Hi All. Sorry I haven't updated this lately but had a few personal things going on in my private life and I have just seem to have lost my writing flow because of it. I started this chapter weeks ago but today I tweaked it and added a few new things. I am hoping it will get me back in the flow of writing again. Thanks for the new follows, faves and reviews. It always appreciated.

Anyway I can't take all credit for this Chapter, a friend of mine helped me in certain areas so thank you my dear. (You will always be FF Q Of M in my eyes ;)

This chapter is M rated, you have been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist.

Jane entered the trailer, allowing the door to slam behind him. He had been searching the carnival up and down for hours, and they hadn't found hide nor hair of Lisbon since Pete had left her alone in the elephant pen. It was late afternoon, and the temperature was spiking, with no breeze to cool it down. Jane felt like he was on the verge of panicking; she had seemingly vanished into thin air, a feat not so easily done when it came to Patrick Jane's awareness of where to find Teresa Lisbon.

He sighed deeply and turned to fetch some tea bags from one of the small cupboards to make himself a cup of tea before he headed back out to search for her and try her on her cell phone for the umpteenth time. She hadn't gone too far from the circuit as her hire vehicle was still parked by his trailer but she didn't know the local area and thoughts of her being hurt or in serious trouble quickly flooded his mind. Just as he was plugging in the electric kettle he heard the trailer door open behind him. He turned around, startled, and found Lisbon standing there, her hair now loose around her shoulders, damp with sweat and her white shirt sticking to her skin as if it was thin paper and he could see the lacy bra she was wearing underneath.

"Where have you been?" he asked her panicked, his voice rising, "I've had half the carnie out looking for you. I looked—"

"I went for a walk," she cut him off in a sharp tone, not elaborating anymore on where she had been and shutting the trailer door behind her.

Jane took a breath deciding getting at angry at her wasn't the answer. "Well, you're here now, that's the main thing, I have— "

"Are you ashamed of me?"

"What?" Jane spun back around to look at her, baffled and confused by her random and unexpected question. "No. Why would you ask me something like that?"

Lisbon raised a sceptical eyebrow at him not fully convinced. "Really? Because your Carnie friend Doug doesn't even know I am your wife!"

He couldn't help but give a slight eye roll to her explanation. "Doug? Dougie Linden?" he asked firmly making sure they were on the same page. "First of all, that man isn't my friend, Teresa. He's a walking STD, he has more muscle than he does brain. Secondly, people here who I know, trust, and matter to me know exactly who you are."

Jane dropped the teabag into the trash can, annoyed that she would think that of him. "But to be honest I am surprised you would care so much, Lisbon, considering two days ago you issued me with divorce papers." He snapped snidely realising he was effected and deeply hurt by her actions two days ago in Texas.

Before Lisbon could respond to his snide dig the door of Jane's trailer opened revealing Pete in the doorway. He popped his head in and saw the couple were in some sort of stand-off.

"Uh not interrupting anything, am I?" Pete asked awkwardly feeling the tension in the air between the couple. "Just wanted to make sure you both were okay...and that Pepper was safe."

Lisbon ended their angry staring contest and walked back towards the exit. "I've got some calls to make," she said, exiting the trailer. "He is all yours."

Jane sighed heavily when Lisbon was out of earshot leaving him and Pete behind her. "What was that all about?" Pete asked, stepping up into the trailer upon seeing that their marriage was taking a really good beating with everything that was currently going on.

"I don't even know anymore." Jane flopped heavily down at the table running a hand through his damp locks, not even sure himself what was happening between them.

"You need to give her a break, Paddy. I know you're upset about your father but she made a mistake, she trusted the wrong person. She's only human and this isn't all her fault," Pete told him seeing the younger man fighting with his emotions.

"No. Your right it's not her fault. It's mine," Jane said with a hint of sadness to his tone. He sat looking out the trailer window watching his wife talking on her cell.

"What's really going on here, Paddy?" Pete enquired softly. He knew Patrick Jane well enough to know when something was upsetting the man and this ran a lot deeper than his no good father. Jane remained silent still watching his wife before turning to face the man who knew him best.

