Author's Note: Why, hello! Dearest readers, your anguished comments on the last chapter are things I hold close to my cruel heart, so thank you very much for leaving them. I have a feeling some people might find this chapter a little OOC, and I apologize if that's the case. This is my perspective with Gray's character in my own story and it's gonna happen that way.
Things to remember going into this chapter and the next couple:
Foreshadowing
This entire fic was outlined at least a year ago
Learning lessons is part of life
And with those cryptic messages out of the way, please enjoy the chapter!
You Stole the Rain by HawkofNavarre
Chapter 10 – Head Rush
It happened so quickly that he hardly had time to figure out what was going on. Gray hit the ground in a daze, but when he turned and saw the blood spatter on the ground, he instinctively threw up a shield. It burned through his magic like a hot knife through butter, but it slowed the bullet down enough for him to spot where it was coming from and toss himself to the side in an act of self-preservation.
He swallowed as he spotted Juvia's body on the ground. It wasn't random blood spatter he'd seen; it was hers. The ice mage forced himself to summon another shield, dodging the next magical shot that came his way. He had to concentrate on the battle even though every part of his being was screaming at him to go help his partner. The pool of blood was getting bigger and he was running out of time, but reason managed to keep him focused on the task at hand. He wasn't going to help her if he was dead.
His mind raced to process what he was up against. Magical nullifying bullets; they sliced right through any sort of corporeal magic, and in the hands of a good sniper, which he was sure this guy was, they were a deadly combination. However, they were also absurdly expensive, meaning whoever was doing this had a pretty penny or the person who had hired the sniper to do this had a hefty change purse. Juvia hadn't been imagining things at all when she saw that job posting, though he hadn't doubted her in the first place.
But...he should've been more careful.
The ice mage cursed himself for getting distracted when another bullet came through his shield and narrowly missed his torso. He had to think about this later. The more time he wasted, the longer Juvia was going to be bleeding out.
He had to find where the shooter was camping, but he couldn't get a good angle on the shot since he kept having to run away from the attack. He dove, avoiding another fatal shot as he smashed the side of his fist against his hand. Gray continued in his path as he left a clone of himself behind, ducking low to see where the bullets were coming from. This assassin just had to take the bait. Whoever was sitting up in those trees did and the ice mage turned just in time to see it.
He followed the path of the bullet with his eyes and the hooded assassin also seemed to realize this. The man was well hidden and only the gun he was using was exposed, but it was enough to see its movement. He was slinging it behind his back to escape now that he realized his cover had been blown.
Like hell Gray was going to let him.
"Ice Make," he growled, his eyes pinned on the shadowy figure who had fallen his partner as he slammed his hands onto the ground, "Surface."
His magic spread out in a concentrated blast toward the assassin, then spiralled out in a thick sheet of ice that covered a massive area. It was significantly more magic than he had intended to unleash, but he was pissed off and that was the end result. If anything, it had the desired outcome. The assassin slipped on a branch and would've landed gracefully if the ground hadn't also been covered in ice. Gray finally closed the distance between them and it almost seemed like an unfair fight when the assassin saw Gray and attempted to bring the gun forward again while fighting to keep his balance. It was an unwise decision.
"Should've picked one and stuck with it, bastard!" the ice mage shouted furiously as he decked the assassin so hard, the impact sent the man flying meters back. His opponent stilled and Gray took a moment to steady his breathing before his mind sharply flooded him with thoughts of Juvia.
He rushed over to her, his heart racing. If there were ever a time he had panicked, it didn't even compare to this moment. Now that the rush of battle was over, reality was sinking in and he felt like puking when he saw the amount of blood she was lying in. The shot went right through her chest and he was too shaky to even tell if she was still breathing.
"Shit, shit, shit, you're not allowed to leave me right now," he commanded, voice trembling as his hands hovered over her.
Gray had seen his comrades injured in battle a million times, sometimes even fatally, but this...he didn't even know how to start. Her blue combat dress was drenched in blood all around the torso and he was almost afraid to touch her. He was unsure of himself for another moment, then ripped off his shirt and stuffed it against the open wound while he looked around frantically. He needed help. Mavis, he needed help.
He couldn't just move her while she was bleeding like this. Hell, could he move her at all without hurting her more? He knew he couldn't just sit here and keep her from trying to bleed out. Swallowing, he removed the cloth.
