"I love you, Samantha McCall." The words echoed in Sam's brain over and over again as she laid in the darkness. It was some time in the middle of the night, and she was still in Lucky's bed. She hadn't said anything in response, she had simply smiled and kissed him softly. He had been different after that, though only she would be able to detect the slight shift. His arms were still around her, his body was still tangled with hers, but his heart was more distant than before. Now, as he slept beside her, she wished she had something.
It wasn't that she didn't know how she felt, she had certainly fallen in love with Lucky. For her, it had been hard not to. He was kind and compassionate, witty and wise, strong and sensitive. He supported her in everything she did, pushing her to go beyond her comfort level when it came to work and family. She was looking into going to college again, her aspirations to become a lawyer still brewing beneath the surface. She had gotten to know Nikolas, spent time with her sisters and was even getting along with Alexis.
Without Lucky, she wasn't sure that any of it would have been possible. She would have been too afraid, but he had made her see that she wasn't alone in her pursuits for a better life. There was no reason for her to slip back into a life of desolation and solitude when she had such an amazing opportunity to be with Lucky. He was an obvious blessing to her life.
But, even knowing that, she still hadn't been able to tell Lucky that she loved him. The words had been there, but they'd become caught in her throat. She was afraid that once she put them out there into the world that it would have the power to change everything. She was in a good place again, somewhere she felt safe and secure – not only physically but almost emotionally. With Jason, every single moment held the possibility of death. Whether it was his or her own, it was a heavy burden that was always hanging over their heads. Sure, Lucky was a policeman, but most of the time, people weren't overtly out to kill him. Besides, if she did become an attorney, there wouldn't be a conflict of interest.
She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at Lucky. She was in love with him, and she couldn't believe that she had denied him such a gift as to tell him that. He had told her, given her the words so easily. They had been deep and heartfelt, his heart and soul on a platter. As she gazed down at him, she needed him to know how she felt.
"Lucky, wake up," she whispered, shaking his shoulder gently. When he didn't respond, she bent down and kissed him. After a few moments, he awoke and wrapped his arms around her automatically. Kissing him until she was breathless, Sam finally pulled away and grinned down at him. "You're awake."
"And what a nice way to wake up," he replied, his voice thick with desire. "Are you sure you're for another round? I mean, it hasn't been that long."
Sam elbowed him softly. "That's not why I woke you up," she announced. "I had to tell you something, and I was afraid if I didn't do it now, I would chicken out."
"Well, tell me then," he murmured as he pulled her down to him. Encircling his right arm around her slender waist, he played with her soft hair with his left hand. She cuddled her head into his chest, her hand moving down to hold his at her waist.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm very blessed to have you in my life. I want you to know how you have changed my life, made me believe in myself in ways I didn't think would be possible again. You have helped me find the best possible version of myself."
"McCall," he said, pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. "Everything you said, it's wonderful. I know it took a lot, but it's not what you're wanting to say or what I'm wanting to hear. We both know that you've said everything but the one thing we both need most."
"I can't," she insisted, turning her head away.
"Yes, you can," he promised her. "It doesn't change anything. These words, they're just that – words. They don't have the power to transform your life."
"It changes everything, Spencer," she argued. "Once I say these words, they're out there, and they will change everything about our relationship. I can't take them back."
"No, it doesn't, Sam. The love, it's already there. I already know that you love me. I see it in your beautiful eyes, I feel it in your mind-blowing kiss, I hear it in the inflection of your amazing voice. You saying it won't make it any more or less true."
As he said those words to her, she knew that he was right. Saying it aloud wouldn't change the way she felt or the way he felt. It wouldn't change the truth of the emotion, but it would make it real. And as she had that realization, she discovered that was what scared her most – the reality of their love. Turning her head back so that their eyes met, she committed to the moment once and for all.
"Lorenzo Lucas Spencer, Jr., I love you," she declared proudly. "I love you, Lucky."
"And I love you," he avowed. He kissed her briefly, enjoying the feeling of her wide smile against his lips. "Samantha, Sam, Sammy, McCall, whatever your name is, I love you."
"That wasn't so hard," she conceded as she placed her chin on his chest. "I don't know why I was afraid of making it real."
"Because making it real can make it hard," he said. "And so far, we've had it easy, at least when it comes to our relationship. I know that it's not always going to be like this, to be so simple, but I think that we have a chance to make it."
