Chapter 10
Wow, sorry for taking so long with the next chapter. It was a hectic few weeks, with work and preparing for my friend's birthday party... but I'm back! And I plan on being consistent again with this thing :D Thanks to everyone reading!
I hear something beep and snap my head up. I must have fallen asleep because my clock reads 10. Another beep follows the last one and after getting my wits together I remember it's Monday and my friends are probably wondering where I am. I ignore the beeps and escape to the bathroom. I feel sore and whereas yesterday I wanted to keep myself from all luxuries, I think if I don't get in some hot water now I'll lose any sanity I have left.
As soon as I lower myself into the bath, my mind clears and I luxuriate in the feel of it all before allowing my senses to return and I get busy doing everything I need to do. I message all my friends telling them that I'm fine and just taking a break from school today to work on some new video ideas. I then type in some actual ideas that I come up with on the spot into my tab to authenticate my claim, since they all watch my videos with ardor.
Next I call my mother to tell her that I'm still not feeling very well and so decided it would be best for me to stay home. She agrees and tells me to get plenty of food and rest and that she'll call school to excuse me. With all that out of the way, I'm again left alone with my thoughts and try to figure out my emotions. I still don't want much to do with anyone, not even my parents, but I've already forgiven them a little because, well, this is how it's always been, this is how we grew up. It's normal. And it's really not the first time in history that we've killed people and thought it was okay, but there's really no going back for me. I know it's wrong and I don't think that will ever change. I don't want it to. How do Daphne and kittish do it? Go through life every day believing something completely contrary to the rest of the Capitol with a smiling face?
By the time I finish my bath, I know that I can't just blend in like them. I could never keep things to myself. That's why I started my video blog!
And with that thought, I know what I'm going to do. What I have to do. Wrapped up in my bathrobe, I sit at my desk and open my laptop. A flurry of thoughts come to me that I try to untangle and put down in a coherent manner. I decide to be bold and declare my belief in the tragedy and horror of the Hunger Games. I already know that Orion won't let me film this, which means that I'll have to do everything myself. The finished product definitely won't be as good as my videos usually are, but it's the content that will drive it into everyone's hearts, I know it. If I can only explain it in a meaningful way, things will change.
While working on my draft, my mind suddenly wanders and I remember kitish. Kittish! She's the person who finally opened my eyes to the horrible truth that we are murdering humans! And now I know why she always put off us meeting, it was because she was embarrassed by her status. My heart breaks for her. Oh kittish, it's okay, I won't judge you! You're my dear friend and I don't know what I'd do without you!
Grabbing my phone, I text her, telling her that I need to talk. I know she won't respond for another hour since she's in class, but I sit anxiously waiting for her response anyway. I get in another line or two about the direction I want my video to go in, but I can't focus. Surprisingly though, barely a minute passes before she texts back, asking what's up?
Kittish! I know why you didn't want to meet up anymore, and it's okay. Who cares if you're poor?
Um, thanks CG.
Of course! So now that I know, can we please meet up? I need to talk to you about the Districts!
You want to talk about the Districts? Why?
Because I finally understand what you were trying to tell me before. It's not…
I choke back a sob.
...It's not right that we force them to fight to the death.
Mm, all right, let's meet up. Are you free today?
We agree to meet in the afternoon after she gets out of school, halfway between where we both live. It'll take about an hour to get there but I know it'll be worth it.
Somehow, time passes quickly and before I know it I'm standing outside a café that looks fairly well but rather worn. You would never see such deterioration where I'm from, and I wonder if it's sanitary.
Walking up to one of the tables outside, I sit down, smoothing my skirt out. I'm wearing a casual skirt and sweater that I got three years ago. I'm not sure how it escaped my notice in my closet for all these years, but I'm glad that they were there, since they help me blend in more with my new surroundings.
Despite myself, I feel out of place and a little snobbish though I know I shouldn't. This is just as much part of the Capitol as my little end of it, everyone is just as much a person as I am, but the feeling is hard to shake.
I try to look nonchalant, but apparently fail terribly.
"We can go back to the Westside if you want."
I turn around and come face to face with, presumably, kittish.
It's a bit shocking to see her. Not her clothes, I was prepared for that, they kind of remind me of Daphne's style, but her stature. She's tiny! I don't know what exactly I was expecting, but she's had such an impact in my life that I must have thought she'd be bigger, more imposing.
I stand up to greet her and her neck has to tilt up to maintain eye contact with me, it's really adorable, but I can tell she wouldn't want me to say anything like that.
"Kittish?"
"Aella."
"Hi, Aella," I say, beaming. "It's so good to finally meet you!"
