Chapter 11
Aaliyah. "Yeah." Have you thought about your decision?" Yeah, I'll talk to you about it on Monday at school." Ok. You going to be ok? "Yeah."
Monday came too soon. Anitra and I were in the cafeteria together before school. "Hey, did you hear that Aaliyah's god-mom found out about the Facebook?" Oh, SHIT!
I found Aaliyah after school sitting alone on the bench. She turned around and looked at me, or in my direction you could say. I could see the hurt yet again in her eyes. I sat down facing her. Are you ok? "I will be." We pause for a bit. She looks over at me. "I think we should just be friends." I looked into her eyes. I saw pain and disappointment. I sat there for a while trying to compose myself before I started to cry. I could feel my upper lip start to quiver so I started to say, I'm going to go see Anitra and Nikki in the library and work on some homework. Walking away from her there, it was the hardest thing to do ever. Every step felt like an effort. She was my whole world.
I got to the library. "You ok?" Nope. "What happened? Was it Aaliyah?" Yeah. I had previously clued them in on what was going on. That was my second mistake. All within less than twenty minutes. I went to Aaliyah's locker and took some of my stuff back. The stuffed zebra I had recently gotten her pertaining to an inside joke and some things that I had drawn for her. Nikki ad I trailed out. She took my zebra and ran off with it. I eyed Aaliyah hoping she would see the hurt and disappointment in my eyes. She turned away after she caught my glance. I felt awful so I took the zebra back and headed home.
I flopped on my bed and started to cry. I cried for at least two hours before I heard the Tiger cry along with me. Our emotions are shared now. I couldn't call Aaliyah. I couldn't talk to my parents about it.
She was all I still thought about. I longed to be next to her and feel that closeness. But as they say, nothing can ever go back to things thy once were.
"Have you told anybody?" No. I did ask for help with Alyssa, though. "About what?" Well, I told her that I have a friend who I was having a fling with. The said friend said that they only wanted to be friends but I could see it in her eyes that she didn't want to. "Oh." Yeah. That's where the conversation ended and I didn't bring it back up to her again. That was my third mistake.
Aaliyah eventually found out about what I told Nikki and Anitra. She was beyond furious at me and I was afraid that I had lost her forever. We tried to talk it out but things didn't seem to get any better so I decided to give her some space.
"Why did you do this?" Well, for one, you're not the easiest thing to talk to. "So? I could help!" You've never helped me before. What makes this time so special?
Things eventually got better between me and Aaliyah. There was still a trust barrier there. We were all standing at Alyssa's locker one day in between class periods. Someone made a smartass comment about her boyfriend. "Yeah well, I'm not the only one now." And she hip bumped Aaliyah as if to signal who she was talking about. "Yeah, an ex-boyfriend named Kyle." My jaw immediately dropped and I looked at her square in the face. "What?" She looked at me seeing the hurt in my face. I rolled my eyes and walked away trying not to cry.
I was hurt. I was furious. I didn't know what I felt anymore. Betrayed, maybe? After school, we talked in the school commons. She found my poetry book and started reading my latest entries about what was happening. She found the questions I had written down to ask her which I hadn't really made up my mind if I was going to or not. She took it and stuck it in her pocket.
Why didn't you tell me? Are you guys dating? She avoided the questions and made some smart remark. Answer the damn questions. "I was planning on it. Believe me, that's not how I wanted you to find out." You think? "And yes we are dating." I looked at her like I didn't believe it and looked to the side to try and stop the tears from coming. "It was kind of sudden." I stood up and said, ok then see you tomorrow.
I didn't sleep much that night. Crying and tormenting myself. She had a look in her eyes that I still can't explain. She looked trapped. I think she was in that relationship because it was familiar and comfortable. But what does it matter now anyway? "What do you mean what does it matter? She matters. She matters more than anything to you." You're right. I can't change the past now though. I can't change what has all ready happened.