A/N Hey guys, Keep Running,
Thank you all for the reviews, you're all amazing for reading this :') My chapters always look really small once I've uploaded them, even though the last one was 4 A4 pages, so I'm gonna try and lay them out differently. Please, please, pleaseeeeeeee review! I'm being greedy and wanting lots of reviews, I know xD But I just want to know what y'all think and then I can update quicker the more reviews I get :3
Blue Xo
Chapter 10 – Hopeless Hearts
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. Was the only word that was constantly running through my mind as the footsteps stopped outside of my room. My heartbeat was in my mouth, I was so nervous I felt as though I was going to throw up. It would most probably put Frank off me for life, IF he was even interested in me at all anyway. Well, I was sure I had no chance with him anyway, if I was sick in front of him I'd have even less chance. If that makes any sense.
There was a knock on my door and I gulped down my nerves before slouching down onto my bed trying to act natural.
"Come in" I called coolly as I picked up my cell and pretended to search through it, I didn't look up as Frank walked into my room and slumped into the chair where Mikey had sat moments before.
"Hey" He murmured, sounding slightly drunk, I lifted my gaze from my cell as I repeated what he'd just said. He smiled a suggestive grin at me, he did look as if he'd had more alcohol since I left, or he was just more of a lightweight than I was.
"Can you squish up? This chair isn't very comfy" A giggle escaped his lips and his gaze travelled down to my bed.
"Do I have a choice?" I asked in reply, I was surprised out how confident I sounded, when in reality, my insides were threatening to erupt out of my mouth. But even so I managed to slide across my bed, leaving Frank some space to sit next to me. It was times like that I wished I had a double bed. There was barely room for me on it normally so with an extra body there was practically no space to move at all.
I was extremely aware of Frank next to me, his skin kept gently brushing against mine, raising the little hairs that dotted all the way up my arms. I tried desperately not to move, because if I did, the electricity that would pass through my body would be too much for me to take and I didn't know how much self control I had left.
"So" Frank spoke which broke me from my concentration. His hands were twisting and untwisting in his lap and he stared at them intently.
"So" I replied, realising that my hands began to mirror his exact movements. When there was no answer from him, I continued, "You, wanted to talk to me?".
"Yea, I did. Umm" He paused, as if he were trying to figure out how to phrase his next sentence.
"Okay. So, I need some advice" He looked up at me with eyes that almost looked sad, but I dismissed it as merely the dimness in my room playing tricks on me. I had one single window that allowed the smallest amount of street light to filter in and cast long shadows over the floor, making my room look as though it belonged in a horror movie of some sort.
"Sure" I murmured, not quite certain I'd be able to help him in anyway. I was the one to seek the advice not the one to deliver it.
"Well, what would you do if a girl tells you she likes you, but, you're not one hundred percent sure about how you feel about her? Cos you don't want to hurt her feelings but you just don't know how you feel? I really need help." He spoke so fast I could barely understand a word he said; when he'd finished speaking he inhaled a huge breath of air, ran a hand through his gorgeous jet black hair and then stared at me expectantly.
My eyes widened as I tried to take in his situation, I wanted to tell him to just forget about her and to be with me. For a moment, I actually did debate about telling him my feelings. But I didn't want to creep him out, I mean, I hadn't actually known him for that long.
"I don't really know what I'd do Frank, is there any chance you could like her?" I tried my best to keep the disappointment out of my voice.
"I don't know, I don't really look at her in that way. Y'know?" I averted my gaze from him to stare at my twining hands as I nodded solemnly.
"I'm just in such a complicated situation" He moaned, falling back into a lying position on my bed. I wanted to scream at him, 'You think you're in a complicated situation? I have feelings for my brother's fucking best mate!'. But obviously, I didn't, I couldn't.
"Me too" I murmured before my brain could stop my stupid mouth from talking. I prayed he hadn't heard me, but of course, I wasn't that lucky.
"You are? How?" Stupid, stupid, stupid. I said repeatedly to myself. I quickly tried to think of a believable lie that I could tell him. But nothing miraculously appeared in my mind.
"I just, like, someone, that's clearly out of my league" I said practically pausing between each word.
