A/N: Hello again from darkness towers. Here's the next instalment, many thanks to all those following, favouriting and reviewing, you guys are all my heroes...
TELLS CHAPTER TEN:
She ran; hands flung out so that they scraped along the rough whitewashed walls, blazing a tangible trail as she stumbled on away from the horrendous clamour and clutching.
Crashing through the back entrance of the diner, she'd had a pretty good idea of what lay immediately ahead since she'd chased an inebriated Leroy down the long thin alleys enough times but unfortunately what she hadn't factored in was the ever changing litter that slumped along the concrete floor. Old wet cardboard snatched at her boots as she darted past, feeling more like crumpled fingers that latched on to her skin then something inanimate. What she could only assume was an old appliance of some kind almost tripped her up as she rounded the corner onto Bream Street, causing her to swear loudly then suck the sound back into her gums as she tried not to give herself away, breathing hotly.
She needn't have worried though; there was barely a soul around; in fact the only sound she could make out was her own salt breathing and the swirl of the occasional gust of wind sneaking through the slatted gaps in the garden fence-work.
It appeared as if most of the town had picked up on the unanticipated offer from Mr Gold and had headed down towards the diner armed with one of two things- cutlery or inquisitiveness. So she at least had a little breathing space.
Tears stung her eyes as a devastating realisation hit her.
She really had no idea what to do. Or where to go.
Everything she'd learned over the last year screamed at her to go back to the place that temporarily housed the people she cared about. Henry. Mary Margaret. Even Regina. That she could still avoid this fate and just tell them, let the words spill out of her mouth; allow them to see exactly how lost and alone she was. She could picture it even now. How they'd crowd around with compassionate smiles, take her arms so that she couldn't help but feel their concern as it was tattooed on shared skin. Wrap her up like a newborn in scarves and blankets, under layers of unease and reassurance and coddle her with cloying sentiment.
You're so right, the voices trilled. You'd be mummified.
With no way to untangle the bandages from the inside.
But what options did that leave?
Any thoughts of making it to the town line were little more than stillborn. It was too far to run even if she could divine the right direction to head in and the driving option was beyond dumb. So where should she go?
Where?
She considered the fort for a moment but knew in her heart that Henry would be the first to find her there and there was no way she could face that confrontation, coward that she was. Not with a kid who still thought that black and white were nothing but diametrically opposed forces.
Mary Margaret's apartment was geographically closest to her current position but again, even if she managed the treacherous steps that led to it, there was the matter of being found and the histrionics that would inevitably follow. She didn't need her sight to imagine how it would all go down, how the schoolteacher's face would scrunch then crumple completely, those almond eyes pinching at the corners. Then her chin dropping the way it did when she tried to contain any emotion she felt was out of place, before leaving the room for a moment.
For all her kindness, inappropriate emotional responses were pretty much her kryptonite.
Emma had seen it all before with David and the thought of being the cause of them this time was just too much. Her head was starting to pound and she could feel the pulse in her eye sockets, a throb that sent curved lines rippling through the black curtain in front of her. True, the nausea was subsiding a little in the cool night air which she was incredibly grateful for but in its place a rising swarm of panic bubbled up coating the insides of her throat. Choking any words she might whisper to calm herself before they even hit air.
She needed somewhere quiet to think. That was all. Somewhere private, where no-one would look for her. And then she hit on it.
The place she could go where no-one would find her.
Sucking in a deep, unlady-like breath Emma felt for the street-sign to her right and angled herself nor westerly as she started to move again, taking one step at a time after the curb was navigated. Just one foot in front of the other, she told herself. Even toddlers can manage that.
Right?
Regina was almost out of her mind.
After coming up with some ridiculous story about the Sheriff feeling queasy all day and the ensuing implications of her food choices, at least she'd managed to palm off the anxious Miss Blanchard. And although Henry had been typically Henry in wanting to go find his birth mother so that she could 'chuck up and check in' he'd eventually agreed to stay with his schoolteacher so that Regina could make sure he wouldn't catch anything contagious.
It had been plausible enough.
A lie with a kernel of truth- the only kind she ever allowed herself to tell.
And although she also knew she should probably remain in the diner, to keep an eye on the developing Gold situation, she was keenly aware that she couldn't just leave Emma to her growing demons. It was her fault after all. The gnawing rodent-guilt in her stomach told her as much.
