Disclaimer: I keep wishin, and hopin, and dreamin, and prayin, but sadly nothing's happened yet.

I hated these kinds of things. I hated all things that were social, mostly because people would point and stare and whisper about my scar. But I hated dances, the most of all. It wasn't because I didn't know how to dance because I do. It was because of all the idiots who hit on my wife, Katara.

It wasn't as if she really danced provocatively or was dressed in practically nothing. Although some nights she wore less than others, especially when it was hot out. I would growl at her before we left telling her that I didn't like her display of skin, but she would just laugh and tell me not to worry about it. Yeah right, I would worry about it the rest of the night, especially when the idiots started coming on to her.

Sometimes I wish that we could just skip the whole club scene but Katara enjoyed it too much for me to say no, even though I always promise myself I will the next time.

'I judge by what she's wearing

Just how many heads I'm tearing

Off of assholes coming on to her

Each night seems like its getting worse

And I wish she'd take the night off

So I don't have to fight off

Every asshole coming on to her

It happens every night she works

They'll go and ask the DJ

Find out just what would she say

It they all tried coming on to her

Don't they know it's never going to work

They think they'll get inside her

With every drink they buy her

As they all try coming on to her

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

There was this one guy named Jet that just wouldn't take no for an answer. It seemed like he followed us where ever we went, because somehow he always managed to end up at the same clubs as we did. Every night he would try to dance next to her and every night she would tell him to back off. If he didn't I would come over and make him. Usually our little chats went like this.

"Jet you heard the lady back off. Besides she's with me."

"Well I don't see you out here dancing with her. I'd say that makes her fair game."

At this point he'd try to grab Katara and try and dance with her, and then I'd really get in Jet's face.

"Don't make me tell you again. Stay away from my wife or you'll be eating breakfast through a straw." If he didn't back off then well, I'll just let you guess.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

Is that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

There goes the next contestant'

But even worse than Jet were the women that would hit on Katara. Mostly because I couldn't threaten them like I could Jet and other men, I'd never hit a girl and don't intend to start. I would let Katara deal with them. Usually all it took was for her to point at me and explain that she didn't role that way and if that didn't work well then she's sit that song out.

'I even fear the ladies

They're cool but twice as crazy

Just as bad for coming on to her

Don't they know it's never going to work

Each time she bats an eyelash

Somebody's grabbing her ass

Everyone keeps coming on to her

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

As I look over the dance floor, I can see them waiting for a chance to dance with her. Somebody's dancing a little to close time to go "cut" in.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

Is that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

There goes the next contestant'

I look at her outfit and sigh for probably the millionth time that evening and wish that I'd been able to convince her to go to the movies or at least change her clothes. I suppose in theory it wasn't that bad, it was only a blue tank top and jeans, but it didn't seem to matter to any one in the club, they still kept staring.

'I'm hating what she's wearing

Everybody here keep staring

Can't wait 'til they get what they deserve

This time somebody's getting hurt

Here comes the next contestant'

Now some poor fool, tried to bring a drink to her, but oops she "accidentally" spilled it on him when he got to close. That's my girl right there. For the most part she could take care of herself; there was just once and awhile when I had to step in. Like right now the guy with the spilled drink getting a little close now. He's doesn't want to dance with her anymore, he's mad because she ruined his shirt.

'Is that your hand on my girlfriend?

Is that your hand?

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave here limping

I wish you'd do it again

I'll watch you leave her limping

There goes the next contestant'

That was easy. I just came over asked if there was a problem and when Katara said, "There's not a problem, just that this boy thinks that I spilled his drink on him."

The boy's face had gotten red with indignation at being called a boy and was about to speak but I beat him to the punch, "Well then if my wife says that there isn't a problem there isn't one."

At hearing the word wife, the boy began to back away, nodding in agreement that there was in fact no problem. I was sad that I hadn't got to knock any heads around but there would be others I was sure of it.

'I wish you'd do it again

Each night seems like its getting worse

I wish you'd do it again

This time somebody's getting hurt

There goes the next contestant.'

I looked down at my wife who was now dancing around me and came to this conclusion what better way to keep the idiots away than to dance with her.