Chapter 10

I want to see Sanada-san.

Akaya walked all the way back to his own home, the once familiar streets that he walked upon almost every day now looking forlorn and alien to him. He kept his gaze low not having the energy or initiative to look up and fake a smile even if he thought it would help himself; at least out him in a facade of a good mood. But to no avail. He couldn't manage to even keep his thoughts in a neat little row, jumping back and forth between person to person. He worried about Yukimura's condition and wondered if he would be all right leaving in his house all by himself. Surely he has someone to come check up on him for time to time, right? He thought back on what his sickly captain said before he left: "You're welcome to come by anytime you like." Normally a saying like that would only have one meaning, but Akaya couldn't help but think that maybe there was something more to it.

Turning the corner adored with a single lamppost he shuck off his thoughts of Yukimura, not in the mood to make himself worry and over think anything more than he already had, but that was when his thoughts of Niou and Yagyuu caught up to him. He felt guilty about leaving like that, no goodbye no note, no nothing. He felt so grateful towards both of them and somehow he felt like he hadn't clearly expressed it, still he knew he couldn't go back to that condo. No matter how guilty he felt going back there was something that he absolutely couldn't do. He already intruded upon their everyday lives enough. With him gone they can go back to how things were before he ever showed up. He hoped that this would give them peace of mind. He thought that they should know about Yukimura, but he didn't feel like it was his place to say anything. Plus, he didn't want to do anything else that would cause anyone more pain. He already decided that no matter what happens next he was going to protect Niou's and Yagyuu's smiles.

Sanada's name was the next to play in his head, but he didn't want to think about him, it hurt to think about him. Akaya was already too tired, if he continued to think about him he wouldn't be able to get to sleep that night, but still-

"I want to see Sanada-san." That single poison thought played over and over again like a broken record with each step he took. "I want to see Sanada-san. I want to see Sanada-san. I want to see Sanada-san." It was the one thing he couldn't shake off. He soon made it to the safety of his own apartment. Looking up at it, it paled in comparison to the luxurious condo he was just at, with its plainness in color and measly three story stature. Still it had a homey feel to it. It wasn't rundown as much as "lived-in". It was a fine place to stay and truth was Akaya couldn't complain. It was safe and dry; a humble little home truly fit for just one. Walking to his room up the stairs he wondered to himself if any of the other tenants were home. The sound of unlocking his door echoed loudly in the still silence around him. He pulled the door open and, upon entering, locked it behind him. As he eased himself into the familiar peace and quiet of his home, he dropped his shoes and made his way through the hall.

It was a mess just like how he left it. Clothes thrown every which way, dishes piling up in the kitchen, and pages from manga that had been mistreated and ripped from their domain lined the floor. Akaya just looked at it all and suddenly felt this powerful nausea akin to homesickness. It didn't make any sense, this was his home, but still deep in his heart to craved to go back. Back to the warmth and comfort of being with others, back to the smell of freshly cooking breakfast in the morning, back to the idle chats, affectionate stares and smiles-he wanted it all back. With a downtrodden expression he entered his bedroom, where the faint hum and gurgle of a machine could be heard. At the far wall of his room set upon a modest bookshelf a fish tank resigned, it wasn't too large or pitifully small. It was an acceptable size where five neon tetra swam effortless, no two the same. Each sporting an individual color due to the fact of Akaya's indecisive nature. He just couldn't decide which color to favor so he chose a variety. They were beautiful, when swimming together it almost seemed like they formed a rainbow. Every time he would gaze into the miniature sea his heart would immediately quiet down.

It wasn't as if he had a certain affinity with fish it was just that he wasn't responsible enough to take care of anything else. Owning a cat or dog would take too much effort, but living alone was just too lonely a thought so he figured owning a few fish would be okay. It wouldn't be too much trouble as long he remembered to feed them and yet here he was standing in his empty apartment with his fish who he hasn't fed in two days. He dropped his head down low much like a dejected dog would. Even though he was invited to stay at someone else's house he should've turned the offer down or at least made sure his fish had eaten before he left, but he didn't. He wasn't even thinking about it, his mind was too focused-elsewhere. But that was no excuse. If he truly did own a dog surely it would be begging for food about now, looking for just about anything edible to eat. Dejected, he reached atop the tank and sprinkled some fish flakes into the swaying surface of the water and watched as his fish raced to catch the food as it slowly drifted to the bottom. He sat and watched for awhile without moving from that spot. He felt guilty, but more than anything he was just tired. However, a familiar ring perked up his senses. Reaching into his back pocket he grabbed his phone and put it up to his ear.

"Hello."

"Hello! Akaya is that you?!" It was his sisters frantic voice on the other line.

