If You Could See Me Now

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Cecelia Ahern's If You Could See Me Now. This is just my version of it using Twilight characters. I've changed the storyline but some incidents that occur may seem similar to those that appear in the book.

A/N I'm focusing on Rose's and Bella's relationship in this chapter. Hope you like it.

Chapter 10: White walls and Reconciliations.

Bpov

I watched as Edward walked away from me and I felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest. It was like my heart was attached to him and the further he walked away from me, the more it hurt.

He had looked at me so lovingly before he walked away. I felt my heart flutter with the intensity of his eyes. Being around him numbed the pain, but the further he got from me, the more intense the pain became.

I didn't want to admit it to myself but I need him. I need Edward even though I've only known him a day. It's like he has me under a spell. When I'm with him, I feel is as if everything will be okay. When he's gone, I snap out of the reverie and I'm dragged back to reality.

Once he turned the corner and was out of my sight, I got into the car. I need to hurry and leave Cormac at Alice's so I can see Rosalie. She might not want to see me, but I need to see her. I need to know she's okay. I want us to be close again, like we were when we were little girls.

FLASHBACK

The thunder rolled outside. It sounded like someone was smashing rocks against each other. There was a flash as the lightning crashed outside my window. The wind was howling and the rain was bombarding the window. I was five years old and scared out of my wits.

I was quivering under the blankets of my bed. The tears streamed down my face, making my hair stick to my face. I clung to my teddy bear, Franklin.

"Bella," I heard someone whisper. I jumped. Who was it? Was it a monster?

I peeked from under the blankets and sighed when I saw Rose.

"Bella," she whispered again. "Are you okay?"

"I'm scared," I sobbed. Rose came running over and climbed in beside me. She wrapped her arms around me and smoothed my hair.

"Sshhh, Bells," she comforted me. "It'll be okay. It's only a storm. It'll pass. The thunder and lightning are out there." She pointed to the window. "Not in here.." She pointed to my room.

I hugged her tighter and murmured, "But I'm still scared."

"Don't worry! The lightning is getting further away. Do you know how I know? Count the seconds betweeen each flash. One, two, three, four..."

The lightning flashed and I jumped again. Rose soothed me again, patting my hair and hugging me tighter.

It flashed again. We had counted to six that time. Again, it flashed. I managed to count to eight.

"See, my pretty Bella, it's getting farther away," she whispered in the darkness.

"Thank you, Rose," I mumbled.

"It's okay, Bells. You're my little sister. I'll always protect you. I love you lots. Now sleep baby sister, sleep."

She muttered into my hair and started humming my lullaby. Mommy always hummed it to me before I went to sleep. I felt my eyelids get heavy, and the last thing I saw was my big sister, Rose, smiling at me with nothing but care in her eyes.

END FLASHBACK

Back then, I thought Rose would always be there to protect me. I thought she would keep her promise, but she didn't. Now she needs me to help and protect her. I was being the big sister now.

I pulled up to Alice's house, and she answered the door.

"Bella what's wrong?" she asked, her voice full of concern.

"It's Rose," I cried out. "She's in hospital. I need you to keep Cormac for a few days. I'll explain everything once I get my head around it myself."

I hugged Cormac and kissed him on the forehead. "Mommy has to stay with Aunt Rose for a little while, but I'll try to be back as soon as I can. I love you."

I hugged him again as he said, "Bye, Mommy. Love you, too." I stood up, hugged Alice and got into my car.

I found it hard to keep back the tears as I drove to the hospital. The words that Jared said will haunt me forever.

"I'm sorry Bella. Rose was in an ... accident. We found her at her house in pretty bad shape, but we got her to the hospital just in time. I'm sorry but ... she ... had consumed a lethal mix of alcohol and painkillers. Whether it was on purpose or not, we don't know."

Had Rose really tried to commit suicide? Why would she so such a thing? Did she really think there was no other way to sort through her problems? I thought that if she really needed to, she could come to me.

I want things to be right between us from now on. I want us to be close again. I want us to be sisters again. I want us to laugh together and be able to talk to each other like when we were younger.

It's amazing how things change over the years. When I left for college, everything was fine. She was still talking to me, but then she started going out with James, the local bad boy. He was a bad influence on our Rose. She dropped out of college, started drinking a lot, and even got involved in drugs.