I go in for a hug and she receives it, albeit stiffly.
There are so many things that I want to tell her and ask her, that I feel I'll burst! So before she even sits down I let out a stream of questions. I really would like to tell her all about my plan first, but I don't want to be rude. And I really am curious about her. We never went into anything personal when we talked.
"So how did you become sympathetic to the Districts?"
Aella looks all around us before answering, although we're the only ones at the cafe and everyone else is either too far away or far too engaged in their own doings to pay any attention to us.
She shrugs.
"Not everyone in the Capitol is that partial to the Hunger Games."
I frown a bit at her vague answer. Here I am ready to tell her everything about me and what I'm planning and it seems as if she doesn't trust me.
"Oh?"
She shakes her head.
"But there are few who'd admit to that."
"Why not?"
"Because that's dangerous."
I can't understand what she could mean and I feel a bit uncomfortable, so I move on to a different topic.
"So do you have any siblings?"
"A brother."
"Oh, older or younger?"
"Older."
"I wish I had an older brother! Or any kind of sibling, really. It does get kind of lonely sometimes at home."
There's a pause when she doesn't respond and I begin to blush. I open my mouth to say something else when she cuts me off.
"You said you didn't agree with the Hunger Games anymore?"
"Oh, yes."
I guess she just wants to get right down to it.
"How'd you come to that?"
"Well... it took a while," I say, shyly.
I tell her about all the things I've been going through for the last few months and her own recent part in opening my eyes to the truth. I don't leave anything out, except for a few sordid details concerning Daphne that might get her in trouble.
When I finish, she sits unmoving and looking down at the table and I hope more than anything that she would like me and that we would really be friends. I hope that everything I said had been right.
Finally, she looks up at me saying, "It must have been hard accepting that the way we treat the Districts is wrong."
I nod, the tears in my eyes fresh from having sprung up every now and again in my story.
She pats my hand and I smile at her for the comfort and she finally smiles back.
After that, our dynamic changes completely. I order us two cups of tea and we chatter away like the best of friends.
Aella tells me that her brother, Aeolos, is a Peacekeeper in District 7. I didn't even know that anyone from the Capitol became Peacekeepers. She informs me that not very many people from the Capitol do, but her family had no choice, as they had accrued an immense debt that they couldn't repay any other way.
"But why didn't he stay here?"
"He did for a few years, but then he got restless. He wanted to travel, so he got a transfer. He calls us regularly. Most of the other Peacekeepers treat everyone really badly. He gets in trouble sometimes for being too lenient."
She tells me about the various punishments they use to keep the District under control and I'm horrified. I don't think I've even seen anything so brutal in the Games.
"See, I don't understand that. How can he stand to see that happen?"
"Because he has no other choice."
"But we do, we're not prisoners."
"Helena, we're all trapped by the government and by President Snow."
"What do you mean?"
"It's all about power. To maintain it, they keep the Districts under constant fear and attack and us as airheaded hedonists."
"No, we started the Hunger Games to punish the Districts for starting a Civil War. I'll admit we took it too far and have kept it up for far too long, but a government is there to protect us and to provide for us."
Aella doesn't argue with me and we continue to talk of different things, but her silence on the subject still leaves a slight impression on me.
After a while, I finally get to the subject that I've most been wanting to talk about. I tell her about my idea for my video: I'll start off praising Katniss and Peeta, then I'll move on to the past Victors and to the coming year's Victor. Then I'll ask them what they thought about the Victors before they won, when they were still playing. Weren't they nothing to us then? Why are they so precious now? Because they've become a little more human in our eyes now that we can bear to care for them since they're safe from death? Let's remember that we're all one, the Districts and the Capitol. We are Panem.
I wait with baited breath for Aella's reaction. I expect her to be happy and to be supportive, just as she was with my small insinuations in my recent videos, but I'm again surprised by this small yet powerful girl.
"Helena, please don't do that."
She says it directly, as I've come to realize is so her.
"Why not?"
"Because they will at the very least turn you into an Avox and at the very worst kill you."
"But I'm not being seditious or anything."
"But you are. You're insulting the Capitol."
"How?"
She shakes her head.
"Please, Helena, even if you don't understand, please don't do it. They might not just go after you. Think about your family."
"I'm sorry, Aella. I don't know why you and my other friend are so sure that the government is so hostile toward its own people, but I believe in it. It's never done me or anyone here any real wrong."
We part that day somberly but I'm sure that everything will be okay once I post that video. The Capitol will realize its error and repent, Daphne and Aella will see that the government loves us and wants us to be free and happy.
And it's with that thought that I turn on the camera, still wearing the outdated clothes I met Aella in, and begin.