Chapter 10

The emergency room staff of Mount Sinai Hospital greeted Neal Caffrey in the same manner they had welcomed his partner, Peter Burke – with professionalism and an outpouring of expert care. He was immediately wheeled into an examination room and contrary to Elizabeth, Sara was ambushed from the very moment they walked in.

'Mrs Caffrey, you need to let the doctors examine your husband. Please come with me' said one of the nurses as she steered Sara away from following the gurney

'But...' said Sara

'Just for a minute, let the doctors do their job - please' she said, leading her over to a nearby waiting area.

Amelia was standing at the nurses' station with her partner, filling out the requisite transfer forms when she spotted Sara nearby looking very upset. Without hesitation, the young woman made her way to where Sara was sitting.

'Mrs. Caffrey - Sara, can I get you anything? Something to drink?' she said, her voice soft and low

Sara looked up through her tears at the young woman and shook her head.

'Can I call someone for you?' Amelia asked, her voice filled with compassion

'Mozzie...' Sara said under her breath

'Would you like me to call... Mozzie?' the paramedic asked

'No, it's okay. I'll do it. Thank you for everything; you've been so kind' said Sara as she began to search her purse for her phone.

'It's my job. Look, we don't have any other calls right now. Would it help if I sit here with you until your friend gets here?' she asked, touching Sara's arm gently

'Yeah, that would be really nice, thanks' whispered Sara

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Dr. Perez stood next to Dr. James Fisher, the emergency room doctor on duty as the two men began studying Neal's CT scan and MRI results. Neal lay nearby, still unconscious and oblivious to the discussions regarding his condition.

'Well, at least we've got regular brain activity' said Dr. Fisher as he studied the scan 'that's definitely good news'

'You can see the large hematoma right here' Dr. Perez was saying as he pointed to the image

The other man nodded, knowingly. 'That thing's putting an awful lot of pressure on the patient's brain and it's not going to dissipate by itself' said Dr. Fisher

'I agree, and it's pressing on his medial temporal lobe where Neal has suffered a serious trauma already. With his history, surgery is extremely risky but not going in has an even worse prognosis. Would you like me to talk with his wife?' he asked

Dr. Fisher nodded.

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'So, tell me about your children' said Amelia looking into Sara's face

Sara grinned, despite her anguish and worry. Thinking about her and Neal's children did that to her – they were her proudest accomplishment and the thought of them never failed to produce a smile.

'Hope, our daughter - she just turned nine. She and her dad have a very special bond and a great relationship. She's an artist, like Neal. She has his talent and his blue eyes and my perseverance...'

'Neal's an artist?' asked the young woman

'Yeah, an excellent one. He has a studio at home and he paints and sculpts and Hope, well, she just loves to spend time with her dad. She even has her own space in the studio' Sara confided

It felt good to talk about something positive for a change, thought Sara as she imagined Neal and Hope, chatting and giggling as she often heard them do when they were together.

'And Liam, well, he's our special little guy' said Sara with a faraway look in her eyes. Although she barely knew this young woman sitting by her side, she felt at ease and suddenly she had the urge to share personal information about herself and her family.

'You see, I'm an ovarian cancer survivor' continued Sara as Amelia listened intently 'and we didn't think we would ever have another baby but Neal – well, Neal never gave up. Against all odds, I got pregnant with Liam and he was born almost four years ago. He's our miracle baby; he's a very easygoing kid, he loves sports and he loves his daddy. He's got the most amazing green eyes and golden hair and he's just, you know, like a little ray of sunshine'

'It sounds like you have a beautiful family' said the young woman

'I'm sorry, here I am going on and on and I don't even know your name' said Sara, staring at the paramedic who had been instrumental in keeping her husband alive

'Amelia, Amelia Douglas' she answered

'Well, Amelia Douglas, you are a wonderful young lady and a credit to your parents. Thanks for everything you've done for us today' said Sara touching the young woman's hand lightly

Amelia smiled shyly, uncomfortable with the compliment.

'It's my pleasure. And I'll say a little prayer for your husband tonight if you like' she said

Sara smiled at her in response. They were interrupted by a nurse summoning Sara to meet with Dr. Perez; he was finally ready to talk with her. Sara was whisked to a small meeting room off the ER where Dr. Perez was already waiting and he stood as she stepped into the room.

'Sara, how are you doing?' he asked with a small smile as he shook her hand

Sara Ellis-Caffrey just shrugged.

'Sit down, please. I need to explain what's going on with Neal. He has injuries to his right leg and arm – some small bone fractures and a lot of bruising but we've got that all under control. The issue, as you can well imagine, is his head injury' explained the doctor, patiently

Sara nodded knowingly and held her breath preparing for the next words out of the doctor's mouth. Although she had met him on a couple of occasions, she didn't know him well; she did however trust that he knew Neal's situation and that he would be straight with her about what was going on.

