AN: Okay, so I know it's a little odd for me to be putting these up here... please just a moment of your time. Those of you who have already read my story to this point and are reading this upon alert, I have gone back and changed some things. Very small things though. Kagome is 'Mama' to Shippo from the beginning now, and she is a Fire Nekomata, not a Fire Neko Yokai. She is still referred to as Neko and Yokai, but that slight change has been made. Now without further adieu, Chapter 10 of Change by Curse, Just Memories?
Just Memories?
Kagome could feel the pain shooting through her leg and up into her hip. It burned, more than she could ever remember anything burning. She felt awkward, almost out of place, was she somewhere she shouldn't be?
"Mama. Mama! Wake up!" It was Shippo's voice that Kagome heard through the shroud of pain that even obscured her hearing. Seeing was an entirely useless effort. She couldn't see anything, it was all red and gold. 'Like flames' Kagome thought as she forgot that Shippo was calling to her frantically.
"Kagome-chan! Wake up, please!" This time it was both Shippo and Sango. Was she really needed? Did she have to go back to the pain that the world offered her? Did she have to go back to the world that was ruled by fates that laughed at her and used her for their entertainment? Surely that's all the world held for her.
She was betrayed countless times by the one person she had loved, Inuyasha. Now she had to kill her previous self just to get her soul back? Maybe she was waking from a nightmare. 'Yes, that's it. It's just Souta telling me to wake up and go to school. It's my sixteenth birthday.' Kagome tried to convince herself, but she knew she couldn't do it. She wasn't in bed in modern Tokyo.
The only thing she could do Kagome figured, after she allowed herself some time for self-pity, was fight the pain. To go back to where at least five people would take care of her and care for her. Shippo, her adopted son. Sango, her closest friend and adopted sister. Miroku, her perverted friend and adopted brother. Kirara, a close ally and someone who will never judge or tell your secrets. Also, Rin, a sweet girl that Kagome thought of as a daughter.
"No more nonsense. Wake up this moment." The strong, but smooth voice sounded alien to Kagome for a moment. Surely that voice belonged to no one that would care for her enough to make her leave the tempting comfort of everlasting sleep. Ah, but then Kagome recognized the voice. Was there maybe a sixth person she could add to her list? Sesshomaru?
The ridiculousness of it was enough to rouse Kagome's curiosity. Kagome let herself drift to the voices, and forced her eyelids open by will alone. Her body felt like it contained no strength, barely enough to do the minimal. She counted the faces silently, and in the room there were seven faces. One of the faces hadn't spoken to her.
Kagome stared at him for a moment. Her memories still in a haze, her emotions still raw. His white hair, his yellow eyes. He was the one she loved. Then the memory of his betrayal crashed Kagome back to earth like a waterfall on her. She was dashed against the sharp rocks at the bottom of her emotional waterfall.
'Kill... Hate... Betrayer...' Everything in Kagome fell to animal instinct as she watched him silently. Her lip curled up in a snarl, she didn't want to be in the same room as him. Never again. But hands on her shoulders, fur, and face drew her attention away from the now enchantment free hanyo.
Kagome saw Rin and Shippo, both were making sure she was okay with their hands. They also asked her over and over again if she was okay. Shippo looked especially worried.
"Mama?" Shippo asked quietly before he stopped feeling her fur. Kagome's eyes were clear of pain and confusion. She was the Kagome he remembered. The kind, strong, and gentle Kagome. Even if she was a little unhappy, it was the Kagome he knew. Everyone but Inuyasha all saw this, and there was a murmur of happiness among the four. Sesshomaru stayed stoic as ever.
"Sesshomaru," Kagome started, she wasn't going to add any honorific until she saw his eyebrow raise. "-sama, did you call out to me? Were you the one who told me to stop the nonsense and wake up?" Kagome had to know. His voice, she was certain it had been his voice, had called to her when she was contemplating drifting there forever.
"This Sesshomaru did speak." Was all he said before he turned and left. Kagome huffed before she turned to her family.
"He still has his fur in a knot, and his hakama in a tangle." Kagome said with her cheeks puffing out in frustration. She couldn't lie to herself, the way he referred to himself in third person was ... tempting. She wouldn't follow that thought further. But it did make her feel as if she couldn't even talk with him.
'Wait. Why do you want to talk to him? Yes, he is our enemy's enemy, but you need to be careful.' The part of Kagome that didn't want to ever be involved with a male again fought Kagome's instinctual, appreciation, of Sesshomaru.
