I did it! Finally!

No big blah-blah this time, just thanks for your positive reactions on the flashback:)

Enjoy and please tell me what you think!

The next morning Derek and Amelia were already having breakfast when Addison came downstairs. When one had the time it was always more than necessary to have a healthy breakfast before standing in the OR for what could turn out to be a ten hour surgery.

Addison was still wearing the button down shirt she had slept in and, while Derek smiled because he remembered that she loved sleeping in these shirts, Amelia looked rather concerned.

"Aren't you going to work today?"

Derek gave his sister a disapproving look as Addison scuffed by. How nice to hear something like that first thing in the morning.

"I don't know. I feel sick." That wasn't even a lie. Work meant facing Sam and Naomi and feeling like a damn rebound fling, who had prevented a Bennett reunion for far too long, because she had been stupid enough to think that Sam was the one. Not the one one, but the one after Derek, who by the way was married to the one after her. That made her status very clear. And being alone made her feel sicker than anything else at the moment.

Amelia gave her an understanding look and Addison wondered if Derek had told her anything, deciding that he was too proud to join his gossiping sisters and Amelia too smart not to see the obvious. It had been quite rocky with Sam since Bizzy's funeral, no wonder she knew what was going on. At least half of it.

"Where's your appointment book? I'm gonna reschedule your patients."

"No, Amelia, I'm fine, you don't have to-"

"No, she's right." Derek gazed at her warmly. "You're exhausted, just take the day off."

Addison couldn't help but smile weakly at them and shake her head a little. The Shepherds. They had always been the better part of her family.

They grinned back and Amelia sighed. She had almost forgotten how good everything had been once upon a time...

"You know what? I've missed this!"

Addison and Derek looked at the ground immediately and Amelia wanted to punch herself. Good Lord, filter!

"Aaaall right...where did you say was your appointment book?" She smiled weirdly, trying to apologize with her face and was relieved as Addison pointed her head to the couch table.

Derek waited for his sister to go upstairs with the phone until he slightly touched Addie's hand to have her look at him.

"You okay?"

"I'm such a loser for staying here today." Her voice revealed her anger at herself.

"You could watch me operate. Us, I mean."

She just shrugged as an answer and took a sip of coffee. Derek grinned and she was just about to roll her eyes at whatever reason he had to make fun of her, as she noticed that her cup was still empty on the counter. The weird thing was that it somehow wasn't weird at all for either of them and she took another sip of his coffee, smiling.

Amelia came downstairs, tossed Derek his jacket and nodded towards Addie, telling her that everything was taken care of.

"Let's go and safe this guy once and for all! And you call me if something is wrong..."

She gave Addie an air kiss and headed towards the front door. Derek put on his jacket and nudged her shoulder.

"Come watch us later, all right?"

Addison smiled tiredly.

"Maybe."

He smirked and followed his sister out of the front door.

xxx

Derek noticed when Addison came into the gallery immediately. It was around lunchtime and they had been in the OR for three hours. The patient's status switched from stable to unstable almost continuously, it was nerve-racking and arduous and probably for nothing. Even if he survived the procedure there would be no guarantee for normal brain activity afterwards.

He could see that Addison saw that too when he looked up to meet her eyes. She had watched many surgeries like this one and far back when they had started on solo surgeries she had even done some with him even though she had never really liked anything neuro related.

xxx

"Derek, come on, I hate neuroanatomy...can't we do something else?" Addison gave him a lusty grin, hope sparkling in her eyes. She knew she was hard to resist, but Derek knew how much it nagged her when he did, so he just grinned at her without any further reaction.

"It's not that difficult-"

"I'm not saying that it is difficult, I just know that I will never become a neurosurgeon and that I would rather spend my energy on something else right now..." She pouted.

"How can you know that?"

"Well, my libido is telling me." Another lusty gaze.

He rolled his smiling eyes and shook his head a little. "I mean that you don't want to go into neuro."