Jane took a large intake of breath preparing himself to confess to his oldest friend. "Before I got ill last year, I was trying so hard to be the husband she deserved. To give her the life and home she wanted. I so wanted to be the man she always believed in me to be…" Jane dipped his head in shame, breaking eye contact with Pete.

"But I–I realise now I just wasn't ready." Eventually Jane drew his eyes up, seeing Pete's expression was a little shocked by this admission. Pete and Sam had always assumed his recent break down had been related to his late family and the whole ordeal with Red John, not his new life and future with Teresa.

"I desperately wanted to be that man for her." Jane finally released a breath running a hand down his face as he admitted the truth. "When I went on the run for a year I moved around from place to place and before I knew it I was back in the U.S. working for the FBI. I never truly dealt with my grief at losing Angie and Charlotte, the ten years after I just focused on my revenge. Then just as I was starting to get my head together and start to deal with things Marcus Pike shows up on the scene." Jane rolled his eyes remembering that man and awkward period of time. "In the end I had to step up or I would have lost her forever. And I couldn't lose her. I couldn't. So I told her how I really felt about her and she stayed."

Pete watched Jane as he stared off out the window at his wife. A small smile crept across Jane's face as he was clearly remembering that exact moment he was talking about. His smile faded and he turned back to look at the older man sitting opposite him.

"But… as much as I love Teresa, the guilt of moving on silently ate me up inside. I tried so hard to ignore it, bury those feelings, pretend they weren't there or happening. Every day it felt like I was betraying my family somehow. Eventually everything became too much and nearly forgetting Charlotte's birthday, I just shut down…"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Pete asked, confused by why he hadn't been honest about it all from the start of their new found relationship.

Jane didn't answer straight away. He fiddled with a beer bottle lid that sat on the table top, his eyes focused on the metal as he spun it between his fingers before eventually opening up again. "Because she was so happy… and I didn't want to be the one to destroy that for her. I desperately wanted to move on. For her. For us. I thought if I just did it everything would be okay, so I asked her to marry me and put all my efforts into building us a new home so I wouldn't have to deal or face anything else. I thought over time the guilt would fade and disappear."

"And they didn't," Pete added, finally understanding. Jane nodded his head in agreement without looking up. "She would have understood if you told her you just needed some more time," Pete told him softly. "Pepper would have waited for you, Patrick. She loves you, any fool can see that."

Jane frowned, contemplating Pete's words. "Maybe. But I had made her wait over a decade already." The doubt and uncertainty in Jane's voice let Pete know that despite the confident know-it-all he always tried to portray to others, when it came to his wife he wasn't that guy at all. "Pike proved she wasn't willing to wait anymore."

"You need to talk to her Paddy and explain all this, the poor woman doesn't have a clue what way is upright now. Her whole world has been turned on its head and she has no idea who to trust right now. She needs you, Patrick."

Jane sighed, knowing what Pete was telling him was true and that he needed to tell her the truth. "I know. And I will. I just need to get her out of this hypnotic trance first. Once I know she is safe within her own mind and back to herself again I will talk to her about it."

"How do you feel about your marriage and relationship now?" Pete motioned his head towards Teresa who was outside the trailer pacing a small patch of grass and still chatting away on the phone.

"Good. Great, in fact. Coming back here was key. The carnival, you, Sam, just having time to get my head around everything that had happened to me really helped me deal with things. Dealing with Sam's death made me face up to my own grief. Helping you overcome your grief made me do to the same for Angela and Charlotte finally. Now I feel like my new life is just beginning and I want to spend the rest of my days with that very stubborn woman out there… if she'll let me."

Both Pete and Jane let out a chuckle at his admission and assessment of his wife. "Pepper is quite a woman, even if she is a cop," Pete said affectionately.

Jane beamed a big smile across to the older man before glancing over towards his wife again. "Yeah, she sure is," he said proudly, knowing he was the luckiest man alive to have her in his life. He always had been.

