There is blood everywhere.
On the walls and the floors, covered with dark red, thick as it was and is still coming from Shirosaki's head in large amounts, and splatters flying up towards the wall and some specks had even hit the table and the gun. The worst feeling Ichigo can feel right now is the blood splattered on his own skin, Shirosaki's blood on his hands and shirt, some even on his hair and cheek.
The young detective begins to shake as Grimmjow tries to help him, tries to talk to him, but all Ichigo can see is the blood. Rather than hearing Grimmjow's voice, all Ichigo can hear is a loud endless pang in his ears like someone had let a blow horn go off in it. But in this case, the gun has echoed across the small room, causing him to freeze and stare, stuck in a terrifying state.
"He's in shock," Grimmjow says as Renji rushes in to aid in Ichigo's help.
Shaking, Ichigo can't seem to control his body, or his mind. It's like his brain had been ripped out of his head and it was leaving him incapable of communicating to neither Renji nor Grimmjow.
"Shit. What the fuck, man," Renji's own voice betrays him, shocked himself from the sudden scene that took place just moments ago. But he seems to have a grip on himself, because unlike Ichigo, Renji is still communicating, still trying to lift Ichigo up so they can take him out of there as quickly as possible.
When Ichigo is on his feet, it feels like his entire body is tingling and he can't exactly feel his own body, like he is suffering from an outer body experience. Both Renji and Grimmjow guide Ichigo out of the room and through to the connecting room where Byakuya and other members of the task force are.
"Grimmjow, take Ichigo to the medic, get him evaluated, cleaned up, just be there for him until he comes around." Byakuya says quickly. Byakuya then turns to the other men ordering, "Get his body removed and cleaned."
Grimmjow grunts, helping Ichigo out of the room and down the hall before stopping in front of the medic's room. But the moment they entered the room, the medic stood, walking towards Ichigo asking what was going on. By now Ichigo's normally lightly tanned skin turned pale. His shaking continued, and a sweat broke out of him. Before Grimmjow could answer anything to the medic, Ichigo pushed away, suddenly snapping back to reality and rushing into the rest room, falling in front of the toilet, vomiting the moment his head was over the bowl.
Ichigo spends the next few seconds dry heaving. With nothing left to bring up, all he can do is continue to breathe harshly, putting a strain on his own body so much that Grimmjow kneels down, rubbing Ichigo's back.
"Shit, Ichi. Calm down. Yer gonna hurt yerself." He says, waiting for Ichigo to stop, and thankfully to both of their relief, Ichigo finally starts breathing normal again.
Grimmjow helps Ichigo up, leading him back into the medic's room and sitting him on the bed. The medic gives Ichigo a plastic cup of water, both him and Grimmjow waiting as Ichigo drinks the water in silence, staring at the ground by their feet.
"You gonna faint?" Grimmjow asks, watching as Ichigo's eyes close slowly and he tilts slightly, feeling utterly drained both physically from lack of sleep and constant work, to mentally after experiencing something so horrific as a man shooting himself in the head with his own gun. Ichigo nods faintly, feeling like any minute he would fall, fall into a deep abyss and just be gone from reality for a while.
Ichigo doesn't open his eyes again, slowly tilting even more. But before he can pass out, he feels Grimmjow's hands moving Ichigo's body back so he's lying on the bed rather than falling from it.
Lying down is a tremendous help to someone who is about to faint. Somehow Ichigo starts coming back again, his desire to give in and let his body shut off for a while gone. His breathing regulating, and his eyes still closed, Ichigo waits until he has enough strength to open his eyes again. And when he does, deep brown orbs look into blue, Grimmjow looking over Ichigo closely.
"There he is," Grimmjow says, watching Ichigo blink, averting his eyes without lifting his head to look around the room. The medic leaves the bedside for a moment, but returns quickly with a damp cloth in his hand. The blood is wiped away from Ichigo's face and hands, but when Ichigo looks down on himself, he sees the blood on his shirt and feels the crusting of it in his hair.
"Why did he do that?" Ichigo mutters lowly, his breath hitching and his eyes stinging.
"Hey," Grimmjow warns, making Ichigo look at him again, his lip quivering. Ichigo feels the onslaught of emotions, guilt, confusion, frustration, fear… and pushes himself up in the bed so he is sitting up, leaning against the pillows and wall behind him.
"Don't go havin' a panic attack on me again, Ichigo," Grimmjow continues watching Ichigo, making sure he's not about to be sick again. Ichigo shakes his head in the negative, tears running down his face. He wipes at his tears quickly, covering his hands over his face.
Ichigo doesn't want to believe any of this is a reality. But it is, and the worst part of all is that Shirosaki cheated his punishment of imprisonment. He would have rotted in there, left between four walls for his entire remaining lifetime. But now the reality hitting Ichigo is that Shirosaki escaped even that, taking his life away with his own hands.
"I can't believe it!" Ichigo cries into his hands.
