Lesbos, July 2013
Santana POV
As we grow, the things we like tend to change. Things that once made us happy may make us sick now, or vice-versa. My preferences to many things were like that. What was once my favorite mint chocolate-chip ice cream from the parlor up the street from McKinley now tasted like cold disappointment. Likewise, where the shrill sound of Kurt's voice used to elicit a knee-jerk response to toss a cherry-lime Slushee in his face, now felt comforting like a warm, though slightly unwelcome, hug.
I'd never felt that with Brittany. I'd loved her as long as I I'd known her. Even before I knew it myself, when I was denying it to both of us and everyone else, I had loved her. That hadn't changed in the slightest.
I lay in bed, looking at her perfect, serene face as she slept. Her chest ebbed and flowed as she breathed, her arm draped lazily across my waist. The way I felt about a lot of things may have changed, but my feelings for Brittany never have. Wait, that's not totally true. They're definitely stronger now than they ever have been. Maybe, I was just more aware of them now. What's for sure is that I loved Brittany more than anything, and I'd do anything I could to make her happy.
Her eyes opened briefly as sleepy blue eyes peeked out at me before they closed again.
"You're staring." Her lips curled up in a smile. She softly blew her hair out of her face only for it to fall right back into place. I giggled and pushed her hair behind her ear, resting my hand on her warm cheek.
"Good morning," I whispered.
Her eyes opened slowly as they locked on mine. There was something so hypnotic about Brittany's eyes. Like, I wanted to spill all the secrets of the world to her when she looked at me. They were just so clear and honest and innocent. I could look in them forever.
"Good morning, San," she said, voice raspy with sleep. "How long have you been awake?"
"Not long. I just like watching you sleep."
"Creep," she teased, hitting my face with a stray pillow.
"You love it." I laughed and hit her back, throwing the pillow away from the bed before she could retaliate. Her eyes crinkled as she giggled.
"I do," she said softly, leaning over and pressing her lips to mine. She pulled back, and I couldn't help but gaze at her again as I ran my fingers through her hair.
"Your eyes are really beautiful," I said. "I think, if I really had to choose, they might be my favorite part of your body."
"That's saying a lot, considering you spend a lot of time on… other parts of my body."
My eyes took a moment to leisurely scan her bare body. Our clothes were still off from our activities the night before. My hands couldn't resist following the trail my eyes made along her perfect skin. By the time my eyes got back up to her face, I could feel the tension build between my legs.
"Trust me, the competition is stiff. But the way you look at me, I could look in your eyes all day and just get lost."
"You wanna know my favorite part of your body?" she asked after a beat.
I nodded as her hand smoothed across my back until it rested on my backside.
"Your butt." I giggled as she squeezed softly and rubbed its curve.
"Seriously, babe?" I laughed.
"Yeah, it's so round and perfect and jiggly like jell-o. Especially when you're on top off me." Her eyes darkened as she got that familiar look in her eye. "Junior year, you wore these really tight pair of jeans with a heart on the back pocket that fit you, like, perfectly. I stared at that heart a whole lot."
"Perv," I teased.
"As much as I do love your butt, it's tied for number one, though. Right up there with your smile." Her eyes darted between my eyes and my mouth. "You have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, San. It's like the switch that lights you up from the inside." Her mouth opened and closed like she wanted to say something else, so I stayed quiet until she did. "I never told you this. Some of the silly things I used to say back in high school, I said on purpose. I still do sometimes, but back then, especially before we joined Glee, you looked so mad all the time. So, I'd say something just to make you laugh so I could see that smile again."
It was true. My early high school days were peak Bitch days. I had to strike fear and dominance as a badass too-good-for-you cheerleader to stay at the top of the social food chain. But on the rare occasion a genuine smile did break through, it usually had something to do with my blonde best friend. God, did I love her.
"There it is," she smiled. Her thumb stroked my dimple as I took her in, eyes twinkling as she looked back at me. "I love you, San. There isn't enough space in the universe for my arms to stretch for me describe how much I love you."
"I love you, too, Britt," I breathed. "You make me so happy."
Our lips met in a sensual kiss, words of love flowing through our touch. Brittany's hands explored my body, pulling me so close to her there wasn't any space left between us. My hands roamed the expanse of Brittany's soft skin as she melted beneath me.
The moan she let into my mouth when our tongues swirled together shot vibrations through me straight to between my legs. I cupped her breast and ran a thumb over her nipple, stroking softly until it hardened to a peak.
"Mmm, that feels so good," Brittany gasped.
