"Hey, why is Red talking to Squid?" Walker cut across Eel and Catwoman's silence.
Eel looked up, her eyes narrowed. The pair in question were sitting on the opposite side of the hole, legs dangling into the eight-foot drop. Squid was smiling at her with that dumb toothpick in his mouth. Red had a hand casually leaned on his shoulder. They were… flirting.
Walker and Catwoman watched Eel's face drain in color. They both could have sworn they saw her eyelid twitch.
"What the hell?" Eel muttered, her stomach churning in anger. What was Squid doing? What the fuck was he doing? He couldn't flirt with a girl from her own tent right in front of her.
She tossed her sandwich away, her appetite gone.
"Y'know, she talks about Squid a lot," Catwoman told Eel. "The other day she said the thought he was pretty cute."
Her jaw clenched, Eel eyed Red's hand moving down to his leg, where it stayed on his knee. She had a sudden urge to throw something blunt and heavy in their direction.
"You might want to jump in there before she steals your man," Catwoman said.
Ducking her head down to hide her face behind her hat, she reached behind her and dragged her shovel next to her. Her hands felt like they couldn't quite get the right grip on it.
"He's not…" Eel swallowed hard, feeling like she might throw up. She scratched at the button on her bracelet. "He's not my man."
Walker snorted. "Uh, yeah, he is, and everybody knows it."
When they resumed digging, she couldn't stop looking over her shoulder. She kept hearing Red laughing, which made her insides burn. Eel grit her teeth as the Warden shouted at her for a third time to get back to work.
They were released in the late afternoon, long after the other groups had finished. Squid and Red walked back to camp together, earning uneasy looks from members of both groups.
Eel, flanked by Karate and Walker, kept several feet away, scowling the entire trip. There was a lot more touching than earlier, which only riled her up further. As Red touched his arm, she nearly boiled over with rage.
They sat together in the Wreck Room, playing poker, Red's leg pressed against his as they played a card game. The cue stick creaked under the pressure of Eel's clenched hands.
Unable to face Red in the Mess Hall, Eel skipped dinner. She snuck into a counselors' tent, rummaging through cubbies for loose shower tokens so she might have twenty minutes of privacy.
There was a fire burning in her chest, but the icy water couldn't penetrate her sternum to put it out. The fire raged against her ribcage, the heat reviving her angry impulses, and, before she could stop herself, she hurled her fist into the wall.
Pain writhed through her hand, reverberating up through her bones and muscles until her entire arm throbbed. She bared her teeth, her breath ragged wheezing through her mouth. Tears soaked through her closed eyelids, hot against her cheeks until the spray from the shower chilled it. She lifted her left hand, trembling from the cold and pain, and hit the wall a second time with all the strength she could muster.
She bit down on her tongue to cushion the scream that forced itself out. She waited for the pain in her hands, which were still pressed to the wall, to dull the slightest.
Taking several large, gulping breaths, Eel drew away from the wall. She stared at her bleeding hands where the hung at her sides. Then, she lifted her dominant hand, gritting her teeth against the protests of her arm. She swung again, this time putting her weight into the punch.
She let her tongue go, her distressed shrieks coming out with each quick pant, but didn't stop. With her left hand, she repeated the strike.
The third round didn't hurt much more than the second. But then again, the screams of her abused hands were so excruciating that she had probably reached her difference threshold.
By the fourth, the dizziness set in and she knew she needed to stop, but she couldn't. She deserved this pain, and so much worse. Squid had told her he loved her and she pushed him away. She pushed him in Red's direction.
At the fifth round, her head spun so violently that she had to lean against the wall. She lifted her hands, but couldn't see the extent of the damage through the blood and tremors. She held them under the shower stream, holding back sobs as the water freed her of the red mess. Regret was already pooling in her stomach, complimentary to the hallowed ache that smoldered in her chest, left behind by the fire that had consumed her to the point of destruction.
The pain of her raw knuckles starting to sunburn couldn't distract her from Squid and Red, though. Every time she heard his laugh, she shoveled through her rage with dirt, forcing her aching hands to move.
"Gill was so mad last night," Catwoman told her. "I'm pretty sure I've never seen her so pissed before." She scuttled away with her wheelbarrow as Mr. Sir turned in their direction.
"Red was asking if she could sit with D-Tent," Walker continued for her.
"What?" Eel's head whipped around to stare at her. "What did Gill say?"
"Well, after she stopped choking on her chili, she told Red that she'd put her cot outside if she sat with them."
"Christ," Eel muttered, relieved. She glanced over her shoulder, feeling a little smug that Gill had prevented them from being together at dinner.
