Chapter 10

"You Need to Understand What I'm Going Through"

EPOV

"Jasper!" I yelled downstairs for Jasper to get his ass upstairs to help me on my outfit. No, it's not what it sounds like. I just needed some advice on how I looked. I listened to Jasper's words and I called Lauren and asked her to come over for awhile. So we could talk.

"Yeah, man, what's wrong?" Jasper stepped into my room.

"How do I look?" I turned around and looked Jasper in the eyes.

His eyes roamed my body and then finally he looked back at me. When I thought he was going to respond to my question, he burst out laughing. My grin turned into an immediate frown.

"Wha-what's? What's wrong?"

"Edward. Edward Edward Edward." He said as he shook his head. He took a step toward me, "You're trying way too hard. This is your ex-girlfriend not the queen Yugoslavia. Dress pants? A collared shirt with a tie? No. No. Take it off." I did what he told me to while he gathered an outfit for me. "Think casual. Be relaxed. She won't take you seriously if you look like you just came from a wedding or something. "

After a few shirt changes and a hair check, Jasper approved. Just in time because exactly a second after buttoning my shirt I heard the door bell ring. My eyes darted towards to Jasper. I haven't talked to her since Friday. Well that wasn't really me talking, that was Dickward. Dickward is my alter ego that comes out when I've been drinking excessively. I was definitely drinking excessively once I got off the phone with Lauren early in the morning.

I heard the doorbell ring again, and I ran down the stairs towards the door. I paused. I have no clue why I was so nervous. She's my girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend, but I should be able to talk to her.

I slowly moved my hand to the door, but then froze again.

Come on Edward! Be a man!

I reached for the doorknob and turned it.

I swung the door open to come face to face with….

Rosalie.

Of all people Rosalie.

"Oh, it's you."

Her face went from excited to confused to annoyed in less than a second.

"Is that all I get? 'Oh, it's you'? Who were you expecting?"

I shook my head, "Uh, nothing. Nothing. Um…come on in?"

"Uh..yeah." She stepped inside, and took a look around. "Well. It looks like everything is still intact. So what's been up?" She turned towards me and I was caught off guard.

"Oh..eh…how has everything been?"

"Yes."

I was looking at the ground trying to get my heart rate back to normal when my eyes snapped back at Rosalie, "Fine. Everything's fine."

Rosalie narrowed her eyes at me and stepped closer to my face. She sniffed the air. "You smell alright. You haven't been drinking have you?"

"What?"

Emmett walked in and gave Rosalie a kiss. Ah love. I remember that feeling. Having someone to talk to when your family doesn't understand. Someone to talk to when a court ruling doesn't go your way. Just someone to talk to that will talk you out of doing something stupid. We may have not seemed like the best couple, but behind doors it was pure bliss. I need to get her back somehow. I don't even know how I got here with her. Drinking sucks ass.

I snap out of my thoughts to Emmett snapping in my face.

"Dude! What is your problem? Did Jasper give you some of his calm pills or some shit?"

I needed to go outside to think about how I should apologize. "Huh? Oh no, um, I'm going to go outside. Okay?"

I opened the front door and was met by the chilly air. It helped me clear my head for awhile until I saw Lauren's car pull into the driveway. I've never had so many butterflies in my stomach before. I was speechless. I never knew how much I would miss having Lauren come to my house or call me on the phone. I'm pretty sure if she slapped me right now I would cry with delight that she touched me. She turned the engine and opened her car door. It was sort of funny. It was like one of those moments in movies where the girl steps out of the car and everything is in slow motion and the wind captures the movement of her hair perfectly. Right out of the movies. That's what happened this very second.

I started grinning just looking at Lauren. She was wearing a pair of torn up shorts with a dark ruby shirt on with Russian gold letters on it. She was the one that got me into those kinds of shirts. Angel wings, scriptures, and all. I walked up to her and we stood there in the middle of the steps up to my house. Looking at each other. Not talking. Just looking.

I stepped closer to her to see if she would move back.

I looked into her eyes that literally sparkled in the night.

I placed my hands on the sides of her face and felt her cheeks.

I've missed her so much.

I leaned in and I kissed her forehead.

"Edward. Please don't," Lauren whispered.

I lied my head on top of hers and whispered, "I'm sorry, Lauren."

We stood their hugging for awhile until it started getting too chilly to stay outside. I made sure to close the gate in case I do something stupid and she drives off in her car.

