Life of a Lily Chapter 10
I just wanted to take this time to thank everyone for their amazing feedback, particularly the past couple of chapters! You guys are awesome, since I am now ahead in chapters, you should expect updates more often, maybe three times a week or it might stay at two depending on when I feel as though I should put the chapters up!
This chapter resolves a lot of your questions (and pleading lol!)
Enjoy!
Somehow, Mary was unaware of exactly how, Lily survived the night.
It had not been easy, Matthew and Mary had not slept at all, had not let go of each other's hands, until Lily would writhe in pain and begin to vomit or cough again.
It didn't matter how anymore, she survived and that was all that mattered.
"Her fever has gone down considerably so," Clarkson informed them later that day. "And her lungs are still in bad shape, but she is out of the woods I'm glad to say." Mary, as if her whole body melted away, collapsed into a seat and sobbed in relief. "I've given her something to help her sleep the whole day and I've gotten the idea from Lady Grantham and Mr. Crawley to give it to you as well."
"No, I must stay with her," Mary protested weakly, though her body protested.
"You can continue to sleep in here if you must Lady Mary, but you have little to no say in this matter," Dr. Clarkson said. "It is a miracle that it did not spread to you, you took very little care of yourself throughout the time Miss Lily was sick and now it is time you did." He glanced at Matthew. "And it still could."
"Mary please," Matthew sighed from where he stood by the door.
"Lord Grantham has given orders that this hallway remains silent, save for me, Mr. Crawley, or the nurse for the entire day, giving both of you time to recover from this ordeal," Clarkson said.
"What if-" Mary began.
"In the days to come," Clarkson informed her. "She will no longer be contagious, grow much stronger, and most likely not realize anything that happened and you are going to need the strength to help her stay in bed and recover. And if she is anything like a certain Lady I know," there was a hint of amusement in the doctor's eye. "She will not be very cooperative."
"That is an understatement," Matthew chuckled and Mary threw him a look. "Please darling, rest today, Lily might be awake tomorrow and if you collapse from exhaustion and miss it you will not be very happy with yourself, I know you." He leaned down a kissed her on the cheek before pulling her to her feet and leading her over to Jensen's bed. "Soon Mrs. Jensen will be back and she will not be alone at all." Mary collapsed in it gratefully.
"Tell her I love her," Mary murmured tiredly, having not even swallowed the medicine yet.
"She knows Mary," Matthew smiled. "You stayed with her for five days straight, she knows very well that you love her, but I will anyway to placate you."
"Thank y-" she trailed off as she passed out from sheer exhaustion. Matthew walked over to Lily's bed and looked down. She was sleeping soundly but she still looked rather uncomfortable. The rash still covered her from head to toe, that was going to be the problem. Her rash might not disappear for another two weeks and would stay in bed or at least the house until then. He was not looking forward to that especially when she was alert enough to want to go outside. Her stroked her sweaty hair that clung to her face, she had faced so much and he was so relieved she pulled through.
Despite everything that made her look different, she was still beautiful to him; she was still his baby girl.
"I love you sweet girl and so does your Mama," he pressed his lips to her flushed cheeks and exited the room. He went downstairs to the sitting room, where Robert, Cora, and Isobel were waiting anxiously.
"How is she Matthew?" Isobel asked. Matthew looked up with tears in his eyes.
"Good, so good," Matthew smiled. "Her fever is almost gone and with that she is no longer contagious anymore."
"Thank God," Robert sighed. "It's such great news, where is Mary? Asleep I hope."
"She was gone the second her head hit the pillow," Matthew informed them. "She was-"
"A better mother to Lily than I ever dreamed was possible," Cora mentioned. "She didn't leave her side and I'm afraid to say I would have."
"None of that matters now," Isobel said. "Now, Mrs. Jensen is watching the boys and under strict instructions not to bring them here or play with the village children. You my boy are sleeping as well, because we all know you did not sleep at all last night either."
"I promised Mary-" he tried to protest.
"The maids have just cleaned your dressing room, I know you would prefer not to sleep in you and Mary's bed without her," Cora explained.