Placing his shaking hands on her chest, something that might make him blush were the situation not so dire, and tried to ignore the slick blood that was staining his hands. He had to concentrate. He couldn't be careless with something as fragile as a human body—especially Juvia's. No matter what kind of magic she had, she was still flesh and bones like the rest of them. Not...every object simply went through her with ease.
Gray bit his lip in nervousness. He had done this a million times, but never on a human. Juvia with her magic form, yes, but Juvia as just a physical being like everyone else, no. He was pretty sure that he knew exactly the size of what he needed to freeze over, but even then, there was no guarantee that her blood wouldn't just melt his magic eventually and she would bleed out anyway. There was no guarantee that the image of the ice formation was correct, even though he was always confident when it came to formation. He knew every aspect of an object that he held in his hands, and he had never been unsure about it since he had mastered the magic of Ice Make.
At least...not until now.
But there was no time to hesitate. She was dead anyway if he didn't do anything, and...and...she wasn't going to die. It made him sick to even think about it.
"Don't you dare die on me," he hissed as he froze the blood over her wound, then tucked his hand underneath her to find where the bullet had come out on the other side and froze that shut too. He rose slowly with Juvia in his arms. He had to move quickly and smoothly; his makeshift bandage for her would only last for so long and he didn't want to jostle her any more than he had to, but he needed to get her back to the guild. He was reminding himself that she was strong, that she had already survived so much despite the odds, yet there was a fear inside of him that simply wouldn't be denied.
Gray was silent as he walked. He wasn't going to confess his undying love or something in the midst of his fears, because that would be like validating that it was okay for her to go. It wasn't okay. It was far from okay. He wasn't going to just give her what she wanted. If she wanted to hear those words, she had to earn it by staying alive.
"Don't you dare die on me," he said, offering her the same words as he had earlier. Right now, that was all he could say to her.
He only hoped she was listening.
Gray kicked the door open hard enough that it swung on its hinges and hit with wall with a thud. The entirety of the people in the guild hall were staring at him with stunned faces, but he didn't have time to watch them gawk.
"Someone get Wendy right now," he said lowly. He felt blood leaking down his arms and he knew the wound he had frozen shut had opened again.
"I'm here!" the young dragon slayer announced herself, rushing forward. When she was close enough, a glance down at the woman in his arms was enough to make her gasp and back off for a moment, covering her mouth in shock. He gave her another moment to gather herself, the girl swallowing audibly before she met his eyes with a determined stare. "Let's hurry to the infirmary."
If he'd developed any sort of memory for the trip back to the guild, it was lost. He didn't remember anything. This was the most frightened he'd been in his life because all he could think was that Juvia was dying. She could've already been dead in his arms for all he knew, considering how much he was shaking. He wouldn't have even known. Of course he denied this fact. He denied it over and over again, yet the dark thoughts wouldn't leave him alone and it was impossible for him to do anything other than hope.
It was still sinking in when he placed her on the bed, sounds of Wendy running around the room like a distant voice in his ears. Juvia's body stained the sheets red as soon as he put her down and the contrast of the colours made him feel numb. He didn't know what to think anymore. His head was a mess. Her face wasn't supposed to be so pale it almost mirrored the white sheets she'd bled on. It was sick. He felt sick.
Just as he felt the bile coming up his throat, someone behind him grasped his arm. Gray suppressed the feeling and turned to see Erza standing there, the Strauss sisters shuffling in behind to assist the young dragon slayer.
"Hey. I saw you and Wendy heading in here so I followed. Wendy needs space to do what she needs to. Let's go outside and talk," she told him, eyes hard and not leaving any room for argument. He almost wanted to shove her aside and tell her that there was no way in hell that he was leaving Juvia's side, but...
Cana's words came back into his mind, twisted. "What right do you have?" He didn't have any rights when it came to Juvia. He'd treated her feelings like shit for the longest time. He was jealous when other men looked at her even though he refused to return her feelings. He might be the man that she loved, but that was no claim over anything. He hadn't given anything back. Nothing. Her lying there and bleeding out was a sign that he couldn't even protect her. He was worthless. His love for her was worthless, because all he'd done with it was pretend that it didn't exist.
"Gray," Erza interrupted his thoughts sharply. His head snapped up, having forgotten what he was even in the midst of doing.
"R-right," he breathed as he followed her out the door. It broke him to leave her there, but in truth, she followed him, her heart-wrenching image engraved into his mind. It was haunting, just like how he carried the ghosts of those he cared for since the day of their deaths. Her picture was always going to be with him, and it would be the image of her dying, not smiling and full of optimism like she really was. He had failed...to protect that smile.