'Contrary to Neal's first accident which caused an injury to his temporal lobe, this time Neal is suffering from a subdural hematoma. This is an accumulation of blood right under his skull which is pushing on his brain. Sometimes, when the hematoma is small, the body will absorb it and we can let it heal by itself but not in this situation. It's too large and Neal's brain is already compromised by his earlier injury'

'So, you have to operate?' asked Sara, trying to cut to the chase

'I believe Neal has a better chance of coming out of this if we operate rather than not' he said, plainly

'Better chance? You mean, he could die?' asked Sara

'I'm not going to mince words, Sara. This is extremely risky surgery – but it's all we've got in this case. You have Neal's power of attorney and you need to tell us what you'd like us to do' he said as he leaned in to touch her arm

Sara exhaled and pursed her lips, totally shocked at what she'd just heard. It had been over ten years since she'd made any significant decision about anything in her life without discussing it with Neal first. They were a team and whenever they had to make any kind of major decision, they did it together, as a team. She was being asked to make a life and death decision about the man she loved and she wished more than anything that Neal could weigh in – after all, this was his life.

'What if you don't do anything?' she asked wanting to make certain she understood her options properly

'I believe that Neal will not survive the pressure on his brain for more than a few hours. It will cause irreparable brain damage' said Dr. Perez

'And there's no other option? Medication? Anything?' Sara asked

He shook his head.

'Would you do the surgery?' she asked

'Yes, I would' he said

She took one last deep breath. 'Then, do it, operate'

Moments later, Sara was lead into the room Neal was being kept in until his surgery. The team for this highly risky procedure was being called in and she took advantage of the few minutes before they began prepping her husband to sit and talk to him. She looked down at his familiar face. Wherever his mind was at, it appeared to be a peaceful place.

'Neal, I'm here, right here and I'm not going anywhere until you walk out of this place with me. We have been through so much but we're not done yet, baby, not even close. So don't you even think about checking out. The kids need us, Neal, they need both of us and I... I need you. I need you as badly as I need the air that I breathe. Do you hear me?'

Neal lay motionless as she spoke, his beautiful face as it always was when he slept, calm and relaxed.

'I love you Caffrey' she whispered finally as she kissed his lips and ran a hand through his hair.

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Neal was walking through a large field of daisies. He looked ahead, behind, to his left, to his right – the field was unending, seemingly with no beginning and no end. He continued to walk, breathing in the clean, fresh air. He didn't know where he was headed but he knew he had to keep moving.

'Neal!' he heard from somewhere behind him

He turned but he couldn't see anyone. He took a few more steps, determined to go on.

'Neal!' the female voice repeated, more insistent this time

He turned and saw Sara, way off in the distance. He could see her coming towards him. She was wearing a large brimmed hat and waving rather urgently at him. He waved back but he continued walking away from her.

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It was now past ten o'clock on a Saturday night. Sara had joined Elizabeth and the rest of their friends in the surgical waiting room. Mozzie had arrived, having dropped off Liam at the Masons and he sat, nervously, surrounded by suits, suits and more suits – not his usual crowd. He was accompanied by June, Neal's de facto mom, who sat quietly in a corner, looking old beyond her years as she contemplated what was in store for the man she thought of as her son.

Peter had been in the operating room since about six o'clock and they were expecting news any minute. Neal, on the other hand, had been prepped and wheeled into OR number 6 shortly after eight o'clock. It had taken almost an hour to assemble the very specialized team that would be carrying out his surgery which was expected to last from five to six hours.

Some of the White Collar gang had gone out to get food for the group and styrofoam containers of half eaten food littered the waiting area as some sat, others paced and still others napped as they waited for news about Peter and Neal.

Sara sat with Elizabeth, both of them trying to put on a brave face for everyone. If they fell apart, their friends might too...

Elizabeth was still unsure as to whether Peter would come out of surgery with one leg or two. The lack of oxygen and blood to his leg had left it compromised, and although the surgeons were dealing with the fractures one by one, there were no assurances that blood flow to his leg would resume, leaving the very real possibility that his leg would have to be amputated. Despite herself, she tried to imagine what that would do to Peter. He was a very active man, his job dictated it – and he loved going on runs and playing baseball and pickup hockey. She shook her head, trying to dispel the image of Peter in a wheelchair, Peter on crutches, Peter with a prosthetic leg.

Although the women were mere inches away from each other, their thoughts were miles apart. Sara's mind was drawn back to the last time she waited for news about Neal following his car accident four years before. He had been sitting in a taxi on his way to pick up Hope at school when a bus had hit the cab, the collision causing a serious brain injury. Neal's memory loss still had repercussions on their lives today. Sure, Neal had recovered most of his memories and had begun to build again but he still grew frustrated whenever a small detail of their early years escaped him. Sometimes, it was insignificant – a conversation Neal and Sara'd had at some point in time, other times it was something Hope had done as a baby and those were the situations that annoyed and upset Neal the most.

But he had come a long way and they had been able to rebuild on new memories after Liam's birth. The thought that his cognition could be affected once again was terrifying for Sara as she continued to await news from the surgeon. The last time, he had not needed surgery but they had waited a couple of days for Neal to regain consciousness only to realize that he knew nothing of his present day life.

This time, Neal stood to lose much more than pieces of his past – he could leave his life on that operating table.

TBC