"Are you in pain?" The medic asks and Ichigo shakes his head in the negative again.
"No. I'm fine. I'm not injured. Just…" Ichigo sighs deeply, taking a big breath as he looks up from his hands to the two men in the room with him.
"It's just so fucked!" Ichigo shifts on the bed to get on his feet but Grimmjow stops him.
"Enough. If ya think yer goin' back ta work after that, then yer outa yer damn mind," Grimmjow holds Ichigo's arms.
"Then what the fuck am I supposed to do?" Ichigo yells, directing his anger all at Grimmjow, but he won't have it, growling his response back at Ichigo.
"Yer goin' home. That's it."
"You can't make me do that! You're acting like I've never seen a dead body before!" Ichigo finds himself yelling at Grimmjow, causing the other man to grip onto Ichigo's arm tightly.
"Seen a dead body but not someone fuckin' killin' himself like tha," Grimmjow growls. It's right, they may be in the same field but seeing a dead body is completely a different thing when placed next to witnessing someone kill themselves in such a way, especially under the watch of detectives, in a place where Ichigo thought it was safe, but obviously the fact that Shirosaki managed to do such a thing says otherwise.
Ichigo's stares, wide eyed at Grimmjow, the man slowly letting up on his hold of Ichigo.
"I just…I need a break," Ichigo finally manages to say, slowly pulling away from Grimmjow and walking out of the room, Grimmjow following him immediately.
Ichigo pulls out a plastic cup and gets himself water by the water dispenser, staring down at the water filling it up, still slightly trembling.
When he sits down he sighs deeply before drinking the water, and looking up as Grimmjow sits on the chair opposite from him, watching.
Moments of unspoken silence go by and Ichigo can feel himself calmer and much better than what he was before. He looks up to see a stretcher wheeling out from the corridor by two officers. It's covered over with a black plastic drape to hide what's underneath but Ichigo already knows it's Shirosaki's dead body being taken away.
Ichigo can't bring himself to continue watching, dipping his head down and closing his eyes and rubbing at his forehead before opening them and staring down at his feet.
They must be cleaning the blood now.
"It could have been me," Ichigo starts suddenly, still looking down as he continues with a shaky breath, "he could have pointed my own gun on me and shot me instead."
Shirosaki had every chance to make that bullet kill Ichigo, but he chose to use it on himself instead. But why? Wouldn't Shirosaki have been angered with the detective and their task force enough to want to harm them rather than himself? Ichigo sighs again before looking up at Grimmjow. He wants to ask why over and over again but obviously doing that isn't going to change anything and Ichigo knows this well enough to stop himself from speaking any further. His brown eyes stay glued to blue as he watches Grimmjow sit across from him, a type of unspoken connection forming between them.
But Grimmjow remains silent, continuing to watch Ichigo. He doesn't wear a particular expression on his face other than a neutral look, probably the whole thing hitting him now but he makes no obvious move about it. It hasn't physically affected Grimmjow as much as what it has affected Ichigo. But then again, Ichigo was the one in the room and was at risk of coping a bullet to the head by his own gun. The thought itself is enough to make Ichigo shudder.
But it's not over yet. Through Ichigo's muddled up mind, he knows that even though Shirosaki has in deed ended his own life, that doesn't mean the case is.
"It's not over yet," Ichigo says, his thoughts falling out of his mouth.
The case is a main part in his thought process and he knows that it is definitely not over yet because there's still the replacement to bust and he'll be damned if he doesn't end this case after he's sure everything about it is taken care of.
Ichigo stands, walking out of the sitting area and Grimmjow doesn't follow him this time.
It feels like it's been a long time since Ichigo has been able to get into his house and actually spend some time there. The case left him sleepless and restless, opting out to using his home for sleeping rather than actually calling it a proper home at this point in time.
That night he didn't want any company, not even from Grimmjow at this point. It's like he has to be on his own and figure things out, to accept what has happened now. First the murders, than the kidnapping, and now this - his death. To Ichigo it felt like a massive kick to the face...after everything.
He decides to shower, the water hot enough to force his muscles and mind to relax. After that, he pulls on sweatpants and a lose shirt but when Ichigo looks at himself in the mirror, he does not see himself looking back.
What he sees instead is much more terrifying, a familiar face that he does not wish to see. He sees yellow eyes, white pasty skin and equally as white hair. Ichigo gasps, words getting stuck and dying in his throat that feels like its closing in on itself, making it difficult for him to breathe.
Without even giving him time to even think, Ichigo's first instinct is to swing his fist through the air, colliding with the mirror in front of him with a loud crack.
The mirror instantly shatters from the frame, breaking around his clenched first and shards of glass flying off.
The panic that runs through Ichigo makes him double over, gasping for air, feeling the onslaught of a stinging pain building and building from his newly formed wounds. But the lack of air is his main focus at this point as he descends down to his knees, shaking, beginning to breathe faster and faster until he is hyperventilating, warm tears running down his cheeks. What is this? Ichigo couldn't remember the last time something like this had happened to him. His heart was on constant acceleration, hammering against his chest like a humming bird, the sound defining to his ears.
