I LIVE! No, I'm not dead. The fiancée and I have been fixing up an old farmhouse we recently bought (Read; lots of manual labor. Also, an interesting note; plaster dust is remarkably tenacious stuff), and I've been preparing for a martial arts test and working more hours than normal. Writing kind of fell in the category of "I'll do that when I get some more of that thing called "free time" again" for awhile.

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"The whole WEEK?" Jaye glared at the woman on the other side of the desk.

Of course. Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if he'd somehow tempted Murphy by hoping his luck would hold.

"Yes…he took a week of vacation. He said there were some issues with his other business that needed to be taken care of." The pretty young receptionist looked slightly uncomfortable when talking about her employer's other business ventures; she was also giving Flint the once-over out of the corner of her eye. Jaye's eyebrows were drawing together and the intel agent was scowling. Flint was carefully looking anywhere but the receptionists' low-cut blouse. "If you really need to speak with him, I have the address…but I…ah…don't know how badly you want to go there. You see…"

"We've heard rumors about the kind of business he owns." Jaye said shortly. "You don't have to elaborate."

"Oh." A look of relief flashed across the girl's face. She pulled a notepad towards her and scribbled an address. "The name of the club is Lotus Bridge. You said you were friends of his?"

"Business friends." Jaye was still narrowing her eyes at the girl. "My family deals in exotic imports; Double EE enterprises takes care of a great deal of our shipping in this part of the world."

"Ah." The girl smiled. "Would you like me to give him a call and let him know you're coming?"

"No." Jaye waved a hand. "It'll be a nice surprise for him. I haven't seen him in a good long while. I don't have long here, so I suppose I'll have to brave the red light district. And the bodyguards," Her glare here was focused directly on Flint, "Better not get too distracted by the scenery."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Flint looked slightly nervous.

"Good. Thank you very much."

The receptionist waved cheerfully at them as they walked out. A short man with a badge that identified him as a security tech and a harassed expression pushed past them, muttering something about the "damn rats chewed through the damn wires to the damn security cameras again". Tommy grinned just a little to himself; the damage did look like rats had done it. He'd spent half an hour making sure of that.

Some people didn't believe that something like disabling a security system could be an art form. Those people had never seen a truly gifted operative who really, really loved his job and had all the time he needed at work. It was the little touches that could mean the difference between an alarm being sounded and rodents being cursed out.

Once they were in the car, Clutch let himself grin in glee. "There is a God, and he does love me." He eyed Flint. "Also, why do all the hot women we run into either eye up you or Storm? Cosmically unfair."

"You can have her." Jaye scowled. "Hussy. And you are not going on a vacation here, Clutch. God, I can't believe that we have to go to a whorehouse, of all places."

"I know." Clutch snickered. "Man, I should get a camera…pictures of Flint in a brothel would be priceless." He glanced at Flint's warning expression. "Purely because you'll be so out of place because you are far too classy a man to ever be caught dead in such a place. Sir. Would never try to get compromising pictures of you with Thai prostitutes, sir. Realize that I would be killed messily for such a despicable act, sir. Don't want to be busted to Private, sir. Was kidding, sir. Haha, isn't Clutch funny? Shutting up now, sir."

"Good save." Flint crossed his arms. Clutch concentrated on driving, but there was still a smirk threatening to reach Cheshire cat proportions on the Mauler driver's face.

The hotel they were staying at this time wasn't quite the type of establishment that Jaye had termed "Cockroach trap," but it wasn't a five-star destination either. It was clean, at least; Tommy rather felt that given the fact G.I. Joe more or less had a blank check from Uncle Sam they should have been able to write off something with room service, but Flint had held firm.

Snake Eyes was meticulously touching up the edge on a few shuriken when they walked into one of the three rooms they'd appropriated. He glanced up, took one look at Tommy's face, and sighed.

Scarlett looked at Snake, at Flint and Jaye's identical scowls, at Clutch's grin, and dropped her face into one hand. "We've got to go to the brothel, don't we?"

"We apparently showed up during the one week of the year that our target took vacation." Flint sighed.

"Cheer up." Clutch sounded entirely too cheerful. "It's not going to kill you, and it'll be over fairly quickly."

*It's not the mission he's worried about.* Snake Eyes interjected. *And I don't blame him.*

Jaye smiled slightly. "Oh, I trust Dash. I know he'd never look at another woman. Would you, dear? Especially if they're naked harlots throwing themselves at him."

Flint looked from her, to Tommy, to Snake. "How's that seppuku thing work again?"

"You gut yourself, and then your second cuts your head off." Tommy drew a knife and offered it over, hilt first. "I'll volunteer as your second."

Flint raised his eyebrows. "That sounds…painful."

"It's supposed to be. But you have to weigh the alternative; extreme humiliation, dishonor, scraping and begging for forgiveness on your knees before an entirely unreasonable woman for daring to have eyeballs, having to purchase obscene amounts of chocolate and flowers, and still possibly getting your balls removed with a combat knife in your sleep."

Flint shuddered. "When you put it like that…"

Jaye punched him in the arm and leveled a warning finger at Tommy. "It's not Dash I'd go after with the combat knife if you don't cut it out."

Tommy snorted. "You wouldn't be the first person to go after me with a knife in my sleep. Snake, you remember what I did to that man who snuck past Wade in the Dong No river valley and tried to knife me when I was sacking out?"

Snake Eyes winced. *Yes.*

"Okay, okay." Jaye scowled. "Where are the others? Who do you suppose we should take? Clutch, we know you're volunteering. Put your hand down."

