Legal Disclaimer: No money is being made off this fan fic and no copyright infringement is intended. Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing in her sandbox.

Chapter 10

Transformation

Sitting in our new room was not helping the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Edward had helped me unpack, so that had taken all of twenty minutes. After being attacked by Alice and Rosalie I was terrified to touch anything, in case I broke a newly perfect nail and was accosted again. After flipping through the television channels and finding nothing good, I finally lost my patience.

"Can we just please get this over with?"

Edward gave me a confused look.

"Bite me already. I don't know why we have to wait until tonight."

"I thought you'd want to get moved in and comfortable first," Edward replied, looking uncomfortable.

"You're just stalling," I accused.

I thought he'd deny it adamantly. "Maybe I am," he replied instead. He looked at me and I had to look away. There was immense sorrow and pain in his eyes. "Bella, are you still sure?"

"I'm positive, Edward. I want to spend forever with you."

He looked defeated. "Ok. Let's go, then."

He got off the sofa. I stayed seated, looking at him in surprise. "We're not doing it here?"

"No," Edward replied.

"Then where?"

"In the basement."

My mouth dropped open in shock. "That's just a little bit creepy, Dr. Frankenstein."

Edward shook his head and rolled his eyes at me. "It's not like that, Bella."

I followed Edward downstairs, trying very hard not to hyperventilate. I tried to convince myself that waiting until later would only make things worse.

Edward knocked on Carlisle's office door.

"Come in."

Edward opened the door just enough to stick his head in. "Bella has decided she is ready." I ignored the tone he said it in.

I heard a chair scrape the floor as I pictured Carlisle standing up. Edward backed out of the doorway. Carlisle appeared and gave me a gentle smile that instantly made me feel a little better.

The door to the basement stair was through the kitchen. I was expecting the dim, dank, damp basement with unfinished walls and exposed beams that I was used to at Charlie's. The Cullen's basement was completely finished and brightly lit. The drywall had been painted a light sky blue color and the floor was covered in squashy carpet. The entire area was as large as the first floor. There were two pool tables in the middle of the floor, and perpendicular to them was a large foosball table. In the far corner was a poker table, though I couldn't imagine who would want to play poker with Edward or Alice. Several overstuffed sofas dotted the room for the comfort of spectators.

On the other side of the room from the game tables were several computers, a very expensive looking laser jet printer, and several other pieces of machinery that I couldn't identify; though I was fairly certain they weren't used for legal purposes. However, it was another piece of furniture that caught and held my attention.

"You can't be serious?" There was a full sized hospital bed set up. I'd rather lie on cold concrete for three days. Worse, there appeared to be an IV pole next to it.

"I told you we would try morphine," Edward said quietly.

"No. No morphine."

Edward looked at me like I was insane. "Bella, do you remember when James bit you?"

"Very clearly," I snapped. It was hard to forget that type of pain.

"So you've decided to become a masochist?" The sarcasm in his voice hurt me.

I shook my head and tried to think of the words to describe my reasoning. Any sane person would take the morphine drip.

"You didn't have morphine," I started, but was cut off.

"And injured soldiers during the Civil War didn't have anesthesia, that doesn't mean surgery patients today should be fully conscious for their procedures."

I growled at Edward. "Will you let me finish, please. Just hear me out. None of you had the option of being bitten. You all had to endure the pain for something that wasn't your fault or your choice. Now here I am, choosing this. I deserve to feel the pain because I'm requesting to be changed."

"Bella, the pain isn't some sadistic initiation ritual. No one will think less of you if you don't feel it." Edward clearly thought I was deluded.

I changed tactics and turned to Carlisle. "As a doctor you can't give a patient medication if they forbid it, right?"

"That's correct," Carlisle responded. He seemed to be slightly amused by Edward's and my argument.

"Good, then I don't give my permission."

Edward growled from behind me. "And you don't think I could administer morphine myself?"

"That's a felony!"

"And who's going to turn me in?"

Carlisle put a restraining hand on his son's shoulder. "I think you should respect her decision," he said calmly.

Edward looked murderous. I was beginning to wonder if it was wise to argue with him before he bit me.