"And you want to make it with me?" she questioned, weaving their fingers together.
"I want to have my whole life with you," he told her. "It's early, and I keep telling myself to slow down. I keep saying that we need to give this time or it could fizzle before it gets a chance to shine. But another part of me, what is now the biggest part of my heart, is telling me that this is it. That I don't need to slow down because I've found what I've been looking for. I don't want to waste our time when we could be living our lives together."
"What do you think our life would be like?"
"Well, we definitely can't live here," he decided. "I see us in a small villa with three bedrooms and a sizable backyard. I can see us sitting on the back porch drinking lemonade while Cameron swings and slides on his own little playground. I see a scruffy dog we rescued from a pound, a vibrant survivor kind of like you and me. And I see a white wicker bassinette beside us with a child of our own, with dark features, strength and great instincts."
"A baby? You want to make babies with me?" she whispered happily.
He nodded. "I told you, I want an entire life with you. I want to live with you, to share a home. I want to raise our children together, Cameron and whatever kids we may have. I want to be your husband, to grow old with you."
"But we're not ready to get married."
"No, we're not ready yet, but we will be. I know that now, now that you could tell me this tonight," he said. "Tonight has been amazing, surpassing all expectations. I've never spoken so honestly and openly to anyone about how I feel, but with you, I'm not afraid. I feel comfortable telling you how I feel because I know that you feel the same."
"I do," she confessed. "With Jason, I always had to fight to get every single word from him, and it was hard. It broke my heart into a million pieces more times than I can count. I'm not used to having it given to me so easily."
"Elizabeth and I had all this history that sometimes prevented me from saying the things that I needed to," he explained. "It wasn't just she and I in the relationship, it was our friends and our past. And when things got bad, I felt an overwhelming sense of duty to make it work even when it was beyond repair."
"So, what do you say, Spencer? You, me, the family, the house, the whole thing, wanna do it with me someday?"
"More than anything," he asserted. "I am going to do my best to give you everything, to give us everything. You deserve a good life with a good man, McCall."
The next morning, Sam woke to warm sunshine pouring into the small room and onto her face. She was surprised to find she was alone, expecting Lucky to still be there with her. Maybe he had an early shift, she thought, not sure where else he would be. She smiled when her first thought wasn't that he had left her or that last night had been a mistake. As she pulled the comforter around her chin and lounged lazily in the bed, she reveled in the afterglow of perfect sex and perfect love.
"Good morning," Lucky chirped suddenly, throwing the door open as he tried to balance a tray in his free hand. Sam propped herself up on the bed as he sat it across her lap. Hot coffee, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, hash browns and bacon lay before her, tempting all of her senses at once.
"You made me breakfast," she murmured, leaning over to kiss him. "No one has ever made me breakfast in bed."
"Well, to be fair, I didn't technically make it, but I did buy it. And I did arrange it on the tray and bring it to you," he said.
"And you did bring me a rose," she added, bringing the crimson bloom to her nose. "I haven't gotten a flower in so long."
"I know it's just a single rose, but it's what I can afford," he replied. "I wish that I had more to offer you sometimes, I know what kind of life you were used to."
"I never got used to it," she proclaimed. "In fact, I was never fully comfortable with having more money around me than most people see in a life time. It's not where I come from, it's not who I am. I'm a hard worker who knows what it's like to struggle to make ends meet."
"Ah, a struggle I live with every day," he said knowingly. "But it's getting better. As I work harder and move up the ladder at department, I'm going to be able to have more to give to you and Cameron. I want you to both have the best life possible."
"We will," she assured him, biting into the crispy, buttery toast. "We will have a good life because we know the love of a family and have you in our life. That's what matters the most, not the house we live in or the things we have."
Sam lifted up a bite full of eggs for Lucky to eat. "You have never made me feel like I'm not good enough. I'm really thankful for that. I know I tell say thanks a lot, but I want you to know how deeply I mean it."
Over the rest of the morning, Sam and Lucky took turns feeding each other breakfast and reading passages from the newspaper. The whole scene was straight from a romantic comedy, and more than once, she found herself wondering if this was really her life. As they finally emerged from Lucky's room, Sam's entire body was wracked with bliss. Walking down the stairs hand-in-hand, they spoke quietly to each other until they reached the front door. Stepping outside into the warm January sun, Sam pushed her bottom lip out in a false pout. "Do you really have to work now?"
