Chapter 10: Forgiveness Isn't Easy
Keita's week of suspension was absolutely insufferable. His daily ritual was to wake up, eat breakfast, watch t.v, eat lunch, take an incredibly long nap, and wait for Kotoko to give him a call. He never realized how much meaning being a nurse really gave him. It was all he was and he wasn't allowed to step foot in the hospital for a week.
It was late afternoon when he finally got a call from Kotoko.
"FINALLY! Jeez, Kotoko. You have no idea how bored I am over here. Let me come over! I'll make you dinner, whatever you want."
"Woah, woah! Calm down! I didn't even get a hello."
"Oh… sorry. Hi." They both began bursting in laughter.
"Sure, you can come over for a while. Let's hold off on the drinks tonight, okay?"
In the past couple of days, Kotoko and Keita finally had a serious discussion on boundaries. The absence of alcohol was definitely put on the long list of Keita's new rules.
"Awe, now why spoil the fun?"
"I mean it, Keita. Alright, alright. We'll have a very kid friendly night, okay? Just let me come over."
"Alright, see you at six. I'm on my way home."
"See you soon." Keita hangs up.
Things between Keita and Kotoko were slowly but surely getting back into the groove of their… very complex relationship. She made it very clear sex was off the table but that didn't mean the flirtation was completely gone. He knew he had to get back into her good graces and honesty was the best way to get there.
Keita pulled the crumpled love letter out of his pocket. He'd lied when he said he had thrown it away. As bad as he wanted to, he couldn't do it. His guilty conscious wouldn't allow it. After his argument with Kotoko, Keita realized he couldn't keep making decisions for her. As much as he hated Irie, he knew the divorce wasn't for him to decide. Kotoko deserved to know what was in it.
(Flashforward to Kotoko's house)
Kotoko opened her door with a smile on her face. Sweet and optimistic as ever, she welcomed him in.
"Keita! I've missed you so much! Come on in."
Keita stepped inside, anxious to give Kotoko what was in his pocket.
"Yeah, I've missed you too. Hey, listen there's something I really need to tell you."
"Sure, what's up?" The couple made their way to the couch and began their conversation.
"There's something I need to come clean to you about."
"Oh, God. Keita, another secret? We've talked about this."
"No, no! I think you're going to appreciate this one. I promise." Kotoko let out an exasperated sigh as Keita handed her the letter.
"What's this?"
"It's the letter Irie wrote to you. I wanted to throw it away but you deserve to know what it says. I'm sorry I tried to hide it from you. I was being jealous and selfish. I'll never do that to you again, Kotoko. I need you to know that I don't want to lose you. Even if you decide not to go through with the divorce, I'll never stop being by your side."
Kotoko's heart absolutely melted. Even though Keita had lied, she knew he'd never meant to hurt her. He was just looking out for her in his own way.
"Keita, that is so sweet. Thank you."
Kotoko looked down at the letter in her hands, nervous and reluctant to open it.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm terrified."
"Why?"
"I haven't spoken to him since the fight. And I've waited so long for him to finally open up or apologize or… something. What if this letter is just another disappointment?"
"Then I'll be there to hold you if it is." Kotoko held her breath in anticipation as she slowly opened the letter.
Dear Kotoko,
You and I haven't spoken in weeks. You couldn't imagine the pain I've been going through, knowing that I am the only one to blame for this. I've never been a good husband. Everybody in this school and probably everyone in existence doesn't understand why we're together. But I know why. Everyday you push and challenge me to be the kind of person I've always wanted to be. It's because of you that I decided to pursue my dreams of becoming a doctor. The only reason I have any passion residing in me at all is because of you, Kotoko. I've loved you since the day you walked into my home, although I was too stupid to admit it for so long. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. I was so caught up in my own ego and I often blamed you for my shortcomings and failures. Kotoko, I can't exist without you. I understand you believe filing for a divorce is what's best but I can't stand by and watch something so perfect slip away from me. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you decide to stay, I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to feel the same way.
Your husband,
Naoki
"Oh my God…"
(Back at the Irie's household)
Irie was struggling to make a final decision on what to do next. The feeling of pure jealousy mixed with fear and hate was a terrible feeling. Why the hell did he put himself through this in the first place? Why did he marry Kotoko? Life would've been so much easier if he had just listened to his first instincts about her.
Five years ago, Irie barely knew who Kotoko was. She was just another plain face in a sea of women vying for his affections. He won't deny he enjoyed the attention. Girls practically fainted when they saw him walk into a room. But Kotoko had been different. She didn't just love him for his status or his reputation. When she moved in, he realized more and more that she loved him for exactly who he was. No matter how poorly he treated her or what he was going through, she never stopped being there for him. And that was someone worth standing beside, for better or for worse.
Irie looked down at his cell phone knowing exactly what had to happen next.
(Back Kotoko's home)
It had been a few hours since Keita went home and Kotoko was still reeling of the meaning behind Irie's letter. What does this mean? Did Irie want to reconcile? Did she want to reconcile? Did he actually miss her? Did he still hate her over what had happened between her and Keita? All these questions were swirling in Kotoko's head when she heard her cell phone ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
"Irie?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Oh, um, hi. How are you?"
"Well, not great. Knowing your marriage is in shambles and your wife is sleeping around with other men really puts a guy in a bad mood."
"I am NOT sleeping around, Irie. You and I haven't talked in weeks. I thought our relationship was dead. You getting to a fight at the hospital wasn't exactly the gesture I was looking for."
"That's no excuse. Just because your marriage is in trouble, doesn't mean you run into the arms of somebody else. What the hell were you thinking?"
"Oh, now your Mr. Rational? Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been a better husband."
"KOTOKO!" Kotoko was startled by the sudden rage in her husband's voice. She knew what he was saying made sense. She hadn't meant to break her marriage more than it already was. It was a moment of weakness she knew Irie would never forget. She wanted to apologize and tell him it would never happen again but her own pride wouldn't allow it. Why should he win? Why should she give up her dignity after everything he'd put her through?
After a long moment of silence Irie spoke once again, "Come home."
"What?"
"I don't know if this can still work. I don't know if we can ever forgive each other. But we won't know unless we try. Come home and we'll start all over. We'll even go to marriage counseling if we need it. I don't want this marriage to fail but I need you to be accountable for the mistakes you've made. And I have a few conditions I need you to agree to before I can even think about us fully reconciling again."
Kotoko knew there were only two choices. She could swallow her pride and take the abuse for what happened between her and Keita for the rest of her life or she could stay and leave the fate of her marriage in question. She knew what had to be done.
"No."
"What?"
"Irie, I'm not coming home. If I come home, it means that I'm accepting full responsibility of what happened between us. If you want to work on our marriage, I need to see that something's changed. I accept that I've made mistakes but we both know you'll never accept yours. For five years all I've ever wanted was for you to show me that you love me. And even in our marriage, sometime I feel like you forget that I even exist."
"Kotoko-"
"I'm sorry. You broke my heart." Kotoko then ended the call.
Author's Notes: Well, I'm back! Exams have been much less strenuous than I originally thought and I have returned with some new ideas. I recommend re-reading both chapter 9 and 10 as I have made some pretty big changes to the plotline. Reading over some of your comments and constructive criticism, I've decided Kotoko's decision was way too rushed and a little outside of her character. I'm going to take my time with this story and who knows? Our Keita/Kotoko shippers may have a fighting chance after all.