I trailed wet kisses down her jaw, earning another moan from her when I sucked on her neck. I rolled us over until I hovered above her, lodging a thigh between her legs. Brittany's hands moved across my back as she pulled me further into her. The heat rose between us as I grinded into her feeling the warmth of her core rub against my thigh.
"Can I show you how happy you make me, baby?" I breathed in her ear, nipping softly at her earlobe.
She nodded silently, head rolling back and giving me more access to return to her neck. I ran a hand down her body and over her sex, feeling the moisture coat my palm, but not yet entering her.
"I didn't quite catch that, B." I teased, moving to swirl a tongue over her erect nipple. My fingers continued to tweak as my mouth paid attention to the other one.
"Yes… yes… Santana, please," she begged breathlessly.
With a smirk, I looked up to watch her face change as two fingers eased themselves inside her moist, soft center. A groan escaped her, and she arched into me.
We kissed hungrily when my lips fell on hers. Teeth clashing, tongues warring as my fingers delved in and out working up my girlfriend. My fingers reached deeper and harder with each stroke, curving inside her every time. My thumb rubbed circles against Brittany's clit, and I latched onto her neck again when her words turned incoherent.
Her nails dug into me, and I groaned as it spurred me on. "Fuck, Britt. You are so sexy, baby." Her hips met me thrust for thrust as I kissed and licked down her body. I glanced at her face as I worked her with my fingers before sinking down to replace my thumb with mouth.
My lips latched around her clit, tongue swirling as the sounds of Brittany's panting made my aching fingers work harder. I wrapped my free arm around her thigh, pressing on her middle to keep her still against her writhing.
I took my fingers out of her, letting my mouth work overtime as I pressed my face as far into her as possible. My tongue lapped at every inch of her I could, paying special attention to her sensitive nub. All my senses were overwhelmed with Brittany. Her smell, her moans, her skin, her taste. It was too much and not enough at the same time.
"Close… so close… uhh… Santana" I heard Brittany say as she dug her fingers into my hair.
My eyes glanced up to see Brittany's body squirm in pleasure, and a stroke of inspiration hit me. I picked my head up from between Brittany's thighs, much to her dismay. She whined in disapproval as a confused look crossed her flustered face.
Instead of explaining, I used both hands to hold her thighs apart. Turning my body around, I crossed my thigh over hers and settled between her, straddling her from behind. I looked back to see confusion had turned to delight on Brittany's face and grinned in smug satisfaction when her hands rested on the ass she loved so much.
I lowered myself until our cores touched, feeling the immense wetness between us intermingle. Brittany groaned along with me as I grinded into her. A wave of pleasure crashed into me every time I stroked against her.
"Uhhh… god, you feel so good, San," Brittany groaned. She gripped my ass, grinding me harder and harder into her. Feeling her fingers dig into my flesh like that really turned me the fuck on. I gripped both hands on her leg for leverage as I found the spot that made us both cry out in pleasure.
A few more times hitting that spot, and I could feel Brittany's body stiffen as she cried out my name. Her hold tightened on my body as she reached her peak, but I didn't let up. I could feel her juices run down my thigh, and it only made me go faster against her.
As she came down, Brittany's hold on me never eased. She guided me against her, rubbing a hand down my back, back to my ass as she whispered dirty things to me.
"Come for me, Santana," she panted. "Show me how good I make you feel."
I bit my lip, failing to hold back a moan. Wave after wave of pleasure washed over me until I reached my peak. Soon, my walls clenched, and a groan of ecstasy filled the room. My movements slowed down as I tried to control my speeding heart rate and leaned over to rest on Brittany's leg.
"Fuck…" I panted as Brittany's hands rubbed my skin soothingly.
I hopped off Brittany's thigh and turned back around only to settle between her legs and catch a sight of her core, glistening with the mix of our juices. Never one to deny myself when it came to Brittany, I leaned forward, flattening my tongue against her to taste the both of us together.
"Mmm, San, don't do that. You're… uhhh, working me up again."
I perked my head up and arched an eyebrow at her. "Is that a bad thing?" I smirked. Before she could answer, I descended and went back to licking our mixture off her. As I did, I heard her moan and glanced up to see her looking at me as I went down on her.
I slipped two fingers inside her as my mouth latched onto her nub. We kept our eyes locked as Brittany's breathing sped up, her face got flushed, and she moved against me. It wasn't long before she clenched against my fingers, her face contorting as she came, but her eyes never left mine. It was so incredibly hot.
My mouth continued until every lick of her slit as I cleaned her juices made her spasm.
Slowly, I kissed me way back up her spent body, licking Brittany off each soaked finger. "Mmm, we taste amazing, babe."