We walked into the house and into the family room to meet up with the rest of the gang.

Emmett greeted Lauren with open arms and forcibly ripped Lauren out of my anxious hands. "My baby! I have missed you so much! I hope little Eddy has been treating you lovingly!"

Lauren looked at me and answered Emmett, "So far so good."

Every waking minute not being able to have my arms around Lauren made them itch. We were watching Epic Movie. All of us. Us. There is no us for Lauren and me because somehow she got smashed between Jasper and Emmett on the couch while lonely me gets the loveseat. Kind of ironic because there is no loving going on in the seat I am in.

After Emmett's second potty break, I stole Lauren away. We needed to talk. I needed to talk to her. Sure in the public eye I'm a cocky asshole, but when I'm with her everything changes. That's what I need to tell her. To show her how much she really means to me.

I guided her into my bedroom and sat her on my bed. I stepped back and leaned on my dresser. I guess I should just let it all out.

"I'm sorry, Lauren."

She opened her mouth, but I stopped her.

"No, please, just let me get this all out. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you. I'm sorry for not being able to control myself. On Thursday before I talked to you on the phone, I had a few drinks with my friends at Dillan's house. I guess you could say that I was pretty much drunk when you called. I know what I said. I remember everything. I didn't mean it and I know that that's not an excuse to say those things to you. For that I can never take back. When we got off the phone, I drank pretty much until I fell asleep. That explains the way I reacted on Friday morning. I…I…I can't take back anything that I've done."

I stopped talking and looked at Lauren.

"Edward, I'm tired of you always drinking. You getting drunk and then lashing out at me. I have not done anything towards that makes me deserve this. You called me a bitch. You've said such horrible things about me that even to this day I can't forget or even forgive. I've cried too many times over you, worrying for you, hating you, and wondering if you're even going to survive the night. I love you Edward. More than you can ever imagine, but I don't think I can do this anymore. What's going to change this time?"

She needed to know this, "Lauren, I love you. You know that I love you and that's all that I've ever said. For the time that we've been together I've always held myself back because I always felt that I would be fooled. Yes, I know, you'd never do that, but it's just something that I can't control. But Lauren, I can't fathom a day without you. Unless I'm drunk off my mind. Hold on, that didn't come out right. Lauren…I…uh…," Ugh! I'm a babbling mess. I can't get the words out. Everything that I thought before is gone. I don't know I feel like I'm losing her. Lauren sensed that I was getting increasingly frustrated so she got up from the bed and stood beside me.

"Edward, just say what you need to say."

I turned towards her and looked her in the eyes, "You don't know how much I've missed you. I've been literally going crazy trying not to do something. I not only love you, but I need you, Lauren. I was so happy when you agreed to be my girlfriend and I promised that I would never lose you. That I wouldn't do anything that would hurt you. I'm sorry that I couldn't keep that promise, but you make me happy. Sane. These past few days have been hell."

I stopped talking yet again because Lauren had tears forming in her eyes. "Thank you, Edward"

"So..everything…is okay?" I didn't want her crying. I'm honestly not that good with women so I didn't know what she was crying for.

"I've finally heard what I've doubted all along."

And with that I kissed her.

Yes extremely sappy moment, but god I loved her with all of my being. I've never kissed her or anyone so passionately in my life. It's as if two halves of the world was united.

She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. It's my job to show her that every day or I will lose her.

What happened in the next ten minutes was pure passion.

She slowly moved back onto the bed, eventually falling back onto my bed. I tried not to crush most of my weight on her. Our lips moved cohesively begging for more each touch they got. My tongue slid across her bottom lip asking for entrance. Thankfully, she opened her mouth slightly only to be met by me eagerly. I loved the taste of her. I slowly broke away from her lips to give her a long kiss on her forehead, cheeks, and neck. I returned my lips to hers when we couldn't contain ourselves any longer. I seemed to have sprouted a big hard problem that sort of needed to be taken care of. I'm not sure when or how I got it, but I think Lauren's moaning and my pent up sexual frustration helped. Maybe the dry humping? Maybe.

I didn't notice how hard I was breathing until I panted out, "Lauren? Are you sure? We can wait…"

She stopped me by taking off my shirt and kissing me some more. Well I'll be darned; I think that's a yes.

I temporarily separated myself from Lauren's lips to take off her shirt, when a certain cockblocker stumbles into my room from my window.

