Garcia noticed right away that she had said something wrong but she kept quiet. Which, I knew, was Rossi's presence that caused that.
I looked at him, and saw his calming presence as something that I would need. Will didn't have that unfortunately. It was never easy, it seemed.
"Well anyway, Hotch sent us out here to offer our help," Rossi said to break the uncomfortable silence. "Will called him the other day, to ask us how we were doing on your case and how you ended up being targeted when you weren't on the list. Garcia here came with the idea to check your phone."
"Why?" I asked, glancing from Rossi to Garcia and back.
"There is something, somewhere. We just have to find it." Garcia nodded while staring at Henry and when I looked down and saw him peacefully sleeping still, I sighed.
"Take it then...Will left it on the stand," I gestured to my phone and Garcia quickly moved to get it. I flinched involuntarily and she gasped, stepping back. "Take it, Pen."
"But—"
"Yea, but what? It going to happen, you know? It's not something I can control. Take it," I hissed as she stared at me. I knew I was being rude and I knew that she was my friend but somehow, someway she got on my nerves with her nervous demeanor.
She stepped forward slowly this time and grabbed my phone. When she stepped back, she glanced at Henry again and her eyes softened at the sight of him. "Did Will tell you about how he stayed awake all night even though we'd told him that you were working?"
"No." I looked down at Henry and wondered what else Will hadn't told me.
"He said that no matter what you did you always called, and when you didn't call he waited up that first night until he fell asleep, exhausted. He did that until you came back but even now, he waits for your call."
I hadn't realized how much impact it had on Henry that I wasn't home and that I didn't call. Children were resilient, and they could handle a lot. I just hadn't thought that the phone call I made while I was away, was the one thing that he couldn't understand not happening.
"He's fine now though. He looks peaceful again," Rossi said, glaring at Garcia. I shook my head.
"If this is the only time he's really slept in a week..."
"It's not Jayje, he slept. Mostly during the day, when he came home from school. This is just his way of catching up and now that you're here, he's even more at peace." Rossi stood to his feet. "And I think it's time for us to leave. We said enough."
"But—" Garcia glanced at me and back at Rossi. "I thought—"
"I think JJ just wants to spend some time with Henry, maybe this'll help her get some sleep." Rossi gently pushed Garcia toward the door before turning and winking at me. "I'll be here tomorrow, when you get released. Hotch ordered one of us to be there for you and Will."
"Thank you. Both of you for visiting." I watched as they left and then looked down at my son. He was peaceful indeed, and even though guilt settled over me like a suffocating blanket, I did my best to focus on the good.
My head was fuzzy and my mind shut down after a moment of watching Henry and I knew sleep was close. I didn't want to wake him and I didn't want to fall asleep either, knowing the nightmares were waiting in the shadows of my mind.
When I woke up, I flinched when I saw Will sitting in the corner of the room, his body bent over the papers on his lap and exhaustion evident in his demeanor. Henry moaned and then stretched out, having woken up from the movement and he looked up at me with his bright smile.
"You're still here," he said sleepily, and then buried his head into my side again. His breathing evened out right away and he was asleep again while Will looked up, surprised to hear something from the two sleeping people on the bed. I just watched him as he watched us.
"I got here an hour ago...I didn't want to wake you." He waited for a second before bending over his paperwork again, while I stared at him.
"I was told that Henry hadn't been sleeping," I said after a moment, my brain finally having decided that I couldn't let it slide.
Will looked up and nodded. "He slept but he couldn't fall asleep. He wanted to wait for your call. Don't worry about it chère, he's okay now."
"He's exhausted, he wouldn't have fallen asleep here if he was okay, Will," I kept my voice level and soft because I didn't want to wake Henry yet. As long as Will could stay here, I would keep Henry close to me so that he could get back on his feet. The nurses hadn't come in yet to tell them to leave. Visiting hours had ended a while back and I knew I'd been asleep for a while, but since I'd been back I slept very lightly.
"Would you rather I tell you everything that happened? Even though you're dealing with enough right now? I mean, look at you...you've been here for three days and you look exhausted. You've been hurt and I don't want to burden you with things like that."
"With things like what? My son? He's never going to be a burden Will." I swallowed as I realized that he was right even though the way he said it was wrong. I didn't sleep, because I had nightmares. And I had been weak, needing help to stay on my feet all through a shower.
Never had I realized that having been stuck for three days without sustenance would be so powerful as to weaken me and even though I hated the fact that I was still here, I knew that I needed it.
"I know that chère. That wasn't what I meant. JJ, I will tell you what you want to know, I won't keep anything from you but not if I know that it's not going to hurt you. That's all I can promise you right now."