Chapter 10

Breathe Me

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,

Yeah, I think that I might break

Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

I wake up on a mat.

I remember flashes of things.

The rage in Cato's eyes when he pulled district 8 off of me.

The sound of fists hitting flesh.

I try opening my eyes, but my right feels swollen, so it can only open to a slit.

I look around, with one eye, a little disoriented.

I try to lift my head and sit up, but my neck muscles are sore, so I lay back down.

A hand is stroking my hair, and I lift my gaze to see Haymitch looking at me worriedly with a furrowed brow.

"Help me sit up?" I croak. He nods.

When I'm in an upright position against the wall behind me, I rest my head on Haymitch's shoulder.

My windpipe and vocal chords must have bruised from the pressure in 8's hands.

"So. What happened?" I ask quietly. My voice is raspy, and hurts when I speak.

I know what happened before I blacked out, but not after.

"District 8, Callan, said he was throwing weights. Said he didn't know his own strength and threw too far, hitting district one in the chest in the pool." I gape at him.

I sit up straighter, willing him to believe that it's a lie.

"That's the worst excuse I've ever heard! I saw his face after he hit Marvel. He did it on purpose!"

"You don't have to tell me. I know that. Now let me finish."

I roll my eyes and sigh, resting my head on his shoulder again.

"When you came at him, he claimed self defense. Said that he was attacked first. Which is true. But he almost killed you." He choked out the last words.

I grab his hands with mine silently.

He takes a shaky breath and continues, "District two came and pulled him off you. Almost killed him. I would've done the same thing if I had the chance. I heard the news and came down here. I was ready to kill the kid. But I see somebody beat me to it."

"Nobody came to help me. There weren't any peacekeepers. Or trainers. Nobody came, Haymitch." I whisper.

"Yeah. I know. Seneca Crane's fault. He's head gamemaker. He wanted to see how you'd handle yourself. I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. But he will probably get away with it. Eli, district one and district two- Cat and Marvel is it?- were trying to get to you. They had to fight the peacekeepers off."

I thought they'd abandoned me. Turns out they were fighting to save me. Why would they risk themselves for me?

"Cat came and-" he starts, but I interrupt laughing.

"It's Cato, Haymitch. Not Cat." I say smiling.

He arches his eyebrow and gives me a look, "You know I don't care."

I sigh.

"Anyways, Cato," he exaggerates the name, "came and rescued you. He's in big trouble with his mentors though. And the alliance with the careers is threatened. But it seems like he and Marvel aren't interested anymore anyways."

Great.

Why did he have to save me? He could have been protected in the arena! He threatened the career alliance, which is going to hurt him.

I feel his gaze on me.

I spot him sitting with Marvel and Eli, talking. Marvel is looking much better.

Cato smiles at me warmly. I look down, but not before I notice his knuckles. They're bloody, bruised, red.

I suddenly feel nauseous.

I look around the room and see the tributes training still.

"How much time is left?" I ask Haymitch.

"Half hour." He replies smoothly.

I suddenly spot him. Sitting in the corner being treated by a medic.

Callan.

He looks pissed. His skin is more bruised than it is normal. He has a black eye, a swollen lip, and is bleeding from his nose, neck, and ear.

That's not what makes me sick, however. It's the fact that he's looking directly at me, eyes full of rage. And he's smiling.

I feel lunch start to make its way up my throat.

I stand up quickly and run towards the nearest trashcan, Haymitch following.

Retching into the can does not help the pain in my throat from my near death experience.

Haymitch is gently rubbing soothing circles on my back until I finally empty my stomach.

I hear heavy footsteps.

"Is she all right?" I hear Cato ask.

He can't be here. He needs to remain in the career alliance to be safe. What is he thinking?

I decide to ignore him. His alliance can't think we're friends. Not even acquaintances.

Ignoring him won't help him now. I need to be cruel. I need to be mean. I need to hate him.

I need to pretend.

I straighten my posture and lift my chin higher in the air, and produce a Katniss approved scowl on my face.

I wipe my mouth, and turn around. I march up to him, glaring, and shove him backwards a few steps.

I remember him saying that he can read me easily, that I'm no good at hiding my emotions.

So I try to communicate through my eyes that this is an act.

I hope he understands.

I feel everyone look at us now because he knocks over a stand of spears.

He looks at me, and I try to plead with him. So quickly I might be imagining it, he nods.

"What the hell, Cato? You think you have to play hero? I had it covered. I didn't need rescuing." I spit, playing the naïve girl.

He laughs without humor, "Of course you didn't. Because the fact that you were passed out meant you were fighting back, right?" He says.

Either he is really angry or he is a terrific actor. His face is arranged in a perfect icy glare, but his eyes are soft.

He knows.

