Chapter 10

He felt sweat beads popping up on his forehead and he stuttered, "Shiyomi... put your clothes back on..."

"Why?" She reached out for him. "Don't you like what you see Taichou?"

"I am your captain..." his body stiffened as she softly reached up with her arms round his neck and brushed her lips against his flushed skin. He tried to push her off hesitantly.

"That excuse never stopped you before with others..." her mouth was warm and wet, and her smooth tongue slithered along the side of his neck. He swallowed loudly, inside his head a million thoughts were speeding by but none he could use to get himself out of this situation.

"I'm more beautiful than any of these cheap fucks you've had Taichou. I'm your number one pupil and an excellent shinigami. And now I want to show you how good I am in other things too."

He gathered all his strength and pushed her away by her shoulder. "Shiyomi. Please let go of me."

She looked at him with a stunned look in her eyes for a moment. It was as if she's never met anyone who would refuse her.

He took his haori off to use it to cover her front "Go home Shiyomi. I don't want to do this."

She instantly dropped the haori on the floor and smirked at him flirtatiously, attempting to close the distance between them with a single step.

Pushing her away isn't working. He sighed out in frustration and looked away, "Shiyomi, please cover yourself. This is an order. "

She jumped on him without waiting for him to react and pushed him back against the table. Her arms slithered around his neck. "Why? Afraid you can't stop yourself…. Taichou?"

"Shiyomi... I said no." He tried to peel her off as she pressed her body against his again but she wouldn't budge. He didn't want to hurt the girl physically.

"I know you want me Hitsugaya Toshiro." She continued her slow kisses on his neck. "I can give you anything you want…"

Her kisses were warm on his tired muscles and it felt good. The temptation was too much. After all the shit that has been going on, he craved some attention. He wanted someone to take care of him, kiss away his aches. He wanted to feel wanted. His eyes closed automatically, leaving the girl uninterrupted to her activities.

But the voice at the back of his head won't shut up. After what he heard this afternoon from Rangiku, this felt wrong.

Did she want him to love her? If that's the case, it's better than what he started with. If only he could find a way to understand what she's hiding behind those words?

Leave me alone.

Her message was loud and clear. She detested him. At least at that moment. Yet… there was something else in there. He just knew.

A part of him desperately wished it was Rangiku in front of him right now.

His thoughts were rudely interrupted as Shiyomi grabbed his hand and placed it on her breast. He opened his eyes and his focus shifted towards the incredibly alluring naked woman in front of him.

Her body felt like heaven as she slid and slithered around him, slowly moving her free hand she removed his Shihakushō away from his torso. Her kisses were sending shivers down his body.

The resolve in his eyes were shaking and he could barely put words in his mouth, which she claimed with her lips forcefully before trailing down to kiss his chest.

He felt his body started responding to her and he was losing control. He struggled to gather all his self-control and focus thoughts on his lieutenant, and hoping against all hopes to find a way to repel Shiyomi's effect on him.

He loves Rangiku, his lieutenant, and the only woman he wants. The most beautiful woman…

Shiyomi suddenly shoved her hand down inside his clothes towards his hakama. Before he could stop her she was there. He gasped out loud.

And his mouth slipped out her name.

…

Rangiku wasn't sure what time it was when she woke, it looked gloomy, cloudy and dark outside to suit her mood. She found herself on the floor of her living room, sprawled next to the centre table which hosted a number of empty sake bottles.

The day hasn't started yet and she's already wishing it was over. She got up and started her day with a sigh and a frown.

After her usual morning grooming rituals she was still too early to leave for work and had nothing else she could do to keep herself occupied.

So she decided she would go for a walk, wondering about the day waiting ahead of her. Would she be able to do any work with him around? The thought produced a bitter taste in her mouth and a flattering butterfly in her stomach.

The realisation that she's in love with him is still all too new and foreign. She has no idea how to process it.

She was afraid of herself, of what might the next encounter with him entail, or how she might react.

The last time they spoke, she accused of never loving her and cried like a baby.

