Prompt: Santa

Rating: G

Setting: Mirkwood

Characters: Gandalf, Thranduil, Radagast (mentioned)

Summary: Gandalf owes Thranduil a favour and he regrets that fact very, very much

Gandalf stared at what he could see of the outfit laid out for him and he felt his left eyebrow twitch. What in Arda had he gotten himself into?

The grey wizard slowly stroked his long beard, careful to give away none of his unease and quickly ran through possible excuses in his mind. He could say that he had been summoned by Nienna and needed to leave straight away. Or he could just make a break for it and jump out of the window. They weren't too high up after all.

Gandalf glanced at the only window in the room; a rather well built and heavily armed ellon – one of the elven King's bodyguards - stood in front of it effectively blocking it and Gandalf sadly dismissed the idea. Instead he looked toward Thranduil excuse ready on his lips. Sadly for him all Thranduil's attention was focussed on his aide who was engrossed in unwrapping another part of Gandalf's proposed outfit.

Gandalf chanced a sneaky look toward the door – unfortunately it too was blocked - by Thranduil's broad, muscled frame. The Istar held back a sigh. It seemed he was destined to perform this task. How he hated owing favours. Especially to insufferable elven Kings.

Gandalf looked up and very nearly startled to see Thranduil's icy blue eyes upon him.

"Are you quite alright Mithrandir?"

Gandalf harrumphed, "I would be better if you would let me have a quick smoke of my pipe Oropherion."

Thranduil wrinkled his nose in distaste, "Certainly not Mithrandir - not whilst you are in the stronghold. In fact not even whilst you are in my Woods lest a stray ember set anything alight." Thranduil wagged an excessively jewelled finger at him, "tis a disgraceful habit for a Maia anyway – you really ought to give it up."

"The odd smoke here and there has done me no harm whatsoever after all these years and I have walked this earth long before you were even a thought," Gandalf grumbled. "Now do get on with it Thranduil, you've kept me cooped up here long enough. Let me see this outfit of yours in full."

"I have not kept you cooped up," Thranduil's eyes flashed warningly, "And I have kept you topped up with a fine selection of snacks and your glass full of Dorwinion."

Gandalf rolled his eyes, he had forgotten how sensitive Thranduil could be when it came to his precious stronghold. The elven King resented any mention of it being dark, dank or confining and Gandalf decided to leave that can of worms firmly closed.

"Just get on Oropherion and let me see what indignities you have in store for me."

Thranduil and his aide stepped aside and Gandalf almost wished he hadn't asked to see it. Thranduil could not be serious.

There in front of him laid a ridiculously bright red coloured tunic with striped red and white leggings that looked as though they would be a tight fit and chafe. A long cape in the same shocking red was trimmed with white fur around the neck. Gandalf nearly sighed, the cape was excessively long and looked like a painful fall waiting to happen. Worst of all however was the snow white beard that was attached to a pointed red hat with a white tuft of fur at its very tip. Why on earth had Thranduil supplied him a beard? Could the daft ellon not see that he already had one of his own?

Gandalf took a deep breath, "Thranduil, pray tell what is all that?"

The elven King rolled his eyes heavenward then spoke slowly, as one would to a dim witted child.

"I thought I had made it all very clear earlier Mithrandir. Has that noxious weed addled your mind that much?"

Gandalf growled. "Yes, yes, Adar Rhîw - but really is this all entirely necessary? And why on Arda have you provided me with a beard?" Gandalf stroked his own slowly, "I have one – a rather long and lovely one at that – why would I need to put on a badly made fake? And just how do you expect me to fit into those leggings?"

"The beard is very well made I would have you know," Thranduil sniffed before he smirked in a rather irritating manner. "Besides you exaggerate Mithrandir and you do yourself a gross injustice – of course you can fit into the leggings. You have not yet grown too plump. Which is in fact half the problem."

Thranduil gestured to his aide who brought in yet more boxes.

Valar! Surely there was no more to this thing? Gandalf looked on with mounting dread.

Thranduil continued on - oblivious to the istar's growing trepidation.

"Your lack of plumpness is of no concern however we can compensate for it with these."

Gandalf only gaped as Thranduil took a plump cushion from one of the boxes and hid it under his outer robe before he spun round with a flourish as he showed off a now rotund stomach.

Thranduil rubbed at his faux stomach fondly, "See once we have these strapped onto you along with the full outfit you will be the absolute perfect picture of Adar Rhîw. Don't you worry Mithrandir I have perfected this outfit over the years. All will be well."

Gandalf opened and closed his mouth a few times like a fish out of water before he finally managed to choke out, "You're going to strap what onto me?"