I now have a plan. It's as if I timed this perfectly. We'd argue. And then I would end with my big finale.

I backed him in the direction of the archery station, and I motion my head towards the target.

I think he knows what I mean, because he walks backwards towards it.

I grab a bow and arrow, just as his back touches the target.

His head is right where I want it to be.

I know my aim is perfect, so I'm not scared of hurting him.

But he doesn't know my aim is perfect.

I'm scared that he doesn't trust me.

I draw back my bow, inhaling.

Exhale, release.

Repeat. Repeat.

One arrow is on the top of his head. The others on either sides of his cheeks.

Perfect shots.

He didn't know I was good with a bow and arrow. So he had no idea if I would miss or not.

I hear gasps from the other tributes.

Haymitch will be proud.

His eyes are wide with fear, and now relief that he isn't dead.

"I don't need your help. I can take care of myself. Run along to your career buddies," I shoo him away with my hand. "Watch your back, two," I spit his name with as much venom as I can muster.

Right then, the bell dings that dismiss us from training.

I turn away before I see his reaction and grab Haymitch's hand. I stomp towards the elevators and press twelve.

When they close, I wrap my arms around Haymitch and cry.

Cry until my head hurts and my swollen eye throbs.

" Do you think he knows I didn't mean any of it?" I ask, wiping my tears.

We step out of the elevator, and he says, "I'm sure he knows. But even if he didn't, he's in so deep he's probably already forgiven you."

In deep? What?

I open my mouth to question what he just said when I hear a high-pitched shriek that can only belong to one person.

"Primrose! Oh dear! Look at this mess you've become! Haymitch!" Effie screeches.

"How did you let this happen? You should have gone with her!" She accuses.

Haymitch glares at her.

I butt in, "Effie, honestly. I begged him not to come. It was my fault. Not his." I say firmly.

She takes a deep breath to calm herself, and shakily says "I suggest you go clean up for supper."

I nod and walk to my room.

My eye is hurting, and the swelling has increased so I can't open it.

When I walk inside I go straight for the bathroom, unbraiding my hair.

I shower, and get out feeling much better, smelling like lavender.

I decide on a pretty navy blue dress that goes to my knees. It has short sleeves, and is tight at the waist, but loose in others.

It fits me perfectly, and is very flattering for my body type.

I'm about to braid my hair when I hear a knock.

"Prim, you have a visitor." Eli says through the door.

I decide that I'll leave my hair down, so I grab my pin from the bathroom and attach it to my dress.

My hair falls down to my waist in damp, soft waves.

I open my door and Eli is standing there.

He looks at me intently, and reaches his hand to touch my face.

I saw in the mirror the blue-purple covering my eye, and the handprints around my neck.

I look terrible.

His fingers gently brush over my eye, and it hurts when he does this. I remain silent.

"Does it hurt?" He asks.

I look in his eyes, "No," I lie.

He nods like this makes sense.

He tells me my guest is in the lounge room, and we pass the dining room, where I see Haymitch and Effie waiting for us to eat supper.

I tell him to sit, and make my way out to the lounge room.

I wasn't exactly surprised to see Thresh and Rue standing there. Rue is sweet enough to come check on me, and Thresh doesn't want her alone. I'm guessing, at least.

They're holding hands when I walk in the room, and I break into a grin when I see Rue.

She smiles back at me.

She is so tiny and fragile looking. But then I realize that we look exactly the same in size and body shape. And we are five years apart.

I know she's not fragile, though. She's from a poorer district. We're tough as nails.

In her other hand is a small bowl filled with paste.

I walk closer to her and Thresh, but not too close. I don't want to startle them.

"Hello, Rue. How are you?" I ask her.

She smiles at me. She has such a sweet, innocent face.

Since we're the same height we are eye to eye.

"I'm well. I came to bring you this, actually." Her voice sounds like bells. It sounds like she's singing a song.

"It's to help with your eye. It will help with swelling and pain. I didn't want you hurting."

I remember that she's from district eleven: agriculture. She must know tons about plants and herbs and the sort. That's how she knew what to do for Marvel.

She brought me something to help with my pain. She didn't want me to be in pain.

She's a healer. Like me.

I have to ask to ally with her. She's probably allied with Thresh, though. I want to be friends with her. I can't stand the idea of this little girl not being under my protection in the arena.

"Thank you. So much. This... Means a lot to me." I start to get a little choked up, "Thank you for helping Marvel, too. He's my… friend. He may be a career, but he doesn't act like one. He's a good person. Thank you." I say, closing the space between us and hugging her tightly.

When I pull back she is smiling brightly, and her whole face lights up when she does so.

"You're welcome. We actually came here to ask you something, else too. Are you and your district partner allies?" She says in her soft melodic voice. I nod my head, smiling at her sweetness.

