It's been a couple of weeks since the day Kouga noticed the scent…his scent, and I have since confirmed it… I'm pregnant. At first I thought this would be the end of me, and maybe even a punishment for not leaving Inuyasha from the beginning when I knew that being with him was wrong. But I love him, always have, and now more than ever I don't think that's ever going to change. Even after I had the courage to admit it to myself, the word itself seemed really hard to swallow, and even now it kind of seems to have a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Not because I don't accept the fact that I have a precious being growing inside me, but because well the one person that I want to disclose this information to is the one person I can't tell.

Actually if I can be completely honest with you… my outlook on this has changed. I no longer see it as a tragedy, now it's more like a gift. I get to keep a little piece of Inuyasha that's all my own, to remember him forever, to prove…at least to myself that what we once had actually existed. I didn't imagine it, it was concrete…we were real and our love was tangible. And please excuse me if I start sounding a little or completely insane…but I'm trying to make sense of this as best as I can. This isn't easy for me, for the first time in years I decide to walk away from Inuyasha, try to do the right thing and now I am forever tied to him.

Does it make me sick to still want him… need him, to wish I could see him, but if I did…would he run away from this?

If he didn't would he stay with me because he loves me or because he feels like he has to?

See my dilemma?

So I have decided not to tell him. He can't know Inuyasha is better off not knowing. It's bad enough that my world is upside down, it would be selfish of me to have left him so he can go on with his life, only to walk back in with news that change everything so drastically.

When I expressed my wish to keep this from Inuyasha to Kouga; he…disagreed with me. He said that it would be best for me and the new life that is forming within me to tell Inuyasha. That in the end, when all is said and done, Inuyasha has the right to know…the right to decide if he wants to be part of our lives, but unfortunately for Kouga, this isn't his decision. See I have been second best in Inuyasha's life for a long time, but that was my choice…I willing did that. But the thought of this precious being ending up in the same situation breaks my heart. So no, I will not tell him, call me selfish. Call me whatever you'd like, but I won't change my mind.

…

I can tell Kouga is trying to respect my wish, but I realize that it's hard for him. He is adamant in the belief that Inuyasha should know, he says that if he were in the same situation…he would have like to know if he was going to be a father.

But Kouga is not Inuyasha, they are so vastly different.

Kouga has been a little distant lately and well can you blame him? I know I can't, I'm surprised that he hasn't left. Wait, no I'm not… Kouga is too sweet, too caring, too everything to just leave me to my own devices, especially now.

He is even looking into getting a new job as an associate in a big company, Shikon Enterprises I think that's what it's called. And well as for me I have started working at a chocolate shop part time since my savings would have carried me through for a while, but I'm not going to work for the money. I need something to distract me.

…

Kouga said we should go out for dinner today but I don't feel like it so we ordered in. Our conversations are always so random; he is always trying to avoid the elephant in the room unless I bring it up. The last time we talked about it we ended up in a slight argument and I don't want to risk making, the only other human connection I have, upset with me.

We are eating in comfortable silence when he asks, "So if it's a boy, what are you thinking of naming him?"

I can't help the smile that comes to my face, "I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've decided if it's a boy I'm going to name him Akihiko."

I think he liked the idea because he too smiled, "I think it's very fitting." He started messing with his phone, and then puts it away. "and if it's a girl?"

"For a girl I was thinking, Aiko."

That brought an even bigger smile to his face, "That seems even more fitting some how."

"Kouga, I know you're worried...but I can do this. I can do this on my own."

"Kaggie, I know you can. It's just I don't...you know...let's not go into this, this is a good moment and I don't want to ruin this moment. Lets just agree to disagree, okay?" He gets a text messege, "Sorry I have to get this, give me one moment okay?"

A/N: Okay so here is another chappie, and the meaning of the names...

Akihiko is "bright, shining prince".

AIKO meaning "child of love" girl name, little loved one