"Edward, is the morphine more for Bella or for your own peace of mind?" Carlisle asked.

Edward seemed to deflate as Carlisle asked the question; the anger faded from his face to be replaced by something more like anguish. Instantly I understood why he insisted so strongly on the morphine; to have to watch me cry in pain for three days was probably pure hell for him. I felt guilty.

"Edward, we can try the morphine," I conceded.

"No, Bella. Carlisle is right, it's your decision."

"If it'll make you feel better then I want morphine."

Edward sighed. "I wish you'd stop trying to make everyone else happy. No morphine."

There wasn't any use in trying to argue; he knew how I honestly felt and wasn't going to let me change my mind just for his sake. I was shaking with trepidation as I climbed into the hospital bed. The sound of my heart was almost deafening in my ears. Edward looked about as nervous as I felt. I just wanted to get it over with and go on with our lives together.

Edward leaned over the bed and kissed my lips gently. His eyes were questioning.

"Forever." I whispered as I put a hand against the side of his face.

"Forever," he repeated before kissing my lips again. I closed my eyes instinctively; my muscles tightened as his lips traced down my jaw line and onto my neck. There was sudden pressure and then searing pain. I couldn't suppress the gasp of surprise that escaped my lips.

Edward moved swiftly around my body, following the mental instructions being issued by Carlisle. Pain exploded into existence in both of my wrists and ankles. Edward was back beside my head before I could take another shaky breathe.

I forced my eyes open to look at him. He looked like he was in more pain than me.

"If you are going to look like you are being tortured the whole time then you can just leave." I forced the words out one at a time. I barely noticed Carlisle wrapping my wounds in gauze, probably to prevent me from bleeding to death before I could become a vampire.

"I'm not leaving your side." His tone made it clear that heaven help anybody who tried to make him leave.

"Now who's the masochist?" I breathed.

The pain was intensifying. It felt like someone was holding a welding torch to my ankles, wrists, and neck. Just breathing evenly was becoming very difficult, never mind talking.

"What do you want me to do then, Bella?"

I needed to be distracted from the pain. Why had I refused the morphine? "Hold me," I mumbled. He didn't need to be asked twice. I felt him climb onto the bed and scoop me into his arms.

"Now talk to me," I mumbled again. My speech was rapidly slurring as my brain honed in on little more than the pain. "I just want to hear your voice."

Edward again did as I asked. He started telling me everything we would be able to do together once I was immortal. Listening to his gentle voice helped distract me from the pain. This was the reason I was enduring this to begin with, so that I could do all these things with Edward. It helped a little bit, but as the venom spread and the pain got worse, it became harder to actually understand what Edward was saying. I could hear his voice, but my brain was too focused on the agony to comprehend the words.

Someone was screaming; I completely empathized if they were in as much pain as me. My mind was heavy and dark. I must have slipped into unconsciousness. The screaming continued for another minute before I realized I was the one who was screaming. With considerable effort, I clamped my mouth shut and stifled the sound. My entire body was on fire now.

I slipped into unconsciousness several more times. The price I paid for the minutes of pain free oblivion was the screaming that always accompanied waking up. It would take me minutes to get it back under control. Edward held me the entire time, still speaking, though I couldn't understand the words. Part of me wanted to know how long I had been laying here, so I knew how much more I had to endure, but another part of me was terrified that I'd find out it had only been a few minutes. So I said nothing; I probably couldn't have composed a coherent sentence anyway.

I emerged from darkness once more, but this time I wasn't screaming. The pain was ebbing. Instead of feeling like I was being cremated I simply felt like I was being slow roasted. The flames that had licked my skin had faded to just a dull, burning heat.

I could feel my finger tips again. My eyes popped open in surprise at this revelation. I was huddled against Edward's chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me. He was still talking, although I had no idea how long I'd been laying here. I was able to understand words again, if I concentrated hard enough. Edward was now just reciting literature. After a few sentences I recognized it was from the Old Testament: how morose.

I tried to figure out how to tell him to recite something else, something more cheerful, like Jane Austin or Shakespeare, but the pain was still too intense to allow me to speak. All I could do was groan, and Edward took that as a reflection of the pain, not a commentary on what he was saying.

