A/N: It's been aaaaaages, okay not really but it's been a while since I updated. I am semi-proud to say WTSHW is complete! (I just need to type up the last chapter and probably post it next week.) Is anyone still even reading? Lol. Thanks, anon readers!

But yes. This is the second-to-last chapter of What the Selfish Heart Wants. I'll be sad to see it go, but it's time. Plus, I kinda wanna start working on other things already. Check out the "upcoming stories" or whatever I named it on my profile for more info!

So... thanks for sticking with me thus far, and I hope I don't disappoint with these last two chapters :) Sadly I suck at proofreading though (and getting motivated to even do it) so if there are any errors, just laugh at them! I probably won't fix them until a year from now, anyway.

It took a few weeks for things to pick back up again. And those weeks passed by very slowly.

I'd managed to get my animals back from the safari, and Agate, without too much trouble, which I was really happy about. People always say that animals are the best listeners, and I understood that now. Hanako was my rock again while Chestnut provided stress relief.

After the first two weeks went by, everyone in town welcomed in a new resident. He wasn't a farmer or anything, but that was good because I didn't want to have a new rival just yet. I was still kind of getting over my love rivalry.

The new person was a florist named Kamil. I hadn't talked to him yet but from what I heard, he'd just moved here from pretty far away and was looking for a new life. I smiled when I overheard that because he reminded me of myself – even though he was probably older than me.

A lot about him reminded me of myself, actually.

So anyway, I only set foot in the restaurant when I felt like I would collapse from hunger, otherwise it'd add more unnecessary awkwardness to my and Raeger's relationship. It was hard, though.

I knew Raeger told me to give him some time and space and everything so he could sort his feelings out, but... I was honestly starting to get pretty impatient. If neither of us acted soon, it would probably become another Johnny situation.

I sighed and got up from bed. Guess that meant I had to initiate something, huh?

For some reason, there was a fancy dress in my closet, just begging for me to wear it. I'm pretty sure Iris bought it for me when I "modeled" for her novel. Remembering it gave me chills...

it wasn't too gaudy, the dress – just kinda showy. It barely came down to my knees, and there was a pretty big gap in the chest area. Not that I didn't fill it out, just... y'know. Still, it was a white spring dress covered with pink flowers and overall matched my person rather well. I could move freely and easily in it, too.

Once I made myself all pretty, mainly out of anxiety and anticipation, I looked myself over in the mirror. I looked... great, right? Would Raeger come to his senses?

…

I was ready for this. Honestly, I really was.

It was weird that the nervousness hadn't caught up to me until now, and boy, did it ever.

I took a few deep breaths in and out. All I needed to do now was -

"Excuse me."

I turned around immediately, startled a bit. That was an unfamiliar voice.

He had light brown hair and a purple hue to his eyes. Was this... Kamil? I didn't see him up close until now.

"Sorry to startle you," he said, an awkward smile on his face.

"Oh, no, it's fine." I laughed just as awkwardly.

He put his fist to his mouth and cleared his throat. "Er, I was hoping you could help me find the antique shop. I'm not quite used to the town's layout just yet."

Right. It'd only been a week since he moved in. Surely he wouldn't know (or remember) to check the far side of town just yet. But...

I hesitated, glancing between him and the restaurant. I did my hair up all pretty and got dressed up so I could see Raeger and hopefully get a reaction – and we were just steps from the restaurant door...

I closed my eyes and mulled it over.

"Oh. If you're busy, I can ask someone else," he said to try and reassure me. I didn't need that, though. I would gladly do it. Maybe it'd help me get over my nerves.

I couldn't exactly turn down a new person in need of directions. I knew from experience that Veronica's tours were a bit... overwhelming. Trying to piece everything together in a week or less was difficult. The town didn't have much to offer, but it did have a tricky layout.

And if I did turn him down and leave him alone, sure, he could ask someone else, but maybe he was shy and awkward and would turn out just like I was in the beginning: angsty, kind of unsociable, and apathetic.

This town definitely didn't need another me.

I shook my head. "No, that's okay. Let's go."

If Raeger and I had already waited three weeks, what was another half hour or so on top of that?

Besides... Kamil's appearance kinda reminded me of Raeger.

His hair was short, unruly, and fluffy-looking, just like Raeger's, and I just wanted to touch it and mess it up even more. That would've been awkward, though.

I cleared my throat. "Do you know how to get to the west side of town?"

He nodded once. Again, just like Raeger. His whole demeanor, really – the softness of his eyes, his tall, straight posture, the neatness of his clothes (coupled with his messy hair, of course).

Ugh. I'd been away from Raeger for too long. I was starting to see him everything. Was that such a bad thing, though?"

"Hello?"

"Ack!" Okay, Annie, time to stop spacing out. Kamil was still here.