"Well, we were wondering if you two were interested in an alliance. With us." She says nervously. Looking at Thresh.

He looks down at me, and I have to crane my neck up to look at him.

"When I saw you two here, I was going to ask you. But you beat me to it." I say, chuckling.

Rue giggles, and Thresh smiles. I'm not sure if it was at my answer or the sound, but I'm willing to bet the latter. He truly is like big brother.

"I have to go eat supper. But I'll see you at training tomorrow." I say, smiling.

I'm very happy at these two new friendships I've acquired.

I give them both a hug.

Thresh seems completely at ease giving me a hug, which isn't surprising because he's so close with Rue.

"We'll talk then." Thresh says to me, smiling down at Rue's happy face. He seems genuinely pleased, and I think he's just happy because Rue is.

I nod and wave to them as the elevator doors close.

I'm in such a good mood, and smile all the way to the dining room.

I sit down next to Haymitch and squeeze his hand. I pour some bubbly water and take a sip.

We eat while making light conversation.

We're about halfway through supper, when Haymitch brings up the alliance.

"So who were your visitors?"

"Rue and Thresh from District eleven. She brought me a salve for my face. Oh and they offered an alliance, and I accepted." I reply to Haymitch's question.

I try and say the last sentence nonchalantly, like it's no big deal. He's either going to be mad or happy about it.

I look at him, and see his face go different shades while staring in my eyes: red, blue, purple, red, normal.

I fight the urge to laugh.

After a few minutes he speaks.

"Is there any point in arguing?" He asks.

"None at all." I say with a smile.

He huffs, "Fine. At least the boy looks useful. Are you all right with this Eli?" Haymitch turns to Eli.

I completely forgot to ask Eli. He is in an alliance with me. I should have asked him before agreeing.

I panic, and begin to explain, but he cuts me off.

"I figured when they came here, you'd ask them or they'd ask you. I have no problem with it. I talked to Rue when I was at the herb station. She was helping me a little. Sweet girl." He says, smiling.

I feel so much better now that I know he accepts them.

I smile brightly at him, but then wince because the action hurts my eye.

I excuse myself to the restroom, and put the salve on my eye.

It leaves a cooling, numbing sensation. It must be aloe and mint leaves. She knows her stuff.

I already made the same salve for my eye earlier, but she probably doesn't know I'm a healer, and brought it. It was such a sweet thing for her to do.

Since my eye feels better, I walk back out to the dining room.

I take my seat and continue through dinner.

I am silent through their conversation, nodding and listening, but never speaking.

I am thinking about Cato. I hope that I will be able to explain to him what happened. Maybe I can go down to his floor later tonight.

Will I be welcome there after the incident?

Haymitch said that Enobaria and Brutus were angry with Cato for his actions.

They might be angry with me, too.

I push the thought away and interrupt whatever conversation Eli and Haymitch were having.

"Haymitch. May I speak with you privately?" I try to sound urgent.

He gives me a pointed look.

"Now? Dessert is about to be served." He whines.

I roll my eyes and walk into the lounge room, knowing he's following.

I sit down in a green velvet chair and fidget with the hem of my dress.

I hear him take the seat across from me, and I don't look up when I speak.

"Haymitch, I'm going to the district two floor tonight. I have to explain to Cato why I did that. I don't care if you come, just let me go. I'll find a way to go one way or another." I say, giving him a stern look at my last sentence.

He sighs, "I'll go with you. But his mentors aren't going to be happy with you. They probably think you've made their career soft. But unlike them, I know what you two have been doing all night. Cuddling. If they knew, it would be a lot worse." I see him try to fight a smile, failing miserably.

My cheeks are bright red.

"We were not cuddling! We were an appropriate and lady like distance apart, if I recall." I say.

We were at least ten feet apart when I woke up.

How would he know anyways? Was he spying?

Overprotective moron.

"Whatever you say, Rosie. But I'm going with you. Enobaria is..." He makes a sound of disgust and cringes. I agree.

Her games were brutal and she embraced them happily. She now has fangs to remind her of the way she killed her tribute.

"All right. After supper." I say.

He nods, and we make our way to finish our meal.

I join in the conversation, but not with as much enthusiasm as normal.

I'm worried about what I'll say to Cato.

Before I know it, dinner is over, and Haymitch and I are on the elevator.

I am clutching tightly to his hand, rolling on the balls of my feet in nervousness

When the doors open to level two, I am hesitant to step into the room, for what reason is unknown to me.

I look at Haymitch, who is searching the room.

When I step out, a large figure I hadn't noticed to my right appears before me.

I am punched hard in the right side of my mouth and taste the iron and salt flavor of blood in my mouth.

I reach my hand up to wipe away the blood.

"Shit," I mumble out, shocked.