When I got to her head, Brittany immediately captured my lips in a heated kiss. I moaned as she tasted herself on my tongue, her hands gripping the sides of my face as she slowly ravaged my mouth with her own.
"That was incredible," she said breathlessly against my lips as I settled beside her. "I must make you really damn happy," she teased.
I grinned as I pulled back and looked in her eyes.
"The happiest."
#
I groaned as the annoyingly cheerful ring of a Skype call sang from my laptop. I was about to ask Brittany to get it when my hand ran over the cold empty side of the bed, and I remembered she wasn't there.
Hauling myself out of bed, I sat around the table and answered whoever it was that woke me up.
"Hola, mija," my mom chirped on the screen.
"Hi, mamí," I yawned as I rubbed at my eyes.
"Are you just waking up?" she asked. "I thought it was afternoon over there."
"I am, and it is. I was taking a nap. What can I say? I'm taking advantage of my vacation."
She chuckled. "How are you enjoying your trip?"
"It's been great," I smiled. "I didn't realize how much I needed this break from New York."
"I'm glad you're getting a chance to relax and reconnect with Brittany, but don't forget real life is waiting for you. It doesn't stop because you're on an island. When are you planning to go back?"
"We're supposed to leave Lesbos in a few months and spend some weeks in Hawaii, then head back to New York. But… I don't know."
"What do you mean, Tana?"
I sighed, "Short story is I may not have enough in the bank to swing the next leg of the trip in Hawaii, but I promised Britt I'd take her."
"Well, mama, part of growing up means making sacrifices and tough decisions. I'm not going to tell you what to do, pero you've got a while to think about it. Your dad and I are here for you if you need us."
I rubbed my face in exhaustion and frustration. Truth was, I'd been thinking a lot about what would happen when we went back to New York, and it was stressing me the fuck out. Sure, living on that raggedy couch in the loft and surviving on ramen and Rachel's disgusting vegan cereal was fine when I just had to look out for myself. But I'd have Brittany now.
We didn't have a place to live. Both of us couldn't possibly sleep on that couch forever. And, I definitely didn't make enough money at the diner to afford a place of our own. Sure, I could guilt Kurt and Rachel into letting us stay in the loft instead of on the street for a while, but how long could all of us plus Blaine and Sam, apparently, live in that tiny-ass space without one of us getting murdered.
I appreciated that my mom was offering a safety net even after she made it clear that she and my dad were not financing Britt and my trip around the world in the first place. But I couldn't take their money anymore. With the rest of the starter money mom had given me for graduation, I'd been able to start a pretty comfortable life in New York and make moves towards making it big. I refused to be the failure who had to run back to mommy and daddy when shit got tough.
"Thanks, mamí. Where is dad anyway?"
"The hospital. Siempre en el hospital," she said with a heavy sigh.
My head cocked at her bitter tone. "Something wrong?"
"Oh, no. Nada, nada," she dismissed. "Anyway, how's Brittany doing? Is she still sleeping, too?"
My eyes narrowed, but I let it go. Sounded like Dad wasn't at home more like he promised he would be. I would say I was disappointed, but that would imply I was surprised.
"No, she's at a museum with a friend of ours."
"You didn't go with her?"
"No, museums bore me. Britt would enjoy it more without me."
We'd been helping Raven a lot the past month with her study. By 'we,' I mostly meant Brittany. She loved visiting all the museums and libraries that Raven invited us to while I was usually daydreaming about the air-conditioned luxury hotel suite that I could have been taking advantage of. Brittany was also the one to participate and have discussions about whatever art history shit Raven was talking about. I was more interested in taking pictures with her wherever we went and sneaking off somewhere for quick time lovin'. Eventually, I decided to only go on the outings that interested me and let Britt enjoy herself without me bringing down the mood.
"That's mature of you, mija. I remember a time you insisted on going any and everywhere with Brittany. Even the DMV."
I chuckled along with her. Little did she know I was taking every opportunity I could at the time to get even a few seconds alone with Brittany. It'd be worth it to sneak in just one kiss.
"Okay, baby. I'll let you go. Give Brittany my love. Te amo."
"Te amo, mamí."
#
"Okay, there's ginger ale on the counter to help settle your belly, crackers for when you're hungry, Gatorade on the bedside table to keep your energy up, a garbage can next to the bed in case you get sick again, and Vicks to rub on your chest 'cause that cures everything," I rattled off, stroking Brittany's face in concern as she lay on the bed. Her eyes were closed, but her skin felt cool and smooth like normal.