"I know that you mean that..." Her voice was just a whisper, but when he just continued to stare at her expectantly she gave up, picked up her pencil again and concentrated on Woolsley's Brain Atlas in front of her.

"Archer wants into neuro. When I would join him there it would be the start of an endless competition between us and I don't want that, because I do know that he's more important to me than a medical field. Besides, I don't want all these hopeless cases, that stay hopeless even after the surgery. I want to change people's lives more effectively, make families and watch tiny humans leave hospitals with an entire healthy life waiting for them because of me."

Derek looked at her proudly, even though he couldn't fully retrace her opinion.

"What?"

"Nothing...I think we're gonna be great surgeons...and I love you." He was suddenly flooded with excitement for the future and knew at this exact moment that he regretted nothing, not a single decision he had made so far, because who knows if he had ever met her then. Addison.

She smiled in surprise and raised one eyebrow. "I know. Both of it."

He shut the tome in front of her, smirking. "Let's take a break from this..."

xxx

How things had changed since then. How idealistic he had been. He shook his head and looked at his sister, who had the same sobered expression on her face.

"Go and talk to the family. I don't think we should continue, but it's their decision. I'll keep an eye on him."

Amelia nodded and pulled off her bloody hygienic gloves before leaving the OR.

Derek look up, meeting Addison's eyes again. He had never thought that the consequences of being a doctor were even beyond the immediate hurt of losing patients. He had so much more regrets now.

xxx

"Do you think he will wake up?" Standing next to Amelia, Addison looked into the patient's room, where a sobbing wife was holding her husband's lifeless hand. Two kids were with her, the older one crying the other one too young to understand how close it was to becoming a half-orphan.

Amelia forced herself to turn away from this heartbreaking scene and sighed.

"Even when he does wake up he will not be the man she wants any more."

Addison hugged her and looked over to Derek who sat on the other side of the floor, fumbling with his scrubcap in his hands. He had come here not able to fix anything and it was more than obvious how he felt about that. Now there was no reason for him to stay.

He stood up. "I need a drink."

Addison looked at Amelia, who just shook her head. "I'm all right. Go, get drunk, I'll stay here in case something changes..."

"Amelia, nothing is going to-"

"Shh, let her stay if she wants to." Addison grabbed Derek's arm and pushed him towards the changing room, before squeezing Amelia's hand.

"We don't have to get a drink, we could just go home..."

"Thank you, but this really is about the patient. I'll stay." Amelia smiled weakly and swallowed hard as she heard an especially loud sob from the wife inside the room, that made the younger kid finally cry too.

xxx

It had become late afternoon or early evening depending on the point of view, not really too early for a drink, but not late enough to feel perfectly okay with getting drunk.

The bar was surprisingly well attended and Addison sat with Derek at a two person corner table. She hadn't been here in a while. Formerly the whole practice used to come here together having a drink after work, but things had changed a lot since then. They had become older and settled. Plus, they weren't really a team any more, personal conflicts had effected the whole practice and driven them apart. And it had been an eternity since she had been with Derek in a bar, the last time when he had saved her brother's life.

"So, happy to get back to Seattle?" She didn't really know what else to say and drinking in silence was sad and unhealthy.

He shrugged and cleared his throat. "Honestly, I don't really know..."

She reached for his hand. "Hey, come on. You did your best, Amelia knows that. And I do too, if that makes any difference." She gave him a warm look, one of the kind he had given her this morning. But then she felt like she was gazing at him a little too long and withdrew her hand from his quickly.

"Remember the patient after Archer? The pregnant woman who had run over her husband with the car?" Derek's eyes met hers slowly and she just nodded. Not a very good memory.

"You were right. I should have let you take the baby out."

"I know." She didn't say that gloatingly. It was just a fact. He had made a bad call back then. That happens. And they both knew it. Still her answer made him smile a bit. Is was just such an Addison-y answer.

"I got really wasted after that case." His smile faded again. "And not just because of the patient...And Mark...I didn't just punch him because he is sleeping with Meredith's sister..."

Silence.

"I know."