"What happened?" Erza asked after they had exited the infirmary.
"Someone was hunting us. The man who-who shot Juvia...he was hired," the ice mage replied, still shaky from the memory. "He had magic-nullifying bullets."
Alarmed, the ex-quipper grasped him by the shoulder. "Well, I'm glad at least one of you is okay. Where is he?"
Gray had to think for a moment, completely forgetting he had just left their attacker there. Getting help for Juvia really seemed more important than taking the enemy prisoner, but making sure they captured the man who nearly murdered their guild mate for money was pretty important too. "I knocked him out. I don't know if he'll still be there or not."
She nodded and folded her arms. "Alright then. Show me where you two were and I'll see if I can pick him up," Erza stated as she walked toward the foyer of the guild hall. "I'll grab a map of the town. You should clean up."
She was walking away before he could get another word out, and he momentarily recalled how good Erza was at getting anyone younger than her to do what she wanted as their "big sister", whether it be through threat or subtle manipulation. At least she had good intentions, which was why he headed to the nearest washroom in consideration of her advice.
He was pretty sure the mirror was lying when he first caught a glimpse of himself after walking into the men's room. The man staring back looked like a wreck, weary eyes, blood-soaked hair sleeked back, arms red and sticky. Gray looked down at his hands and realized exactly how much blood was actually on him, and it chilled him to the bone to know that it was Juvia's blood and not his own. Within a second, he found that he was shaking again, and the ice mage knew that there was nothing he could do to make it stop.
It took two tries to turn on the faucet, his mind elsewhere as he busied himself with familiar motions. He had been the first target; that much was clear. Maybe there had been someone trying to attack both of them, but she was the one who was supposed to have been in his place right now. If she hadn't pulled him out of the way...if she hadn't taken that shot for herself...
His brain bounced back between her words and the state she was currently in. She had known there wasn't enough time to save them both and she had chosen to save him. But...that was the way Juvia was. She was always thinking of him, even if it was in a selfish way. People were always protecting him, her especially. And now she was paying for it, just like everyone else who had done the same before her.
The water turned pink as it went down the drain, washing the stickiness out of his hair before he tore off his shirt and tossed it into the sink. It was a lost cause, and after a moment of soaking it, Gray was fed up with looking at it and threw it into the garbage can instead. He was a fountain of red and he didn't want anything to do with that colour anymore.
Gray wasn't feeling any better when he left the washroom, still feeling numb and angry. Honestly, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel right now. Everything was his fault. Everything. Today was supposed to have been a good day, a cheerful day—one he would look back on and smile at. He was supposed to have admitted to her that his feelings had turned into more than just friendship because they had and he couldn't lie anymore. Instead he had failed to protect her from something she had seen coming. He hadn't brushed off her premonition either; he'd just thought that everything would be fine so long as they were together. They had never lost a battle side-by-side and as a result, he had let his guard down. He was the one who was supposed to be lying in that bed. In fact, he would have preferred it that way by far. He couldn't stand thinking about losing her. Not for anything. Not for anyone, even himself.
"Gray," Erza's voice snapped him out of his reverie. She rounded the corner with a roll of paper tucked under her arm, pulling it out and pressing it flat against the wall. "Show me."
If one thing was certain, it was that his brain was working slowly. He and Juvia hadn't been so far from the location of the snow cone stand that he had been unable to vocalize where they had been, but that thought only occurred to him now and it was a little late to be concerned with the fact that he'd been too distracted to tell Erza. There was far too much on his mind to even care.
Gray tried to focus on the map, dragging his finger across the surface. He traced the route they'd walked earlier, reliving the day's events. He knew he could've just found the spot immediately, but he wanted to remind himself of everything else. It was a morbid way to use his memories, but Gray felt like it was only right that he remembered exactly what he could lose. He had to remember. It was time to protect her with everything he had.
"Here," he replied, voice steadier than he was feeling. The location he pointed to was south of the stand where they had picked up the snow cones, just outside the town. The ice mage suddenly realized how stupid he was to have brought Juvia there when she was afraid someone was hunting her. The edge of town was a desolate place flanked by trees, a perfect area for an assassin to his job without witnesses. Still, even in the face of his mistake, he swallowed his shame. There was no time to be wallowing in possibilities when Juvia could die.
Erza nodded before letting the map roll back. "I'll get him myself, and I'll bring Natsu to track him if I need to."