Usually, I'd wake up to kisses on my skin, hands exploring my body, or soft breathing in my ear, but what jolted me out of sleep yesterday was the harsh sound of Brittany hurling in the bathroom. Immediately, I'd gone to check on her, but there wasn't much I could do besides hold her hair up, rub her back, and keep her company as we sat on the bathroom floor, my usually upbeat girlfriend clinging sullenly to the toilet. We'd spent most of the day on the couch. Brittany had laid on my lap going between napping, watching TV, and throwing up a few more times.
"Baby, I don't want to leave you like this," I said, sitting next to her on the edge of the bed as I examined her face. "Raven will be just fine without my help."
"No, I promised I'd help her at the library today, so you have to be there for me. You know it's bad luck to break a promise. Besides, I'm okay. I haven't thrown up since yesterday, and I feel much better. It was probably just something I ate."
"I mean, I told you a lobster burrito from a place that also sold batteries was a bad idea."
"Well, I learned my lesson, but I think the worst is over. I'm pretty sure I can go help Raven."
"Oh, no, you're not." I pushed her back down when she moved to get up. "You're going to stay in this bed and get some rest until I get back. No funny business."
Granted, she did seem a lot better today. She didn't have a fever, her face was getting its color back, and she seemed much brighter than she did on the bathroom floor. Still, I didn't want to risk her going out until she was completely in the clear.
"Business is boring if it isn't funny," Brittany whined with an adorable pout.
"There's T.V. and movies on my laptop. I'll be back in two hours, max. Promise me you'll get some rest." I extended my pinky out, and she hugged it with hers with a sigh.
"Promise."
I leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her head at the last minute to dodge my lips.
"San, I haven't brushed my teeth yet. I still have puke mouth. You don't want to kiss me right now."
My eyebrows furrowed, but I cupped her face with my hands and urged her mouth back to mine, giving her the kiss I meant to before.
"I always want to kiss you," I said when we broke apart, delighted when Brittany smiled back at me. "I'm leaving the cell phone with you, so call Raven if you need me, okay?"
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you, too," I said, giving her a departing kiss on her forehead.
#
It wasn't long before I got to Raven's place. Hesitantly, I knocked on the door. Thankfully, it was Dr. Mikos who opened.
"Santana," she greeted. "You must be here for Raven. Come inside." I thanked her as she led me to the kitchen where a large man in a very bright red blazer was seated around the island eating a bowl of fruit. "This is my husband, Basil. Husband, this is Santana. She's Raven's friend. I'll go get Raven for you."
As Dr. Mikos disappeared upstairs, Basil quickly got up to greet me.
"It's nice to meet you," I smiled, extending a hand. "Should I call you 'Dr. Mikos' too? That could get confusing."
He laughed heartily like I expected Santa Claus would laugh. My hand disappeared as he took it in both of his very large ones. Besides his beard being shorter and his hair being more silver fox than polar bear, he could kinda pass for a younger St. Nick.
"'Basil' is fine," he smiled big and warmly, accent thick like Dr. Mikos'. "'Doctor' sounds too… how do you say… stuffy. Please have a seat."
I sat across from him as he poured me a glass of water, rejecting the bowl of fruit when he offered some to me. Instead, I surveyed the books that were open between us. The weird graphs and curves were all too familiar.
"Is it calculus that you teach?" I asked, gesturing to the books.
"Calculus, Vector Analysis, Differential Equations," he waved his hand, munching a piece of pineapple.
"My head hurts already," I confessed.
"Basically, lots and lots of numbers," he laughed.
Dr. Mikos came back in taking a seat next to Basil where a cup of coffee waited for her. The difference in their sizes was almost comical. As Basil rubbed a hand behind his wife's neck, it looked like he could fit a palm over her face.
"Raven will be right down. I'm surprised you came to the door, Santana. I only see you and Brittany when I peer outside the window when Raven leaves."
I shifted uncomfortably.
"Yeah, I'm not exactly a fan of the other student you have living here."
Normally, we'd text Raven and let her know we were outside in order to avoid the asshole she lived with known as Tony. We hadn't seen him since that night at the club, and I sure as fuck didn't want to change that. But since Britt had the phone, I had no choice but to take a chance this time.
"Oh?" Dr. Mikos asked curiously, brown eyes peering over the rim of her coffee mug. "Why not?"
"He's a narcissistic deviant who doesn't know how to keep his hands to himself. For everybody's sake, it's best we not see each other." I sipped my water.
Dr. Mikos looked at me curiously just as Raven bounced in, afro tamed into a bun.
"Santana?" Raven asked confused. "Where's Brittany?"
"Good morning to you, too, Woodpecker," I said. "Brittany's been sick puking, so I get to play understudy."
"Oh, you should've called and told me," Raven said, grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. "I could've managed by myself today."