When Pendanski returned with food in the water truck, the inmates eagerly lined up to receive food.
Eel stood with her canteen tucked against her chest. The plastic handle was too tight on her swollen fingers and hurt to carry regularly. As she awkwardly handed over the plastic bottle between her palms, Pendanski raised an eyebrow.
"What happened to your hands?" he asked loudly.
Her nostrils flaring, Eel scowled at him. He had gotten the attention of everyone in the area, and now she could feel their stares boring into the back of her head.
"I shut the tent door on 'em," she growled. That was what the inmates always said when they had injuries, whether they were self-inflicted or earned in a fight. The counselors didn't need to know where they really came from.
Pendanski shook his head, exasperated. He handed her full canteen back and turned to the H-Tent counselor. "Ida, would you take over here?" He grasped Eel's shoulder with a little more pressure than necessary and walked her over to the cab of the truck. "Let me take a look. I can wrap them up for you."
"I don't need you to—" Eel stopped abruptly when he shot her a warning look. Slinging the strap of her canteen over her head, she held her hands out.
He felt around with his thumbs, avoiding the scabbed skin, frowning when she hissed and jerked away from him. "I think you might have a fracture," he said. "Nothing you can do except keep from exacerbating it." He opened the door of the truck and yanked out a small First Aid kit from behind the passenger's seat.
She allowed him to dab an antiseptic onto her hands and wrap them in gauze, muttering a thank you before shuffling away awkwardly. Keep from exacerbating it. What stupid advice, she thought. Considering she had to dig a five-foot hole every damn day, exacerbating it was unavoidable.
She caught Squid's eye as she joined Walker. His head cocking to the side, he squinted at her curiously. She considered flipping him off, but decided against it. She didn't want to exacerbate her injury.
When Pendanski delivered mail in the Wreck Room the next day, he called Eel's name. He glanced at the return address as he handed it to her, raising an eyebrow curiously.
It was from Barfbag.
Fighting back a frustrated scream, she made a beeline for her tent.
As she paced across the floor of the empty tent, she felt around the envelope, wincing at the pain the third-day injuries caused. The new letter was thicker than the last one. The last one was still under her pillow, waiting to be read. She had lost the nerve to read it immediately after her run-in with Squid.
Stop being a baby, she told herself. You have to read it. She had been putting it off for far too long. Even if Barfbag was mad at her, she would just have to deal with it. It was time for her to get her shit together and read the damn letter.
Voices neared the entrance of the tent. In a wild frenzy, Eel swiped the first letter from under her pillow and shoved them both into her pocket.
"Hey, Eel," Gill greeted her. "Karate's gonna show me how to judo throw someone. Wanna join us?"
Eel pursed her lips. Teaching Gill how to judo throw someone was possibly the dumbest idea she'd ever heard. She didn't doubt that she would try to use it on Red if she stepped out of line any time soon.
"I'll pass," she said, certain that if she did accept, she would be the victim for practice's sake. The pain in her hands was enough for now, she decided. "I was gonna go play pool or something." She frowned at Karate, who shrugged.
Gill started pushing the cots away from the center of the room. "Cool."
Eel headed in the direction of the Wreck Room. She couldn't read the letters around the other campers, but behind the building was always a good spot. Most of the campers either hung out in the Wreck Room, their tents, or by the basketball hoop.
But Eel apparently wasn't the only person that wanted privacy, and as she rounded the back corner of the building, she just about lost her shit.
Unable to use her hands, Eel circled her arm in front of Red's throat and dragged her backwards. Her mouth disconnected from Squid's with a pop and her feet caught on a rock as Eel hurled her straight into the ground. Startled and bewildered, Squid stared, his hands still raised where Red's waist had been.
"Get lost," Eel growled, her face livid and voice murderous.
"What the fuck, Eel?" Red scrambled up, aiming a punch at Eel's neck.
Unfazed, Eel coiled her leg back and sent a kick right into Red's hipbone. The thinner girl swiveled back, her shoulder slamming into the wall.
"What do you not understand about get lost?" Eel hissed through a clenched jaw. "I'm not Gill. Empty threats are not my game, so do yourself a favor and fuck off."
"You're a fucking psycho," Red sneered, stumbling away.
"Your observation skills are truly impressive," Eel called after her.
"What the fuck is your problem, Eel?" Squid grabbed her shoulder and spun her around. His lips were still red and had glitter from Red's lip gloss.
She stepped closer to him, glaring up at him. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" she demanded, an angry heat spreading down her neck and through her chest. "What're you playing at – making a move on someone from my tent?"