"Of course it's me. Who else would be answering my phone?" Was Akaya's automatic response. His irritation melted into his voice.

"Thank goodness. What happened? I tried calling you over and over, but you never picked up."

Upon hearing that Akaya thought for a moment. He was sure that no one had tried to call him before he received that call from Yukimura, but it wasn't as if he was excepting anyone to call him either. He probably wasn't paying attention and missed her call or left his phone somewhere out of earshot, but whatever, it doesn't matter now.

"Sorry, Nee-san. My phones been dead for awhile and I haven't been home to charge it. I just got back now."

"Haven't been home? Were you staying at a friend's house?"

"Yeah, something like that."

His sister then went quiet, Akaya thought that she probably knew that he was lying, but she knew not to press the issue. It wasn't a common occurrence for him to lie to his sister anyway. If something was bothering him he would open up about it in his own time.

It hasn't been that long since Akaya moved out of his parents house so his sister worried about him constantly, about whether or not he was eating regularly or doing the laundry right, or if he had enough money for everyday expenses. It's about once every two or three weeks that he gets a call like this and every time his sister always has this ghost-like worrying tone to her usually cheerful voice, he felt a little guilty having to make his sister so uneasy all the time so he tries his best to soothe her worries by reassuring her. He was getting by just fine-at least he was until recently.

"I see. I'm glad you have friends you can rely on."

"Yeah."

"Has anything else happened recently, Akaya?"

She was good. Somehow, someway his sister always knew what was on his mind. Even if he never brought his troubles to the surface she wanted him to know that no matter how long it takes him to ask for help or advice she would be there when that time comes. Knowing this, it still made Akaya feel a little guilty. He was an adult now he shouldn't rely on his sister, especially when she surely has troubles of her own to deal with.

"Not really."

"I see. I only wanted to hear from you. You know if you ever need anything at all you can come and see me, right?"

"I know." In his reply, an unconscious smile softly tugged at his lips.

"Well then its time I should go. Take care of yourself, Akaya."

"I will. Bye." With an audible click, the call disconnected. Akaya then sighed walking over to his bed curling into the familiar dip of his well-worn mattress, a wave of fatigue washed over him. The guest bedroom of his sempai's condo was really comfortable, but nothing compared to the comfort of being in your bed and just like that he fell asleep.

...

...

A few days later Akaya fell back into his regular routine he woke up, fed his fish then spent his days doing mundane things, watching TV, reading manga, going out to maybe play some street tennis then picked up a convenience store bento to eat for dinner on his way home. When he truly thought about it he lived a boring life. He constantly thought about finding a part-time job, just something he could do to waste a little time and maybe earn some pocket money, but every time the thought came to him he quickly dismissed it. He had no people skills let alone active skills. There was really nothing he could do. Then he thought about finding a girlfriend, but now when he thought about having to touch another person besides Sanada he became sick. He didn't want to touch anyone else, he didn't want to spend his time with anyone else, he didn't want anyone else. It was this very truth that drove Akaya into a place of no return.

As the days continued to go by he found it harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. He had stopped eating finding it too troublesome to go out and buy a bento every day. With the energy slowly draining from his frail body he lost the strength to even stand up. He would lay in bed, his unfocused eyes just staring absentmindedly. When he finally shifted his line of sight he realized all the fish in his aquarium were dead, he couldn't remember the last time he fed them. The water was murky and had browned in color. He genuinely felt sad, but he couldn't bring himself to cry; it was his fault. Because of him five lives are now gone. He simply rolled over in his bed now facing the wall and pulled the blankets up to cover his face.

...

...

Cigarette smoke wafted into the crisp evening air; the sun was beginning to set. The surrounding buildings and the pedestrians were engulfed in the cascading red glow of the sky. Likewise enveloped by this same shade of red, a man with long sky blue locks holding a cigarette between his fine cherry lips approached a particular three story apartment complex of plain color. Walking up to it and climbing the stairs he stopped in front of door 303. Extending his long fingers he used the back of his knuckles; one knock, two knock. There was no answer. Feeling too uneasy to simply turn away after coming this far he reached for the handle. In that moment shock painted his expression. The door easily opened. It was unlocked.

"Akaya? It's me. Are you here?" Niou lightly addressed into the thought-to-be empty room. He walked inside the tiny space admiring how one man can manage to make such a mess, he smirked to himself in effect. Venturing deeper he stopped at Akaya's bedroom and like before reached for the handle to open it. Once the view was open to him his heart suddenly sank.

"Akaya..." He whispered the younger man's name under his breath, disbelief crawled passed his trembling lips as he stared he was rendered motionless until panic overcame him.

