She sat on the bed, the duvet wrapped around her frame, her phone pressed to her chin. She was tired. She was past that, but this feeling of internal trepidation was ensuring that she was kept awake. She looked to the door, which she had shut tightly, before closing her eyes and releasing a long breath, one she hadn't quite realised she had been holding. A moment later the phone was pressed to her ear, her other hand covering her mouth, her eyes and throat prickling. The dialling tone barely lasted a few seconds, her eyes opening as she realised the call had gone through, and she could in fact hear him saying her name.
"Jacob." She whispered, the sound of his voice rendering her own to just that. As she pulled her other hand from her mouth, she released a choked sob, one which he heard and immediately responded to. He wanted nothing more than to hold her, and she wanted nothing more than to be held by him. "I'm so sorry, Jacob, I-"
"I love you. I love you so much, and I... I wasn't here, and I should have been. I should have been here." She could hear his voice breaking, and this in turn coaxed more tears to fall and slide down her cheeks. "Connie, where... are you-"
"Charlie's. I'm fine." She spoke, shakily, hearing a single sob of relief from the other end of the line. There was a pause, a pause where she realised that there were words now that he needed to hear, from her. Words that if heard now, she wouldn't regret saying.
"Jacob, I... I'm not fine. I'm not fine, I'm not okay, and I need..." Her throat now felt so numb that she could barely whisper, and the true volume of emotion that had been threatening to spill over for days, not just since their earlier argument, did spill over. Every sob, every tear, every shudder. She allowed him to hear each and every one.
"I need you."
...
They'd not spoken for long, Jacob insisting they both go to sleep so they could battle the next day with fresh, reasonable minds; all the challenges and conversations it would bring. She'd settled down to sleep, her body, by that point, desperate for the rest and had gratefully drifted off quickly.
She awoke a few times in the night. Like many, sleeping in a bed that wasn't her own could result in restlessness. But in the morning it was a knock on the door that roused her from her slumber. It took her a moment to get her bearings after waking up facing a wall that was dissimilar to any in her home.
"Connie?" Charlie called softly through the door before edging it open. She forced herself into a false alertness and watched him as he peered round the corner. "It's early," he reassured, knowing she'd go into panic if she thought she was late. "How are you today?"
He took a step into the room, pushing the door to behind him. He signalled to the bed and she nodded, so he went and perched on the edge of the mattress.
She shuffled to sit up and lean against the headboard. "I've been worse."
"Yes, but you will get through this," he reiterated, ensuring she still remembered his words from last night. There was a pause then she looked up at him, a realisation in her eyes. "I thought you were on shift this afternoon? You don't have to be up yet."
He smiled, "Yes. That's my reason for waking you; Jacob's here. I had to let him in. He's waiting in the hall."
Her eyebrows rose, eyes going wide, before returning her face to neutral. "Why's he here? We're on shift together later."
"May I send him in?"
"Uh, yes, yes," she confirmed, still bewildered. He squeezed her arm before getting off the bed, giving her a reassuring nod, telling her she can do this, and left the room. A few seconds later the door edged open again and Jacob looked in. Seeing her sat there, offering him a slightly wobbly smile, he sighed and entered the room.
"Good morning," he greeted, his voice quiet.
"Hello."
He took Charlie's previous position on the bed beside her. "I was worried."
"I'm sorry. I'm fine."
"That's not what you said last night."
"I know, I know…" She hesitantly moved her hand across the duvet to fiddle with the cuff of his jumper on the arm supporting him. "We can talk about it. Just after I've had coffee."
He breathed out a laugh and scooted so he was leaning on the headboard next to her. "I thought I'd come and get you to fetch your car, save Charlie the trip.".
"Thank you." She'd explained the situation to him on the phone last night, skipping the minor detail of her kissing the stranger.
"Next time, you call me. I don't care if we've argued. I mean, of course I'd prefer if there wasn't a next time… but worst case scenario."
She picked up his hand that was on the mattress between them and brought it to her lap, wrapping both of her hands around it and giving it an appreciative squeeze. He then turned toward her and with his free palm nudged her head toward him to place a soft kiss on her temple.
"Are we okay?" She asked.
"Of course, Sweet Cheeks."
She giggled, fulfilling his aim with that endearment. She looked across at him when feeling his gaze on her and they smiled at each other, albeit a snoozy tilt of the lips from her. He was hesitant, she could tell. He didn't want to push things too far. So instead she was the one that pushed the front of her torso against his side and placed a palm on his cheek, tilting his head to face hers. His hand, still in her lap, stroked soothingly along her thigh as she planted her lips on his. She kissed him. It was chaste, sweet, loving. Nothing like the frantic collision she'd experienced last night with the unknown man. It made her almost sick to recall how close she'd dabbled with the wanton actions of her younger self. Maybe with the truths she'd be confessing to, and explaining, over the course of the next couple of weeks she'd also admit to this. She may not be virtuous, but she had a conscience and a heart.