"Tell the boys please," Matthew mumbled. "I would have liked to tell them myself but I see that it no longer an option."
"It isn't," Isobel reaffirmed and Matthew nodded, resigned, and left the room.
"We shall celebrate when you wake," Robert commented. He found Carson in the foyer.
"Carson," he said, fatigue suddenly hitting him. "I know how much you and the rest of the staff care for Lily, and Lady Mary and I are so grateful for all of you, for what you did. I will go down to thank everyone else properly as well, perhaps with Lady Mary, but for now please realize that I appreciate everything."
"It was not a problem sir," Carson nodded at him. "I'd do it again and so would the staff. The news has spread down there by down, and we are all so pleased."
"I hate to ask this but if Anna could check on Lady Mary from time to time, they both run little risk of spreading the disease but I'm not entirely sure I trust Mary to stay in bed for long," Matthew said tiredly.
"If you wish sir," Carson said. "I shall pass it on."
"Thank you Carson," Matthew breathed and stumbled up the stairs, collapsing gratefully into his bed, sleeping only because he knew Mary was, and that Lily was finally safe.
"Papa," Lily exclaimed, or it would have been exclaimed if she had not been so tired. Matthew's heart broke as tears pooled around her eyes and she reached her arms out for him. It had been four days since her fever broke and Clarkson was confident that she was no longer contagious, and even though she was already cuddled in Mary's arms, Matthew sat on the edge of the bed calmly and watched as she weakly gave a brief look to her mother who nodded. The next second it seemed to take all of her strength to sit up gently and practically launch herself in Matthew's arms.
"There's my girl," Matthew sighed contently, pushing his nose deep into her curly mess on top of her head. Even though the rash was still there, she looked and felt so much healthier.
"I missed you," she cried. "Why were you not here?" Her voice cracked. He had been here, every day, but she was never conscious long enough or too groggy to realize it. All she could remember was throwing up, terrified, with only her Mama to comfort her.
"Lily darling do not wear yourself out, please," Mary murmured, one hand on her back. She turned to Matthew. "I have cleared it with Clarkson that she will be taking a bath and if she's asleep for that well, I cannot promise that I won't get absolutely soaked either." Matthew nodded and simply held Lily closer, not wanting to let her go.
Lily threw her mother a mutinous look and curled around Matthew, taking his tightening grip as a sign he missed her too.
"You do not know the strength in which I have missed you my sweet girl," Matthew whispered. "I love you so much and I am so glad you are feeling better." Lily seemed to be too exhausted to continue speaking so she simply gripped the fabric of his shirt tightly, mumbling incoherently into his chest. Matthew rocked her for a few minutes and murmured comforting words in her ear.
"My love, let's get a bath, how does that sound?" Mary stroked her daughter's hair. "And then maybe after we can try some more broth or even real food."
"Okay," Lily lifted her head and held out her arms for Mary. Reluctantly Matthew let her go into Mary's arms and watched as she turned around. "Papa?"
"I shall come too Lily, if you want me to," Matthew nodded and Lily nodded against her mother's chest, relaxing into her arms as she walked into the bathroom.
"It feels odd to be doing this myself," Mary sighed. "But how is that hunt for a tutor going? I think even Lily is beginning to miss Mrs. Jensen." Gently Mary removed Lily's clothing and put the young girl in the tub. They watched as her whole body relaxed visibly.
"This rash is going to be the problem, isn't it?" Matthew pointed out.
"You missed our gentle fight earlier, she wanted to go o-u-t-s-i-d-e," Mary smirked as she ran a bar of soap down Lily's arms. Matthew chuckled. "Hardly conscious I might add, and wanting to run around."
"We are in for an interesting few weeks," he shook his head.
"Have the boys finished packing their stuff up?" Mary asked. "I did see them yesterday but, I'm missing hearing them around the house. It's been awfully quiet the past week."
"I'm not sure if it is all them but a certain little girl I know," Matthew said playfully looking at his daughter who was listening to their concentration with intrigue. She smiled up at him and Matthew cupped her soapy cheek. Her eyes were drooping already; she had been awake for an hour, the most since falling ill.
