"Damaged" By Plumb

Dreaming comes so easily
'Cause it's all that I've ever know
True love is a fairy tale
I'm damaged, so how would I know

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've
taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've
taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me

Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know

There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back

Chapter 10

Buffy's heart wrenched as she looked down at the little-girl Faith, seeing the wild hope in her eyes, hearing it in her nearly breathless tone. It was so hard for to see this child before her as being the same Faith that Buffy had known ten years later... and yet, she was, or rather, she had been. Even with her guilt over Faith's condition and her own role in it, even with her regret over some of her own actions, Buffy could not forget Faith's actions against HER, could not forget her betrayal of Buffy and her friends. She might be able to forgive her, to partly understand her reasons... but she could never forget what Faith had done.



But this child had done nothing... this child was innocent of what Faith had become, what she had done, as was all other versions of Faith from the past. There was nothing in this child to forget or forgive... but there was apparently much to grieve for. What kind of life must Faith had had to wish away her own mother in favor of a stranger?

"No, sweetie, I'm a little too young to be your mother," Buffy told her gently, her heart twisting even more tightly in her chest as the little girl's excitement quickly dimmed in her eyes, her face falling. She quickly covered, however, scowling once more in a way that reminded Buffy strongly of the older Faith.

Where WAS the older Faith, the Faith Buffy had known? Was she ever going to reappear, so Buffy could talk to her and actually say something that would make her want to come out of her coma? As cute as these younger Faiths were, and as bad as Buffy might feel seeing what they must have gone through, Buffy didn't know how she was supposed to use what was essentially nothing more than memories to reach the person that Faith was now. Not only were they memories, but memories that Faith might not even consciously recall...

"Figures," the little-girl Faith muttered, breaking into Buffy's thoughts. "Well then who are you? How come you're here? I ain't never seen you before."

"I'm... I'm a friend," Buffy fumbled, deciding that this phrasing was about the best way she could put it at the moment. Little-girl Faith, however, looked skeptical.





"A FRIEND?" she said with heavy distrust, raising an eyebrow in a manner that seemed older than her age. "MAMA'S friend? She don't usually have friends that are GIRLS."

"No... no, I'm, I'm your friend, Fai- I'm your friend," Buffy repeated lamely, again just barely stopping herself in time from saying Faith's name. The child just looked at her with way more suspicion than a kid her age ought to have, even when Buffy was tripping all over her own story.

"I don't know you, I ain't never seen you before. So how can you be my friend?" Faith shot back, and for the first time Buffy noticed a hint of apprehension in her tone. The little girl had stiffened, and she looked around her quickly, as if trying to figure out her quickest escape route. Oh damn, Buffy thought, she's getting scared. I'm starting to scare her. Back off, Buff...

"Well, you're right, I'm not your friend yet since you don't know me," she allowed. "But I want to be. I just want to talk to you- I won't do anything to you, and I won't tell on you, I promise. I want to help you out here."

The child that Faith had been eyed her beadily, frowning in confusion and indecision... her small face was creased into a look of such concentration that Buffy would have smiled, if the moment were not so serious. Finally she in a voice trying for defiancfe but wavering slightly, "Maybe I don't need your help."

Hearing that from the little girl hardly more than half her height before her, Buffy wanted to close her eyes against the sudden sadness that rose in her chest. At seven, this Faith already sounded and behaved much like Faith had been at seventeen. Had she truly been so damaged, so defensive, even back then?

"I don't know... I think you do," Buffy said to her finally, her tone quiet as she made herself look the girl in the eyes. "And if you do wouldn't it be pretty sill to not take what you can get? To maybe make things a little better?"

Silence from Little Girl Faith; she was still frowning at Buffy, but Buffy suspected that it wasn't so much that she disbelieved her, as she was afraid that Buffy was wrong, that she couldn't do anything for her. And honestly, she couldn't tell yet whether Faith's suspicion was right.

"Well... who are you anyway?" Faith said finally, her face softening only slightly.

Buffy smiled, a little relieved... at least the younger Faiths seemed okay with her. The thing was though, that she didn't know exactly why they were here and what she was supposed to do with them.

"I'm Buffy... and from what I hear, you're Faith, right?"

"Yeah..." Faith said slowly, reluctantly, not taking her eyes off her.



"Faith... where's your mother?" Buffy asked her next, suddenly growing concerned about that issue again. "It would be really good if we could talk alone for a while. Is she home right now?"

"Well, YEAH," Faith said in surprise, looking at Buffy as though she weren't certain of the older girl's mental capacities. "She's in the living room with her FRIEND. Can't you hear her?"

And suddenly, as if the child's words were a cue, Buffy could... through the not-quite-separated partial opening between the living room and kitchen, the loud, obnoxious sounds of someone- two someones- engaging in intercourse carried to her ears. The noise was such that Buffy felt like they were in the room beside her. She froze, her mouth dropping, eyes bulging with horror and disgust. What the HELL- who DID that, who ACTED like that right there in the LIVING room?!