How embarrassing. Being exposed with her feelings laid out in the open like that is the last thing she wants right now.

Before she knew it she was at the end of the alley, standing in front of her office. She sighed. It appears that she can't really stay away even when she wants to.

Her heart was palpitating as she slowly sliding open the door to the office she shares with her captain.

Her eyes were wide open in shock.

She has never seen the state at which their office is right now. Empty sake bottles have been piled next to his table, some are rolling on the floor as they failed to fit inside the waste bin.

There are papers everywhere on the floor, even some of his precious paperwork.

It looked like a storm has just blew past. She frowned and wondered what went around here last night.

She packed up all the empty bottles and realised these were her secret stash of sake. He knew where she was hiding them! A slight blush warmed up her cheeks.

What made him drink this much, She wondered. Maybe he realised what he said wrong, then tried to drown his guilt in sake? She rolled her eyes at that. There is no way Toshiro would know how to differentiate wrong from right when comes to conversations like that.

She neatly piled the paperworks in his desk and thought for a second that maybe... just maybe things might work out with him. Maybe if she tells him what she feels he will find his way back to his feelings for her.

If there ever was any.

But it's hard to believe anyone could make love to her like that and not have any feelings.

Maybe they can be happy one day, together. A small pea sized bud of hope rattled inside her heavy chest.

She would give anything to again see the look he had for her that night. For a while, she became the only woman in the world, the only one that mattered.

She counted the bottles. He must've been drinking himself senseless. The thought was a little concerning. She frowned and felt a small worry at the back of her mind.

Should she go and check on him? She bit her lips.

Then decided otherwise. She needs more time. She's not yet ready to let the cat out if the bag yet. She herself needs to get used to the idea that she's in love with him at first.

A hollow sigh escaped from her chest as she continued picking up the papers on the floor.

Suddenly something on the floor next to the table caught her attention. She reached for it.

It's a ribbon.

A purple ribbon.

It was an expensive material she would never dream of buying for herself.

And she knew where it's from.

She felt her breath has caught in her throat. She sat there crouched on the floor staring at the piece of expensive ribbon on her hands, wondering why she couldn't breathe normally anymore.

…

Everything was tidy and clean when he arrived at the office, later than usual. It looked like Rangiku hasn't arrived yet. He confirmed that by asking one of the officers next door, no one has seen her come in.

He mentally prepared himself for their meeting. He's hoping she won't try to skip work. He has decided to have a serious talk with her today.

He walked towards their coffee machine and wondered who cleaned it all up, maybe one of his subordinates took the liberty.

As he was about to sat down the mug of steaming coffee on the table and his hand abruptly stopped mid-air. In the centre of his tidy table lied a folded piece of paper that looked like a note. He slowly picked it up and it revealed something it was covering beneath it.

His eyes widen when he realised that was one of the ribbons Shiyomi usually wears on her hair. He hurriedly unfolded the note and realised it's an application for leave of absence.

His lieutenant is going to be absent for an indefinite extent of time.

Her crunched up the piece of paper and left the office like a storm.

...

"You won't tell me what happened, Rangiku?" Nanao looked at her worriedly.

Rangiku was lying on her stomach and hiding her face on the pillow while shaking her head from side to side.

Nanao sighed. "Well, I'm off to work. I can't be late, have too many things to do."

"Have fun." Her voice was muffled on the pillow.

Nanao softly closed the door to her apartment and left.

And the tears started falling. Her whole body shuddered as she tried to hide the whimpering sob on the borrowed pillow on Nanao's couch.

Shiyomi chan? She is still sleeping. She was out till really late last night. I guess she had some sort of official business. Hitsugaya Taichou dropped her off around midnight. She looked pretty exhausted. That girl works really hard. Such dedication to stay back for late night work for her captain? I'll let her rest for a bit longer.

These are the words the warden said to her when she went to find the girl.

She can't be in denial anymore. This is all the proof she's needed.

Hitsugaya Toshiro has finally moved on and the only thing he will ever feel for her is not love.

It hurt so bad.

It hurts so bad.

