"Don't make a fuss," Spike told them avoiding eye contact as Angel, having eventually persuaded him to come downstairs, helped him get seated on the sofa. Wesley jumped up to change seats, offering him the footstool for his injured leg and Fred reached for cushions. "Don't. Or I'll bloody well leave for good," Spike swore. He was almost regretting coming down already. Even without looking up he could feel their eyes on him, and right now that was the last thing he wanted. He was still feeling raw and fragile from the impact of his soul returning, like all his defences had been stripped away. It also didn't help that he was injured. The pain from his leg especially left him feeling drained. Angel had insisted on re-setting his broken leg properly right away and it was going to take some healing. He just hoped he didn't look as fragile as he felt. He glanced up momentarily to find them all looking at him expectantly. Fred was smiling encouragingly, as were Wesley and Lorne. Gunn leaned on the arm of the sofa. Buffy and Willow sat on the opposite couch. "Er…" He sniffed self-consciously. "Sorry to disappoint. Haven't exactly prepared a speech."

"Oh. Of course not. We don't expect you to..." Wesley began.

"We're just happy Angel convinced you to join us." Fred smiled. "You shouldn't be sitting all alone up there. You should be with your friends, and help us celebrate. You don't have to say anything. I mean you can if you want to of course, but it doesn't have to be a proper speech like Angel gave…"

"Angel did a speech?" Spike asked, looking side-long at other vampire.

"He did," Gunn pointed out. "But it was lame."

"It wasn't a speech," Angel denied. "It was an apology. A much, much needed apology."

"So I gotta do one of them too then? An apology?" Spike asked Angel. Buffy observed that Angel was the only person Spike seemed to feel comfortable talking to. He was still avoiding looking at any of the others, especially her.

"No, of course not," Angel snorted. "Fred's right. You don't have to say anything."

"Spike, you don't have anything to apologise for," Fred gushed. "You were amazing!"

"Yeah," Gunn agreed. "She's not wrong. You saved us all from Angelus, man. We wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you. He would've killed us all, one way of another, isn't that right Angel?"

"One way or another," Angel agreed darkly.

"Not only that," Wesley added. "But you managed to end a centuries old demon pact, putting a stop to its barbaric human sacrifice rituals forever. It is a significant achievement. Not at all bad for a night's work."

Spike hung his head. "That was incidental. You know that, right? Could've gone either way. Hardly knew what I was doing."

"Hey, you stayed true to yourself," Lorne told him. "Like a real champ. Kept trying to do what you felt was right."

"I hurt Fred," Spike groaned faintly.

"I'm okay, really," Fred assured him rubbing her bruised arm. "It's not so bad. A lot worse happened to me on a regular basis in Pylea."

"Oh, I can believe that, honey," Lorne sympathised.

"I could've hurt you all," Spike insisted. "Nearly did. I could've..."

"But you didn't," Lorne reminded him. "No easy feat when you've lost your moral compass, we could all see that. The struggle. But you did what was right in the end and that's what counts," Lorne told him sincerely. "Thank the lord Buffy our amazing vampire slayer turned up!" he continued. "That was fortuitous. She seemed to know how to get through to you. You really listened to her. How'd she get the heads up so quick, anyway? Did she have a mystical slayer premonition or what?" He turned to the others.

"It was a little more than a premonition," Buffy spoke up with a smile.

"A vision?" Lorne asked, trying to sus out what kind of powers the slayer had.

"Kinda more like a phone call," Buffy admitted.

"Spike told her," Willow explained. "He called Buffy's cell phone, and told her what'd happened to Angel."

"First thing he did," Buffy told them. "Am I right?" She turned to Spike knowingly.

"I didn't even know he had your number," Angel said. "All this time."

Spike frowned and looked away from Buffy's gaze.

"God, Spike!" Buffy's frustration got the better of her. "What, you won't even look at me now?" She sighed. "You know soulless Spike may have nothing to apologise for, but I can't say the same for you. Angel tells me you've been back for months. Months! All this time I thought you were dead! When exactly where you planning to tell me? Huh?" she sounded really pissed off.

"Please, Buffy," Spike begged quietly, blue eyes catching hers at last. "Can we not do this now?"

"Not now? Then when?" Buffy was exasperated. "In another five months? Or do I have to wait until you lose your soul again to hear from you?" She stared him down. "Spike, were you ever planning on telling me you're alive?" Buffy finished angrily.

Spike broke her gaze and looked down again. "Honestly? I... I don't know," he stammered.