"We are almost done darling, tip your head back for Mama and we will wash your hair," Mary said softly. "And then we will have lunch and then you can rest again."
"No rest," she shook her head sleepily as she obeyed her mother. "I want to play outside."
"I'm sorry Lily but I've already told you that you must rest," Mary shook her head. "Mrs. Jensen, however, is coming back today. And maybe when you feel up to it you can play with-" Mary trailed off. With what? What was there for Lily to play with… nothing. Thankfully Lily was not listening to her, she already turned her head to Matthew and pouted her lower lip. Despite the fact that she was no longer sick, Matthew could hardly resist her when she was her usual self. Her lip protruding from the face still red with a rash made Matthew's heart clench.
"It's really not fair that we were given such an adorable child," Matthew shook his head. "Lily, Papa will say the same as Mama, I'm sorry darling but you cannot tire yourself out." Mary rinsed the shampoo out of her hair and grabbed a towel, snatching her out of the tub letting Matthew unplug the drain. Mary put her in another nightgown and settled her in bed.
"I've asked Mama to get Lily new dresses with strict instructions to get her everyday dresses, nothing extravagant," Mary explained as Matthew raised his eyebrow at the choice of outfit. "Perhaps I should ask Isobel to chaperone her."
Mary had to sit in bed with her to hold her upright while Matthew helped feed her, making her finish half a bowl of broth and a take a timid bite of a sandwich. She couldn't have managed any more, Lily's eyes were drooping significantly and Mary let her go and stood up. However, Lily's eyes suddenly cleared.
"Red?" she murmured and Mary's eyes widened and she eyed Matthew warily. She was dreading the day her daughter would ask for her favorite stuffed dog that was now a pile of ash. Her arms reached out for the dog, expecting Mary or Matthew to place it into her arms.
"Lily, Mama cannot bring you Red, I'm sorry," Mary placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Why?" Lily's voice cracked.
"It's the very reason your sheets are no longer your sheets," Matthew sighed, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Because you were very sick."
"I want Red," she cried. "Where's Red?"
"Lily girl you are going to tire yourself out, please calm down," Mary bit her lip and looked helpless. "I'm sorry but I cannot give you Red."
"No Mama, I want Red," she cried.
"We… we cannot bring you Red anymore. Not now or ever. Red had to be taken away."
"NO!" she wailed. "RED!" Lily began to sob and Mary reached out to comfort her but Lily attempted to push away from her. "Papa!" Matthew sent an apologetic glance at Mary and gathered Lily in his arms and rocked her back and forth like he would have done when she was young enough to be rocked on the rocking chair that was now in the attic. He saw the pain in Mary's face from being rejected from the child she nursed back to health for days, all because she said that she could not give her the stuffed animal.
"Shhh my darling, it's alright," Matthew murmured. "Papa's got you, it's alright. We can get you another stuffed dog, a better stuffed dog. I'm sorry we cannot bring you Red." He felt his shirt grow wet with her tears but also felt her sobs begin to fizzle out along with the last of her energy. Mary stood up and walked out of the room after kissing Lily on the head, hesitantly, Matthew put her to bed and ran after Mary.
"She hates me," she whispered, her face in her hands. "I took away her dog and she hates me for it."
"Do not say that Mary, she is upset," Matthew reaffirmed. "She does not hate you. She adores you, you are her Mama."
"No, she hates me," Mary cried.
"She's okay now, but Mary who knows what would happen if she played with the dog again and got sick again, you would never forgive yourself no matter how upset she is over losing it," Matthew grabbed her arms and made her meet his eyes. "There is no way she can hate you, after the way you cared for her."
"Okay," Mary nodded. "Okay."
"But I want to go," Lily whimpered as she looked at her brothers who were sitting on her bed. The red rash that still lit her cheeks aflame was turning pink now, a little more than a week later.
"I'm sorry Lil," William sighed. "I promise to tell you everything Bertie and I do, so it will be like you came with us."
"The Downton Fair may come only ever so often, but the next time there is no doubt you can go," Mary reassured her. She stroked her cheek. Lily flinched away. "And tomorrow Dr. Clarkson promised to let us know if he thinks you are strong enough to leave your room tomorrow."