She was responsible for this whole thing. Responsible for taking care of Emma when she needed someone. It was a horrifying epiphany but one that brought with it a strange warmth too that she hadn't expected. Hadn't asked for.
The question was now...where the hell was she supposed to look for the blonde?
Memories from earlier that day kept reverberating around in her mind, the dejection and helplessness she'd seen etched into the woman's face. Not just anxiety but a deep seated panic she'd never been privy to before. Would never have suspected before today.
So she had to think. Where would she go to hide? Where would she go that she thought no-one could find her?
Discounting the mansion immediately, she tried her office first, checking the lock for any signs of tampering but it was immediately obvious that no-one had been there in at least a few days. Wandering down Main Street, she peered into the dark windows of each shop, including the antiques boutique, clutching at straws as to where Emma might be, but each one was locked up, every back door tightly locked and sealed. Empty without their patrons greetings.
Crossing the street, Regina ran her hand through her hair as she searched her mind for an answer. The problem was that she didn't really know the Sheriff all that well. Not as well as she should, if she was honest with herself. Not as well as she inexplicably wanted to.
The thought just one in a whole series of ridiculous realisations.
But she had to focus now so she shook the ideas away and scoured her mind for a clue as to the blonde's whereabouts.
It was a forlorn hope more than anything but she walked down to the pier next, wondering if the solitude and the unending sounds of the surf might draw her quarry there. Once again though, she was greeted by an empty marina, the wheeling arching seagulls barely noticing her own presence. Cawing their judgements on her failure.
She let out a growl of frustration. Turning to head back into the main part of town, she was just beginning to let her own futility overwhelm her when her mobile phone began to vibrate in her pocket.
Pulling it out hastily, her stomach dropped as she saw an unlisted number pop up on the screen.
"Hello?"
She frowned as a voice from her past answered her. "I'm sorry to disturb you Madame Mayor..."
She cut them off angrily.
"This better be important Marty, I'm in the middle..."
"Yes Ma'am, it's just that...an intruder alert has gone over by the old hospital basement emergency exit."
"What?"
"I know you shut down surveillance on the building Ma'am and I would never call usually but it kind of seemed like an anomaly, since the underground floors were sealed off."
Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head.
Could it be?
It would be the perfect hiding place...
Mind swimming with a million questions, Regina sucked in a breath. "Right, well thank you for your diligence in this matter Marty. I appreciate you keeping me in the loop. I'll go down there and oversee the situation. It's probably just some kids but I'll take care of it."
"Are you sure Ma'am? I can organise one of my guys to..."
"That won't be necessary thank you. And...I appreciate your concern. Goodbye."
Stowing her phone back in her pocket, she pulled her coat tighter around her shoulders and headed back to her car with a new purpose in her step.
In under twelve minutes she was striding through the hospital lobby and making her way down past the janitor's closet...
Wondering how exactly the younger woman had found her way here.
Reaching the open doorway, hiding in the shadows of the underground corridor, Regina's heart pulsed as she saw the blonde woman sitting there silently, gnawing at her lip.
Thank God.
Her entire body seemed to elongate with relief. But unwilling to scare the Sheriff, she rapped lightly on the door's metal frame.
"Hey there."
Wide-eyed, her body falling into a defensive crouch, Emma started at the sound.
"Regina?!"
"The one and only."
Taking a few steps into the room, the brunette surveyed the Spartan pleasures it offered before her gaze was drawn back to the woman leaning up against the breezeblock wall on top of the bed.
"How did you find out this place even existed?" said Regina quietly.
Emma rested her head back.
"Belle told me once when she'd had a few too many margueritas down at the Rabbit Hole. Said if I ever found myself in need of a little…uh, discrete action… I couldn't find anywhere better suited. You know with the cameras and isolation and stuff."
To be honest, Regina didn't know whether she should be affronted by the clearly corrupted purpose the imprisoned girl had newly assigned to the room or to be impressed that she'd shown such innovation after her ordeal.
Standing there awkwardly in the open doorway considering the delicacy of those two warring emotions, she stared down at the shivering Sheriff who had wrapped the scratchy hospital blanket around her elbows. And suddenly the sub-dermal battle going on under her skin didn't matter so much. It all paled in the face of her need to comfort the younger woman in front of her. Whether it was her place or not.
