a/n: so i know i haven't updated in a while, so i have the longest chapter yet, RIGHT HERE! please review :)

chapter ten.

Hermione woke up with a bad taste in her mouth and an ache in her heart. She knew she had to talk to Ron, and she knew she had to talk to Malfoy. Her mind was racing as she slowly got up and dressed for breakfast.

Ron was waiting for her in the common room, a shy look plastered across his face. Hermione's stomach flipped and she took his outstretched hand. Her tummy was full of angry butterflies, not the gentle ones that fluttered around her body when she was kissing Malfoy.

"Good morning," Ron said softly, and his cheeks flushed with color. Hermione just nodded. Ron had been her best friend for six years and he didn't notice that Hermione was not smiling; she was really clenching her teeth and trying not to cry, and he must have thought it was a happy expression because he beamed down at her and flashed his own smile- a smile that used to melt Hermione's insides and drive her crazy. Presently, she needed to throw up.

Ron helped her through the portrait hole, and Hermione looked around for Harry.

"Harry is in Dumbledore's office," Ron said, reading Hermione's mind.

"It's so early," Hermione said, furrowing her eyebrows. She prayed silently that nothing was wrong, while avoiding Lavender Brown's glare in fear she might die just by looking at it. She heard furious whispers as she passed Lavender and Parvati Patil, and felt the need to just die right where she was standing.

Soon they were nearing the Great Hall, and Hermione found herself with no plan. Maybe Malfoy wouldn't be in there… he never ate anyway. She decided it wasn't worth the risk and pulled Ron to secluded corner of the corridor.

"We need to talk about last night," Hermione demanded, and Ron turned scarlet. "What about Lavender? What made you change your mind?!"

"Blimey, Hermione, calm down," Ron said softly. Hermione just shook her head. "I've fancied you for quite a while now… but you showed no signs of liking me back… so I hooked up with Lavender to get you jealous… except it turned into more than just hooking up and she turned out to be rather great at or–"

"Please, Ronald," Hermione snapped, closing her eyes and trying to get the image of Lavender Brown giving Ron oral out of her head. Ron chuckled and took her hands. He squeezed them slightly, and Hermione opened her eyes. "Last night… it all happened so fast."

"You regret it?" Ron asked, looking utterly sullen. Hermione pulled her hands away and covered her face for a moment.

"Maybe," Hermione whispered. "I just need to think."

"What we did –"

"We didn't do anything! We just kissed Ron!" Hermione snapped. Ron shook his head.

"If that's what you really wanna call it," Ron said with a chuckle. Hermione glared at him, and his smile disappeared. "I'm sorry. I'm still just shocked about the way you… touched me." Hermione's face felt like it was on fire and she felt a bad need to go wash her hands a million times again.

"Drop it, Ron. Just… drop it," she mumbled.

"I'm sorry," he said, looking guilty. "I for one do not regret last night."

Ron chuckled again and Hermione forced herself to lighten up. She gave a tiny smile and looked away from Ron, not letting him see the tears that were threatening to fall down her face.

"Hey! Weasley!"

A wave of red, silky hair slapped Draco Malfoy in the face as Ginny Weasley turned around, glaring. He winced at her fiery expression and cleared his throat.

"Have you seen Granger?" He asked, his pale face reddening. Ginny narrowed her eyes at him and then for some odd reason, her scowl disappeared altogether and she put her wand back into her robes.

"She should be at breakfast, Malfoy," Ginny said softly. Malfoy was surprised but he just nodded and turned away.

He didn't feel dirty after talking to a blood traitor – this was new.

But he was worried. Hermione was supposed to meet him down the hall in front of the portrait of the beautiful, blonde witch in the red gown… maybe Hermione had thought he meant another one? Malfoy started getting more and more anxious the closer he got to the Great Hall. Just as he was about to walk in, Pansy pulled him away from the doors and planted wet kiss right on the lips.

"I miss you," she purred, and then her hand found the zipper of his pants. She brushed her fingers across the most sensitive part of his body, expecting him to immediately harden. But Malfoy and Pansy both looked down to see no rise in his pants. Pansy gaped and looked up at him. "Something is wrong with you... maybe you should get checked out."

Malfoy was worried but chuckled anyway. "Or maybe you just don't… arouse me anymore." He said, quirking an eyebrow and giving her his sexiest smirk. Pansy glared at him.

