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Chapter 10

Natalie woke first. Her hand must have moved from his in the middle of the night and it was resting solely on top of Evan's sleeping bag. She sat up slowly and sighed deeply as she saw it. As she saw Ethan turned and snuggled next to JOhn. She stared as she smiled. She sat up and got out of the tent.

John started to stir and he felt Ethan up against his arms. He smiled as he pulled himself away from the still sleeping boy. He looked over to see Natalie but she was already awake and out of the tent. He carefully stepped over the two boys and got out of the tent.

John walked into the Kitchen to see her making a pot of coffee. She was moving around the Kitchen as if she owned it. As if She belonged her. He smiled and he saw her turn and see him.

"Good Morning" She said and she smiled at him.

"Good morning to you too... how did you sleep?" He asked and she moved her head back and forth.

"Alright I guess. My back hurts a bit. Not as young as I use to be" she said joking and he approached her. He walked over real close and then went to her back. He started to rub it gently. Natalie felt his hands on her back and she closed her eye's. She was enjoying his touch. Enjoying it too much. She opened her eyes and turned towards him.

"Thank you but its better now" She told him and he just stared into her eye's. Her blue morning eyes.

Natalie stood watching him. Hypnotized by his eyes. She felt him bring his arms to her waist and pull her a bit closer. She tried so desperately to get the word out. To say No but she couldn't form words. Nor comprehend. His lips came upon hers tenderly. Warmly. Urgently almost. They both parted after a few minutes and she opened her closed eyes.

"John" she said softly as she stared at him. "Natalie" he said back as he saw her trying so desperately to get out what she wanted to say.

"I... I... I'm different" Was all she said as he looked on with a confused look." I can't afford to take chances or make mistakes... or..." She said hesitantly and he took her hand. He continued to look into her face.

"Or fall back in love with a big jerk?" He asked and she smiled weakly. Natalie paused for a few minutes. She slowly walked away from him for a minute. " JOhn... I don't think I ever stopped Loving you but... but I'm different... things aren't just about me... there about those two precious boys inside. They're my life and that's all I have room for." She told him and he looked into her eye's deeper.

John heard her words. Her soft words. Not only the ones about her boys being her life. But the ones that she never stopped loving him. He wanted to smile. Jump for joy but he knew he couldn't. He knew she was telling him that she didn't want him like that. That it just couldn't be that way. He didn't want to push her. Push her for more. He would prove to her before she went back to Philly that he had changed. That he could be more to her and her boys and that he wanted to.

"I know... I know Natalie... friends?" He told her but he knew they had never just been friends... not ever.

"It's best," she said and he nodded unenthusiastically. He went over and poured them coffee. They heard the boys run in before they saw them. Natalie walked to them.

"Can we have breakfast?" Ethan asked John as he walked right passed Natalie and over to John. Natalie made a face.

"Excuse me... excuse me" she said joking, " What happened to Good morning Mom?" She asked Ethan and he smiled knowing she was joking " What about a kiss good morning too? " she said and he quietly walked over to her and kissed her good morning. " Well Good morning to you too..." She said joking and she looked up at John for a moment as she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"Orning Mommy" Evan said as he ran over to her now, she bent down and caught him in her arms. She gave him a huge kiss on the cheek. She looked up at the boys and then at John.

"How about I take us all to Breakfast... John has done so much for us these last few days " She asked them and John smiled. He shook his head no.

"Nope... I wanna cook you guys breakfast... show your mom here I can cook now" He said towards the boys as he smiled. " Oh you can cook huh? Since when and what can you cook?" She said calling his bluff she thought. " I can make pancakes and eggs," He said. Then he continued " Does any one in here like Pancakes and eggs" He asked and both boys raised there hands " Pancakes... we like Pancakes" Ethan said and John smiled brighter and then looked at Natalie who wasn't so sure if she wanted to smile at John and his playfulness.

"Does anyone like eggs? I think I remember someone liking eggs for breakfast," He said and she couldn't help but smile at him. He was being so goofy. She shook her head. " Yep" she said reluctantly " I like eggs" She said and he smiled at her. He stared into her eyes for a few seconds and then he turned towards Ethan who started asking me a question.

"Can Evan and I help make breakfast? Please? We use to help Grandpa when he stayed with us" Ethan asked "Of course you two can... maybe you're mom would like to go shower and get dressed while we cook" He said to Ethan but looked at Natalie. He smiled. " Maybe I would, " She said smirking and she walked out of the kitchen. John's bright eye's followed her the whole way out the door.