She took a step into the room, planting her heel loudly on the cracked edge of a tile so that Emma would be aware of her at all times. Bending her knees, she lowered herself gingerly onto the end of the iron cast bed and winced at the angry squeal of metal coils.
Waiting.
Holding her muscles in stasis as she checked the blonde for those telltale fight or flight indicators she was coming to recognise.
There weren't any obvious ones that she could see though. Just a hollowness underneath her muscles, a lack of sufficient energy to even support her spine without being slumped against the wall. The desperate sight seemed to tear through some ancient part of her, filling her veins with an odd mixture of acid and sorrow.
"I'm surprised she hadn't repressed the memory of this room completely," she said softly, leaning back so that they were sat effectively mirroring each other.
Emma sniffed but didn't turn her head. "Some secrets have a surprising amount of shamelessness. Not so easy to block out."
There was silence for a moment, before Emma realised what she'd said.
"I…I didn't mean that. I wasn't talking about the things that you've done. Not that I'm sure you couldn't find examples where that might be exactly what you…Which is irrelevant…I was talking more about me though, you know. "
Pulling her knees up off the floor where they'd been dangling and curling them tightly up to her chest, the blonde grimaced at her own verbal clumsiness. "Maybe this is the best place for me right now. Somewhere I can't hurt anyone. Even if I wanted to."
"Do you want to?"
Emma's chin dropped, as it rested on her knees. "Yes."
Everything fell silent.
"Is that why you brought me here?"
The Mayor swallowed hard as she asked the question that had first popped into her head when she'd gotten the phone call. "For revenge?"
Silence reigned. Neither woman able to bring themselves to contemplate the answer or even change the subject. Neither trying to read too much into the question that hung in the dank air. Although Emma found herself wishing that she could see the darker haired woman's features. Wondering what was flashing across her face right now. Pity? Anger?
Indifference?
"Well kudos on your choice of hiding place nonetheless." Regina managed to croak out finally.
"I thought it was one of my smarter ideas..." Emma trailed off as she considered. "…And that worked out about as fabulously as usual, huh?"
If this had been those two idiot parents of hers involved in this little cosplay, Regina knew that this would have been the perfect moment then. The perfect little scene for their simpering, their sentimentality; how they would have thrown out their maudlin catchphrase and grasped at each other with clumsy appreciation. But seeing their daughter there curled up in front of her….In front of the evil Queen, her blonde hair somewhat ratty, her skin dimmed by the darkness; spine bowed, the thought made her feel more than a little sick.
"I don't think I can do this Regina."
The brunette took that in quietly. "You can."
"No, you don't understand. It's not just this..." Emma waved a hand limply in front of her face as if that could better express the abject sightlessness she was lost in. "It's the dark. It kick-starts this panic in my stomach and I can't control it. I don't...I can't..." She growled as the words failed to come. "I can't live the rest of my life behind a black curtain."
The brunette had no idea what prompted her to do it as she reached a shaky hand out. She didn't even know what she was going to do with it when the time came but the blonde must have sensed the movement because she shook her head stopping her.
"Don't. I know that's childish. Little kids are supposed to be afraid of the dark, right? Not moms. Not freaking town saviours. Everyone expects you to grow out of it. But you don't know what my life before Storybrooke was like." She gave a snort. "I'm sure you did all the background checks on me, where I lived, how long I stayed in each place. You've probably got all my stats sitting in some manila folder in a desk drawer somewhere, huh? Well, to tell you the truth, as disruptive as it was, the moving from foster home to foster home was the easy part. It was the moments you never saw coming that was the real kicker about it."
Confused, Regina knitted her eyebrows. "Meaning?"
Emma blew out harshly as if what she was about to say was difficult to elucidate.
"Meaning not all couples who foster kids are the Brady's. Some just want a puppy to kick without the fear of the ASPCA showing up at their door, you know? Don't get me wrong, I was closed off and a pain in the ass for a long time but I was never ungrateful to be taken in. Never. I tried my best to be the kid they wanted whether that was the school cheerleader or the class clown."
"But this is about something specific isn't it?" came the melancholy prompt.