"Draco Malfoy, don't you dare forget… I'm the first girl you ever fucked. I own you." She didn't sound like a baby anymore, she sounded pretty scary. Malfoy almost decided to back out of this situation, but he thought of Hermione.

"And I won't ever forget that lovely night," Malfoy drawled. "But to be frank, I'm always pretty horny. And not to be too blunt . . . but you're getting pretty fucking loose. And you're getting fat. I just don't think you're gonna cut it anymore."

Malfoy avoided her face. Even if he was sick of pansy, he knew he would feel guilty. It was one of the side effects he had to endure ever since he was assigned his mission. And the more he resisted the mission, the more and more Malfoy became … well them more and more he became a better person. But he also found himself sick. His body was struggling against his personality change, and it was painful at times.

But it was worth it for Hermione.

Leaving Pansy, Draco strutted into the Great Hall. He saw Potter look his way with a suspicious scowl on his face, but Draco just flashed a rude hand gesture his way. After he plopped down in between Crabbe and Goyle he was immediately swarmed by a group of female Slytherin fifth years.

"Draco! We heard you ditched Pansy!" A blonde girl said, grabbing the collar of his shirt and tugging him towards her. He grunt and nodded, trying not to make it obvious he wanted no part of her. He didn't want to have to hurt any other girl. Another hand snatched his shoulder and jerked him towards her.

"Did she cry?"

A round, pretty face was getting closer to him as the girl leaned across the table. Draco backed away subtly and tried to shake his head, but another pair of hands had come from behind him to cradle his head.

"Did you cry?" The girl to his left asked him, her breath blowing into his face. Draco gulped and fought to speak, but there were so many voices that he felt confused. Crabbe and Goyle were laughing obnoxiously as three other girls came over and reached for a part of Draco.

"Do you need comforting?" The girl on his right asked, her hand sliding to his thigh. Draco jerked away but the girl's hand found the cuff of his sweater's sleeve and was pulling upward, and everyone in the Great Hall would soon know that Draco Malfoy was a –

"HEY!" Malfoy yelped, standing up. All the girls looked up at him with their hungry eyes. Before Hermione, Draco would have most likely had sex with each of the eleven girls in front of him, one after the other, by the next day. Some of them were very pretty; a couple had amazing bodies hiding under their school robes, while others just looked like a fun shag, even if they weren't so easy on the eyes. But Draco found no attraction to any of them. All he wanted was to find Hermione.

And just as he started thinking about her, she walked through the door with Weasley. As she stepped into the Great Hall, Draco saw her hand subtly fall out of Ron's.

His heart stopped for several seconds and a horrible rage burned through his body. He wanted Ron Weasley on the floor, bleeding. Until he saw Hermione's face.

At first, it looked like she was smiling. But upon further observation, Malfoy saw that her teeth were clenched and the smile didn't touch her eyes at all. It wasn't even a smile.

She was trying not to cry.

Even though he was confused and a bit hurt, Draco knew what he really wanted was to take her in his arms and hold her until she was happy again. He would deal with the weasel later.

"So, how about the date, Malfoy?"

Malfoy looked down at the girl who had spoken. She was prettier than the rest. He knew at once that she had been talking to him the whole time.

"How about you take my friend Goyle here on the date, he's still a virgin," Draco said with a smirk towards Goyle, who turned scarlet but remained silent as Crabbe laughed even harder. "It would be doing me a favor. And if he tells me you're good at fucking, I'll give you a chance."

The girl blushed and put her head down, and Draco felt terrible. But he walked out of the room anyway after shooting Hermione a meaningful glare he hoped she would understand. She scowled at him and immediately looked down at her untouched muffin.

Hermione did not follow him into the corridor. Draco waited twenty minutes before accepting the fact she was not going to come. His stomach squirmed as he walked to Potions.

For the first time throughout his entire school career, Draco was the first person in the classroom. He sat down on Harry Potter's usual stool and waited a couple minutes. Hermione entered the classroom, saw him, and backed out.

Malfoy got up and hurried after her, but when he reached the door everyone began filing in, pushing him aside. Potter reached his stool and threw Malfoy's stuff to the ground before sitting down. Draco didn't care, he just waited until everyone was in the classroom, and then he was running down the newly deserted corridor. He saw a flash of Hermione's dark pony tail as she turned a corner. He began sprinting as fast as he could, only to bump into Professor Snape. His head hit the professor's chest and he was knocked backward into a portrait of a little girl and her horse.