"Gerard, like anyone's out of your league man" Frank laughed tapping me on the back. I lay down onto my back so that I could stare at the ceiling. It took me quite a while to process what Frank had just said.
"What do you mean?" I replied, about five minutes later and mentally slapped myself.
"Well look at yourself dude; you're like, every girls dream guy" I propped myself up on my elbow so that I could look at Frank on my side. It would be so much easier if I could just tell him that I didn't WANT to be every girl's dream guy. I wanted to be FRANK'S dream GUY. But that would be about as likely as pigs flying.
"I'm really not, but thanks, I guess" I sighed as he mirrored my position, our faces so close I had felt uncomfortable to look into his eyes. My heart might betray me and do something I'd end up regretting.
"Why don't you have faith in yourself?" He whispered to me, his breath sweet on my skin, he must have inched closer. Once he'd asked the question, it was as if he opened a door inside my brain, I mean, why DIDN'T I have faith in myself?
"Because, no one has faith in me" I whispered back, I felt my eyes sting, as if tears were going to fall, but I held them back. No way did I want Frank to see me cry.
"That's not true" I don't know why we kept whispering to each other, but it made the night seem tranquil, so peaceful, almost romantic.
"Yes it is" I replied, I kept my eyes down, I couldn't meet his gaze.
"No. It isn't. Because Mikey has faith in you, your friends have faith in you, your family has faith in you. I have faith in you" The words he spoke made my heart flutter but still my eyes stung, it wasn't fair that I couldn't be with him. I wanted it more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life, but it was impossible, he was so close, yet so out of reach.
"You. You have faith in me?" I managed to croak, I quickly looked at him, which was probably a mistake because I could barely tear my eyes away from him. I couldn't believe just how angelic he was, his beautiful caramel tinted eyes, his perfectly sculptured nose that lead down to the most tempting lips that if you looked at them for too long you'd find yourself leaning in to him. Which, was exactly what I was doing at that moment. Eventually, my mind finally clicked in and I jerked away from him.
"Of course I have faith in you Gerard" The tone of his voice made it obvious that he was telling the truth and for once in my life, I was happy, like, properly happy.
"But, you haven't even known me that long" I replied, it was a lot to comprehend, no one had ever told me they had faith in me, it was all a little overwhelming.
"It doesn't matter about how long we've known each other, besides, I feel more comfortable around you than some of my other friends" He was right, it doesn't matter how long you've known someone for, it's about how much you enjoy their company in the time you have known them. I found Frank was a very insightful guy and I felt as if we were almost having a 'heart-to-heart'.
"You're right. And same with you, I feel really comfortable around you. Normally it takes me a while to get used to someone." I mumbled, debating whether or not to turn and look at him again. But I didn't have much choice as Frank turned my head to look him straight in the eye.
"I'm the same." He whispered so quietly he was barely audible. His hand still cupped my chin and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would pump all the way out of my chest.
"There's something about you Gerard" He frowned as if he were asking himself a question. I couldn't help but gulping, unattractively loudly. It was virtually impossible to keep my breathing even, his face was so close and his lips were parted, as if he was inviting me to kiss him. But before I could act on it, he'd dropped his hand, but he still looked deeply into my eyes.
"I seriously don't know what to do about Jamia" He spoke a little louder than before, but still barely above a whisper, his gaze was questioning, which confused me a little. Jamia was the girl at the party; it was no surprise that she was the one that had feelings for Frank. It was so obvious.
"She made it clear that she liked you. A lot" I spoke in an irritated tone, I couldn't hid it. Thinking back to the way she kissed him made me want to ball my fists up in anger.
"Was it really obvious?" He put his hand up to his face as if to shield himself from what he knew was the truth.
"Yes" I spoke through gritted teeth, I was acting childish, but I couldn't help it. A car horn beeped from outside and Frank's head spun to look out of the window high up by my ceiling. It gave me a little moment to calm down and compose myself. I shouldn't be acting so irritated towards Frank, it wasn't his fault he was straight. He turned back round to face me and smiled, it looked forced, but nevertheless, I smiled back.