"Akaya!" he screamed rushing over to the bed where the raven-haired devil laid. His hair had become matted and strands would fall out if Niou's hands were not careful, his lips had turned blue and his eyes hung heavy adored with dark rings.

"Akaya! Hey, Akaya! Wake up!" His calls and desperate pleas went unanswered. He ripped the covers from his delicate body and once the sight of his chest rising and falling caught his eye he relaxed ever so slightly. He brought his ear to his mouth and listened to his weak breathing. It was weak, but he was definitely still breathing.

"Shit...!" Niou cursed. Moving carefully he brought his arms under the boy's body and lifted him up with extreme gentleness.

...

...

Back at the condo Yagyuu picked up a fresh cup of coffee and then stared up at the clock hanging on the wall in anxiety.

"Niou is late." He murmured to himself. It wasn't a common occurrence for Niou to keep his boyfriend waiting, due to his habit of only working odd jobs whenever he felt like it this made Yagyuu nervous, never really knowing where his lover is and what he does day by day. Still, every time he would leave for work he would always softly reassure him by holding him tightly and kissing him, promising that he'd be back soon safe and sound. As it got later and later Yagyuu's anxieties grew, but there was nothing he could do but wait until his love came through that front door casting a bright smile just as he always would. Holding onto that small reassurance Yagyuu waited sipping at his coffee in patience.

Out of nowhere the door then slammed open and in his view Niou stood heaving over in exhaustion his breath heavy and uneven, a fresh sweat pouring down his sullen cheeks and wettening his hair. In his arms he held a great lump of lifeless flesh, pale and haggard. At first glance Yagyuu was sure that his lover had just carried a corpse into their home; his blood ran cold. The hand he held his coffee mug with went numb, he couldn't remember what he was holding anymore.

"Hah, ah, haah...Hiroshi... Help..."

Help. That one word caught in Yagyuu's ear. He stood still shocked until the image before him finally sank in.

"Niou-kun what happened?!" Yagyuu exclaimed his features painted with concern as he rushed to his lovers side grabbing hold of both of his shoulders to keep him upright. Niou had ran the whole way from Akaya's apartment carrying the extra baggage in his arms careful to support him and not jerk him around too much while moving toward his own home as quickly as he could.

"I'll explain later. For now just look after Akaya." Niou said passing the body in his arms to his lover while sliding down toward the slick wooden floor below. It was cold, but it felt good against his raging muscles. Yagyuu looked down at his love with tormented eyes not wanting to part from him, but he knew that Akaya had to come first. Carefully cradling the body that he was past he took him into the guest room he used when he stayed over and gently laid him down resting the covers over his frail body. He ran to the closet to grab certain supplies, an ice pack, a syringe, and a small vile of transparent liquid. Returning to Akaya's side he placed the ice pack the boys brow atop strands of unruly, matted curls. Taking the syringe in hand he drew the liquid from the vile and took careful hold of his arm pressing the needle into delicate ivory skin, injecting him with the medicine. That was all he could do for him now. In truth he needed an IV, he was suffering from malnutrition, but without the proper equipment he needed the only thing Yagyuu could do was wait until he woke up to give him something to eat. Even if upon his wake Akaya still refused to eat something Yagyuu feared that he might just force it down his throat unwilling to take 'no' as an answer.

For a few minutes Yagyuu sat at his side running his fingers through tangled hair, certain strands coming undone by the movement of his fingers. What happened? In the matter of days it was after Akaya had left their home, what happened to make Akaya react like this? The question plagued Yagyuu as the seconds past, but all he could do was wait.

Having done all he could for the moment Yagyuu left the room to return to the living room to check on his lovers condition. Niou was sitting on the couch still out of breath, but his sweat was wiped clean and his eyes returned to normal, no longer crazed in desperation and fear for the younger boys well-being. A thin line of smoke wafted into the air from the untouched cigarette that burned between two shaky fingers.

"How are you feeling?" Yagyuu inquired stopping at his loves front to gently caress a slightly damp cheek.

"I'm fine. How's Akaya."

"He's stable for now. He has a fever and is suffering from malnutrition. I gave him a fever reductive medicine, but I'm not sure it will be enough. We'll just have to wait until he wakes up."

"Tsk, that idiot...!" Niou cursed, kicking the toe of his shoe up against the side of the coffee table, the sound of glass clinking echoed in the air of the spacious room. He grimaced and bit down hard on his bottom molars, agitated with himself for allowing something like this to happen in the first place. He knew that Akaya was unstable, he should have gone after him and dragged his ass back to the condo the day he left-by force if he had to. His concern for Akaya was clear, but the anger that seethed deep within him was even more apparent.