"That's what I said, but Britt probably would have snuck out on the Vespa herself if I bailed on you. She doesn't like to break her promises."
"I was sick the same way a few days ago," she said, handing me a water bottle. "Even a whiff of food made me nauseous."
"When you come back, I'll give you some medicine I gave Raven," Dr. Mikos offered. "Hopefully, that will help Brittany too."
"Thanks," I replied.
"Come on, Santana. We should get going."
"Adio, girls," Basil waved as we left.
The ride to the university's library was painfully quiet. Not only was this our first time hanging out alone, it was glaringly obvious that Brittany was the driving force of conversation when we did.
We parked the car and fell in step on our way to the library as Raven pulled a small box out of her bag.
"You smoke?" Raven offered, reaching the carton of cigarettes out to me.
"No, thanks," I said, shaking my head. "I tried in high school, but Brittany said I tasted like hot garbage when we kissed, so I didn't try it again."
Raven's Colgate smile widened, and she shook her head in disbelief. "That's really cute. You two complement each other really well. Can't say that for a lot of couples our age."
"Yeah, well. We're together for a reason," I said dryly.
A deep sigh and a hand on my arm made me stop and raise my head just in time to see Raven give me a hard look. My eyebrow quirked in challenge as I waited for what she obviously wanted to say.
"Did I do or say something to piss you off?" Raven asked.
My eyes narrowed, set hard as I sized up the taller girl in front of me. "What makes you say that?"
"Little snide comments that I usually brush off, the way your eyes narrow a little whenever I talk. It's pretty fucking obvious." She took a deep drag and let the smoke float away from us.
"Don't flatter yourself. I'm like that with everybody I don't know… and some friends."
Her head shook lightly, seemingly unconvinced. "Look, for whatever reason, you decided in the first 5 minutes we met that you didn't like me, and you seem like a lady that stands firm in her decisions. Do I care what that reason is?" She shrugged "Not really. I do, however, really like your girlfriend." My jaw clenched, and she rolled her eyes at me. "Retract the claws, it's not like that. I've met more shitty people in my life than I care to count, but Brittany's not one of them. She's good people. Jury's still out on you. So how about, for Brittany's peace of mind, we try not to tear each other apart. I don't want to have to worry about being stabbed when my back is turned."
I considered her words for a moment. My third eye had told me the afternoon we had hung out on the harbor that this girl wasn't a threat to my relationship with Brittany. I mean, the way she sucked Marco's face at the club that night, it was pretty safe to say we weren't her flavor. Besides, if we were going to work, I had to really trust Brittany and not just say that I did.
For Brittany's sake, I'd give her a chance. They clicked pretty well, and I didn't want to be a reason Brittany lost a friend. And, honestly, she was a decent person to be around. I mean, anyone who could call me out on my shit got extra points in my book.
"I promise I won't shiv you or whatever. That's not my weapon of choice anyways." She chuckled softly, letting some of the tension in the air dissipate. "I'm sorry if I've been bitchy to you," I said genuinely. "Really, you've been pretty great to me and Britt since we met you, so thanks. I'll try and be better."'
She smiled warmly, shrugging like it was nothing. "Not a problem."
"Alright, come on," I said, walking again towards the building as she put her cigarette out. "Let's get this library business over with. I have a sick girlfriend to attend to."
#
"Brittany's been super helpful with this stuff," Raven said, writing down the list of books I was finding on Greek womanhood. "She's got a very… unique way of thinking. She's gotten me to look at everything from angles I never would have thought of."
"Yeah, she's smart like that. Certified genius." I smiled at the mention of Brittany's eccentric thought process. With that, also brought the sadness I felt of leaving her back at the hotel, so I changed the subject. "So, what are you planning on doing with this Literature degree anyway?" I asked, lazily flipping through the pages of a collection of Edgar Allen Poe's morbid tales.
"I don't know yet."
I glanced up, intrigued by her casual tone. "What do you mean you don't know? You're just getting a degree to say you got one?"
"No, I know I'm studying the right thing. My goals aren't exactly concrete right now. Reading has always been my favorite hobby. It was an easy escape when life got rough. There's a certain power and a beauty words have that I've always revered." Her eyes looked wistfully at nothing in particular. "My parents weren't exactly thrilled when I decided to forgo their dreams of me being a doctor to become a writer instead, but it's what I love. Plus, I sucked at biology. My medical career would've been very short-lived and full of malpractice lawsuits."
I laughed. "So, what about after college?"
"I mean, I don't know what exactly I'm going to do when I graduate. Lord knows, the opportunities for Lit grads in California with little experience is slim, so I'm keeping an open mind to what's available for me. All I know is, I want to write. Enough about me. I don't know nearly enough about your glamorous life in New York."