…

He found her. Finally.

After ditching the whole tenth squad at the mercy of his confused third seat, he has finally found her.

He stood staring at the door of first squad's lieutenant's apartment which took him a while to locate. The first squad buildings have large rooms and spacious apartments for the members, but no one bothered to use a better numbering system for outsiders to navigate.

He softly knocked the door, but there was no answer. So he produced the key Ise Nanao handed him few moments ago.

She was fast-asleep, sprawled on the couch and her beautiful messy hair sprayed out in every direction.

By the looks of it, she was crying. A pained expression permanently set on his face. He didn't know what to do.

He can't take anything back. He can't apologise for their night together, he can't un-apologise for his apologies either.

He sat himself down on the couch on the opposite side and slouched his shoulder in exhaustion. With all the tension with Rangiku and everything else that happened last night he had no sleep whatsoever. And in his pocket the purple ribbon from Shiyomi's hair was burning his skin and his conscience.

He watched her sleeping face for a while. Nanao said she needs to be at the office until late, so there is no need to hurry.

He relaxed his body against the backrest and closed his eyes. He's going to sit here and wait for her to wake up.

...

"To… shiro..."

He opened his eyes and blinked. Where is he? For a moment he forgot where he was and he slowly looked around.

The rustling of fabric made him look at the couch opposite of him.

She was squirming in her sleep, as if she's having a nightmare.

"Toshiro..." her lips barely moved but he heard his name again and he sprang up and sat down on the carpet, bringing his face to hers.

There was slight flattering in her eyelids.

She looked troubled. He softly touched her face and she stopped squirming instantly.

He couldn't move his hand away, her face felt soft against the tough skin of his palm. She looked serene, and of course beautiful as always. He can never get over how this face never fails to take his breath away.

Because the next thing he knew he was leaning forward and gently kissing her lips.

Her eyes shot open only seconds later.

It took him a moment before pulling away as they stared at each other silently for what felt like eons.

He thought he felt his face warming up under her gaze.

Rangiku on the other hand was expressionless until her eyes turn soft and gentle.

"Toshiro..." she whispered and her hand reached out to touch his face. This unexpected action threw him off his guard.

As soon as her hand touched his cheek, her eyes widen in surprise. "This isn't a dream." She muttered to herself. As if that realising this particular fact was the most unbelievable thing in the world.

She moved her hand away as if it was on fire and the serene look on her face changed instantly. Her eyes turned wide and fearful for a split second.

She sat up quickly, clutching the sheet around her protectively. Toshiro hid a sigh and moved back to his old spot.

"Why are you here, Taichou?" She asked without looking at him in an icy tone.

He has suddenly forgot the list of conversation he had prepared for this. Hesitantly he asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"What was that application about?"

"I thought it was pretty clear..." She trailed off and as if she remembered something suddenly, her eyes were on him. They were cold, empty but firm. "Were you kissing me just then, when I was sleeping?"

He squirmed underneath his cold exterior.

It's now or never. He is here to do what he should've done ages ago.

He made up his mind and took the decision to be honest about his feelings for her.

So he admitted. "Yes."

Her face showed no emotion. "Why?"

"Because..." he ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

Give her a chance.

"I wanted to."

She took in a deep sigh. "Listen Taichou. I don't think I can give you what you want."

His eyebrows creased a little.

"I can't do this casual sex thing you have going on with others. I can't be one of them."

"Matsumoto ..."

"Even though you think I'm like that. I can't do this, not with you. And I hope you won't force me again either."

"No. I'll never do that again..." his face contorted painfully.

"I just really need a break from all these... I know I only just came back from the world of the living but everything has been... so intense... and I think you have it all covered at the office... I'll ask the third seat to help you out with the workload... The boy's quite competent…"

"Matsumoto... "

She moved the sheet off her and stood up. "I'm thinking about going away for a while..."

"Matsumoto... Would you please hear me out?"

She was half way towards the door to Nanao's bedroom.

"Rangiku..." His voice trembled a little at first, then he said in a clear voice. "I love you."

...

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