"What happened?" Yagyuu asked turning his eyebrows up in question, but also in concern. Turning his face so as too to look up at his lovers pained expression.

"I don't know. I went to his apartment just to check on him, but when I went into his room I found him like that. Just what the hell is going on?!"

"Kirihara-kun has been through a lot the last couple of days. Perhaps his body finally gave in. I just find it strange for Akaya to be so weak."

"Yeah, but remember Sanada has always been Akaya's weak point. He always powers down-when Sanada is involved." Niou's expression turned serious, as if in revelation. Crushing the cigarette he held between his fingers into the ashtray on the coffee table he suddenly arose to his feet causing Yagyuu to become a bit startled.

"Where are you going?"

"Just wait here. Take care of Akaya while I'm gone."

"Niou-kun..." Yagyuu called the name of his lover in a crestfallen tone watching as he treaded toward the door, his footsteps sounding heavier than usual. His brown eyes closed as he awaited the sound of the door closing.

...

...

All of a sudden there was a powerful knock at the door. Getting up from the sofa where he sat the owner of the home took long strides toward the door to see who was knocking, opening the wooden barrier he was met with a powerful force and a sharp pain to his right cheek. Due to the unexpectedness of it the man falls, his back taking full force of the blow and a sudden sting pierced his lungs. Looking up with malice in his dark gaze he rubbed at his pounding cheek with the back of his hand to see the assailant who just assaulted him.

"Niou? What the hell are you doing?!" Sanada's rough voice spat out, his teeth gritting in anger.

"Shut up! Do you have any idea how much Akaya has suffered because of you?!"

"Akaya?"

"Right now he's in my apartment being treated for a fever and malnutrition! Whatever the hell you did to him it's left him without the initiative to eat! He's body is weak and fragile! When I found him in his room he was barely breathing and his face was as pale as a fucking ghost! I'm sorry about what happened between you and Yukimura. I get that it sucks, but you don't have any right to act this way! You can be as much as a bastard as you want just don't do it to Akaya! You don't get how much that guy still respects and looks up to you. The way you are now you just look pathetic to me."

"Calm down. What the hell are you going on about? I didn't do anything to Akaya."

"Bull shit! He told me and Hiroshi everything! About the night he found you at some bar and then you went home together. You slept with him, didn't you?!"

At that Sanada paused. He exhaled heavily and slowly rose to his feet.

"It's true. However, I had no intention of ever touching Akaya in that way. I don't remember much from that night. When I woke up the next morning I found him next to me curled up in my shirt. I knew what I had done. I thought it best to leave quietly, so I went to work before he woke up."

His dismissive answer made animosity bud inside Niou. This man couldn't give a damn about Akaya's feelings. He was only worried about doing what was convenient for him.

His chest was crushed. A remarkable feeling of sadness beat upon his chest. He felt as though tears would overflow at any moment. But more than that he felt another surge of rage resurfacing. His whole body stiffened and shook. He tried desperately to hold back his anger, but he couldn't restrain himself. While being overwhelmed with strange feelings, Niou glared at Sanada.

"Bastard," he hissed. "Don't go near Akaya again," his voice rang low and threatening. His cool blue eyes twisted into pure malice-for the first time in his life he wasn't joking.

"That won't be too hard. I never initiated any contact with him in the first place."

Niou still couldn't stand Sanada's way of dismissive speech, standing with a smug expression plastered on his face. He already did what he came to do so there was nothing left. He knew he had no right to say anything more, even the words that he's already said have been too much. It wasn't his place to decide anything for Akaya, but as things stand now nothing is going to come out of Akaya torturing himself. He breathed out, calming himself down. Flashing his ex-vice captain another contemptuous glare he turned on his heel and left the apartment.

The walk back to his condo felt longer than usual. He feet felt heavy he didn't have the strength to do anything more. His hand finally feeling the backlash from striking Sanada in the face, he clenched his fist, for some reason he still didn't feel satisfied.

He eased himself into his room, dropping his coat on the floor with a noisy thud and from that his sweet brown haired lover came rushing to his side. "Ah, it feels so good to see his face," he thought.

"Niou-kun! What happened? Where did you go?" The outlines of his face stiffened and his eyebrows arched, worry evident in every feature. The trickster only solemnly smiled pulling his love closer to his chest until Yagyuu's nose was buried in his solder. Hugging him loosely he then whispered in his ear.

"There was something I just had to take care of. It's all right now."

"Niou-kun...?"

Yagyuu still felt uneasy and the looseness of the hug he received only furthered his worry, but he didn't push any further. There was no reason to. Akaya was safe and sound in the security of their home, Niou was back and in his arms, there was nothing to worry about anymore. Even though this was true, he still felt of sense of foreboding.