An hour later, a very reluctant Flint, Jaye, Scarlett, Tommy, and an entirely overly enthusiastic Clutch were standing a half a block from the notorious Patpong. Snake Eyes was nowhere to be seen, but even over the noise of a large city Tommy could hear well enough to know that his friend was currently playing the part of a shadow in the nearby alley.

"Everyone ready? Shana is my translator, you guys are my bodyguards, and I'm a rich but slightly airheaded business heiress. Questions? Snake Eyes is still with us?"

Tommy nodded.

"Good. Let's get this over with."

Five minutes later, and Clutch was attempting to look in no less than five directions at once, and was keeping up a running commentary on the sights that was making Tommy consider the pros and cons of applying a judicious sleeper hold.

"Fake…fake, but nice…real…real, and goddamn…fake, but spectacular…that's just nice…whoa…" Clutch nudged Flint in the ribs and nodded to their left, where a girl was doing her best to catch customer's eyes and get more patrons into the club paying her. "You know, say what you will, but it takes talent to get tassels going different directions."

Flint glanced at the admittedly impressive display of muscular control despite himself. His eyes went wide, and he swallowed hard and snapped his eyes back front and center to find Jaye eyeing him. He went a few shades paler.

"Clutch, I can KP you until you have grandchildren and bust you down to boot crud scraper." The warrant officer muttered through clenched teeth.

"Uh?" Clutch was staring at the front window of one of the clubs. The plate glass gave an excellent view of the stage show happening within; clothes seemed to be frowned upon, but yoga must have been mandatory for the 'employees'. Tommy felt his eyebrows rise despite himself. "Guys…the sign says there's a two-for-one sale going on…"

Shana leveled a Look at him. Clutch gave the building one more long look, sighed, and reluctantly followed.

The street was packed. Tommy both liked and hated large crowds; they made it easy to hide, but it was also necessary to try and keep an eye on everyone at once. Fortunately, he was very, very good at eyeballing a crowd and picking out the people who might prove to be obstacles. He did another scan of their surroundings and noticed two Yakuza mobsters, a Chinese Triad, two organized crime bosses from…he listened harder to pick up their accent…Chicago, and a smattering of small-time criminals of varying professions.

Fortunately, all of the above (with the exception of a few pickpockets) were here on pleasure, not business. Their attention was focused firmly on the truly mind-bending display of mostly-naked skin of both genders, the flashing neon of the clubs, and the promised alcohol-fueled kinky debauch that the signs outside the brothels advertised.

There were a few pickpockets working the crowd, targeting mostly the people who were just drunk enough to not notice another tourist bumping against them but not so drunk that it was obvious that their cash had already been blown through.

One young man glanced at them, eyeing Flint's watch. Tommy caught his eye; the kid blanched and hurriedly looked away.

Less than a minute later, however, the hair stood up on the back of Tommy's neck as they walked past a narrow alley. It was almost impossible to pinpoint one heartbeat amongst the dozens around them, but he hadn't survived this long by not listening to his instincts.

When the hand went for his pocket, he had the fingers wrenched back in a pressure lock and his hand over the would-be-thief's mouth before the younger man could so much as squeak in alarm. Tommy calmly walked him backwards, until they were hidden in the narrow alley. He heard the Joes behind him perking up and following, unsure of what was going on but automatically anticipating imminent violence.

"It's fine." He said to Flint, who had his sidearm out of the cross-draw holster and the safely off. "Just a petty thief."

The kid…probably eighteen or nineteen…let out a muffled whimper as the group of rich American tourists he'd supposed to be an easy mark proceeded to slide their weapons away, which made them look marginally less dangerous but no less competent.

Then he whimpered again as a specter of black death loomed up from nowhere; Tommy could feel the poor idiot shaking as Snake dropped down from a rooftop.

"It's okay, Snake. Just an idiot after easy cash." Snake Eyes relaxed; Tommy glared at his victim again. "If you scream, I'll hurt you." Tommy said calmly. The kid nodded frantically, and Tommy uncovered his mouth.

"Some professional advice." Tommy glared. "From someone far better at illegal operations than you. Choose your marks better. If they look even halfway aware of what's going on around them, they aren't for the cutpurse just starting out. Also…" He flipped open the young man's wallet and examined the contents. "You're carrying your ID on you while working?" Tommy sighed. "I take it back. Give up crime, or you'll be playing punching dummy for the local police in short order."

The kid blinked. "When…How'd you get that? I didn't see you…I didn't feel a thing."

"Like I said; I'm far better at this than you." Tommy let the young man go and tossed him the wallet back. The kid shook his hand and flexed his fingers a few times, clearly not quite convinced that nothing was broken. "It astounds me that while you managed to pick out one of the few groups here who are professionals, you managed to pick the only one that wouldn't cut your hands off when they caught you." He shook his head. "Idiot. A lucky idiot."

"He going to be a security threat?" Scarlett frowned.

The kid shook his head frantically. Snake, almost smiling, also shook his head.

*He's just a kid who was looking to make some quick money. He's probably going to go crawl under his bed and cry for awhile.* The smile under the black mask quirked upwards a bit more. *I think Tommy might have just scared him straight."

Tommy smirked as they unobtrusively melted into the crowd again and Snake shot up a wall and back onto a rooftop, leaving a white-faced, shaking young man holding his wallet and looking rather shell-shocked standing in the shadows of the alleyway. "I do try."