He took a few steps back after my outburst. I would have, too.

"Sorry," I said lamely. "I'm just... all out of sorts today."

He nodded, seeming a little more at ease already. "I should apologize again, too. If you're dressed so nicely, I must have interrupted something."

"Ah, n-not at all." Oh, how wrong he was. I cleared my throat. "Anyway, um... I'll show you the way, c'mon."

Kamil nodded again and smiled. He walked beside me as I led us both towards the west end of town. It was weird coming here when I didn't have any business myself.

"What day is it?" I didn't think I asked that aloud, but when he answered I realized I needed to start being more aware of my actions. Maybe a big reason for why I didn't have too many friends here was because everyone thought I was weird? Well, I was weird, but I didn't always talk to myself – I hoped not, anyway!

"It's Monday."

So it was already the start of a new week? Jeez, how did I always lose track of the days? I guessed it didn't really matter, as long as there was at least one trader at the depot when I brought my cart of shipments.

Monday... that meant the antique shop was open, if I remembered right. We would probably see Mistel, then, since Iris hardly ever ran the store. That woman was something else. Come to think of it, everyone in this godforsaken town was quirky – myself included.

I sneaked a peek over at Kamil as we walked. Was this really where he wanted to live, even after seeing how everything operated? Maybe he was just as much of an oddball as all of us.

We made it to the shop in just a few minutes. As I expected, the open sign was hung up in the window, enticing potential customers to come inside. I didn't really want to go inside with Kamil because that'd waste even more time, but on the other hand I was already "wasting" time debating about it. Plus, I'd already made up my mind to help him. So I just followed him, frilly dress and all, inside. At least it would be fitting to be in an antique shop.

Mistel greeted us normally and complimented me on my attire, which made me a little embarrassed. It was nice to be noticed, though; if nothing else, if things went south with Raeger, this was a good going-out dress.

I sighed inwardly. Deep down, I really didn't feel confident of how Raeger would respond to me, huh? After three weeks of basically no contact, though, I guessed anything would be awkward. But then again, three weeks shouldn't have even been able to pass by with us not talking. That was pretty much a whole season; I hadn't really talked to him since before we both fell asleep in my bed, before Eda's funeral.

I put my hands on either side of my head, telling myself to calm down. This was a whole new, fresh start in my life – for real this time – and on top of that, it was Raeger. I really had no idea what to expect.

"Hey... Annie."

A soft voice called out and a warm hand touched my arm. I probably would've flipped out if he wasn't so gentle – yet another thing that connected him to Raeger.

I shook my head and smiled at Kamil. "I'm fine, really. I just think too much." Man, was that the truth. All of my problems probably wouldn't even exist if my mind would just shut up every once in a while.

He hesitated but finally let it slide. He walked over to the counter to pay for the vase he'd picked out. A part of me was really itching to see how it would look with flowers nicely arranged in it.

It wasn't until we got back outside that I noticed something was a little... off.

"How did you know my name?" I asked him.

I guessed maybe it would make sense if he'd already met everyone else in town and just attached my name to the only person he hadn't yet, or he had a superpowered memory or something.

He almost looked confused, as if I'd asked some absurd question. I thought it was completely valid.

"You're Annie," he said matter-of-factly. "You're the farmer who moved in last year and changed the entire town for the better."

I rubbed the back of my neck bashfully. Well, jeez, I wouldn't go that far... It wasn't like I was famous or anything...

He just kept going, though. "You own the biggest plot of land for miles, your animals are the most tame even the safari has seen, and rumor has it most of the men who know you want to be with you."

Well, the only reason for the land and the animals was Eda. It was her influence and just her in general, really. Hanako was hers until she gave her to me, and I made sure I raised Chestnut in the same way – I gave them both my inherited land to roam around.

I stopped in my tracks when his other words sunk in, though. "H-hold on a second. What was that last part?"

His face went white. "Ah... I spoke out of line. I'm sorry."

I laughed a little. He probably thought he sounded like a stalker. "No, I mean, it's fine, just..." It doesn't sound right at all, was what I wanted to say.

We had already made it back to the other side of town, so I thought taking a seat on the bench in front of the inn would be a good idea. If he thought all that stuff about me was true, then apparently we had a lot to talk about. Just who the heck did he hear that from?

He slumped over and sighed, placing the paper bag with his vase down beneath the bench. "I'm really sorry. It's... rather pathetic, but I recently got out of a long-term relationship. You see, ah, you remind me a lot of her, actually."

I bit my lip. Well, now I felt kinda bad. But hey, at least we both reminded each other of the one we loved.

"What was her name?" I asked tentatively. Maybe I was approaching a touchy subject and maybe he didn't want to talk about it, but he was the one who brought it up. It must have been bothering him. Sometimes all you need is someone to vent to.