The pain subsided imperceptibly slowly. The periods of unconsciousness felt like nothing compared to the long stretches of agonizing awareness. Eventually I realized I could feel my toes and feet, and my head was becoming more clear. The burning was centered in my chest now, making every breath painfully difficult. My heart was beating ten times faster than it should be; I could hear the blood pounding in my ears. It was drowning out the sound of Edward's voice. Although I fought against it, I could feel myself slipping into unconsciousness again.

It was silent when I woke. Edward had stopped speaking, making the room eerily quiet. I waited for the pain to slice through the grogginess like a knife, but it never came. The silence was different than anything I'd ever experienced; with a gasp I realized the silence came from my own body. I could no longer hear my heart beating: it had stopped.

"Edward?" My voice was raspy from all the screaming, but it burned because of something else completely; I was thirsty.

"I'm right here." His velvety voice was close.

I opened my eyes; I knew they were blood red now. I was looking up into Edward's face. He was still holding me. I reached a hand up to touch the side of his face; his skin was impossibly soft, but no longer cold to my senses. "Is it over?"

"I think so." But he called softly for Carlisle anyway.

"How do you feel?" Carlisle asked after he felt for my non existent pulse and removed the gauze he had wrapped around my bite wounds. The skin was perfectly healed. He immediately set the blood soaked gauze on fire.

"Like there is someone else inhabiting my body," I responded truthfully. I was still Bella and I clung to her. But alongside my old self was a blood thirsty vampire, who was whispering in my mind. She was telling me that the thirst could be satisfied with blood; she wanted me to go out and hunt. It was impossible to not hear her and it was taking all my will power to ignore her.

Both Edward and Carlisle gave me strange looks. Apparently that wasn't an answer they were expecting.

"What do you mean?" Carlisle prompted.

I explained the vampire-Bella split in my mind. It only prompted even stranger looks.

"Is that normal?" Edward asked Carlisle.

"It's different for everyone," Carlisle responded. "It appears Bella is able to separate the two easier than most."

"What isn't normal?" I demanded. Had something gone horribly wrong?

"Nothing," Edward reassured. "We're just surprised that you can differentiate between the newborn and what's left of your human half. Most of us wake up and the vampire is in charge."

"She's certainly trying," I responded. I couldn't believe they were telling me I had it easier than most. It was not easy to ignore the murderous side of myself. At least I was far away from any humans, because I knew if I smelled any there was no way I would be able to ignore the vampire.

Already I was noticing my heightened senses. I could smell Edward very clearly; it was the same sweet scent I had grown used to as a human, but intensified about a hundred times. I could also smell Carlisle, though he had a slightly different smell than Edward. Immediately the two scents were committed to my memory. I could also pick up the scent of a female that clung to Edward's clothes. I guessed that Esme or Alice had visited while I was oblivious to the world.

My hearing had improved as well. I could hear voices from upstairs as if they were standing at the foot of the stairs. From the sound of it, Esme was worried about me and Alice was trying to reassure her. Other sounds that I had never payed much attention to as a human were also significantly amplified. The clock on the wall was ticking loudly and there was a hum coming from one of the lights that hung above the pool tables.

I looked at my hands. They didn't look a lot different, just a little paler than what I was as a human. I wondered what the rest of my body looked like. I didn't feel stronger, either, though I knew I was. I fought the urge to get up and run around the room, just to see how fast I could go.

Edward was watching me closely as I examined myself. The vampire who I now shared my body with was still telling me to go find blood. With some effort I pushed the notion to the back of my head, as I reminded myself that human blood made me faint.

"Will it ever go away?" I asked, as I touched my throat. My voice was getting stronger.

"You mean the thirst?" Edward inquired.

I nodded.

"It will fade with time and experience. Hunting will help, but you won't notice a real difference for about a year. The urges will become easier to ignore as well, but you will never be completely rid of them."

I nodded as I wondered how long my self control could hold out. I thought about the bet Emmett and Jasper had going and wished I knew who would win.

Edward's heard suddenly swiveled towards the stairs in response to a sound only his mind could hear. "You can come down, Esme."

