I'm really sorry for taking this long to update...Thanks for all the kind reviews.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me...well, Bella does ;)

Part 10

Joey's POV

"Charge 200J. Clear." I have the paddles in my hands, trying to bring the young man back to life.

"Asystole"

"When was the last epi?" I ask.

"Five minutes ago. We have been on this for an hour now. It's time to stop" Carter tells me, taking off his gloves, taking a look at the clock on the wall. "Time of death: 06:43 p.m."

I always hated those words. I know that being a doctor, I should be used to them by now, but it still comes to me as a feeling of failure. My failure. My mind gets filled with thoughts of what if… I take the gloves off and my eyes are attracted to the other trauma room, where Pacey is fighting the same battle I lost. I wonder how he feels now; it's been so recent he'd visited the other side, the side that had to deal with loss and sadness. In a certain way, I envy his strength, even if it's an act. I'd be still crashed if I were in his shoes, but he can't stop still, he has to move forward, leaving his ghosts behind. I wonder again if it really works, if his ghosts really left them. Would that make me a ghost too?

He didn't tell me much details. I let him cry all he needed; wishing I could say something, do something to ease his pain, but I know better than anyone that time is the best medicine for that. Pain never really goes away, it only becomes more bearable.

"Joey, are you ok?" Carter's voice snaps me out of my reverie.

"I'm fine, John, I just got sad to see such a young man lose his life so stupidly." I manage to smile. He puts a loose strand of my hair behind my ear and smiles back.

"I'll go tell his family, don't worry about that. Going home already?" His voice is too suggestive to pass unnoticed.

"You already know the answer." I shrug.

"So, what do you think: you and me, nice dinner?" He puts an arm around my shoulder as we walk to the lounge. I take a small glance at Pacey, I see he's got his patient stabilized and is sending him to the ICU.

"Carter, by nice dinner you mean Chinese at my place, don't you?" I ask.

"Do you know anything better than that?" He kisses me quickly.

"John, not here!" I slap his chest.

"For the first time, I should agree with Dr. Potter." We hear Dr. Romano's annoying voice. "I must remind both of you that this is a hospital, not an adequate place for public displays of affection."

"It won't happen again, Dr. Romano." I say, the better regretful tone I could manage. That guy could be such a pain in the ass.

"Good. And Carter, don't let her stay up late, Dr. Potter has to be at the OR at 7 a.m. sharp tomorrow."

"I won't." we watch our dearest Chief of Staff going to bother someone else. "He really knows how to ruin the mood, doesn't he?" He whispers to me.

We both laugh, as we get ready to leave. We end up bumping into Pacey who comes to the lounge to grab his stuff too.

"You guys wanna a lift? I'm with my car." He offers. I look to Carter, who answers for me.

"Thanks, Witter, it's a cold night."

"You can call me Pacey. You are Joey's boyfriend, there's no need to such formalities." Pacey smiles. For the first time, I see some of old Pacey in that smile.

"Fine, Pacey. Shall we go?" He asks me.

"Sure, but let me just call my insurance company and tell them I'll probably need their services."

"Potter, I'm hurt. Do you forget who taught you to drive?" Pacey asks me in mockery pain.

"Now I have an explanation for why she drives so badly" Carter teases me.

"Stop you two. I'm not here to be teased by both of you." I roll my eyes, causing the tow men to laugh.

"Josephine, you are so easy." Pacey tells me. And the three of us go to his car.

Pacey's POV

"What is going on with me?" I ask myself for the hundredth time since I offered them a lift. Since I told Joey my secret, I feel like a thousand tons weight had been removed from my shoulders, but I feel wrong feeling this way. I know she didn't tell anyone, not even Carter, but the words she told a couple of days ago came to my mind. "Share your pain, Pacey, it will make it easier to heal" Am I ready to face all the pity faces I received almost everyday back in New York? There's only one way to know it. I'm going to ask her to tell Carter, I'm not ready to tell the same story all over again, but she can do it for me. I leave them at Joey's place, she seems really happy around him, like I always wanted her to be. I drive to Gretchen's place, promising myself to find a place of my own as soon as possible. A smile slowly crept to my lips as I remember our conversation about my daughter.

"Why did you name her Josephine?" She asked, holding baby Joey in her arms..

"She had to fight to live, stubborn as hell. And you are the most stubborn woman I ever met." .

"I have to think about a nickname for her."

"Why?"

"I don't feel comfortable calling her Joey. It's like calling myself." She explained, trying to make me laugh.

"Ok, Joey. Say it, what do you have in mind?"

"Bella. Because she's really beautiful." She nuzzled my baby's face, my heart melting in my chest; that was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. I censured myself for having those feelings.

"Ok, Bella it is." I agreed.

I sigh while climbing the stairs to Gretchen's apartment. I'm doing my best fighting the butterflies, I can't feel this way, I'm not allowed to feel this way, I already screwed up things with Joey once for wanting more than friendship. I'm not making this same mistake again.