He glanced over at me. "Are you sure you don't have somewhere to be? I did call you out rather suddenly."

"No!" I said a little too quickly. I cleared my throat. "I mean, no, it's totally fine. I can wait." He wasn't going to get rid of me so easily just so he could mope around! There'd been enough of that around here with just me doing it.

His expression curved upwards into a smile. "You're too nice."

"Eh..." Not at all, Kamil. In fact, I wasn't very nice at all. Whatever was done to me in the past, I just did it right back to everyone, didn't I?

A few more awkward moments passed with me wallowing in self-pity and Kamil choosing his words. Finally he started up again.

"Her name's Lillian."

I nodded. At least he didn't speak in past tense, like she'd suddenly died or something. That was good. But wait...

Lillian... sounded an awful lot like Lillie. This rinky-dink town was just full of coincidences, wasn't it? Now it housed four people who'd all recently gotten out of relationships. How how much more did he and I have in common?

"She was the new farmer who just moved into my town," he continued. "I didn't care much for her in the beginning. She was cheerful, obnoxious, and optimistic, and she would always bring me petty things."

Jeez. Kamil must have been the life of the party.

He sighed. "But... she taught me that life's too short to be a grump with regrets. You have to treasure the people you care about before they're gone. Slowly, my discontentment turned into respect, and then love. We dated for two years and just when I'd finally worked up the courage to ask her to be my wife... she told me she loved someone else."

I wanted to react. I wanted to gasp and shake my head in disbelief at his last statement, but my mind was too preoccupied with his earlier one.

You have to treasure the people you care about before they're gone.

I was little, so I didn't realize at the time just how lucky I was to have both my parents still. Even my grandmother would step in and give me attention when I needed it.

Johnny, Lillie, Eda, and now maybe even Raeger, too... If I didn't hurry up and talk things out with him, would I lose him, too? Our friendship meant everything to me... I'd already lost everything else. I didn't want the one thing I could still cling too gone, too.

I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. Why was it that I only figured this stuff out when other people spelled it out for me? When would I finally be able to rely on my own strength rather than other people's?

I inhaled a shaky breath only to let it out with a sigh.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to rant."

"It's not that," I told him. He didn't need to apologize – he wasn't even talking that much. If anything, I should've apologized for not paying closer attention. I didn't even know if he'd said anything after I got lost in my thoughts.

He nodded, but it looked like he was having some trouble keeping up with me and my many trains of thought. I felt bad. He was a really nice guy who just needed someone to talk to, and I was probably confusing the heck out of him.

I could be selfish, sure, and sometimes I really did need to think of myself, but now was a perfect time to do something for someone else.

Raeger would still be there in an hour; if he'd been living here since he was pretty young I doubted that he'd leave over something as small as our situation.

So I smiled and shook my head, dismissing almost all my other thoughts. "Sorry I keep spacing out. If you need to talk, i'm here to listen, though." Maybe I could still make it up.

He nodded again, hesitantly. I didn't blame him. I probably seemed crazy to him. I wouldn't have been offended if he got up and walked away and never spoke to me again. But, y'know, that was just the way I was.

"Well..." He sighed. "We tried to keep it going for a while, anyway, because I believed It might have just been a phase she was going through. After being with somebody for so long, you start to think about the possibility of spending your life with somebody else. I pretended like she never said anything. I didn't want to lose her because she was the best thing that ever happened to me. After some time, though... we both knew we couldn't live a lie. She stopped talking to me as much, and every time I would see her in town, she would be with my best friend instead. I knew then that nothing could repair our relationship, especially if I kept living in denial of the situation."

it sounded a lot like me when I first heard that my parents died. My grandmother took me in but I ran away constantly, going back to their house. I'd live my life like normal then: pretend both of them were just asleep or at work or out to the store and would be back soon. It didn't take very long for me to remember the truth, though.

I sighed. It might not have been the same situation, but I know how he felt. "So you came here to get away from it all."

it wasn't a question because I already knew the answer. I did the same thing. Did that mean he cut off all ties to the outside world, too? Even his best friend?

He sounded pretty lonely. I wondered if that was how I came off as, too.

"Yeah," he said in reply.

We stayed in heavy silence for a little while as the spring breeze passed by. I shivered involuntarily, still only clothed in my skimpy dress.

"Okay, I have to ask," Kamil started, cracking up a little, "why are you dressed so nicely?"

Right. I told him he wasn't interrupting anything. "Why are you laughing? Does it look bad?"

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, not at all. It's just, every other time I've seen you in town, you've been wearing normal clothes."

My face heated up. So it did look weird, otherwise he wouldn't have said "normal clothes." Maybe I should've worn something different, after all. But he said it didn't look bad, so...

