In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by, Dreaming as the summers die.

I laid there. Eyes closed. Pulling air into my lungs in a steady rhythm, matching his. I listened to his sounds. His sleeping sounds. His resting body.

The room felt peaceful as I opened my eyes. I smiled softly. He was too big for the couch. His body spilled out all over the place. One hand touched the carpeted floor, the other rested across his chest. His feet sticking out over the arm of couch almost had me giggling.

I sat up and silently moved across the room. I couldn't stop myself. I drifted to my knees at his side and just listened. Took him in, unashamedly, with my eyes. I was allowing myself to become dangerously close.

I reached out, brushing the back of my fingers over his jaw. It was almost shocking. His scruff was softer than I would have thought. Just, one more time. I leaned closer, my lips inches from his cheek. I let out a silent breath and cupped his jaw.
He moved. I pulled back. I sat on the floor. I sat and watched as the darkness lightened into a new day. I never wanted to leave.

I'll go anywhere you want tonight

'cause my head is spinning like a satellite

I got a restless feeling that I never want to fill

I'm absolutely still*

As I heard him beginning to stir. His breathing changing, I moved quickly back to the bed, under the covers and closed my eyes.

The road was dark and narrow, poorly lit by the occasional street lamp when my tire blew. "Unbelievable," I seethed, carefully steering to the shoulder, not quite big enough for a vehicle.

"Stay here," I instructed her. "I'll be right back."

The trunk latch released and I unfastened the spare from the compartment. In no time, I had the car jacked up on the passenger side and was making quick work of the lug nuts when something in the distance caught my eye.

Headlights.

I recognized the shape of the car's roof. It was a police cruiser, lights mounted on top.

Relieved, I stood on the shoulder and walked back toward the car. As the door swung open, I noticed it was the Chief's car. His silhouette moved toward me, but I was blinded by the beams of his headlights and couldn't make out the face.

In a split second, he was beside me. It was as if he had sprinted, but his breath never changed. He turned to face me and something was very wrong, a sinister look in his eyes...

He lunged for the passenger side.

Bella!

"Lock the doors," I screamed. "Bella! Lock the doors!" I ran for the door but my feet were like lead. Too heavy to move.

He ripped the door open and off its hinge, effortlessly tossing it aside into the blackness of the trees below. It was a blur as they passed, her limp body flung over his shoulders.

"BELLA!" I screamed, gasping awake.

The grey morning had begun and the dim light was brightening my room. Her flawless face against a pillow... my pillow... her breath peaceful and even.

I shook off the memory of the dream and wiped the cold sweat from my forehead. Quietly, I walked to the basket of laundry, pulling out clean clothes, and slipped into the bathroom trying not to wake her.

Bracing myself against the cold marble, I stood under the searing hot stream of water for what seemed like an eternity, letting the water wash away the memory.

It took everything I had to stay still when he woke.

His heart racing. He said my name. I have never in my entire existence wanted to take care of someone like I did, Edward. I wanted him to never be sad. Never frown. Never have nightmares.

But isn't that what you are, Bella? A walking nightmare.

I listened as the water turned on in the bathroom. I sat up in his bed. I missed him. I walked over to the window, pushed back the heavy curtains and stared out at the water. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to make it all better.

I sat quietly on his couch, pulling the blanket from the floor up around my legs, over my shoulders and I waited. Leaning my head on his pillow. Wishing that I could just sleep. Turn it all off and sleep.

The water shut off. I heard him moving. And I waited.

Shaving was tricky after letting so much time pass. Even though the hot water had softened the hair, I managed to nick myself on the neck. The blood dripped into the wet sink, running toward the drain in a streak of crimson.

Carefully to not get blood on my shirt, I pulled a clean white tee on and stepped into my jeans. The towel went immediately into the hamper and I walked back into the bedroom, her body curled up where I had slept.

My eyes took in every inch of her, the way my shirt hung slightly off her shoulder, her bare feet curled up in my blanket.