It must be a panic attack brought on from seeing Shirosaki's face, especially after witnessing his own suicide; Ichigo just couldn't believe what he had seen and what it was doing to him.
He gave himself moments to try to calm down, his first step to focus on breathing slower than what he was, in through his nose and out of his mouth as he counts calmly from ten. Then he slowly moved his hands away from his face, his fist throbbing with a burning pain that demanded his attention immediately.
When Ichigo opens his eyes to look down at his fist, he cringes, disgusted with the way his blood looked against his flesh, reminding him of the victims Shirosaki left behind. Willing himself to slowly stand at his full height, he looks at the now shattered and half gone mirror before him.
Rather than seeing a face that horrified him, this time, to his relief, Ichigo sees his own reflection instead. He sees his orange hair in shards reflected from the mirror, making it difficult to see properly but sure enough he knows that Shirosaki is not really there. He is dead. Ichigo saw it all himself. He even got blood splattered over him and could still feel it tingling on his skin. It was all his imagination. Something like a hallucination, except it felt so real.
Was it possible that he is going crazy?
Maybe.
Maybe everything Ichigo has seen in this case, from the corpses left looking like deranged art work, to the signs of missing women and being tormented by Shirosaki is all a catalyst to drive Ichigo nuts.
Ichigo trembles at the thought, gripping onto his hand which is now bleeding down his knuckles, the blood running down his arm. The pain is unbearable enough to make Ichigo think for a moment that his hand may be broken somehow. But when he moves his fingers slowly, and rolls his wrist to check, he realises that it isn't broken, just incredibly painful and cut up.
But the pain doesn't seem to be anywhere enough to deter Ichigo from how he really feels, angry with himself that the case is blown because of his lack of vigilance.
Shirosaki did not tell Ichigo who has taken his place.
Just when there was a strong possibility that he was going to confess, he shot himself instead.
How cowardly of him, to commit suicide like that.
Without stopping to think what he is even doing when thinking such thoughts, Ichigo is pulling on his own hair. But with the little shred of common sense left within him, Ichigo suddenly stops pulling.
He slowly releases his hands from his hair, moving his hands away from his head until they rest by his sides. Standing there staring at the shards broken from the mirror, Ichigo lets his mind delve deeper into his thoughts, reminding himself to keep a grip on himself and what he thinks.
He can't possibly let this case do this to him.
It was driving him insane.
It felt like Ichigo was losing it but constant reminders that it was all a part of Shirosaki's plan to disorient not only Ichigo, but to affect Grimmjow and the whole task force made Ichigo realise that he was in fact stronger than this.
Now even though the thing Ichigo has witnessed is enough to harm him mentally to an extent, Ichigo knows well enough that this is all the effects of a traumatic experience. He will come back to his normal self and that is for certain. But now he isn't so sure what turn the case will take. Perhaps it will be a case close, describing Shirosaki's own suicide in the final police reports to finally put this case to an end. However that thought doesn't sit right inside of him at all. Even though Shirosaki is now dead, gone for eternity so to speak, the case does not completely feel like it's over.
And Ichigo's job does not feel complete.
Not yet.
He doesn't want to see Byakuya sighing forms claiming a case close.
He doesn't want the task force to give up and shut it down just because Shirosaki killed himself.
Even though Shirosaki was in fact The White King, and was the one who committed all the crimes, it's still not over even if he is dead - far from it to be precise.
There is still the replacement to catch.
And Ichigo has a very bad feeling that he's already come eye to eye with this person, this monster who sees no wrong doing by continuing where the White King left off, leaving Ichigo to feel he was too much of a fool to not realise it when he had the chance.
He purposely drowned down a single pill of Valium to help himself sleep, certain that without the help of some sort of drug he wasn't going to achieve a very good night.
The next morning was no different. The world is still turning and the case is still ongoing.
Upon opening his eyes, the sun was only beginning to rise, leaving a gloomy blue hue.
The times reads 5:00am, and Ichigo groans as he reaches for the phone that continues to ring in his ears.
"Yeah?"
"They found a new body." The voice on the other end reveals itself to be Byakuya.
Ichigo sits up suddenly, his head groggy as it spins for a moment and the heat of blood rushing to his head makes him curse. "Shit."
This isn't something he wants to wake up to, but it's not like Ichigo wasn't expecting this type of news either.
It is his job. His life. It is expected.
With no questions asked, the bad feeling in Ichigo's gut is enough to make him know that this must be the replacement striking, beginning his work -if he hasn't already started before the call, with another dead body that may or may not have been found even while Shirosaki was alive that is.
A/N: New dead body! That scene will be in the next chap since I want to write it in detail. Until then...
Tell me what you think! Thanks to everyone who review!