*M rated

Lisbon spent the rest of the evening helping with Daisy the elephant. She couldn't get a flight out of Arizona yet so she had no choice but to stay, which Jane wasn't best pleased about. He wanted her back home in Texas and safe. He wanted her as far away from his no good father as she could be. Jane needed to pick up some more supplies if she was staying for a few days and he had to run some errands leaving Lisbon in Pete's company. His plan to catch his father was taking more time to sort out than he expected making him arrive back at the carnival just after midnight. The trailer was in darkness when he arrived back and he guessed that Lisbon had gone to bed for the night.

He reached out and flicked on the light as he entered the trailer, illuminating the main kitchen and all its boxes in fluorescents. The stifling hot temperature had dropped as the evening drew in but the humidity was still suffocating. Deciding he needed to get out of his suit and waistcoat he headed for the small shower room deciding a cold shower was just what his overheated body needed.

Ten minutes later Jane exited the shower unit wrapped in only a white towel around his waist. He ran his hand through his wet hair pushing the curly locks back off his face. His body was still damp from the shower but the night air felt cool and soothing against his skin. He turned himself to fetch a cool mineral water from the fridge. He was just shutting the refrigerator door when he heard the shutter of the bedroom open behind him. He turned around, startled, and found Lisbon standing there, her hair loose around her shoulders, damp with sweat and her football shirt sticking to her skin. He could see a darkening intensity in her eyes as she took in his wet half naked body.

Before he could speak, she closed the gap between them, pressing a hand to either side of his head and bringing her soft lips to his, kissing all the words he had wanted to say out of his mouth; instead, he felt sticky skin, warm lips and her tongue skim his bottom lip, enticing his mouth open wider so she could slip her tongue inside, pressing his face harder to hers.

"Where have you been?" she asked worriedly in a break between their kissing.

"I had to take care of some things, nothing for you to worry about," he cut her off in a whisper not elaborating anymore on where he had been for hours. Instinctively his hands came up to encircle her waist, pulling her flush to him. He felt her lift his face between her hands once again. She leaned her mouth even with his ear and whispered softly.

"I'm sorry for worrying you earlier," she whispered, planting a kiss on his jawline before pulling back to look at his face. He could taste the faint tang of whiskey and beer laced on her tongue, although she didn't seem drunk.

That subtle action and the fact she was safely back in his arms unhinged him; he brought a hand up to the back of her neck, under her damp, perspired hair, and met his lips with hers, pushing his rough, cracked ones against hers, pressing his tongue out to zip along her upper lip, asking her without words to open her mouth for him. He groaned against her mouth when she obliged and he slipped his tongue in. His hands slipped from her neck, falling down slowly, allowing his fingertips to trace the entire length of her back, as his fingers travelled to her butt, squeezing both cheeks gently; enough to elicit a small murmur from her.

"You don't have anything to apologise for," he added breaking their kiss for a few seconds before starting it back up again in desire.

Her hands fell from his face, sliding down Jane's wet toned sides, passing over his ribs. She found the top of the damp soft towel, following it around to the front as she arched herself from him just enough to slip her hand between them. Feeling him underneath the cotton fabric and her warm palm, she squeezed the length of him through the towel material as she stroked him, earning her a deep grunt. She felt him throb under her touch as she slipped her other hand through the slit of the towel. She gently took his damp hardened shaft in her palm making his breath hitch as her hand took a firm grip on him.

His hips pressed hard against hers again, making it difficult for her to get a real rhythm going. Before she could move, she felt his hands move to her wrists, stilling her. Her eyes popped open as he withdrew his tongue from her mouth and looked down between them, something clicking in Jane's head as he could still feel her fingertips starting to stroke him, knowing he shouldn't have let it go this far.

"Teresa," he whispered, pushing her hand back from under his towel. "I don't think this is a good idea."

Immediately, she stepped back from him, her face reflecting shame and rejection at his words and actions. She pulled her hands away from his, biting her lip and shaking her head slightly. He was looking at her with what she took to be pity, and that didn't help at all, either. She backed up and shook her head harder at him.

"I—I'm sorry," she stated, "I thought you wanted me."

Before he had a chance to explain for slowing things she practically ran through to the bedroom slamming shut the sliding door behind her and letting him know their conversation was well and truly over. Jane sighed in anguish, running his hand down his face and applying his biofeedback skills in an attempt to tamper down his now throbbing erection tenting through the towel. If Jane believed in a higher source or in karma, he would say this was pay back for what he had done to Doug the night before.