I set down two more books to add to her pile. "There's very little glamour, for one. The rent's high, the people are mean, and everywhere smells like a hobo's butt crack."
"Sounds pretty terrible," she snickered.
"It has its moments," I shrugged. "Britt and I grew up in a very small town with very small minds. A lot of things about New York suck, but I feel like I'm somewhere I can fit in without being judged. It's like the land of misfits. Ever since I moved, I feel like I can let my hair down, you know, and just be… me. Whoever that is."
"Maybe New York will help you figure that out." Raven smiled softly before her phone chirped. She chuckled at the screen before handing it to me. "I think you have a message."
Brittany P: Hi Raven! Hope Santana's being nice. Please give her the phone. Hey San! Be nice to Raven. Love you :* – B
Raven: I'm always nice ;) love you baby. How do you feel? – S
"There's no guy back in L.A. waiting for you with open arms?" I asked. Now that I wasn't harboring any obvious ill feelings toward her, I was curious about this girl.
"God, no," she snorted, jotting something down in her notebook. "I work and go to school full-time. I'm lucky if I ever get a full night's sleep. You think I have time to worry about whether some dude is gonna text me back?" I laughed along with her as I found a book that seemed relevant to Lesbian poets.
Brittany P: ay-okay! No chunks blown since you left. Miss you!
Raven: Miss you too babe. Raven says hi back. Be home soon 3
My stomach did a flip as I sent the last message. It felt nice to know Brittany was home waiting for me. I'd open the door and the love of my life would be there. Something I think I could get used to.
"What happened to your British lover from Senso?" I probed.
"Smooth transition," she chuckled.
"Well, I'm nothing if not subtle."
"Marco's a nice guy, but nothing's really gonna happen with us."
"No?" I feigned interest in a very dull looking novel. "It looked like you guys hit it off." That was an understatement. On the drive back home from the club that night, they could barely keep their hands off each other.
"We had a good time that night, and we've still been hanging out since then, but nothing's happening long-term. I'm not into long distance," she shrugged.
We fell into easy conversation after that. Me laughing at Raven's retelling of the awful relationships she had in the past. Her laughing at my in-the-closet dating life with guys.
It was the most we'd talked since we'd met and, admittedly, the most fun I'd had on the island without Brittany.
#
Instead of seeing my girlfriend lying in bed like I expected, I was met with an empty room when I opened the hotel door. The bed was made like the maid came and tidied up, and the TV was on, but there was no sign of my girlfriend.
"Britt? Baby, I'm home," I called.
I checked in the bathroom. She wasn't there. I checked the closet. She wasn't there. Under the beds, she wasn't there. I was about to get worried when I spotted movement coming from the patio outside.
I slid the glass door open to hear music playing and to find Brittany dancing in her pajamas. This was my first time seeing her dance outside the club since we left Lima. She moved effortlessly with her back to me, sun kissing her skin, the sea ebbing on the beach in the background. My lips upturned as I leaned against the doorframe and looked at her enjoying herself. What a sight she was.
She jumped when she twirled and caught me looking at her but smiled and extended her hand to me when she recovered. When I put my hand in hers, she spun me toward her until I ended up in her arms.
"Hi," I said breathlessly.
"Hi, honey," she laughed before planting a kiss on my lips.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
Her face scrunched up, feigning guilt, before she spun me around. My back pressed against her front as she swayed us to the music.
"I did rest. Besides, dancing relaxes me," she said in my ear. "Doesn't that count?"
I laughed as Brittany spun me around again, leading me as we danced to the music. My feet tried to keep up, but Brittany had a way of making it easy to follow her. I could feel how in her element she was. The way she smiled and glowed as we moved together. This was what she was meant to do.
The song ended, and we fell in the bamboo loveseat to catch our breath.
"You're still such an incredible dancer, Britt. You haven't missed a beat at all."
"I'm okay," she blushed. "Raven took me to sit in on the dance majors last week. I've been trying to land some of their moves all morning."
"Britt, that's awesome," I acknowledged. "Are they any good?"
"Yeah, they're amazing. I'm okay, but they're, like, really amazing. Like, you could tell they're professionals." A look flashed over her face and disappeared as quickly as it came. But I caught it.
I took her hand and interlocked our fingers. "You, my love, are the most talented dancer I've ever seen."
"Okay," she said, unconvinced.
I shifted on the couch until I was facing Brittany. I took both of her hands in mine and looked her deep in her eyes.