"You don't know? Great!" Buffy shook her head in exasperation. "You know, don't take this the wrong way but, if possible, I think you're even more infuriating with a soul!"

After a moment of shock, Spike covered his face in his hands. Why had he let Angel talk him into coming downstairs? He'd known he'd have trouble keeping it together. He didn't want them all to see him like this. If it wasn't for his injured leg, he would have got up and left the room before it came to this. He tried to turn away from them, his head in his hands.

"Is he… crying?" Gunn asked.

"Surely not," Wesley said. "I've never seen Spike…"

"I think he is," Fred whispered.

"Okay, that was the wrong way," Buffy stammered, taken aback in surprise.

"Jeez, Buffy," Angel criticized. "Did you need to be so harsh? You know he's had kind of a rough night!"

"I'm sorry," Buffy apologised awkwardly.

After an awkward silence Spike uncovered his tear-stained face and spoke angrily to Buffy. "You wanna know why I didn't tell you I was alive? Here's the truth. I was doing what's best for you, Buffy," he insisted. "I mean, let's be honest, I was only ever in your life for selfish reasons. You knew it and you made use of that when it suited you. Even once I got a soul I was stupidly hoping that maybe one day… But you're better off without me. We both are. You know it as well as I do," he stared her down.

Buffy didn't know what to say. "Is that what you really think?" she finally asked.

"Yeah," Spike was adamant. "Or I did… until I lost my soul last night." He cringed with shame. "First thing I did, I called Buffy," he told them all with a self-mocking laugh. "Suddenly thought I could just win her over. Take Angel out of the picture. Save the day. Just like that. Have a perfect ending." He laughed bitterly. "Bloody fool, I am."

"It wasn't you," Wesley reminded him. "Not without a soul."

"It was most of me," Spike asserted.

"Well, either way, it's not so foolish," Fred told him. "I mean, who doesn't want a perfect ending? And you did save the day."

Spike scoffed. "Hardly. Just fluke and circumstance." He took a breath. "Funny thing is, Buffy and I, we had our perfect ending."

"We did?" Buffy asked confused, as well as anxious about how Angel might interpret that.

"We did." Spike looked into her eyes. "You there with me, Buffy. We stood in the hellmouth, amidst all the death and destruction. The whole world falling apart," Spike recalled, "and you told me you loved me."

"I did," Buffy paled as she remembered that moment of anguish and too-late realisation. "Right before…"

"Then I went up in flames. Died to 'save the world' I did. That was our perfect ending. Raw. Agonizing. Absolute. As perfect as they come. Guess it takes having a soul to accept that."

No one said anything until Angel commented, "Jeez Spike, soul or no soul you've always been a sentimental moron."

"Shhh!" "Shut up!" "Way to ruin the moment!" Fred, Gunn and Lorne hushed Angel.

"It was perfect," Spike continued. "And then it was over. The way it was supposed to be. All over. But I've ruined all that now."

Buffy stared back at Spike, tears welling in her eyes. Finally she spoke. "You think that was perfect?" Buffy cried angrily through her tears. "What is wrong with you? Watching you burn. Running away. Spike, it was horrific. Heroic on your part, sure, but horrific."

Spike tried to explain, "It was for the best and it was…"

"How can you say that?" Buffy interrupted. "Do you know how much I cried for you after you were gone? Wished I'd done something different, that there'd been another way, or at the very least that I'd burned in the hellmouth too? Listen to me, Spike," Buffy told him. "Forget perfect endings."

"Forget perfect endings?" Spike asked. "Why…"

"Because endings suck. All of them! Even the perfect ones! In fact maybe they're the worst of all!" Buffy swore fervently.

"What do you mean?"

"Spike, I'd rather have you in my life, as imperfect, annoying and frustrating as you are, than have to live without you. You lost your soul last night, but you didn't lose me. Please. Don't make this an ending when it doesn't have to be."

"What then? After I've made such a mess of everything?"

"How about… a flawed beginning?"

"A beginning." Spike sounded bewildered. "Of what?"

"It's up to you."

Spike looked at Buffy, waiting, teary-eyed for his decision. "'Spose I'll keep that number in my cell phone," he relented. "What's the worst that can happen?"

She threw her arms around him. "I'm so glad my favourite vampires refuse to stay dead," she gushed.

"Group hug?" Fred asked, and they all got in on the action.

"Seems like a perfect ending to me," Lorne observed. "Not forever, of course. Just for tonight."