He was reluctant to let her go without him, but the look on her face left no room for argument. There was no denying how much he wanted to pound that assassin's face in again, but even Gray knew how much of a liability he'd be in a fight right now. Besides that, he wanted to stay close to Juvia. Leaving her wasn't an option.
"Fine," Gray finally spoke in agreement. The desire to do something rather than wait was still tugging at him, but he suppressed the feeling.
"...Don't do anything stupid."
They were supposed to be words that were helpful, maybe, but at this point, he thought he couldn't possibly do anything more stupid than walking into a perfect location to be ambushed. Too bad that had already happened. Letting out a bitter chuckle, he simply nodded before Erza turned to leave.
His first instinct was to return to the infirmary, so he did. The door was firmly shut still, a sign that his presence inside wasn't wanted. He let his back fall against the wall as he slid down onto the floor, burying his face in his hands. He wasn't sure what was worse: the waiting or his memories. Both of them together were leaving him a wreck. No choice but to wait, and no choice but to remember.
Gray was staring at the wall into nothingness, but his thoughts were all of her. The thought of Juvia just not being around was too overwhelming to handle, and it was his own fault that he even had to consider it right now. More than ever, he hated himself for everything. If had been more careful, if he had just told her his feelings, if he hadn't brought her out in the first place...
"Well, don't just sit here moping and blaming yourself."
The voice that reprimanded him wasn't overly critical, but it irritated him enough to look up and glare. For every right that he didn't have with Juvia, he definitely had just as many that allowed him to throw a self-pity party. Nobody was about to take that away from him. He already felt terrible; he just felt like he should be feeling worse.
"Honestly," Cana groaned as she hovered above him. She sighed before she sat down next to him, drawing her knees up to her chest. "You need to stop thinking these things are your fault. They happen."
"They happen because people care about me," Gray retorted bitterly. "You know she took that bullet for me? I'm supposed to be the one lying in that bed, not her."
"How does that make anything better? We'd all still be worrying about one of you," she countered, much to his annoyance. He didn't want anyone to be playing devil's advocate at the moment. He just wanted to hate himself and leave it at that.
"It makes everything better," the ice mage grumbled in defiance. "At least then, I'd know she was okay."
Cana growled. "Do I need to punch some sense into you?"
"Leave me alone."
In any case, Cana probably would've decked him good, but Lisanna (fortunately for him, although he really couldn't care less right now if someone were to be pounding the crap out of him) chose that moment to peek her head out the door. Cana didn't have enough time to follow through on her offer as he jumped to his feet to see what news the younger Strauss sister brought.
"What's happening?" he asked Lisanna, trying not to let the urgency he was feeling show in his voice. He just wanted to know if she was okay. He just wanted to know. Cana stood up after him, crossing her arms as they both anticipated the update.
"Wendy was able to decompress and repair her lung with magic. Still, there was a lot of haemorrhaging, so she's not doing well. Wendy's no doctor, but she's sure Juvia is going to pull through just as soon as we can do a blood transfusion, so we need to get someone in the guild who has—"
He shot his arm out abruptly, flashing his cubital fossa. "Hook me up."
Lisanna looked at him hesitantly. "Um, Gray, I haven't even told you what her blood type is."
"Doesn't matter," the ice mage dismissed her concern without wasting any words. "I'm type O. Just do it." If he had the chance to help Juvia in any way, he was going to do it without question. The waiting had driven him mad. At this point, he would rip out his own kidney if someone said it would save her.
Slowly, Lisanna nodded. "Okay. I'll let Mira-nee know. She'll be the one handling this with Wendy until Porlyusica-san gets here."
As Lisanna disappeared behind the door again, Cana grasped his arm. "Gray—"
"Not right now, Cana," he grunted, roughly pulling away from her. He knew exactly what she was going to say and he didn't want to hear it. "Stop blaming yourself. This is not your fault." He was hearing it already.
"You have time to stop and listen, jackass! Lisanna's not even back yet!" Cana expressed in frustration. She shook her head and shoved him in the shoulder, trying to get her point across. "Mavis help you, Gray, because you might be able to save her life, but with the way you are, you're going to do something that'll break her heart, and for Juvia, that's worse."
"Just shut up!" he snarled back at her, blood boiling. "Do you think you know everything? You weren't there when she went down. I was. She is dying in there, Cana, and I think that's a little more important than you lecturing me about guilt!"
The card mage snickered, then looked away. "You know what? Fine. I can see that you're not going to listen to me, and I really don't care," she told him, "but as much as you're my friend, Juvia is too, and if you end up losing her because of your own stupid mistakes, I won't be there to help you."
