Oh... *Groan* This one won't be easy. I'll be pissing off some fans with this.
This one is to parody the Jack and Emily pairing. Emily from Corpse Bride, if you didn't catch it.
I don't support this pairing at all. And frankly, the only reasons I have ever been presented with were these:
"Jack and Emily are both skeletons!"
Um...duh. Of course they are. Emily was HUMAN WOMAN. Of course she has human skeleton bones! And even so, why is that a good reason to pair two characters together?
I'm serious, some people have even said that because Sally is a rag doll, she shouldn't be with Jack. ...Well isn't that racist. Lovely.
Might I add, part of the charm with Jack and Sally as a pairing is the MISTMACH?
Anyway, the second reason PISSES ME OFF.
"Emily is all lonely and ended up with no one! So she should be paired with Jack!"
There are two things wrong with these statements.
One, Emily does NOT need a man to be happy or be complete. Yes, she did let Victor, the man she loved, go and be free, and it did sadden her because she loved him. But part of what that was, it proved she did love Victor enough to let him go, and care about his happiness. That proved she was a strong and caring woman who truly knew how to love. She ended up with nobody in the end, yes, I know. I felt sorry for her. BUT, she was FREE. She did the RIGHT THING. She proved to be a good person who cared about others.
Second, um...are you forgetting that JACK IS ALREADY IN LOVE WITH SALLY? The end of the movie, people!
So, why Jack? WHY? Aren't there tons of other characters you could crossover with that would be compatible with Emily? Use your brains! I'm sure you can finds TONS of characters who are SINGLE by canon standards, that would be compatible with Emily!
Hell, the most popular, yet still underrated, pairing with Emily is Bonejangles!
Some people have said they have a lot in common.
...Um...I've checked, I've tried...and they don't. Barely at all. Nothing that would make them interestingly compatible. Their roles in their films were COMPLETELY, and I mean, COMPLETELY, different. I'm sorry, but, there is just nothing they have in common.
Some have said that Emily is far more interesting and when Jack gets tired of Sally, he can go to her.
...
*Growls*
THEY. WERE. NOT. IN. THE. SAME. MOVIE! THEY. HAVE. NOTHING. IN. COMMON.
Once again...
Emily does not need a man to be complete or be happy. Jack is in love with Sally.
Like what you want, but REMEMBER THE CANON FACTS.
I'm so sorry for my ranting. :( Please enjoy the parody.
Emily was reading over the script for the next fanfiction, and sighed before facing Jack. "They are pairing us together again. I don't understand it."
"Neither do I, I'm afraid." Jack sighed, shaking his skull. "We have nothing in common."
"We weren't in the same movie." Emily went on.
"I'm already in love with Sally, and I'm not about to leave her anytime at all."
"I let the man I love go so that he can be happy. And I'm not about to move on to the next nicest guy I meet."
"I'm not going to leave Sally just because you're a skeleton like me."
Emily scoffed. "Of course I'm a skeleton. I was once a human woman when I was alive."
"The fact whether or not I was ever once alive is ambiguous." Jack added. "So even they can't use that argument."
"I'm not lonely or desperate. Maybe in the beginning I had been, since I was awaiting my true love to set me free... But didn't I have character development?" Emily wondered, sighing as she shook her head, palming her face. "Didn't I seem perfectly fine with letting Victor go? Why am I suddenly lonely and desperate again?"
"Why would I willingly leave Sally? Since when am I bored with her?" Jack scratched his skull in confusion.
"Why would I steal the dreams of a woman, and a man, when I proved myself otherwise?" Emily read though the story again briefly, and groaned. "They say that you are too good for Sally, and that I'm better for you."
"May I ask why?" Jack's eye socket twitched a bit. "I'm...too good for Sally? Now that's not true! If anything...she is far too good for me."
Chuckling at his modest display, Emily shook her head. "I don't understand it myself. It seems this person forgot about everything she's done in the film."
"That seems to be the case." Jack groaned. "I was never too good for Sally. I only am sorry if I ever made her feel that way...oh, dearest Sally...how could I have ever made her believe I wouldn't welcome her with open arms as my lover just as I had welcomed her as my friend from the start?"
"Awww..." Emily giggled, and then got back to business. "So we've agreed then, right?"
"Yes." Jack nodded, sitting up straight again. "All right, let's get this over with. I have to get home to Sally soon."
"And I have a date with Bonejangles." Emily said sheepishly. "So let's begin the story."