"Do I... do I look okay?"

He nodded. "You look great. Usually when people who wear casual clothes dress up for the first time, it's like they're completely different people."

Well, this wasn't my first time dressing up, but I got what he meant. I smiled. "Thanks."

Maybe... if things had gone down a different route, I would be attracted to Kamil instead of Raeger. Of course, that was if and only if I didn't already know Raeger, because I would've kept comparing the two.

They were both kind and straightforward, yet awkward with their words, not to mention their similar appearances. That Lillian girl was insane to let Kamil go.

Huh. Kind of like Lillie was insane to let Raeger go. Again with the coincidences.

"Are you trying to impress someone?"

And again with the awkward! Neither of them knew when to stop. Oh, well. I didn't have anything to lose.

"Y-yeah. It's... the chef, Raeger.," I said nervously. I closed my eyes, peeking through the corner of one to see his expression.

"Is that why you hesitated when I started walking towards the restaurant?"

I nodded slowly. Before we decided on the inn's outside benches, Kamil briefly suggested grabbing a bite at Raeger's. I guessed I was pretty easy to read, then.

I made it even easier when I went on and on about him, all to a stranger I hadn't known for an hour yet. I told him how I felt about him, how he made me so upset sometimes but then with just one sentence I fell for him again. He would scold me and make me feel like an idiot but then praise me for doing the right thing and following my heart. He told me he liked me back but then proceeded to ignore me for almost the whole season.

And after my five minute rant, Kamil asked me something I didn't quite know how to answer right away.

"Do you still have feelings for him?"

My first instinct was to burst out screaming yes, but there was a tiny part of me that said to think about it. So I did.

I really liked Raeger. I knew I did. My breath hitched in my throat whenever I saw him, I got all happy just talking to him, I'd made it a habit to come by the restaurant daily just to see him, and I even freakin' had a hand in his breakup. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that I still had feelings for him.

But... just like before, with Johnny, were these also just feelings of comfort? Would the same thing happen again? I didn't want to be some forty-year-old lady who was unsure about the relationship she was stuck in.

I was scared, so scared, of being rejected and having to live all alone again, that I kept pinning the blame on Raeger for why we hadn't met up for so long. But in reality, it was just me being a big, fat coward.

I sniffled, feeling hot tears escape from my eyes. My makeup would ruin itself, but I didn't care. "I love him. I really, really do."

Jeez, I was such a crybaby. That was what love brought, though: lots of tears, pain, and angst. There were good things too, though – happiness, comfort, laughter, fun – and that was why I selfishly kept loving him.

While I was wiping my eyes, I saw Kamil hesitate, trying to decide if he should comfort me or not. I laughed, feeling better already.

"I'm not sad, it's okay," I told him.

He seemed to have calmed down and smiled. "You know, if you get that emotional over someone, there's no doubt you love them."

He looked like he was lost in thought for a moment. "After what Lillian did to me, I think it's too late to fix things, but you've still got a good chance. For both of us... even though we're complete strangers, I would feel better if you went to him. I don't know the details, but go patch things up. If he's not seeking you out, it's because his feelings are confusing him – he needs you to confirm them for him."

What he was saying didn't make a lot of sense. For one...

"There's no way he likes me back." Especially after everything that's happened; it was already crazy enough that I still liked him.

"Maybe, but that's why you have to talk to him."

I sighed. He was right. Even if I didn't think he had feelings for me anymore, if he ever did, how would I know if I didn't ask for myself?

As much as I didn't want to admit it right now, at one time I believed myself to be the best candidate for Raeger, or at least better than Lillie. If I wanted to be with him, I'd have to show him that was still true.

I turned towards Kamil and smiled. "Thanks. I think I really needed a talk like that to calm down and kick myself a little. I get really stupid sometimes and have to rely on other people to get me out of my funk, so thanks for that."

He didn't respond – in fact he cleared his throat rather awkwardly – so I kept going.

"This town... has done a lot for me. I think if you stay here a while you'll find something you really want, too. And maybe... you'll find someone to help you forget about Lillian."

I gave him another bright smile but when he didn't return it or even really acknowledge it I started to feel uncomfortable. Did I say something I wasn't supposed to? Did I make things awkward somehow? I was a pretty oblivious and maybe even ignorant person, so if I did, he'd have to spell it out. "What's - "

"Annie."

As soon as that voice interrupted me I felt my heart stop. So... Kamil was probably trying to let me know there was someone behind me all that time. Way to go, Annie.

I prayed to the goddess that voice didn't belong to who I thought it did, but as I whirled my head around I realized there was no way I could be that lucky. Raeger looked mad.

And because of my mini-rant just now, it looked like I was rebounding to another guy.

~CGA