'I don't know. I know that! Just leave me alone.' Kagome tried to ignore her own little voice as she looked outside to find out what time it was. She was surprised to see that time was younger than when she'd gone to sleep. She'd slept nearly twenty-four hours. No wonder her family was in a frenzy.
"Kagome-sama. The meal will be in a couple minutes. I just want to check that you're healed." Sakura entered the room and showed the basket of supplies she was carrying. Kagome nodded and stood. She was still a neko, and a kitten at that. She increased her size so that Sakura could give her ministrations more easily.
Sango and Miroku watched silently until Sakura declared that Kagome was completely healed and was ready for the day. With this said, Sango started to squeak before she tackled Kagome in a tight hug. Miroku, Rin, and Shippo quickly followed.
"You will tell us what happened." Sango demanded after she disentangled herself from the group and sat facing Kagome head on with her hands on Kagome's shoulders. Kagome nodded silently as she stood and headed towards the smell of food. She was hungry.
Sesshomaru was surprised to see a neko, the size of a house cat, sitting by the kitchen door begging for food from the cooks. But more than anything, he was amused, though he didn't let it show on his face. He walked silently up to the kitchen then cleared his throat.
"This one was not aware that there was a cook whom serves round the clock services." Sesshomaru said, and watched silently as Kagome jumped. She whipped around to face him, and sat down with how far she had to look up.
"We don't." Seita said standing in the doorway with his hands in fists. He was more than a little frustrated with the neko sitting at their feet. "This one here won't let us be, so her lunch will take longer to finish." His irritation was easily heard in his voice.
Sesshomaru looked down at Kagome and was about to ask why she was being impatient. But before anyone could say another word, a sound filled the immediate area. It was a grumbling stomach. Kagome's face was surprisingly red, that was when Sesshomaru figured out why she was bothering the kitchen staff.
"Seita, why don't you just give her what you have. This one doesn't think she's begging for food because she wants to." Sesshomaru picked Kagome up. "That is, after this one gets her to Sakura to be dressed properly for the meal." Kagome struggled for a moment. She was hungry, she didn't want to leave the wonderful smell of food. However, Kagome didn't get much of a choice. Sesshomaru was too strong for her to resist.
The smell of the food was wonderful. Kagome was a little upset with Sesshomaru for forcing her to wait even longer to eat. But she wasn't in bad enough of a mood to hold it against him. She was dressed in a matching kimono to what she was wearing before. A black kimono with silver embroidery in the shape of a cherry blossom covered branch, her obi a bright gold with a red cord.
She was careful to mind her manners, and not make a mess. But she was by no means eating slowly. When she was no longer fighting the feeling of hunger and she was on the edge of contentment she sat back and studied the people at the middle sized table for a moment.
Sesshomaru was sitting at the head of the table, expressionless, and cold. Kouga was sitting at the foot of the table across from Sesshomaru, enjoying the meal but still aware of the tense atmosphere. Sango and Miroku had finished a while ago and were waiting for her to finish. Rin and Shippo were still eating.
"I guess I should keep my promise." Kagome started. She stretched before she placed her chin in her hands. All the adults turned their attention to Kagome. The children continued to eat, but were listening. "It started about three weeks ago." Kagome said, knowing that if Inuyasha, who was in the room, interrupted she'd lose all self-control.
"I thought Inuyasha and I were happy forever. Kikyo was out of the picture, and Inuyasha's choice was based entirely off his feelings for me." Kagome studied the face of the hanyo before turning her gaze to the table. "I was happy. More so than I can ever remember being. Little did I know that my paradise was about to be torn to shreds.
"One day Inuyasha went out to the forest, not telling me where he was going. But that was normal from time to time. So I was unconcerned." Kagome's face turned bitter. "But he came home later than he said he would. And he reeked. Reeked of Kikyo. I tried to ignore it, I was thinking 'Surely she's dead, she had lost all value to Naraku, so he killed her.' I was terribly wrong. For the next week or so it was the same thing.
"Her scent permeated my house, I was stuck living in a house with the smell of the woman who kept trying to take my love, and my life." Kagome's voice hushed as she recalled it all. "I was sick of it, so, I followed Inuyasha. And who did he meet with? That's right, Kikyo. I was devastated that he would do that to me. When he found out Kikyo was still alive, he started jumping again.
"I left immediately, but I knew something was going to happen eventually. I should have left Inuyasha then, but I didn't. I didn't know what was happening while I waited to see what was going to happen though. Kikyo found a way to bring Tsubaki back, and tainted her so that she was the same as before I purified her.