"There are three things I know to be absolutely true. One, Sam is in desperate need of a haircut. Two, you and I are meant to be together. And, three, you, Brittany S. Pierce, are born to be a dancer, and a damn good one at that. Don't ever second-guess yourself."
She smiled, blushing as I brought her hand to my lips.
Ding ding
Brittany's phone chirped in her lap. It had been going off like that every so often since yesterday. Brief flashbacks flitted through my head of the last time her phone rang like that. It ended with us having a drunk argument outside a party. She picked it up and smiled that sweet smile I thought was reserved for the loving girlfriend sitting in front of her.
"Who's that, Britt?" I asked, hoping it sounded casual.
Instead of answering, she gave me the phone showing a picture of the two of us. It was two pictures side-by-side from a few days ago. We had spent the day on the beach and had just come out of the water when I used my ninja skills to sneak and jump on Brittany's back. Raven had captured the moment Brittany caught my thighs and laughed back at me with my arms around her neck. Then, the moment she let me down and dipped me at my waist, kissing me with the gorgeous sunset in the background.
"I posted us on Instagram, and people have been liking and commenting ever since."
"We're two, hot bitches in love. What's not to like?" I smirked, scrolling through the comments.
Most of them were normal, friends letting us know how cute we looked, that they missed us. The occasional random guy asking if there was "room for one more." God.
"Couple people are asking where Fondue for Two is, Britt," I said, idly as I gave her phone back. "Thought about making a special Lesbos episode?"
I smiled and laid back against the arm of the chair as her head cocked adorably and her mouth twisted to the side as she thought about it.
"I don't know. Would it confuse my audienceif I'm not in my bedroom in Lima? Or if I don't have a fondue pot? Lord Tubbington would pitch a total fit if he's not here to monitor the editing process. He doesn't like giving up creative control."
I laughed and Brittany smiled back before settling between my legs. Her back relaxed into me, my arms wrapped around her middle as her head lolled against my shoulder. The music played softly in the background, and the view of the ocean was breathtaking.
I had to soak in as many moments like this as I could. The hotel, the beaches, being alone with Brittany. For the first time in a while, I could breathe. And not just cause the air here was actually clean. Being here was just so easy. Lord knows, going back to New York wouldn't be the same.
"What are you thinking about?" Brittany asked.
Shaking the negative thoughts out of my head, I tightened my hold on Brittany as the smell of her hair wafted over me.
"How much I missed you today," I said against her skin, placing soft kisses along her neck and shoulder. "Library's even more boring without you."
"I missed you, too. Real Housewives is confusing when you're not there to tell me who's who. They all look the same. How'd things go with Raven?"
"Better than I thought." My mind went to the latter part of the day, how easy it had been to hang out with Raven in the library. "She's not so bad."
Brittany lit up with excitement. "I knew you'd like her if you gave her a chance."
"Yeah, well. She's okay. You weren't worried about me being all alone with her?" I teased. "Pretty sure most affairs start in the History section."
"Of course not," Brittany chuckled against me. "I trust you without a doubt in my mind. Besides, Raven's not into girls. Even if she was, she's not your type."
I perked up to look at Brittany's face. "Okay, of course, you have absolutely nothing to worry about with Raven, but what makes you think she's not my type?" Yeah, I gave Brittany pretty much a list of everybody I hooked up with in our off-season, but I didn't remember specifying their looks.
"I mean, she's gorgeous, obviously, but you're into blondes," Brittany shrugged. "It's, like, borderline an obsession." She chuckled.
"What? I am not only into blondes," I retorted, flipping through the rolodex of my hookup history that, now that I thought about it, did seem pretty damn blonde.
"Me, that waitress from Breadstix, Quinn," Brittany counted on her fingers, "Elaine doesn't count 'cause that was fake. And I'd bet my pinky toe that the girls you hooked up with in Louisville and New York were all blonde."
I thought about it for a moment. "Last time I saw Dani, her hair was blue, and she's a natural brunette," I said, triumphantly.
"What color was her hair when you met her?"
I took a second to remember. "Damn it," I said under my breath. Brittany vibrated against me as she laughed, mine mixing with hers as the sound of her giggles made me get over my defeat. My arms tightened around her as I kissed below her ear. "There's only one blonde I'm obsessed with now."
"I know," she whispered, twisting her head to kiss my jawline.
As we lay there, Brittany's body against mine as the soft breeze caressed our skin, I thought about my exclusively blonde array of hookups. About how I looked for Brittany in every person I hooked up with hoping to find any similarities to the blue-eyed girl I'd left in Ohio. About how I'd imagine every tuft of blonde hair I woke up to in bed to be hers, then crash with disappointment when I realized it wasn't.