Emma nodded briskly. "Their name was Bugler-Ronson. Rachael, the mom was actually pretty nice to me most of the time but her husband Randall; he had a mean streak and an addiction to cheap whisky. It was ok for a while but about nine months after moving in, he caught me in his study with the lights off, playing some board game with his sobriety chip as my token; the one he'd gotten from the only time he'd tried to kick his habit. He just about went insane at the sight of it." She shivered at the memory. "Dragged me out of the living room by my hair then up the stairs. He started yelling in my face. 'Like sneaking around in the dark do you? Like making fun of people's god given flaws'? Or something to that effect. I guess I tried to explain that I'd just thought the chip was pretty but he was so wound up by then that he didn't hear a word I said. Anyway, he pushed me into the middle of my room, switching on the light and grabbed a baseball bat I'd stashed in my closet."
Emma stopped for a moment, letting all the matchstick thin words that had flown out of her mouth drop to the icy floor. "He put the end of it in my face with this godawful shit-eating grin then swung it backwards like a ball player. I figured he was going to beat the shit out of me at first so I tensed every muscle in my body but then he seemed to aim a lot higher and sent it crashing into the lamp above us. The bulb shattered instantly. Everything went black in a moment and it wasn't until a few seconds later that I felt blood on my face from the glass cuts as the pieces rained down on us."
She heard Regina suck in a shocked breath at that point but kept going, trying desperately to explain the way she was feeling before she lost the ability. Or the nerve.
"Weirdly, he didn't seem to notice his own pain but he sure seemed to notice mine. Randall threw the bat away and kneeled down so he could press his hand into my face and grind the pieces in even further. Then he said something I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to get out of my head. 'You can shut your eyes all you want Princess. That won't keep the real monsters at bay. And darkness don't heal no scars either.' He left then, content I guess that he'd gotten his message across. He barely spoke a word to me afterwards until the time I left six weeks later. Oh except for throwing out every replacement light bulb in the house so I couldn't have a light on in my room anymore. He liked to think of me there lying on my bed I suppose, not even able to read or do my homework. Just lying there. In the dark by myself. Thinking about exactly what kind of monsters there were in the world."
Her voice finally trailed off and Emma licked the lips that had gotten parched from talking so long.
"God Emma...I...I'm so sorry."
"Thanks, "she replied in a small voice.
"You've never told anyone that before, have you?"
She gave a shrug. "I wanted you to see. It's not just that I'm being a coward. Which may be true in part. But it's more than that. Every second I'm stuck like this, it reminds me that there are people like him in the world. That what he said was right. It's like I'm back there and he's the one with all the power and a handful of glass."
It was at that point that Emma felt the mattress shift and suddenly found herself engulfed in a devastating bear hug; her entire body covered with warm skin and soft cotton. Instinctively she flinched but then she felt something. Soft fingertips rubbing the back of her neck, making reassuring circles underneath her hair and it felt...good. Letting herself relax, she returned the hug, resting her head on the shoulder in front of her, drawing comfort from the ease with which it came.
"He wasn't right Emma. And I'm going to stay as long as it takes until we prove that."
The soft words reverberated next to the blonde's ear and she almost gave a gasp so strong was their effect on her. So powerful was the commitment behind them.
"Thank you," she whispered, tears burning at the edge of her eyes.
"You don't ever have to thank me." Said the brunette gently, letting her fingers repeat the message.
Letting everything else just fade away,
They stayed that way for a long time then. Each soothing the other in some inexplicable way; words no longer necessary to convey anything. Just feeling breath moving in and out of each others body in a normal, unconscious manner. Without thought. Or fear.
In and out.
Out and in.
No panic, no defensive. Simply two people existing at the same time.
Neither wanting to break the moment. At least until Regina felt something pinch her shoulder and realised Emma was yawning despite her best efforts not to.
"You need to get some sleep."
Emma's tangled curls shook. "Not tired."
"The jawbone burrowing into my clavicle would suggest otherwise, dear," she replied with a smile.
"Well, maybe a little. But I don't really want to move."
The mayor nodded her agreement although she knew no good would come of prolonging their fatigue and truth be told, she was starting to feel a little weary herself.
Emma tried to stifle another yawn. "What time is it anyway?"
Regina lifted her arm up to peer at her watch. "Ten past ten."
"Do you think...Could we...maybe...stay here tonight?"
That threw her for a second. She knew deep down that she should get the Sheriff somewhere safe, somewhere she could shower and wash off the day's nightmarish qualities. Somewhere near to outside help in case it was needed. But then her brain told her that whoever was behind this outlandish plot couldn't possibly discover them down here in this forgotten place. And the tattered old mattress they were sitting on was surprising pliable and yielding. She shouldn't have been surprised by that really; she'd picked it out herself for Rumplestiltskin's little friend, offering her some piecemeal comfort at least during her hard captivity.