My old eyes would have seen little other than a blur as Esme sprinted down the stairs, but my new eyes were able to see her every step. She looked worried as she came to a sudden halt at the side of my bed and pulled me into a motherly hug.

"I'm so relieved things went well, sweetheart," she cooed.

It was her scent that I had picked off Edward earlier. "I'm sorry you had to worry," I replied.

"It's her nature," Edward teased.

Esme gave him a stern look. "Yes, it is. So remember that next time you do something risky."

Edward ignored the rebuke. "The others are eager to see you Bella. Do you mind company?"

"Not at all."

"You all can come downstairs now," he called. Four vampires rushed down the stairs. I hadn't heard them upstairs, so I guessed they had been inundating Edward's head with questions and thoughts.

Alice was the first to reach me and I got pulled into another hug. Rosalie was right behind her. She was holding something, which after a few seconds I realized was a small hand mirror.

"I'm so glad you didn't kill her," Alice said to Edward. He growled lightly and I wondered if that had been what she was thinking to upset him before he bit me.

"You look wonderful, Bella," she gushed. I sensed more pride in her own ability to make me over than happiness for me. She thrust the hand mirror at me and I got my first look at my new body.

The first thing I noticed were my red eyes; I didn't like them. Already I was anxious for a year to be over so that my eyes would be the same golden color as Edward's. Once I was able to pull my attention away from my eyes, I could examine my entire face. I was obviously still Bella, but my face had been enhanced, somehow. I couldn't quite identify exactly what it was that made me look more attractive, but it was there; of course, I still didn't compare to Rosalie, but I hadn't expected to.

I didn't enjoy being the center of attention, so as soon as Edward's family had seen that I was fine, I requested that he and I escape to our rooms. I looked out our western windows and saw that it was dark outside.

"What day is it?" I asked.

"It's just before sunrise on Sunday," he responded.

I did the mental math. Edward had bitten me in the early afternoon on Thursday. It had only taken a little over two and a half days for me to change. I supposed that made me lucky.

My first order of business was to change clothes. I felt dirty wearing the same clothes for almost three days. I pulled open my drawer and instantly discovered that all my clothes smelled like Charlie. The vampire took charge of my mind. I wanted to track him down: follow the scent back to its source and sink my teeth into flesh. I imagined the warm blood running down my throat, quenching the fire that burning in my throat. A growl ripped from my lips. I was surprised at how predatory I sounded and that surprise allowed me to fight off the vampire. With considerable difficulty I pushed the vampire into the back of my mind, where all she could do was whisper ideas.

"These all need to be washed," I told Edward with what little air was left in my lungs. I chose not to inhale again, just in case.

He gave me a strange look. "Why?"

Couldn't he smell it too? I took a small breath through my mouth. "I can smell Charlie on them."

Edward's face changed from confused to surprised. He plucked one of my shirts out of the drawer and pressed it to his face.

"Are you sure your not just smelling you own human scent?" he finally asked. "I can barely detect Charlie on them."

"I know what I used to smell like," I snarled. The defensiveness gave the vampire some control again as air tainted with Charlie's aroma wafted through my nose. Quickly I pushed her back. "My scent is much stronger on them, but that isn't the smell that bothers me. I can smell Charlie from here."

Edward looked like he believed me, but his face still looked troubled. "This could complicate things, then."

"It does? But Charlie is safe, right, being so far away?"

"I'm not going to let you run off and kill you father, or anyone else for that matter," Edward replied. "But it will make that job more difficult since you seem to be able to pick up faint scents so strongly." He shook his head slightly. "I should have expected it, now that I think about it. You were hyper sensitive to the smell of blood as a human, which means you are likely much more highly attuned to it than the average vampire."

"Great." I didn't bother trying to hide the sarcasm. "That means I'm all the more likely to slip up, doesn't it? Because I will be able to smell a human before the rest of you."

Edward nodded. "We'll just have to watch you that much closer, and be extra cautious."