Gray felt self-satisfied and like a complete scumbag when he watched Cana storm off. It was true that he hadn't been listening to her, and it was also true that he just wanted her to go away, but none of it made him feel any better. He just wanted to see Juvia alive and breathing, not looking like a piece of porcelain on a bed of ivory. Nothing else was going to change how he was feeling right now. He needed to see her okay, so he didn't have to picture a world without her. He couldn't imagine what the world would be like without her there to follow him around, doting on him with her shy smile and dark eyes. He couldn't imagine not being able to think she was crazy with her outrageous requests of him and wild fantasies. He couldn't imagine her being just his past, not his present and future. She was not allowed to just become an image in his mind, eroded by time.
Juvia...
He was barely able to blink back the tears when Lisanna stepped out of the infirmary again. Of all things, he didn't know why he cared if anyone saw him crying at this point. Gray was a person who was rather protective of his emotions, but his mind was too preoccupied with other things to consciously hold back from showing them. Nevertheless, his eyes brimmed with salty water and he refused to let it fall, out of habit if nothing else.
"Everything's set up. You can come in now," the youngest Strauss told him, widening the crack in the door.
Gray nodded, though was almost reluctant in stepping through. He'd be lying if he said that, despite Lisanna's status report, there wasn't fear gripping his heart. How certain could he be that she was alright until he saw her for himself? And how could he see her himself if he was too afraid to walk through the door?
He strode past the threshold without another thought and steeled himself before setting his eyes on her. She was still pale and he could see well enough how shallow her breaths were, but she was breathing and that was the important part. Part of him relaxed a little now that he knew for certain that she was alive. He could see Mirajane in the middle of preparing the needle and Lisanna moved past him to begin prepping the bed adjacent to Juvia's.
"Wait," Gray interrupted her as he approached the water mage he could no longer deny his feelings for. He reached down and curled his fingers into hers. She...was colder than he was used to, like she had bled away the warmth she normally held. For once, the cold was nothing comforting to him and all he wanted to do was hold her until that familiar warmth was in his arms again.
He didn't bother turning around. "Is it alright if...I stay next to her?"
Instead of answering, Lisanna simply walked around to the other side of the bed, putting her arms under the unconscious patient and pulling her a little to the side, just enough that the vacant side of the bed would be comfortable enough for another person to fit.
"Why don't you lie down?" she suggested once she was done adjusting the sheets, the smile she was offering him sympathetic and comprehensive. "Nee-san's almost done."
So he did, kicking off his boots before climbing into the infirmary bed next to Juvia and weaving his right hand into her left. As if on cue, Mirajane appeared to administer the needle into his free arm, but he hardly noticed it with his head turned to the side to stare at Juvia. The process was done in fifteen minutes and only another few passed before Wendy and Mira were on the opposite side of the bed, putting the IV into Juvia. He rolled onto his side and pulled their intertwined hands up to his chest, never taking his eyes off her. Porlyusica came and went, checking on Juvia and discussing some things with Wendy and Mirajane that Gray didn't care to listen to. Eventually, the room grew quiet and void of any others in the guild, besides the odd check-in every hour. He didn't say a word as he watched her, pale skin gradually turning rosy again, breaths becoming deeper, hand feeling warmer.
She was going to be okay. He could see it and he could feel it, and now that the room was bereft of others, he allowed the hot tears he had denied earlier to flow freely. The relief was cathartic, and so was the crying as he silently wept into the sheets of the bed.
Mavis, he had been so afraid. If he hadn't been able to save her—if they hadn't been able to save her...
"Damn it, I'm sorry," he whispered to her, because everything was his fault. She'd been afraid herself, and he brought her to the worst place possible. She even took the shot for him.
Gray had finally been able to admit it to himself, but it wasn't until now that he knew how certain he was of his own feelings. He was in love with Juvia, and the only thing worse or more painful than seeing her almost die for him would have been if she had died for him. That was not allowed to happen. Ever.
But right now, the exhaustion of the day was catching up with him and hearing the soft sound of her breathing was a beautiful melody. His eyelids drooped and Gray knew that he wasn't going to be able to stay awake any longer. However, falling asleep next to her didn't seem like the nightmarish prospect he used to think it would be.
"I'll see you in the morning," he promised her, lightly kissing her shoulder and meaning every word he said.
Tomorrow, he thought, that maybe the sun would look a little brighter in the sky waking up with Juvia beside him.