Snape rolled his eyes and reached a hand down to help Draco up.

"Why aren't you in class?" Snape asked, though he didn't sound like he cared much. Draco shrugged and stood up, trying to walk past the teacher. Snape stepped in front of him. "How's your mission coming along?"

"I'm working on a plan," Draco said, really just wanting to get to Hermione.

"Let me assist you, Draco," Snape said. Draco groaned and walked away, back towards the Potions classroom. Snape called after him but he kept walking, determined to block everything and anything out that didn't help his situation with Hermione. As of the moment, Draco didn't care about his stupid mission. He just cared about Hermione.

But she wasn't in Potions. Weasley and Potter looked just as worried as Draco felt. He of course was trying to ignore Pansy's sobbing the whole time, and finally Slughorn asked her to leave if she could not control herself. She got up, giving Draco a sad look that made him want to throw up even more.

He decided to skip Transfiguration and head to the Room of Requirement. He needed to take his mind off things.

When he opened the Vanishing Cabinet, a note was in there. It dated two weeks ago, but Draco had sent the apple.

Your necklace is ready; I will send it soon after this. Be careful not to touch.

Draco felt a smile cross his lips and he let out a small whoop of joy. If it took two weeks for the note to get to him, it would probably take another two weeks for the necklace to come. Just in time for Hogsmeade.

Draco's mood elevated tremendously. Now all he had to do was find out what was going on with Hermione….

Hermione walked past the wall tons of times, repeating in her head what she needed.

I need to see Draco Malfoy. I need to see Draco Malfoy.

The door did not appear. She sat down with her back against the wall and put her head between her knees. She was being stupid and she knew it. She had no idea what was going to happen when she confronted Draco Malfoy, but she only could expect the worse. After two hours, Hermione was finished her homework. She knew he was in there, Harry told her. And she had told Harry she would stand out there until he came out.

Another half hour passed, and the door appeared. Hermione jumped up and grabbed the knob, wrenched it open and a startled Malfoy yelped and jumped back. His eyes widened when he saw that it was her. She gulped down her fear and pulled out her wand. Draco began backing up with his hands in the air. Hermione stepped forward threateningly.

"You could have just stuck to the insults and name-calling," Hermione said softly. "You didn't have to make me fall in love with you and break my heart." Draco frowned and lowered his hands.

"What are you talking about? How did I break your heart?"

The tip of Hermione's wand poked him in the chest, and Draco began to shake.

"Don't play stupid, Malfoy."

"I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Granger." Draco snapped, and in a swift motion, he was holding Hermione's wand against her own neck. She gasped and scowled at him. "I like you so much I broke up with my girlfriend. You don't know what a sacrifice that was for me… if you were a teenage boy and had a slag for a girlfriend; you wouldn't be so keen on breaking up with her for a virgin who's waiting for marriage… even if you were crazy about that virgin."

Malfoy's eyes traveled up Hermione's body and her cheeks burned. She was getting lost in his words, still shook her head.

"But the night in the hospital wing…" Hermione's voice trailed off as Draco lowered her wand and handed it to her. He looked truly disgusted with himself.

"Look, Granger," he said. "I like you very, very much. But it's still gonna take a while for me to change my old ways. But I'm making an immense amount of progress. It's difficult. Today, I turned down eleven beautiful girls for you."

Hermione's eyes welled with tears and her heart welled with love. She didn't want to believe the words coming out of his mouth, but she found herself believing them anyway. She put her wand back in her jean pocket with clumsy hands and fell to the ground, resting her head on her knees. Draco knelt down in front of her and pulled her head up.

"What's wrong? I just told you that I was crazy for you, and you're crying." Draco said, a smile playing softly across his lips. Hermione shook her head and tried to pull away from him, but he was already dragging her off the ground and over to the couch that appeared regularly for Draco now. He pulled her into his lap and hugged her tight against him.

"I did something terrible last night," Hermione sobbed, lifting her head from his chest and looking into his stormy gray eyes. Draco raised an eyebrow. "With Ronald." She looked away from his face and wiped the tears still falling from her eyes.