This was going to be a problem. Everything of mine from Forks smelled like Charlie, which meant I had to keep reliving murderous fantasies about him. And it wasn't just Charlie I thought about killing. Esme had taken my memory card full of honeymoon pictures to be printed; the photos all smelled like the teenage store clerk who had developed them. My suitcase smelled like the luggage handlers at the airport. Every time I encountered a new human scent, the vampire took control of my body. It took minutes of not breathing before I could push her away and become Bella again. I knew I would never be able to control myself if I was actually near a human.

After an entire day of unsuccessful attempts to distract myself from my own thoughts, I took to pacing the room. The fantasies about killing people were driving me insane. My foot brushed the box of photographs Renee had given me and the lid fell off. My mother's scent rose like smoke and enveloped me. Instantly, her face was in my mind; she was terrified. I was closing in on her. It wouldn't take more than a second for me to pin her to the floor. My teeth would penetrate the vein on the side of her neck, and her screams would subside as her blood flowed into me.

I snarled as I pushed the vampire back in my mind. I was quickly losing patience with myself. I was so angry that I kicked the coffee table without thinking. It went air born and crashed into the opposite wall, shattering into pieces.

"Damn it!" I snarled as I stalked across the room to pick up the splinters. The impact had put a hole in the drywall too. That led to another string of curses. I wished I could cry, at least that would be a way to alleviate the anger I was feeling.

Edward wasn't angry; in fact, he looked amused. "Can I ask what the coffee table did to you?"

"Sorry." I grumbled. "I'll fix it." It was going to take a lot of glue.

"Don't worry about it. I'll buy a new one, and we can patch the wall easily." His easy brush off wasn't helping my mood. I wanted him to yell at me for my murderous thoughts and short temper. "But really, why did you attack the table?"

"I'm frustrated," I growled, resuming my pacing. "I keep thinking about killing my own parents." I knew he heard the terror in my voice.

His brow furrowed. I knew it bothered him to see me in any sort of pain, physical or mental. I wasn't the only one being driven nuts. "I think maybe we should go hunting?"

"I thought you said it wouldn't help the thirst at first?"

"Not the physical feelings, but it might help you control the vampire in your head a little better. It can't make things worse, at least."

There was a knock on the door. "Come in, Emmett," Edward called.

Emmett merely stuck his head around the edge of the door. "Just checking that Bella isn't getting the better of you." I saw his eyes move to the destroyed table and gaping hole in the wall. "Did she throw a table at you?" He sounded amused at the prospect.

I looked at the carpeting, ashamed. If I were still human I'd be blushing bright red. "I got angry and kicked the table," I responded glumly. "I wasn't aiming for Edward, though."

"If that's what happens when you get angry, then you're banned from playing my Xbox," Emmett said with a laugh.

He wasn't making me feel any better.

"Don't listen to him," Rosalie said, appearing suddenly behind Emmett. "He destroyed a car when he was a newborn."

Emmett stopped laughing abruptly. He growled at Rosalie, "that was a long time ago!"

"How did you destroy a car?" I asked in wonder.

He just glared at me for asking.

"I'll tell you later," Rosalie said with a high laugh.

"I'm going to take Bella hunting," Edward interjected before a lover's quarrel could erupt. "We need somewhere remote, do you know anywhere near here?"

He was silent as Emmett thought the answer.

"Yes, that will do," Edward replied. "Could I borrow your Jeep, then?"

Emmett seemed to give me a wary look.

"People in glass houses..." Edward reminded.

"Fine, but please try not to hurt my Jeep, Bella."

I snarled back at him.

We were almost at the front door when Alice appeared out of nowhere. "Need another set of eyes?" she asked. As if she didn't already know what Edward's response would be.

"If you don't mind," he replied. His head turned suddenly, as if someone had called his name. The only person I could see was Jasper, who was sitting in the living room reading. He looked up and met Edward's eyes. Edward issued a warning growl and Jasper raised his hands in defense. Edward turned, grabbed my arm, and stalked out of the door with me in tow.

A/N: I hope you all like it. Please review and let me know. And if anyone is wondering, I plucked the morphine thing out of the end of Eclipse, when Bella and Edward are laying in their meadow. He says something about morphine, and Bella pretty much ignores it, so I thought it would be interesting if it comes back into play.