Thranduil turned to him with a look of slight concern, "Are you perfectly sure you are alright Mithrandir? You look a bit pale."

I am fine Oropherion," the Maia growled, "Explain why you want to strap cushions to my person."

Thranduil set down the cushion he had been modelling and looked at Gandalf.

"Have you actually ever seen a depiction of Adar Rhîw?"

"Nay," Gandalf gave a defeated sigh. "I have heard of the legend of the jolly man who gives treats to elflings who have been well behaved all year at Yuletide, but no… I have never laid eyes on a depiction of him. I have never been overly interested – after all I thought it a mere tale told to naughty elflings by their exasperated Naneths to get them to behave themselves. I had no idea you took it so seriously."

Thranduil shook his head in a pitying manner the Istar, "I take it entirely seriously Mithrandir; I like to give out gifts to all the little ones every year and what better way than through Adar Rhîw? It adds real magic and spirit to Yuletide do you not think?"

Thranduil shoved an open book at Gandalf that the King's aide had been sent to fetch.

"There, that is what Adar Rhîw is supposed to look like. So you can now perhaps understand why you will need the cushions?"

Gandalf stared down at the image in the book he held. From the page beamed a jolly, rather fat old man with a white beard clad in a bright red suit; a large sack of goodies thrown over his shoulder.

Thranduil moved so he was behind Gandalf and looked over the wizard's shoulder before he gave an approving hum.

"Mithrandir you are absolutely perfect for this role."

Gandalf grit his teeth, "Just what exactly are you trying to say Oropherion?"

~o~

Gandalf scowled at his reflection in the mirror. Damn Thranduil, damn Radagast, damn Yuletide traditions and damn owing favours.

Gandalf took another look at himself and scowled even more – he looked picture perfect – exactly like the depiction of Adar Rhîw save his scowling face. He sank down onto a nearby chair - he did so hate it when Thranduil was right. It tended to make the pompous ellon even more intolerable than usual.

Gandalf itched at his fake beard miserably – he had no idea how Radagast went through with such an indignity every single year. This whole Adar Rhîw thing would all have been the brown wizard's problem had he not broken his leg in some completely nonsensical accident involving wasps and those precious rabbits of his.

The grey wizard gave a deep, tired sigh as he pulled on the final pieces of his embarrassing costume. Boots with numerous small gold jingle bells attached. The bells rang out mutinously with his every move as Gandalf laced up the shoes. That, he mused sourly, would be very irritating. He could already feel the resultant headache coming on.

At last Gandalf stood, adjusted his stomach cushion and made for the door. The sooner he got this over with the sooner he could leave Thranduil's woods far, far behind him and never return. Or at least never again return anywhere near Yuletide.

The Istar also made note to never again promise favours to devious elf Kings. Next time he would just pay straight and upfront for whatever it was he needed. Never again would he owe Thranduil Oropherion a favour.

A bold knock at the door interrupted his brooding.

"Mithrandir are you nearly ready yet? Can I come in? I want to make sure the outfit is just right before you go down to the elflings. I don't want them to be disappointed."

Gandalf grit his teeth before he slowly wandered over to the complimentary bottle of blueberry gin left on his bedside table. He uncorked it and took a deep swig.

Thranduil knocked again, louder that time and Gandalf took another deep drink. Clearly it was going to be a long night and seeing as none of the Valar looked inclined to give him strength anytime soon he would have to find his own.

Knock, knock, knock.

Gandalf put the now quarter empty bottle back in place and wiped his mouth.

"You may enter now Oropherion – there is no need to smash the door down. Eru above – are you even an elf? Your lack of patience is as bad as an adan's."

Thranduil entered, a thunderous scowl on his face but Gandalf's glee at putting it there was short lived as the elven King broke into a smile at the sight of him and clapped his hands.

"Mithrandir. This. Is. Perfect."

Thranduil advanced with an almost maniacal gleam in his eyes to further inspect him and Gandalf turned to look at his gin longingly. Maybe he could pop the bottle into one of the ludicrously huge pockets on his near florescent tunic without Thranduil seeing.

His admiration of the bottle was rudely interrupted as Thranduil yanked at him so he could do some minor adjustment to the insulting faux beard.

Gandalf nearly groaned. It would be a very long night indeed.

END.

Ellon – Male elf

Istar – Quenya for Wizard

Maia – A Quenya name for the lesser Ainur i.e Gandalf, Radagast etc.

Adar Rhîw – Father Winter (Santa)

Naneth - Mother

Adan – Man

A/N: I had fun writing this one – hope you all enjoy :)