"Papa may I go to the fair?"
"Why do you believe asking me will solve all your problems," Matthew chuckled and kissed her head. "No I'm afraid your Mama is right, you cannot go." Lily looked dismayed.
"Stay," she mumbled.
"If you do not wish for me to go-" Matthew began uneasily.
"Papa," Bertie complained. "You promised."
"Lily," Mrs. Jensen's stern voice arose from the corner. Since Lily's sickness and Mrs. Jensen's return, the older woman had been almost inseparable from the child and Lily to her. Mary almost felt jealous at their newfound closeness, but she shook it away. "You do not want your brother's to be disappointed do you?" Lily's lower lip trembled.
"No," she huffed.
"And Mama is staying; I can read you whatever story-"
"Mrs. Jensen can," Lily sniffed and Mary gasped at her daughter's harshness, for a second it seemed as if Lily was acting exactly like she had as a young child, superior, acting like she ran Downton.
"If you wish darling," Mary stood and got off of the bed. She turned away. "Perhaps I'll ring for Anna, she can get me dressed for dinner. Granny and Isobel are coming tonight to even the numbers with you gone tonight Matthew." Matthew watched as Lily looked at her mother in shock, the three year old looking slightly ashamed at herself.
He nodded at Mrs. Jensen and kissed Lily on the cheek.
"Goodbye my darling, we will be home soon," Matthew dismissed.
"Goodbye Lily, I'm so glad you are feeling better," Bertie called and William bent down next to his little sister.
"Be nice to Mama, she's ever so sorry about Red and you know it," he said. Matthew grabbed Mary's hand as she rushed off to her room.
"You said she'd forget Matthew, if you haven't noticed she didn't," Mary hissed. "And now she prefers the nanny over me!"
"Mary, perhaps you should come with us to the fair, Mrs. Jensen has Lily and it will be good for you Mary, to get out," Matthew told her. "I'm afraid I must insist."
"Oh you insist so that means I must go," Mary rolled her eyes. "I was thinking of returning to my first dinner with Granny but if you insist." Matthew did not take to heart her bitter tone, he knew Lily's attitude towards her since last week was leaving Mary feel useless and dismayed all of the time.
"Mary," Matthew sighed. "She'll come around. Your daughter is stubborn."
"Oh so she's just my daughter now," Mary's eyebrows rose.
"Because the trait is completely yours, yes," Matthew kissed her cheek fondly. "Now please my darling, come with us."
"Please Mama," Bertie begged. "William and I wish you would go!"
"Alright, alright," she sighed and ruffled Bertie's hair fondly. "You two are just enjoying your last day off before your tutor arrives tomorrow bright and early." William rolled his eyes at his mother's comment. Mary spent the entire walk to the village where the fair was taking place looking over her shoulder, as if someone would be calling for her because Lily wanted her.
"Mama, will you ride the carousel with me?" Bertie asked politely.
"I'm not in much of a mood to spin Bertie, I'm sorry," Mary excused. "You have your fun." They safely put the boys on the carousel and Matthew led her to a nearby booth.
"Two games," he said to the man and they were each handed three balls.
"I'm rotten at this game Matthew," Mary sighed.
"Perhaps your luck will change and you can win a stuffed animal for Lily," Matthew quipped. Mary's eyes widened in anticipation, as if it could win her daughter's heart back. She scowled as all three of her balls missed their target and she was left with nothing. Matthew, however, succeeded in winning a bear.
For the rest of the night Mary was determined to win a game and win a stuffed animal, but after spending a lot of money she gave up, her hands moving to cover her face.
"Mary darling, you can give her this," he gestured to the teddy bear in his arms.
"But I did not win it for her Matthew," Mary cried out indignantly. "I cannot be false to her. I must give her something I won or nothing at all. I sat and watched as Clarkson collected every stuffed animal to burn, some she never touched. She's miserable because of me."
"Mary calm down please," Matthew whispered. "She loves you."
"Stop saying she loves me when she clearly does not, my own daughter hates me after I went through so much," Mary's voice cracked. "And now I'm blaming her, what a horrid mother I am."