Then when our mom died, things got worse. She flitted from job to job, her drinking got worse, sometimes she would even disappear for days on end. Our already strained relationship became non-existent unless, of course, she needed money. No matter the amount of abuse she hurled at me, I never refused her the money. I guess I hoped that someday she might actually appreciate everything that I've done for her. I hoped someday she might mean it when she says, "Thanks, sis."

I left my car in the hospital parking lot, and went into the reception. The woman there looked at me as I entered. She seemed to be expecting me. I remember now that her name is Mrs. Meleady. She was in her mid-fifties and had short brown hair, with streaks of gray in it. Her hazel eyes were full of pity as she looked at me from behind her square glasses.

"I'm sorry to hear about your sister, Isabella. She's on the third floor, room 10D."

I nodded my thanks and walked through the double doors to find her room. I felt suffocated in this hospital. The white walls shrowded in around me, bringing back too many painful memories - Sam lying cold and dead in the morgue, my mother wired up to machines with needles sticking out of her, fading away before my very eyes, now I'd add Rose and her injuries to my memories.

I found the room and went inside. She was lying there with her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling slowly. She had an oxygen mask on to help her breathing. There was a large needle sticking from her arm. It was connected to the IV beside her bed.

I sat down and watched her sleeping for a little bit. The steady beep from the heart monitor was - for some unknown reason - quite comforting.

Rose's eyelids started to twitch, then they fluttered open. She smiled weakly at me.

"Hey, big sis." I smiled at her. I felt like crying right now. The immense relief and joy I felt at seeing her smile at me was overwhelming.

"Hey, lil' sis," she replied hoarsely.

"How are you feeling?"

"Pretty crappy right now." Oh Rose. Even when she sick, she tries to be funny.

I laughed softly. "Yeah, I imagine you would." I paused and she looked at me. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but where to start. "Rose? Why? If you were in trouble or you needed someone to talk to ... I'm here. I know it may not seem like it, but I'll always be willing to help you. You're my big sister," I said to her.

"Bella. I know what you think but I didn't try to kill myself. I was stupid. James and I got into a fight, and I thought taking painkillers would help the pain. I was too drunk to think that they only help physical pain not emotional. I didn't want to make you worry."

She looked in to my eyes, her blue eyes filling with tears until they started creeping down her face. Like she did when I was younger, I wiped them away and smoothed her hair.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I've been such a lousy sister these past few years but I want you to know that I love you. Always have, always will. I want you to know that I admire you and your strength. You've been acting like the big sister since before Mom died. When I would stumble into my room drunk, you would help me. You would never tell Mom and Dad either. Then you had to raise a child on your own, and you've done a wonderful job. Cormac is the most sweetest and smartest kid I know, and that's all thanks to you. I'm so proud of you. I also want to tell you that I always appreciated it when you would help me with money problems."

I couldn't stop the tears from falling now. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Thanks," I managed to choke out. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"When I get out of here, I want to sort out my life but I won't be able to do it on my own."

I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I'll be right with you. Every step of the way."

Okay so show me the love people and you know how you do that? You review. It's simple. Just click on that little button below there and type something even if it is just to say "update" although I would love it if you could share your thoughts on where you see this going and if there is any way I could improve.

I want you all to read Leon McFrenchington's FF - Hunter. It is beyond awesome. If you do read it, then review it too because everyone loves reviews and trust me Leon deserves to be told how awesome, brilliant, fantastic and amazing his story is. =]

Summary: A Hunter finds himself in Forks; when he comes across the Cullens,
will his dark past reveal itself to be another problem for the vampires? Is he
a danger to them or a friend? Sequel to Breaking Dawn, full summ in, up wk,
R&R please, NOT Hunter like James - totally worth checking out.

Also check out Darling Summers has written a new song fic based on Taylor Swift's Breathe. It's also awesom so check that out too. Please. =]

I've been pretty busy this week. My friends and I are organising a trip to Galway City for a weekend and what started out as 6 people party has now turned into 12-14 party. It should be good fun but I'd still prefer to have a smaller group. What's worse is that they expect me to find them accommodation and I was only planning to find it for my close friends which was the original 6. Aagh hormonal 16-17 year olds looking for a weekend away from mum and dad! Save me. lol

Helen =]