Her mind vacillated between options.
"Please?"
It was the pleading deference in Emma's voice that finally made the decision for her and she found herself relenting.
"Ok. We'll sleep here tonight and get an early start on fixing this tomorrow. Deal?"
"Deal," said a relieved Emma.
Pronouncement made, Regina let her habits kick in and set about making them comfortable. Pulling back, her body missing the proximity of skin, hands on the Sheriff's shoulders she brought her up to her feet then making sure she wasn't going to fall over, rearranged the relatively clean sheets, pulling them down and tucking the corners in. Then, helping her sit on the bed's edge, removing the blonde's jacket, jeans (for which she modestly averted her eyes- for the most part) and finally her awkwardly fitted boots, she helped the tired woman slip in between the sheets; the glimpse of her spine as she faced away cutting through any concrete thoughts she might have had forming. She shucked off her own coat and with a little hesitation, let her pant suit trousers pool on the floor with a touch of colour in her cheeks. Although why she should be embarrassed she wasn't sure, since Emma obviously couldn't see her standing there in nothing more than a silk slip and underwear.
The whole situation was strangely charged though- she couldn't deny it.
Not that that was getting the baby bathed.
Clearing her head with a little shake, the Mayor gingerly lay herself down on top of the blanket, stretching her legs out towards the far end in an attempt to get comfortable.
"What're you doing?" came a tired voice.
"Lying down of course, Miss Swan."
"Are you insane, it's freezing in here. Just get under the covers."
"I'm quite comfortable here thank you."
"The blonde turned in response, so that she was now facing her companion.
"You're being ridiculous. I don't bite you know."
"Yes but do you snore is a better question? Henry certainly doesn't get that from me."
Grousing a little, Regina watched with mirth as a frown formed on the younger woman's features.
"Stop deflecting and get in. But hurry up would you...some of us have had a busy day."
She huffed at the blonde's ill-disguised irritation but she couldn't deny that it would be a lot more snug under the blanket what with the breeze block walls all around. So she went against her instincts and gave in. Dragging herself up again, she lifted the edge of the blanket and slid inside the sheets, angling herself so that she faced the far wall, her back to her sleeping partner.
"Are you happy now, Miss Swan?"
There was no reply.
Except for a loud particularly fake sounding snore that hit the back of her neck.
"Hilarious," she replied archly.
"Class clown, remember."
"Good night Sheriff."
Closing her eyes, Regina finally allowed her body to relax a little as she tried to ignore the hum of live skin behind her. It was made easier by her own weariness. And yet. She was still keenly aware of the semi-naked woman next to her. Especially when she felt sudden movement. Followed by warm breath sliding across her neck and a supple arm curl across her hip; a change of position that sending skittering detonations running along her bones.
She almost froze. Had to remind herself to breathe normally or the damned woman would pick up on her erratic exhalations. So she focused on her breathing again, hoping the trick wasn't a one time thing. Focused on the soundlessness of it. The simplicity. But this time how personal it was to her and her alone.
In and out.
In...
Out...
And slowly, slowly she finally began to drift off into a blank twilight state; dimly aware of her surroundings but unresponsive to them, wrapped up in them.
Warm and safe. Drifting.
Deeper.
It was just as she was teetering on the edge of sleep that a drowsy voice entered her consciousness.
"'Gina?"
"Mmm."
"I would never have brought you here for revenge."
Regina's lungs stilled, as she waited to see where this conversation was going.
Emma though, simply snuggled in closer. "At first it was just hiding. But then...I figured if anyone was going to find me it'd be you. And if you were going to find me in some forgotten dark room, you might just be able to understand a little of what this is like for me. I hope that's ok."
For once in her life, the Mayor didn't know how to respond.
Heart pounding at the honesty and trust inherent in the blonde's sleepy tone, Regina turned over and dropped a soft kiss on Emma's forehead, not trusting her voice to convey exactly how close she felt to her in that moment.
"Go to sleep now." She forced out. "Tomorrow will be better."
Flipping over again, she pulled Emma's arm back into position across her hip and closed her eyes. Still picturing the loose smile burrowing into the nape of her neck.
TBC...