"Oh... my... god..." she croaked, wanting to stuff her fingers in her ears, but finding herself momentarily unable to move. "Oh god, you have got to be kidding me, please..."

"They do that a lot," Faith said matter-of-factly, almost casually, and yet there was a bitter edge to her tone as well. "Fucking. Really a lot."





At that little voice breaking into her thoughts, Buffy jumped; in her digust she had temporarily forgotten that Faith was there. Now her shock was renewed and amplified several times over as she stared down at the little girl, unable to believe how calmly she stood there, how the two in the other room didn't seem to notice or care if she saw or heard. God... Buffy would flip out NOW if she heard her mother... god, she couldn't even think about it. But at seven... they'd have had to scrape her off the ceiling.

Then suddenly another bit of Faith's little comment struck her.

"WHAT did you just say?"

"They do that a lot," Faith repeated. "It's really hard to go to sleep sometimes but they get mad if I-"

"No... after that," Buffy said slowly. "What did you say, Faith?"

"Fucking?" Faith said, blinking up at her with an innocence that was not feigned.

Yep... I did hear her right. Well, bright side, it wasn't Toddler Faith who said it.

"Isn't that what it's called?" Faith asked her, frowning slightly.

Oh god, so not going there, Bufy thought, mentally cringing, SO not...

Okay, calm down... this isn't real. Remember that. This isn't real. Faith isn't seven, no one is REALLY having sex practically beside you.

But it sure sounds like the same as if they were, doesn't it? And this might really have happened to Faith was she was seven...





"Um... is there some way we can leave here, go somewhere a little more quiet?" Buffy asked hesitantly. "Where they won't see us leave?"

"Don't matter if they see us, they don't care as long as no one tries to talk to them," Faith replied, making a face. "They probably won't even notice you if you're quiet. Let's go to my room. You can still hear them, but I can't leave. They'll kick my ass."

Buffy cringed at the child's words, not only for her second casual swear, but also for what she was actually saying. She hoped that Faith was exaggerating about the ass-kicking part. She also doubted 

th girl's assurance that her mother and her mother's "friend" wouldn't notice a stranger strolling through their living room with Faith, evne if they were, er, "occupied".

But whatever... what other option was there? And this WAS Faith's mind, after all, she might know what she was talking about. And if she didn't... well, she could grab Faith and run. She had slayer strength on her side; besides, they couldn't hurt her anyway, not really. None of this was real, she reminded herself, rationalizing quickly.

She began to reply to Faith, but the little girl was already slipping into the living room quietly. Buffy hesitated, nerves tangling in her stomach even after her silent pep talk to herself, but then she followed, looking about quickly.

There was, as the noises they'd heard in the kitchen had indicated, a man and a woman nude on the battered couch, thrusting and grinding against each other with loud, cacophonous grunts that would have been disturbing in any circumstances, but was even more so to Buffy because a seven-year-old girl was standing in the room too. A seven-year-old girl who was ignoring it completely, and, true to her prediction, being ignored by them as well.

Good god, Buffy thought in horror and revulsion as a realization came to her. No wonder Faith was so free with the sex talk... she must have seen it carried out all the time, it was probably like taking a shower to her or something!

She couldn't help but glance at the two on the couch as she followed Faith quietly, mortification, nausea, and a hot anger beginning to swell in her stomach, spreading upward slowly. The woman- 



Faith's mother- was very thin, yet flabby, as if she didn't eat properly. Her hair was bleached, with an inch of root showing, and dried-out-looking. Buffy could not see her face and hoped that this meant the woman didn't see her either. The man was overweight, unshaven, with unkempt longish hair.

It made Buffy sick to see them, to know that anyone would behave in such a way. She wanted to hear them apart, to slam some sense into their heads via her fists.

Just when Buffy thought she could be no more horrified, the man's head turned towards her slightly, his eyes meeting hers... as Buffy froze, preparing to either bolt or fight, his lips curled up in a sloppy leer... and he winked at her. He turned back to Faith's mother, positioning himself so he was blocking her view of Buffy and Faith, then began anew in his activities, even louder than before.

Buffy did not think it would be possible for her to be more disgusted, flabbergasted, and outraged all at once. The pervert had SEEN that she had seen them, that Faith had seen them... and he LIKED it! She wanted to punch him until every bone was broken, throw him against the wall until he screamed. She wanted...

She had gotten so side-tracked by her violent impulsive thoughts that she hadn't realized that Faith had already slipped into one of the three doors Buffy was standing by. One of them was, presumably, her bedroom.

Turning back to them with a frown, Buffy picked one on the right, easing it open quietly; she didn't care if Faith's mother saw her now, she just didn't want to scare Little Girl Faith.

It wasn't a child's bedroom that Buffy stood in the doorway of, however, but rather a small bathroom. And there was not one figure in the room, but two...and Buffy realized that the couple on the couch, as was seven-year-old Faith, most likely, were gone, replaced by the pair before her.