It was quite a day in Halloween Town! Especially since they had a new citizen. Emily, the Corpse Bride, right from the Land of the Dead. Jack was of course, appointed to show her around.
"And this is the graveyard! Isn't it horrible?" Jack said happily.
"Not as horribly as you." Emily purred. "Oh, Jack...I'm so lonely and desperate...I have no one... Why can't I be as lucky as Sally?"
"Sally? ...Oh, yes, her." Jack gave a sigh. "To be honest Emily...all that happiness you saw in me with her, was just forced."
"What?" Emily looked up at him with hope.
"To be honest, I'm tired of her." Jack bemoaned. "I just don't think it's working out. I'm just so bored with her. I need something new. Someone new."
"Well...I'm alone, and have no man...and I ended up with no one...we're both skeletons...why don't we get together?" Emily suggested happily.
Jack beamed! "Oh, Emily, that would be wonderful! What was I thinking, you're the one for me! Not her...she's just a plain, clingy, tiresome rag doll... I don't need her. All I need is you, my beloved Corpse Bride!"
"Cheat on Sally...and be with me instead!" Emily cooed sweetly. "Be mine!"
"I will, Emily!"
"Oh, Jack! I have a great man and now I'm happy again!"
"And I have a wonderful woman who is ten times more right for me than Sally ever could be! I'm too good for her, but you're not! Not at all!"
"I don't even care that I'm stealing her dreams away!"
The two kissed happily.
XXX
So Jack and Emily had a wonderful love affair with each other. Keeping it secret from Sally. Everyone in town though, loved Emily and thought she was perfect for Jack. Hey, she was a bride, and a skeleton, so it was perfect! A match made in Heaven. They all made a silly petition about officiating them as a couple. Jack and Emily both signed it! It was official!
Almost.
Then came a sad day.
For Sally.
"Sally, I want you to move out of my house." Jack told her pointedly.
Sally's eyes went wide. "What? ...Why?"
"Because...I don't love you anymore. I'm in love with Emily. I've been cheating on you with her. But that's just how I feel." Jack said. "Now I want you to go."
Tears welling in her eyes, Sally didn't argue. She packed her belongings, and wanted to say goodbye, but Jack and Emily were cuddling on the couch. Emily was already settled in, and happily taking Sally's old place on the couch.
"...Goodbye, Jack." Sally murmured.
She left the house without waiting for a response.
When Sally came to the graveyard, that was when Oogie Boogie made his appearance.
"Why hello there, beautiful rag doll...somethin' got you all sad?" Oogie chuckled.
"Jack cheated on me with Emily...no wonder, they're so perfect together..." Sally moaned. "And I'm not good enough for him..."
"Aww, but you're good enough for me, rag doll! After all, we're both stitched up beings!" Oogie gave a menacing laugh. "Why don't you be my Oogie Queen then?"
Seeing his reasoning, Sally nodded. "All right...I suppose a man like you is better than no man at all. We'd match perfectly, like them."
And with that, Jack and Emily were the King and Queen of Halloween...While Oogie Boogie and Sally were the King and Queen of Bugs.
Why? Because, duh! They were just like each other, that's why both couples worked!
XXX
"Horrendous!" Emily tossed the papers aside into the fireplace. "I can't believe they did that to my character!"
"I would never cheat on my precious Sally!" Jack raged, standing right up from the table. "How dare they! If I ever wanted to be with another woman, which would never happen, don't they know I would be a gentleman and do the right thing by letting Sally go first?"
"Apparently they hate her so much, it's okay for you to cheat." Emily groaned. "And I'm reduced to a co-dependent, desperate harpy!"
"I'm sorry, Emily. At times I never knew fans could be so...tactless." Jack said apologetically.
Emily shook her head. "It's not your fault. It's just how we were received. But we can rest assured that the facts of the canon can help save us in the long run."
"Yes...you're right! They can." Jack agreed, feeling better. "In the end, I will always have Sally."
"And I will always be the stronger woman I became." Emily said with determination. "Now excuse me, I have to leave now."
"So do I." Jack shook hands with her in a business-like manner. "It was a pleasure working with you, Emily."
"Same to you, Jack. Good luck."
They nodded to each other, and then went their separate ways. The curtains closed, and the studio audience applauded loudly.
As the credits rolled, the piano instrumental theme music to All In The Family began to play as the camera along the homes and buildings of Halloween Town.
Thank you to everyone for your reviews and suggestions! :)
Thank you anascader for the suggestion of Jack and Emily! And thank you Winged Doll for the idea of the cheating! At least, on Jack's part. Next time will be Sally. XD