"What do you care?" Squid asked. "You dumped me."
"What do I – what do fucking care?" Eel pummeled his chest with open palms. Pain spiked through her arms, but adrenaline dulled each hit. "So, what, I can't get mad at you for crap but it's totally okay when you do? Why am I not allowed to question you? Don't even – don't you fucking dare, you asshole."
"Don't what, Eel?"
Eel blinked up at him, her eyes burning and nostrils flaring. God, he was the stupidest person she'd ever met. "Don't you dare kiss some other fucking girl like it's nothing after all the shit you put me through," she said, feeling a sting in her nose. "You are so back and forth and I can't even keep up so just fucking stop it." She glared through her tear-blurred vision. She wanted to hate him so much, to blame him for all the shit she was feeling, but she would just be lying to herself.
"It's not like I'm serious about her," Squid protested, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Somehow, I don't think she's on the same page as you," Eel said with a snort. She dragged her sleeve over her eyes, rubbing away the moisture before it could spill onto her face. God, what was happening to her that she could cry in front of Squid and it just seemed normal. "You know she wanted to sit with you at dinner yesterday? Gill's learning how to judo throw people, and I can guess who she wants to use that on. I don't even know that I'd stop her."
"Jesus Christ," he said, running a hand over his face. "Look," he started slowly, a dent appearing between his eyebrows. "I'm only hangin' out with her 'cause X-Ray said I should. I really didn't think it would get this far." He leaned against the wall, shaking his head. "I would've left her alone if I'd've known it would make you this jealous."
Eel balked, her face glowing bright red. She swallowed, trying to force down the squirming in her stomach. "Won't be making that mistake again," she said, unable to reign in the bitterness in her voice. "I don't need to be wasting energy on a guy that don't give a shit about me."
He frowned. "Where in the hell did you get that from?"
"Look, I'm obviously not an expert in relationships, but I'm pretty sure you don't pretend to have feelings for one girl and then go make out with another one." She cocked an eyebrow, daring him to argue with her.
"I wasn't pretending to have feelings for you," he said, his eyes narrowing.
"How can you even fucking say that?" Eel exclaimed. "What do you expect me believe, when all you've been doing is screwing me over?"
A growl ripping through his throat, he turned suddenly, swinging his foot into the side of the building. "God dammit, Eel," he shouted. "You're such a fucking hypocrite."
Eel took a step away as he faced her again, but Squid grabbed the front of her jumpsuit and shoved her against the wall.
"It's you, got it?" he hissed. "I don't fucking care about her. You're the one I give a shit about. But you're screwing me over too, baby. I—" He groaned and leaned his forehead against Eel's. "But it's always Gill and never me. Since day one, you picked her over me. I thought with all this truth or dare shit, you'd finally pick me. But you're just like everyone else."
"Squid, what are you talking—"
He released her shirt and circled his arms around her waist. Eel was horrified to see the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes.
"You love me, I know you do," he said, his voice watery and wavering. He blinked, his eyelashes flicking her with wetness. "But it won't ever matter because no matter what I do, I'll always come second to her."
"Squid…" Eel reached up and cupped his face in her palms. She hated herself for making him cry, but she didn't know what do.
He dropped his head onto her shoulder, and Eel held his shaking form against her chest.
"Every time you choose her over me, she dangles you in front of me and makes you fight me," he said against her shirt. "She uses you to get to me, and you just let her."
He took a long shuddering breath and clutched her closer, and Eel bit her lips to keep from breaking down with him.
She pressed her cheek against his hair, her chest aching as she tightened her grip on him. She could barely think through the agony and regret. Her head felt so heavy that her legs might give out beneath her, but Squid was the only thing keeping her from collapsing.
"I love you, Lily, why isn't that enough?" he asked. Eel felt the tears sliding over her cheeks against her will. "Why can't you just pick me?"
"It's just not that simple," she said, her tight throat scratching against her words. "I don't know what do to."
Squid pulled away, breaking out of her arms, rubbing his eyes with his knuckles. "We're so fucked up, baby."
"I'm sorry," Eel said, sniffling. She braced herself against the wall, her legs locked on the ground. She covered her mouth with her hands to hide her increasingly disgusting face. "All I do is hurt you and I'm so fucking sorry. I'm not worth all of this, Alan."
"To me you are," he said. His face hardened into a sad scowl. "I'd wait on you forever, but we don't have that kind of time, baby." He drew close to her again, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "I'll see you later, Lil."
And then he was gone, his tall frame following along the back of the buildings, towards the tents.