"Mama you are not horrid," William spoke up.
"You are the best Mama!" Bertie chimed in.
"Not according to your sister," Mary sighed. "I'm sorry darlings, I've put a damper on our evening and now we must be going."
"Perhaps try one more game Mama, just in case your luck has changed," William suggested. "Here…" He ran over to a booth and pulled a coin out of his pocket. "For my Mama." Mary scowled but the hope in her son's eyes brought her to the booth. With a sigh she took a ring and flung in aimlessly towards a spike.
"At least try Mary," Matthew rolled his eyes.
"I paid my own money for it please," William said.
"And where did you get said money," Mary said despondently.
"Mama," William sighed.
"If you insist," she hissed and narrowed her eyes at a spike, tossed the ring, and her eyes widened as it landed perfectly. "Oh my."
"Here you go Lady Mary, sorry, my prizes are not quite up to par to what they would have been an hour ago," the man from the booth excused, handing her a tiny doll. Mary looked down at it disappointedly.
"You can still have the bear," Matthew offered.
"Lily will love it," Bertie reassured.
"Well done Mama," William congratulated.
"It's better than nothing I suppose," Mary clutched the doll in her hand. Matthew went to her side and offered his arm which Mary took. It felt so wrong to not have Lily there as the boys ran ahead, relishing in their last night of freedom. "I don't know what to do without her; I have no one to keep a fairly close watch on."
"Do remember she can leave her room tomorrow if she is up for it," Matthew chuckled. "And with the rash almost gone outside probably in a week. We shall have our little banshee back in no time."
"Matthew I was so scared we were going to lose her," Mary whispered. "If I lost her I feel like I'd lose myself in the process. Without you in my life, I'd feel half myself, without our children, even just one of them, I'd feel empty, I'd feel as if I wanted to die too."
"Good thing we didn't lose her then," Matthew covered her hand with his own.
"But Matthew I feel as though I have," Mary sighed as the Abbey came into view. "It will be too late to give her these tonight, she will be asleep by the time we get up to her room."
"I know the key for her getting back to her usual self is rest," he shook his head. "But I feel as though she's slept enough in these past few weeks that she will forgive us for waking her. Especially since we have yet to allow her to play with any of the replacement toys, since they are all in the day nursery and library."
"Oh God," Mary giggled softly. "I do hope they went through to the drawing room, I could imagine Granny's face."
"She'd know it was for Lily and then she'd understand, do remember our daughter has us all wrapped around her tiny finger, even the staff," Matthew mentioned.
"I was a terror when I was little and thought I owned the place, and the only member of the staff who liked me was Carson," Mary smiled at Matthew. "I feel as though our little quarrel right now will not be the last."
"Thank you Alfred," Matthew nodded to the footman as they opened the door. "Make our excuses to Lord and Lady Grantham, we may make it back down but tell them not to expect us."
"Of course sir," Alfred nodded. Together they went to the nursery, Mrs. Jensen was sitting up reading, but Lily was fast asleep.
"If you could excuse us for a moment Mrs. Jensen, I'm sorry," Mary said.
"Not at all milady," Mrs. Jensen left, for she too felt bad for the young girl's new found love for her and contempt for her mother. "I'll just be in the other room."
"Lily, Lily my darling wake up," Matthew whispered to her, sitting on the edge of her bed. "Papa and Mama have a surprise for you." Lily's eyes opened groggily and her small fist rubbed at her eyes.
"What is it?" she murmured.
"Well we've just come back from the fair, and we've won you-" Lily shot straight up. Mary didn't have a moment to pull out the doll before Lily reached around Matthew's back and saw the bear.
"Papa! Thank you," she giggled as he regretfully handed it to her and she hugged her close to her chest. She reached up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you! Thank you!" Mary turned away.
"Mama too Lily girl, Mama won you something as well," Matthew pointed out.
"Mama?" Lily said hopefully. Mary slowly turned back to face her daughter and held out the pitiful looking doll to Matthew's bear.