"You… had sex with him?" Draco asked. His voice was husky and strained. Hermione shook her head hurriedly but still did not look at him. His hands constricted around her wrists, but she barely noticed the pain he was not meaning to inflict on her.

"Not quite that terrible," Hermione squeaked. She looked for the words she could use in this situation, but her sexual vocabulary was not exactly up to par. "We… snogged… and I might have … satisfied him a bit." Draco's fingernails pierced Hermione's skin and gasped and began pull her arms away from him. He slid out from underneath her and she fell onto the floor with a thud. Malfoy looked down at her with disgust on his face.

"You sucked his –"

"NO!" Hermione screeched, and Malfoy's red face began to pale again. "No, no, no, no."

"So you just… jerked him off?" Malfoy asked, his voice raising an octave. Hermione nodded slowly and hid her face again, but Malfoy knelt down and wrenched her hands away from her face. He pulled her up by her hands and wrapped his arms around her waist and had her tight against him.

"You forgive me?" Hermione asked in a watery voice, looking up at him with watery eyes. Draco snorted and kissed her forehead.

"I think I heard you say that you were 'falling in love with me,'" Draco said gently. "And I'm not gonna lie, I've been falling in love with you since third year." Hermione laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling the happiest she had been day. Draco slowly leaned down and kissed her sweetly on the lips.

Hermione kissed back, loving the exhilarating taste of his soft, full lips. She could kiss him like this forever and be completely satisfied…

No, this was not true. As soon as their lips parted Hermione knew that just kissing him was not going to be enough to satisfy either one of them. Hermione wanted to touch him and wanted him to touch her in any and every way possible. She let him slowly push her back onto the sofa, him hovering just an inch of above her. She could feel him hard against her thigh and expected to be embarrassed and shy, but instead she was excited and trembling with nerves and desire.

They kissed for a couple minutes before Malfoy's right hand traveled up Hermione's stomach. He slipped his hand under her bra and slowly stroked her breast, and Hermione trembled even more and moaned as Malfoy began suckling her neck. His other hand joined his first and worked the other one. His pulled his hands out and she whimpered, but he quickly unbuttoned her shirt and tore it off of her. They kissed passionately; Hermione knew her lips were going to be bruised in the morning. At the moment, she didn't quite care. All she could think about was Draco. The way he felt, the way he smelled, the way he tasted.

And yet this all wasn't enough. She wanted to be closer to him; she wanted to touch every part of his body. She wanted all of him. Very slowly and nervously, Hermione reached down and tugged on the Hem of Draco's shirt. Immediately, Draco's hands closed upon her wrists and their lips broke apart.

"What is it?" Hermione asked in between breaths. Draco kissed her lips once more before rolling off of her. Hermione reached for her shirt to cover herself, but she was still wearing her bra. Draco chuckled softly at her shyness but ran a hand over his face sadly. Hermione reached forward and grabbed one of his hands. He let her squeeze it softly but when she tried to pull him closer he pulled away. She frowned at him, confused.

"Talk to me... I wanted to take your shirt off. I want to… be with you," Hermione whispered. Draco groaned and covered his face with both his hands. Hermione pouted even more and grunted. "Okay, so I wasn't going to… be with you. But I wanted to…"

Draco looked up and smirked at her, and Hermione's heart skipped a beat.

"I know, I know," he said, and his agonized voice pierced Hermione's heart.

"Then why did you stop me?"

"There's something hiding under these sleeves…" Draco muttered. Hermione leaned forward and reached for his sweater's sleeve. Draco pulled his arm away and shook his head. "You won't like it. I don't like it. I hate it, Hermione. I hate myself. I thought it would glorious… it isn't. I'm sickened…"

"So… you got a tattoo you don't like or something?" Hermione asked, completely confused. Draco tried to smile but his lips only twitched upwards slightly.

"You could call it that…" Draco said, his gray eyes focusing on Hermione's pleading face.

"Show me." Hermione whispered. "Draco, I… really, really like you. And I want you. And I need you to show me… to tell me what this problem is. I want to help. You said I was helping, and I'm obviously not. You've got to talk to someone about it, why not talk to the girl you supposedly like a lot?"

Draco looked deep into Hermione's eyes and slowly pulled up his sleeve.

a/n: i'll be updating VERY soon!