Deciding he had done the right thing and the fact he a busy day ahead of him trying to find his no good father and putting his plan into action, he decided not to follow her. They both needed to get some rest and another fight was the last thing their broken marriage needed. He moved a few boxes off the pull out couch, making up his bed for the night. He would allow Teresa the small bedroom and hopefully smooth things out with her before he got her on a plane home.

Around 3am, his mind still racing from the earlier fallout and having had no sleep whatsoever, Jane sat up from his hot sticky makeshift bed, the humid air cooling finally but not enough for it to feel comfortable. He pulled his sweaty pyjama top over his head and flung it back on the couch bed. Making his way to the fridge he pulled out a chilled bottle of water gulping half of it in one go and wiping the drips from his lips. He stared at the closed shutter door separating him and his wife in the darkness. He had been battling with his conscience all night about what happened between them earlier. He shut his eyes gripping the kitchen work top knowing he might come to regret his next action.

He slid the bedroom shutter open. The creaking sound waking her from her slumber, Lisbon sat up on one elbow rubbing her eyes as they adjusted to the grey darkness surrounding them. She could see Jane standing silently in the door way watching her.

"Jane? You okay?" she asked, worried by his silence.

The next thing she knew he swiftly climbed across the bed crawling up and over her body. He captured her lips taking her fully by surprise slowly pushing her back down onto the mattress, his hand trailing the outside of her thigh and making its way under her football shirt and upwards to her hip. As their kiss deepened he gently nudged her legs apart with his knee, placing his hardening lower body firmly against her core.

"Of course I want you, I always have," he whispered, pulling back and breaking their heated kiss. He pressed his forehead against hers while panting heavily as his body responded to being against hers. "I just don't want to take advantage when you are in this state," he added breathlessly.

Lisbon brought her hands up to cup his face pressing her lips softly against his. "But I want you to take advantage," she said seductively before inserting her tongue into his mouth coaxing him to open up again.

The kiss became fast and heated again as her hands dropped to his hips slowly pushing down his satin blue pyjamas bottoms over his hips. They took a second both to catch their breaths staring deeply into each other's eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice trembling a little as his heart thumped rapidly against his chest, scared she was going to break if they took this moment any further.

Pushing a clammy stray curl off his forehead she smiled sweetly seeing how scared he was. "I have never been more sure of anything in my life," she told him confidently, sitting up a little, pulling her football top over her head and throwing it away, now completely naked underneath him.

"I love you," he whispered, his body exploding with sensation as she positioned him at her core and her body slowly drank him in. He began a steady firm rhythm, her hips coming up to meet his with every thrust. It had been over a year since he had made to love to his wife and his body was responding to that. If he didn't start applying some biofeedback and slowing the pace down, he knew he would be ejaculating with the next thrust given.

Feeling him slowing and his hesitance, she pulled his head level with hers. "Why are you stopping?" she asked more sharply than she had wanted it to sound. "I want this, Patrick. I want you. I know what I am doing," she added firmly, afraid he was rejecting her again.

Jane let out a small ironic laugh. "I know, my love," he said breathlessly, "but I just need a few seconds to compose myself… otherwise this… will all be over before it even begins." Lisbon's eyes widened before letting out a hefty chuckle and finally catching on to what was holding her husband back from moving this intimacy further along.

"Well, I am so glad you are finding this funny," he grimaced as he slowly pulled out before slowly thrusting back inside her again. She couldn't help but giggle at his predicament feeling extremely flattered she still was able to have this effect on her husband. She gently kissed his face and lips, smiling up at him in the darkness.

"Okay. Let's slow this down a little," Lisbon said more sympathetically, smiling lovingly at her husband.

Jane smiled back at her and kissed her lips quickly, trying to apply some more biofeedback as they slowed their love making down.

They spent the rest of the night making love to one another, learning to reconnect physically after a year of being separated, their soft moans filling the cluttered trailer around them. With their warm sweaty bodies tangled up they eventually fell asleep in each other's arms, neither one of them wanting to let the other go.

Things were far from perfect between them but at least they were finally on the right path to rebuild their broken marriage.