"Turn around and fix your eye in my direction

So there is a connection

I can't speak

I can't make a sound to somehow capture your attention

I'm staring at perfection

Take a look at me so you can see

How beautiful you are"**

Like a moth to a flame, I moved toward her, unable to resist the pull. I knelt beside her, resting my wet head next to hers on the pillow, our noses nearly touching.

"Morning," I murmured low.

Oh my god.

My entire body went rigid as he laid his head next to mine.

Blood.

Edward's blood.

My teeth clenched. My fingers twisted into my palms. I tried not to breath. I closed my eyes and whispered.

"Morning." Letting out some of the air I had been holding on to.

Oh. My. God.

I wanted to cry. If I had tears, I would have cried. It hurt so much. My throat was literally on fire. Burning.

Focus on him. Open your eyes.

He was beautiful. There was no scruff. That's where the... blood, must have come from.

I whispered, "Did you cut yourself?"

Moving my hand to the edge of my jaw where the blood ran moments earlier, I quietly apologized. "Yeah, I probably shouldn't wait two weeks to shave next time."

"Your beauty seems so far away

I'd have to write a thousand songs to make you comprehend how beautiful you are

I know that I can't make you stay

But I would give my final breath to make you understand how beautiful you are"

"Did you sleep well?" I asked, wondering if she realized that this moment was greater than any dream. Having her on my couch, in my bed, in my life was greater than anything I could have thought to dream.

"Are you hungry?" I quickly corrected myself, "Um - thirsty? I mean, can I get you anything? I was just going to start a pot of coffee. But, I really don't want to move from this spot... ever."

I could give that to you. I could let you stay. Forever.

"Ummm, not really ready to, drink anything yet." The fire in my throat was slowly burning out. "Can you just, stay right there for another minute? Don't move." I was afraid for him to turn his back.

The struggle inside of me was insane. I wanted to posses him. I wanted to hold him. But I didn't dare. It was very frustrating going against nature.

Nothing could have pulled me from her in that moment.

"Mhmm," I hummed in reply, memorizing her features: the way her lip curved in, the scattering of freckles on her nose, the flecks of gold in her eyes.

"If I lay here, If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"***

"Will you come with me somewhere today?" I finally broke the silence. "Here, on the island."

I nodded. My head still on his pillow.

"Whatever you want." I smiled. And I meant it. Whatever he wanted. I would give to him. I would go anywhere.

Suddenly, everything made sense. The burn in my throat was gone. My body relaxed.

I wasn't going to hurt him.

I wasn't going to hurt him, because, I think, I love him.

The goofy grin returned to my face as her voice filled my ears. "You really shouldn't have said that," I teased.

My hand moved to her arm, wrapped up in the blanket, slowly grazing the length of it, resting at her shoulder.

Don't wake up. Don't wake up.

"Is the Chief," merely mentioning his name made my stomach churn, "going to mind? You staying a bit longer, I mean?"

"No. Charlie won't mind." I smiled again. "He trusts me do the right thing." I looked at him curiously. "Why? What did you have in mind? And the car is kind of dead."

And I finally trust that I will do the right thing as well. It made me feel hope. Hope that I could be good for Edward.

I didn't want to move. I was enjoying the closeness. But, if we didn't move soon, I knew he would starve.

"I think I am ready to get up now." Oh, I wanted to push my chin up, touch his lips with my own.

I let out a soft sigh and watched his eyelids droop.

Ooops. Hazard. No breathing on the human.

I lifted my head, smiled down at him and said, "Alrighty, Superman. Up and at 'em"

Captivated by her gaze, I analyzed every fleck of gold glowing in her dark eyes. "Good. I don't need the Chief showing up at my door, demanding his daughter back." My mind flashed back to the image of him carrying her away from me.

You can't lose her.

"I sent an email to Jasper last night, asking him to bring by a battery. It's already installed. He gets up at the break of dawn," I explained.

"There's this place," trying to sound as casual as possible, "I used to go there a lot to clear my head." The offer must have been too good to resist because in an instant she was ready to go.

