there is no stopping her without… and he must do it. There is no time and he cannot hesitate anymore.
"Forgive me, Stella," he whispers just before he thrusts his sword in an opening and meets his mark.
The silence that follows as his sword meets her is almost deafening and never ending. He can feel her surprise of pain and he forces himself to watch her eyes as they go blank. Her body crumples and he catches her easily in his arms.
"Forgive me, forgive me," he begs into her hair as he clutches her to his chest. He looks down at the peaceful expression upon her lovely face with a shaky breath. Reaching up, he touches her face as he has wanted to for all this time and now too late. She would not feel his touch and neither would he. There was no feeling her warmth beneath the leather of his gloves.
"Noct, he's escaped!" shouts Phil in his ear. He can hear the ship hovering above them.
"So what was this for?" he asks angrily as he looks down at her.
A heart that he had always thought was dead feels colder than he has ever felt it. His eyes look at the heart that he wanted to have and wonders why.
"He will pay," he vows fervently to her. "I will make him pay."
He rises to his feet with her in his arms and carries her to return to the ship.
End Note: I know that when you finish reading this chapter you're going to be confused in an annoyed sort of way because it doesn't make sense. You're told one thing and then another happens. Much like life. You're told one thing only to have the opposite happen. It's in times like that, that you realize nothing works out as it should. But you can either work with it or let it lead you down the wrong way.