"They were plotting." Kagome's face glowered in anger and betrayal. "At first it was just Tsubaki and Kikyo. But then Inuyasha started disappearing at odd times of day. Looking back now, he'd been enchanted almost since the very beginning of their plotting. But I was still blind by love.
"When Kikyo was confident enough in her ability to control Inuyasha, that's when they struck. She transformed all feelings Inuyasha had for me into loathing. They were smart, they knew they'd never be able to destroy me if I was just attacked. They attacked me emotionally. They sent Inuyasha home, and told him to get rid of me." Kagome smirked looking back at her naivete.
"He kicked me out, told me that he hated me and wanted me to leave. Told me that he couldn't be happy with Kikyo, the love of his life, with me as a burden. He said that as long as I lived with him he was duty bound to return to me.
"I left, crushed. I was more injured emotionally than I can ever recall being physically. If I'd been paying attention, I would have known that it was then that an attack would occur. And sure enough it did, I was leaving the village.
"Several arrows missed me, but I recognized them and the reiki. They belonged to Kikyo. When I had left I hadn't taken anything because all of it had her scent. So I dodged them as best as I could. But one got me, right along my neck." Kagome absentmindedly ran her fingers across her pulse point, swearing she could still feel where the arrow had cut her.
"On the arrow was something, probably Tsubaki's snake's poison. It entered my blood, from there Tsubaki could do as she liked with my blood. She was further away, in the place they prepared for the cursing. So she knocked me out. I was out cold, till I woke up in a shrine.
"There she cursed me, explaining that once my miko powers diminished from the yokai's power in my blood, that's when they'd take my soul. I'm not sure what happened beyond that point. I have pieces but little lucidity and flow of the pieces. My body was on fire, not literally, but that's what it seemed like.
"I could feel the flames in my veins, gathering in every spot it could find. It was agony, and all I could see was red and gold. I saw flames." Kagome's voice was quiet and low as she relived the horrid memories. She continued anyways. "It started to dimish, the pain, but I could feel something growing. I wasn't sure what.
"Looking back now, it was my yokai coming fully into being, and joining her power with mine. I didn't feel week like Tsubaki and Kikyo had said I would. But seeing as I had stopped screaming, I think I had been screaming, Kikyo came closer. She had a dagger in her hand, and she moved forward, towards me." Kagome choked on her words as her feelings of fear flashed into her memory.
"She tried to carve my heart out with that knife. All the while, she was smiling... After that it's the pieces. Little pieces here and there. Me fighting, not sure with whom, or why. Anger, Fear, Betrayal, Kill. Those are the four things that drove me on. I remember killing someone, trying to kill a second and third. I'd make them pay for what they did to me. Then something new came, something changed.
"I knew where I could go to get shelter, to heal. I had to leave, I had to flee. Fighting was pointless, I don't know why. But I have to go to him, he'll be able to help me." Kagome was dragged into her memories, she was no longer telling them what was happening. She was reliving them completely, her mind in shambles and confusion.
"But who is he? Why can he help me? I don't know, he just can. We have to go to him, he'll save us from killing ourselves. But who is he? Why will he save me, not kill me? Just run." Kagome's eyes faded in a way that had almost everyone there worried for her well being. Rin stood and started to make her way to Kagome, but paused when Kagome started talking again. "We're almost there. I know he'll be able to help us live together without killing ourselves."
Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara were all standing at that point and were about to go over to Kagome. They were worried for her. She startled them once more. Her eyes bled completely red but she didn't move other than turning to face Sesshomaru. She whispered barely loud enough for Sesshomaru's sensitive hearing to pick up. "You have helped us, but you must show her before she kill herself."
Kagome's face cleared up, and she looked up. "After running for awhile I blacked out and I woke up here." After speaking the last sentence she looked around in confusion. "Why are you all standing, and looking so worried?" Kagome looked around her for something "You have helped us, but you must show her before she kill herself."
Kagome's face cleared up, and she looked up. "After running for awhile I blacked out and I woke up here." After speaking the last sentence she looked around in confusion. "Why are you all standing, and looking so worried?" Kagome looked around her for something amiss.
Everyone else including Sesshomaru and Kouga looked at each other. Each nodded to the others. They had all seen and heard it. Kagome had been drawn completely into her memories, and then her beast, yokai, whatever each called it, had left them a message to save her from destroying herself. But each were confused and curious why Sesshomaru had been the one to be told to save her, and was it that he had to show her?