An hour later Natalie was starting to clear the table as her boys and John were still sitting at the table. They all had a wonderful breakfast together. John was telling the boys some silly story about when he and Michael were younger and some of the trouble they use to get into together. Natalie just smiled at the stories at first but then... "John" She came close to his ear and whispered into it. " Please don't give them any idea's... I already have my handful with them," She said and he couldn't help but let out a small laugh. " No problem" He said thinking it was funny. She just looked at his smirking face and scrunched up her nose in annoyance. She continued to clean as she heard her phone ring from her pocket.

"Hello... Yes... this is her... Yes... I remember you DA Patterson... Friday at 2. Yes... I'll be there... my father in law? Not sure he'll be able to make it in such short notice. Yes, it would be fine for you to call him. Yes he can be reached at the Florida phone Number... Thank you and I'll see you at the courthouse tomorrow."

John saw her walk away some with her phone. Then he listened closely for a few minutes till she walked into the other room to take it. He saw her walk back in and she was upset again. He quickly finished up his last bit of his story. Natalie heard him finish up the story and then she looked at the boys.

"Why don't the two of you get go get your stuff together. We need to be going. John's done so much for us. He probably needs to get to work some time today." She told the boys and they made a face. " Can we just hear a few more stories?" Ethan asked and she shook her head no. " We need to go see Grandma today and John needs to go to work. Go get your stuff together" She told him and the two boys left the kitchen.

Natalie went over to the sink again and started to finish the dishes in the sink. John approached her not wanting to pry but he could see she was upset. He took his hands and grabbed the dish she was cleaning from her. " I'll do those later... what's wrong?" He asked and she looked at him. She hesitated for a moment. She just studied his eyes. " That was the DA in Philly again... Mr Patterson... They arraign Nick's killer on Friday... I need to cut my trip short and go back to Philly in the morning... need to put on a united front... show off the widow and her kids to try and get this guy." She told him and she got teary. She wasn't solely convinced if she was teary because of all of this. Because of all the pain it would bring up or... or because her trip... their trip. Hers and the boy's trip was cut short. If maybe she didn't want to leave Llanview... Leave him.

John watched her tear up as he heard her say she would be leaving tomorrow instead of in 4 days. It upset him. He thought he had more time with her... with them. To prove things. To show her. He pulled her to his chest and she went willingly. He held her there for a few minutes. Finally after a few Natalie regained herself. She pulled off of him slightly. He never let go of her completely.

"I don't think I want to go... But it's the best thing for everyone... " She said talking about leaving Llanview. He thought she was talking about the Hearing, and facing the man that killed her husband.

"I can go with you... I have a few days coming to me... I can go to the courthouse with you or watch the boys if you want. Whatever you need." He told her sincere and she smiled weakly. " Thank you but it's not necessary... I can do it myself... all alone... I've been doing great at this taking care of things alone stuff... been getting a lot of practice" She told him and she pulled away from him completely. She walked over to the kitchen door.

"Thanks for all of this... It was very nice of you... and my boys really had a great time" She said as she opened the door and went to get them in the Living room.

Ten minutes later Natalie and the Boys were leaving. They had gathered their stuff and were just saying Goodbye to John.

"Okay... we gotta go boys... Thank you's and Goodbye's," She said and they both went over to John. He squatted down to their eye level.

"Thanks John... we had so much fun..." Ethan told him and he and Evan both hugged him at the same time.

"Your welcome" JOhn said and he felt a bit emotional for a minute. He really got emotional as he heard Natalie tell them they most likely won't be seeing him before they went home to Philly.

"Say good bye boys cause we most likely won't be seeing JOhn before we go back to Philly tomorrow." She said and the bossy got sad for a minute. Natalie noticed it and she cursed herself inside for letting them get so attached to JOhn. She cursed herself inside for allowing herself to get attached to John again.

The boys said Good-bye quietly and upset. John high-fived them and then they walked over to Natalie. Natalie turned to see John stand up straight again. To see into his watery eyes. " Bye...See ya" She said softly almost a whisper as she walked out the door of his condo. John started to walk after her but stopped himself.

John knew now wasn't the time. He almost felt like his last shot with her was over. Taken away. He stared out the window that overlooked the parking lot and he watched them get into her car. He saw her wipe her face off a few times and he knew... he knew she was crying. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to stay. Did she want to stay with him? After all these years... he still knew the answer to that one. She did all but tell him she still loved him. He knew she did. He could tell in her eyes when he searched them. She could kid herself all she wanted and use the excuse of being friends and everything was about her boys... But he knew... he knew she loved him. And he knew he never stopped loving her not once... not ever.