"You know Lindsey likes you, right?" He said resting his head on my pillow. The light in my room was flickering, it was really quite dark in my room only light enough for me to make out Frank's features and see the beautiful glimmer in his eyes.
"She does?" I asked, I really couldn't care less if she liked me. I had no feelings towards her at all. The only person I wanted was lying right next to me.
"Yea, she wouldn't stop talking about you. Plus, umm, when she kissed you she was clearly into it" He laughed and I faked a laugh to sound as if I found it funny too. When I didn't. I felt bad that Lindsey liked me when I hadn't even thought about her at all since the party, well, in all honesty, I never really thought about her. My mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of Frank.
"Makes one of us" I said under my breath and immediately regretted it when I saw Frank laugh. I'd let it slip that I didn't feel the same about Lindsey as she did towards me, it probably would have been easier to just lie and say that I did like her. But the consequences of me doing that would probably be awful, so I suppose I did the right thing.
"You don't like her then?" He laughed again, which caused his body to move closer to mine. His legs pressed against mine, which was rather distracting as my mind wandered off into fantasy land, wondering if Frank laughed again would, other parts, of his body press against mine too. If you catch my drift. I shook my head as if I could physically shake off thoughts of Frank and he took it as my reply to his question.
"So who do you like then if you don't like her?" He asked poking me playfully in the ribs. I could feel my cheeks begin to burn, I tried to hide my rapidly-turning-scarlet skin behind my hair casually but probably ended up looking like some sort of shaggy-haired dog.
"No one" Was the pathetic reply I could muster and even so, it was completely obvious that I was lying. My voice cracked halfway through and I stuttered at the beginning.
"You're lying" Frank poked me continuously, each time he managed to poke me in a spot that caused me to burst into laughter.
"Don't make me torture it out of you" He joked, realising he'd found my weakness. He propped himself onto his knees next to me and began tickling me rapidly, laughing as he did so. My legs fumbled about and my arms flailed about in a pitiable attempt to prevent his unstoppable hands. The thought of Frank's hands all over me should've been enough for me to have just laid there and took it, but I couldn't, I was a very ticklish kinda guy.
"Frank! Stop!-Mmfff! Please!" I screamed between tickles. I didn't think I could cope much longer, but I was stubborn and I really didn't want to tell him I liked him. Yet. If at all. Frank sighed and rolled back next to me.
"Fine. But I will get it out of you. Mark my words Way" He flicked the tip of my nose and threw his head back. We were silent for a while as our breathing returned back to normal.
"Anyway, I actually thought you looked quite into the kiss with Lindsey too, to be honest. It was quite hard to watch" My brow furrowed at his last comment, hard to watch. Why would it be hard for him to watch? It took me a while to realise he must mean, hard as in awkward. Of course it was awkward, a group of people watching two other people kissing in silence. It all seemed a little strange to me, the whole concept of the game had never really appealed to me. Especially as kissing wasn't really my forte, I'd not exactly had much practice with it.
"Apparently you're a good kisser anyway" He winked and if it were possible for your insides to turn into jelly, mine would have at that exact moment. Well jelly with butterflies, lovely combination. I fumbled about in my thoughts trying to find a coherent reply.
I settled with the simple, "I am?" and he replied with a flirtatious smile. I forced my whole head to move with my gaze as it travelled down towards my bed covers. It was absolutely ridiculous how he could make me feel with a simple look or word, I felt so absurd reacting in the way I did when around him. But he had that affect on me, he'd stolen my heart.
"I'm sure you are" I lifted my head and as I did so my nose brushed against his, our faces were inches apart. His voice had taken on a husky tone and his eyes now glinted with something I couldn't quite pinpoint what it was, perhaps suggestiveness. Our bodies were so close I could almost feel his heartbeat, which seemed almost as fast as mine. I didn't tear my eyes away from him as I muttered a "Doubt it". He moved his face painfully slowly towards mine; my heart was beating at a million miles per second. I moved ever so slightly in reaction, not sure if he was going to kiss me or play some sadistic practical joke on me. But he was still moving closer, so slowly you'd think snails were the fastest creatures on earth. He stopped when our lips were resting against each other. My breathing deepened as he pressed his lips fully upon mine.