"I'm really glad you got to hang out with Raven on your own." Brittany confessed, chewing on her bottom lip. "I needed you to see for yourself you don't have anything to worry about."
"What would I have to worry about?"
She breathed deeply and shifted around so that we were face-to-face. "If Raven was totally gay and into blonde dancers or if she was a guy, would you still be okay with us hanging out alone?"
My eyebrows knitted together. "Where's this coming from?" I asked.
"When we made it official between us, I know you worried about me being with other people. I guess I'm worried that's still an issue."
I moved away a few stray tendrils of hair stuck to her face, feeling the warmth of her alabaster skin at the same time and looked deep into her eyes as I spoke.
"It's not an issue, Britt. I promise. You could be in a room of naked Abercrombie models, and I know that I wouldn't have a thing to worry about. I know that my heart is safe with you. There's nobody else I'd rather give it to."
Her blue eyes shifted between mine. "Do you really trust me?" she asked softly.
"I really trust you," I said decisively. I held my pinky up between us. "I promise."
She rested her forehead against mine before hugging my pinky with her own. "I love you."
I leaned up and kissed her, feeling her mouth curl into a smile.
"I love you, Britt."
#
A few days later, I found myself running along the coast on the boardwalk trying to run out all my stress and frustrations.
The day before, I was doing the math. First mistake. Britt and I definitely wouldn't be able to afford Hawaii. I didn't want to break it to her. She was really excited to see volcanoes. I beat myself up for not planning better before I changed our tickets in the first place.
Then, I went down a craigslist rabbit hole looking for places to live. Second mistake. If the online listings were any indication, the only place Brittany and I would be able to afford in New York were a studio apartment with four other roommates or the basement of a creepy guy named Wilbur which we'd have to share with his collection of pet lizards.
Not to mention, I found out I didn't get a callback for the last commercial I auditioned for.
Cherry on top of the shit cake, my period came to visit and so did the sharp, cutting agony of cramps that felt like being stabbed in the uterus.
It was all too much. I felt my feet hitting the pavement harder and harder with every stride. I didn't realize how fast I was going until the hotel came into focus in no time. When I stopped is when I could feel how sweaty and out of breath I was because of my intense sprint.
I took my time heading back to the room as I cooled down, not surprised to find it empty. I'd left Brittany there waiting for Raven to pick her up before I left, so they could head to a museum together.
Heading straight to the bathroom, I turned the shower on to let the water heat up. I turned the TV on as I went through my bags hoping against hope the emergency tampon that I used this morning wasn't the only one I had. I let out a frustrated groan when I didn't find anything and realized I'd have to trek to the nearest store when I glanced at Brittany's glittery bag.
Brittany had to have a tampon. I opened the purple bag sitting near the sink, rifling through makeup and trinkets until my hand touched a large box.
"Jackpot."
My delight slowly turned to disappointment then confusion then complete shock when I realized the box that I pulled was not what I was looking for at all. I turned it over in my hands realizing it wasn't empty, but it wasn't full either.
"Stop being crazy, Santana." I shook my head quickly. I was jumping to conclusions. This could've been months old.
But my mind started to race, and in a flash a hundred questions zipped in my mind. How many days had it been since Brittany and I reunited? How many days since she left MIT? Were we still in sync? We had sex damn near every day; would I have missed it?
The waste basket came into view, and I was taken back to a few months ago when my snooping led me to a similar discovery regarding one Rachel Berry. On a whim, I peered inside finding one lone toilet paper wad.
I bit my lip in contemplation. I was being crazy. Was I this desperate to put my mind at ease?
Yes. Yes, I was.
Wrapping my hand in toilet paper in a makeshift glove, I reached in and pulled the wad out, feeling something hard hidden inside as I tossed it on the bathroom counter.
Slowly, I unraveled it, and three plastic sticks clattered noisily on the granite countertop. It may have been a few years since I needed one, but there was no mistaking what they were.
At first, I didn't realize what I was looking at as I turned each one, glaring like they might change under my gaze. I stared blankly at them until very vivid images started to flash in my mind, one after another after another. Images of doctor bills, sleepless nights, endless crying. Rancid spit up. Putrid diapers. No place to live. No money for food. No possible way to care for a little human.
The air in my lungs started to constrict. My breathing was coming in short spurts. My pulse was racing. My palms moistened with sweat. My legs gave out as I stumbled back on the toilet seat. Still, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the three sticks on the counter, two pink lines taunting me on each. There was no denying it.
Brittany was pregnant.
Spanish translations
Pero – But
Siempre en el hospital – Always at the hospital
Nada – Nothing
Te amo – I love you
Greek translations
Adio – goodbye