You would think from the amount of rage that is flowing throughout my body would get rid of my problem, but no. it just makes it ten times worse. I just looked straight down trying to contain my anger. What is Lauren going to think?

I muttered under my breath, "Shit." I tried to get up off of Lauren but it was that easy with a raging boner so I proceeded to yell at Isabella from on top of my girlfriend.

"What the hell, Isabella?"

She surveyed what was going on and I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was going to make this get ugly. "Oh! Edward, I didn't know that you got back with her. I thought that we were going to have some fun?"

No she isn't. I got off of Lauren and walked towards Isabella, angrily I spat, "What are you trying to do?"

She smirked, "What do you mean, babe?" She ran her hand down my chest. Fuck, my friend wasn't going down at all.

"Don't touch me. You know that nothing is between us. Why are you coming through my window? Weren't you going back to your house?"

"Um, why would I be going back to my house when I have a room here," Isabella looked at Lauren, "He offered me a room the first night we had together." Then she winked.

I'm done. I grabbed Isabella's arm and yanked her towards the door of my room, "You know there's nothing between us. You know about Lauren and I. You know that you shouldn't be coming back in the first place. Get the fuck out!"

Isabella turned towards the door but said, "Hey Lauren? If you're ever going to give him some great head, you should tickle his ass while you're at it because he loves-"

I slammed the door in her face. I stood there for a good five seconds before I could turn back to Lauren. I have no clue how I'm going to explain this to her. God! We were so close. Just so close to something that would be really awesome. God!

I turned around to face Lauren, but when I looked at my bed she wasn't there. I went over to the bed and ran my hand over it, wondering where she could've gone. I mean, it's not as if she jumped out the window or flushed herself down the toilet…That's it! The bathroom. I jerked my head over to the cracked door to see the light on.

Hmm…this is going to get interesting. I leaned myself against the doorframe and watched Lauren as she moved about my bathroom. She was all over the place, arranging my towels, cleaning the sink, and replacing the toilet paper. She cleans when she's frustrated. I waited for her to stop cleaning to talk.

"Lauren, she's just staying with us until she can get situated at home." I analyzed her face to get a feel on how she would answer, but I got nothing.

"Oh! Isn't that great? How long has she been here?"

"Um, I think just since Friday. When I left school she came home with me because she was unconscious and…it's a long story,"

She snorted, "How long is she staying?"

All of a sudden I felt guilty or even ashamed, "We're not sure. It's only been two days. A lot of stuff has happened."

She rapidly nodded her head, "It looks like a lot of stuff has happened. Enjoyed being single haven't you?"

"No, no, Lauren, it's not the way it looks really. She's a very sarcastic and malicious person. She purposely said all those things to get me in trouble. She knows all about us. She knows. I told her."

Lauren looked down at the sink, "So nothing has happened between you guys? No feelings?"

Oh shit. I looked down at my hands, "No," I mumbled.

"Nothing?"

"Well, not really anything intimate?" Damn, that came out as a question.

"Edward, what happened?"

I didn't really want to tell her anything because we literally got back together, "Nothing you need to worry about. We didn't kiss or anything. Promise." I looked her in the eyes.

"No feelings are there?" Why couldn't she just let it go?

"There were some feelings," Her eyes cast down, "but it was a lust and no real feelings. But Lauren, those feeling only lasted about three hours at most."

And with that the Isabella conversation was over. We started walking down stairs as it was pretty late. I really wanted Lauren to stay over. Not to take care of my nonexistent problem but so that we could just cuddle. It's been so long that I've held her. It may seem that we've only been broken up for two days, but this rift between us has been happening for two weeks. We couldn't talk to each other without starting an argument.

As we passed through the kitchen, Isabella got up from the table and grazed her hand down my arm.

I'm done with her, "Stop."

Isabella pouted and unfortunately she looked attractive doing it, "Why, Edward?"

Lauren finally spoke up, "Because he's with me, honey. I'm sure you can get one of your guy friends from school to satisfy you, so as long as you're living here, you need to keep your hands off of him."

Phew. Finally I got Mama Bear on my side. Marking her territory. Meow. Isabella drew her hand off of my arm and went back to where she was drinking coffee with Alice at the table. Watching Isabella sit back down made me notice Alice. I need to remember to talk to her.

When Lauren and I walked outside I held her for the longest time in history. I gave her a smooch on the cheek and she was off to her house once I opened back the gate.

I slowly walked back into the house and closed the door.

I can honestly say that today was a great day.

Minus the Isabella problem.