"It is not much my darling," she murmured but Lily giggled with glee as she took it too and hugged it to her chest. And that's when Mary realized it wasn't the toys themselves making her happy, but who won them to make it up for her.
"Thank you Mama," she jumped on her bed and reached out her arms for Mary to hold her.
"Down Lily," Matthew chastised.
"Oh Matthew let her have her fun," Mary picked the little girl up.
"Can we play now Mama?" Lily asked.
"No we cannot silly girl," Mary shook her head. "Tomorrow we have such wonderful surprises for you so you must go to sleep now."
"Mama can you read to me?" she said sweetly and Mary dissolved into tears.
"Oh of course my darling," she pressed a kiss to her head. "And would you like your bear and doll to be tucked into bed with you? They may not be as good as Red-"
"But they are Mama," the three year old giggled and scrambled out of her arms and into bed. As if it was an answer Lily held the bear tightly in her arms and placed the doll directly next to her. "I love you Mama, I love you Papa!"
"Now what shall we read tonight?" Lily thought carefully.
"Wedding," she giggled.
"That's not a story my darling, it's hardly a book," Matthew shook his head.
"Please Mama," Lily puckered out her bottom lip. Mary's heart leapt, somehow, in just a matter of minutes, Matthew became the one who said no and Mary was the one who she begged to.
"Oh Matthew just go and get it," Mary said softly, sitting in bed. "It's what she wants."
"Isn't this a role reversal," Matthew chuckled as Lily curled up on Mary's lap.
"Thank you Mama," she mumbled as Matthew reentered, carrying their wedding album. He handed it to Mary.
"I'm not sure how to tell a story about this," Matthew bit his lip. "That's appropriate."
"Mama you look like a princess," Lily gasped, her tiny fingers running over the page. "Mama is a princess Papa. Does that make you a prince?"
"I'm not sure about that my darling-" Matthew began but broke off. "Yes, your Mama is a princess, especially that day." His eyes were shining as he looked at Mary who rolled her eyes playfully and flipped the page, Lily gasping again. Maybe it wasn't the best bedtime story for the little girl who still needed a rest. "And I suppose that makes me a prince, and the story was just like Cinderella you see."
"How?" Lily's eyes widened.
"Well we lost each other, for a long long time, and it took me a while to realize that it was your Mama who belonged with me, who's-"
"Whose foot fit in the shoe?" Lily giggled.
"Maybe we could say who fit in my arms perfectly, who completed me," Matthew said.
"Just as you belong right here my girl," Mary whispered. "In my arms."
"More," Lily yawned and nestled in her Mama's arms.
"They met at a dinner party, and neither of them noticed each other until it was too late, until something called the Great War split them up," Matthew continued. "And the prince, he searched far and thought that he found her again in London, but that was not his true love. He felt he had to settle for her until one day he realized that Cinderella, his princess, was right in front of him the whole time. And-"
"The shoe fit," Mary laughed quietly. "Goodness Matthew that was the corniest bedtime story I have ever heard."
"Shhh," he whispered, gesturing to a sleeping Lily. Mary had to pry her little fingers of the album before handing it to Matthew and settling her baby girl in bed, making sure her doll and bear were next to her.
"I'm so glad she forgave me," Mary sighed.
"How could she not, she loves her Mama."
"Speaking of love Matthew, you make it sound so easy what we went through to fall in love," Mary chuckled.
"I'm sorry but it's true, you were right in front of me and I was a fool to not see you, to not realize that you loved me, to tell you we were cursed to-"
"There's no need to bring up those skeletons Matthew, I love you, here, now, and always, that's all that matters; that and the fact we shall make sure our children know it, see it, and realize that they are a product of love, not duty," Mary whispered.
"As long as we can spare certain details with Lily," Matthew hissed. "Because she can be in the dark on that subject for a while."
"Oh Matthew."
you all thought I was going to kill one of them ;) No, this story will have a lot of angst eventually, but I am not so quick to kill of some of the main characters this early (believe what you will about this sentence, I could be planning to kill someone or I could not be!)… but ultimately this story has a happy ending!
Please review and let me know what you think, I gave you significantly less angst this chapter and cute moments (and a very corny bedtime story!)