Lucky pressed his forehead against hers and nodded, their chins bumping. "Afraid so, my love," he retorted. Pecking her lips, he slowly peeled himself away from her. "I will see you tonight, I promise."
"Be careful," she reminded him. "I'm kind of in love with you now, so I have something invested in that very amazing body of yours."
"I could say the same thing," he taunted, looking her up and down suggestively. "I'll be careful, I promise. I love you."
"I love you, too," she remarked as he walked toward his car. Leaning against the wooden exterior of Kelly's, Sam watched him until he disappeared out of sight. Pulling her leather jacket closely around her petite frame, she enjoyed the unseasonably warm weather and decided to take a walk. She hadn't spent time alone for a couple weeks, and there was nothing like a walk along the docks to clear her head.
As she stared over the waterfront, Sam wondered how many people had contemplated their lives in that exact moment. She had always been drawn to the water, finding comfort that it was basically the same all over the world. It always appeared infinite and provided her with a context in which to compare the events of her life. She was just a small part of the scheme of the world, and the ocean assured of her place in it.
"Hello," she heard his familiar voice say behind her. Closing her eyes, Sam didn't want to have another confrontation with him. She didn't want to look at him and remember. She just wanted to look at the water.
"Jason," she greeted curtly, keeping her gaze fixed on the gentle rise and fall of the tide. Sitting down on the edge of the pier, she swung her feet freely just above the glassy surface. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm supposed to meet Elizabeth for dinner in a bit, so I thought I'd take a walk to clear my head," he said. "I don't have much quiet time these days."
Sam nodded numbly. "Well, have a nice meal."
"Oh," Jason remarked, disappoint ringing in the air. He wanted to sit down and enjoy a long conversation like they once had, but he knew that those days were long gone. He wanted them to be friends, but he wasn't sure how to broach that subject. Rather than dancing around it, he decided to just put it out there. "Do you think we could ever be friends?"
She thought for a moment. "A few weeks ago, I never would have said yes. But things are a lot different, which may seem crazy to you because it hasn't been that long since we broke up. I'm in love with someone else now, and if that is possible, anything is. I do think we could be friends again, Jase. You still mean a great deal to me."
"You're in love with Lucky?"
"Yes, I love Lucky. We are going to try to build a life together, one step at a time," she said. "And that life includes Cameron and Elizabeth, by default. We are going to be around each other, and I want us to be friends. I don't hold anything against Liz, she had to do what was right for her child. And now, I am going to do what is right for me."
"I'd really like it if we could be friends," he professed, his voice trailing off. "Well, I should go, I have some business to take care of at the warehouse."
Sam didn't ask any questions or offer any other bit of conversation. The warehouse meant business, which meant illegal activity that was none of her business. Instead, she decided to go back to Kelly's and order an apple pie from Mike. They were going to have dinner with Nikolas, Emily, Alexis and the girls later, and she had offered to bring dessert.
An hour later, Mike brought the steaming pie out from the kitchen and laid it on the cooling rack. "Well, that should make a very special little girl we both love very happy," Mike said in reference to his granddaughter, Kristina. It was her new favorite food, one of the few things the picky child would actually eat. "Oh, excuse me," Mike said as the phone rang. Picking up the receiver, he started a conversation with the caller as Sam turned to scour a fashion magazine left behind by the previous diner. "What?" the man nearly screamed, drawing her attention back to him. "Okay, okay, we'll be right there."
"What is it, Mike?" Sam asked, her face turning a pale shade of white.
"There's been an explosion at the warehouse," he said calmly, his voice empty of any feeling. "Sonny and Jason were inside." He tore off his apron and sprung toward the front door. Relieved that the café was empty for once, he flipped the sign to closed and locked up. "Sam, you need to come with me."
"What? Why?"
"They weren't the only ones inside," he explained. "Lucky was there with Cruz on a stakeout. They got a tip from an anonymous source. There were others in there, they're not sure how many. But there were some serious injuries…"
"Oh, no," she gasped inaudibly, her heart pounding in her chest. She had just found Lucky, she couldn't lose him now. And Sonny and Jason were an important part of her life, she didn't want to lose them either. Many people would be affected by the injuries.
"And one fatality."