"Yes, ma'am," I joked, raising off my knees.

I turned the stereo off before opening the door to walk downstairs.

"Wait," I turned to evaluate her clothing. "There's no way you can wear that today... in public." While I had no complaints about the positively edible state she was in, I wasn't about to share that with the world. "It may be cool, temperature-wise. I have some sweatshirts in the dryer."

But first let me undress you.

I pointed at my jeans and shirt from yesterday on his dresser.

"I figured, I didn't get too dirty. I can just throw those back on." I slipped out from under the blanket and crossed his room, grabbing my clothes.

I stared at him for a minute, raised an eyebrow and said, "You looking for a show?"

His eyes said yes.

But the gentleman in him backed slowly toward the door, grinning, I was going to warn him, but I didn't get the words out fast enough. He hit the door frame with a thud.

I tried. I really did. I tried not to laugh. I just couldn't help it.
His hand rubbed the back of his head and he smiled at me as he slowly left the room, the door closing behind him.

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors

Leading you down into my core

Where I've become so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead it back home."****

I sang quietly to myself as I dressed quickly, folding the clothes I had slept in, dropping them lightly on top of his dresser and making his bed back up.

I wonder if I will ever stay here over night again.

See Charlie, I'm cleaning up my mess.

I smirked at the bed, turned and walked out of the room.

Come on!

The coffee was taking an absurdly long amount of time to brew. I just wanted to get this part over with and move on to my day with Bella. While I waited, I went to switch the laundry one last time, taking a minute to fold what was clean and place it into baskets.

I wasn't quite ready to think about going back, so I left them in the laundry room. My eyes fell closed at the thought of having to get back to life.

What if everything changed? What if she was only here because she had to be?

What if she doesn't really want you?

I was determined to find the answers to these questions before I even returned to campus. I had to know how she felt about me.

The end of the pot sputtered into the carafe, signaling that the coffee had finished brewing.

Before walking back into the kitchen, I deactivated the alarm and grabbed my pack of cigarettes off the counter. My ipod was sitting in the dock where it had been charging all night. I clicked around to a song I hoped she'd hear when she came down. It played quietly throughout the kitchen and in the speakers on the deck. Just a hint. On repeat.

Really subtle.

"I think I love you but to say so would bore you cause we've only just met and I'd look dumb.

So I'm gonna try clever and dress it up in leather you know it's easier to swallow when it's fun

And for the most part I agree only fools wear heart on sleeve

Oh but girl, the way you make me feel I wanna say it, hell I wanna scream

You see it's not that I do or don't believe it's that I just don't believe in

God and aliens and love at first sight

Last night I couldn't get back to sleep watching you lying next to me

and for a moment every last part of me felt right

Come morning reason don't agree he's saying 'boy that's a fool thing to believe'

Oh but girl, the way you make me feel I wanna say it hell I wanna scream

Maybe I should wake you up and tell you there and then

Better still I'll leave you be and whisper it subliminally over and over again and again

I think I love you, I think I love you, I think I love you dude

I think I love you. I think I love you. I think I love you dude."*****

Coffee and cigarettes and my girl. All was right with the world.

I filled a cup, leaving an empty one beside it on the counter. I wasn't sure if coffee was allowed on the detox diet, but I was not about to make assumptions.

She could live on worms and dirt and you'd still sell your soul to kiss her perfect lips.

I stepped onto the deck beside the house, grateful for the cover from the mist. The day was particularly foggy, dampening everything in its path.

Placing the filter between my lips, I lit the end and inhaled deeply. My lungs constricted around every molecule of nicotine and sighed in relief, melting into the chair.

For the next five minutes, I reeled in the memories and relished in the tastes, sights, and sounds of the last twenty four hours.

This isn't your life.

*Better Than Ezra, Absolutely Still

**Secondhand Serenade, Stranger

***Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars

****Evanescence, Bring Me To Life

*****The Guggenheim Grotto, I Think I Love You