!Content Warning! If you have a high sensitivity to dealing with characters of a volatile nature, and harsh depictions of sensitive subject matter, please be warned this story is one of mature content and adult themes such as abuse and language. Subject matter will get heavier as the chapter's progress. Also I do not own these characters.
Forbidden fruit. A strong desire or craving for something all the more because it is not allowed.
Master. A man in a position of power of people working for him, typically servants/slaves.
Slave. A person who is legal property to another and forced into obedience.
Control. Power to influence behavior. Authoritative Mastery
Defiance. Being openly resistant to obedience.
Husband. Married significant of his wife. Master of household, life partner.
Wife. Married significant of her husband. Better half, life partner.
Marriage. Institution of being united in matrimony. Intimate Union of two entities.
Chapter 9 – The Dark Matter Surrounding His Silence
*A/N* I do not promote the glorification of Slavery. I also understand that many of you understand the fact that this is Bonnie's embellished AND (Fictional) story, and not a documentary nor the remake to Roots. This takes place during the American Revolution, and things have been embellished to cater to MY story. I am not claiming to be a history expert, while my story has this background, my main focus is Damon and Bonnie, and the taboo topic at hand "Forbidden Love." In my story, this white master marries his negro slave. He is controlling. And refuses to share her in any way. Some of you hate the cruelty, some of you don't think it is cruel enough. It is MY Bamon story. *If you do not like, do not read!* Simple as that. Thanks for the support, helpful critiques. Happy Reading. Dark!Damon is back. Warning for those of you who don't prefer reading about him. I just want to re-iterate to those of you who care, I never wanted their love to be easy in this story. I have had it planned out for the most part. I want them to work for it. BTW this is an emotional chapter for Bamon. There will be some darkness and pain. As always I love the support. This is what I love to do. ;)
Rating M
Bonnie slept until the following Morning. Damon had tired Bonnie out on her wedding night, and in her rest she must have been so exhausted she slept through the night. She slept, while Damon could not sleep. He sat and tortured himself with the idea of Stefan and Bonnie. He didn't want to open the letter, and then he did it. He opened the letter and red it. Word for word. Filthy and unpleasant word for word. His wife, and his brother shared an intimate moment he had not before heard. She had not told him, and he had not wondered.
He stares at her as she lies on the bed asleep. He wondered of this was all she had kept from him or if there was more. He could not bear the idea of the betrayal. He turned to his whiskey. He has a few drinks, and he walks over to the bed where his beautiful wife lay naked, from the exhaustion he has put on her body.
It's not enough that he had to claim her on their wedding night, but he again, has to reclaim what he now realizes his brother has tried to take.
He turned her body onto her stomach and parted her legs with his. He slowly crept behind her not to awaken her. With a swift, straight shot he thrust into her from behind. Awakening her in terror. She was afraid at his initial thrust and as she realized, he was inside of her. She tried relaxing slightly but remained confused. He held her hands above her head on the bed and she remained in one place.
"Damon…"
"Do not speak." He said coldly, believing has has betrayed him with his brother.
She moaned but he could not tell if it were for pleasure or pain. Bonnie lie on her stomach with her legs spread and feeling every ounce of his thrust, and his size as he pounded into her. She tried squeezing her hands out of his grip, but he held on to her too tightly. She wiggled for the first few minutes trying to find comfort, then she gave up. She let him have her, and she took it.
Thrust after thrust, he was imposing his will on her. He was unaware of her feelings, and unconcerned, all he wanted to do was prove to whom she belonged. He had not attempted to look at her face, nor had he spoken to her. He just pounded into her walls relentlessly. Using her body for what he wanted in those heated moments. He opened her up to his need for her body and not her touch. She lay there confused and she said nothing. He remained quiet except for his grunting, and what sounded like him crying. Bonnie heard Damon crying, so she said nothing. When he finished inside of her, he practically screamed his release, in an angry pitch. When he finished, he got up and said nothing to her.
She allowed him to get himself together. "Bonnie, get my things together, I will be leaving for the day and I won't be back until night fall." She gathered her husband's things and he callously got himself ready to leave the day after they got married. Away from his wife. She gathered her own things together and she looked at all of the rotten spoils around her that he saturated her life with, and before he left she stopped him.
"Damon?
He looked at her coldly.
"What is the meaning of your dismissal from me, a day after our wedding day?"
"A wedding day? A marriage? What is it all to you? Do you not love Stefan?" His words rang bitter in her ears.
"No, I do not. Where is this notion from?"
"Have you not shared moments with him, that I have not been aware of my little Bonnie? Have you not behaved in a whore like manner with my brother while you were at the boarding house?"
"I have not committed such a dishonor? I would never betray you in such a way."
Damon's angered filled face tried his hardest to steer clear of his wife, because his rage made him want to strangle her in the place she stood. She walked closer to him as he turned his back to her to leave.
"Do not come near me, Bonnie or I will do something you will regret."
She continues after him. "No please I have no idea what you are insinuating, but there is nothing inappropriate happening between Stefan and I, what has he told you?"
"Bonnie, have you and Stefan, not kissed then?" She had never seen such anger in his eyes.
She gasped for air and her instant fear of the truth was expressed on her face. "Damon, that is not what happened?"
"So you admit to having kept such a secret from me?" He says as he yells and grabs her by her neck.
"No, I did not kiss, your brother and let go of my neck." She claws at him and he tries so hard to be stronger than him. She hits him in his face until he lets her go. He released a breath he did not realize he was holding.
"How could you lie to me?" He yelled.
"I have not lied to you. I swear it." She reaches for him to plead with him to stop leaving and in his anger and rage he hits her across her face. She falls to the ground holding the entire side of her face. "I told you if you ever betrayed me, I wouldn't be able to take it Birdie. Now you must learn the hard way. "
He showed her no comfort, instead he left the Manor and did not return.
Bonnie sat on the floor staring at her own reflection in the marble of the bed post. Barely seeing a shadow of herself, but seeing this large marble bed and these spoils and she hated them all. In this moment they meant nothing to her. She stood her body up and then walked to her vanity after beginning to fill her bath.
Bonnie sat in front her brand new vanity, staring at her face. The purple bruise was fresh near her temple and sore to the touch. She could not bear to look at herself. Even with the beauty that surrounded her by way of luxury. Damon spoiled her, he bought her affections, the only way he knew how with his hectic life. She may have been his slave in the past, but he had no intentions of ever letting her go. So he married her, and made her HIS for the rest of his and her life. Damon had no desires for other women. He desired only her, and refused to share her. She touched her purple mark with her fingertips and winced. She couldn't believe the fight she put up. When she patted her swollen lip with her wash cloth, a tear fell down her cheek. She was done looking at her flawed reflection. When she stood up, her robe fell down from her body and she gently pushed away from the vanity, headed for the large marble bath she had drawn. When she stepped in the hot water, it took her a few minutes to settle into it, but as she did, she allowed her body to relax and as she melted into her thoughts she let rest overtake her. Her life was painfully complicated. Emphasis on both words.
Tears filtered her pours and silently she broke down alone. If this was what it meant to become a woman, she could stay a girl for the rest of her life. She has only been his wife for one day.
~XOX~
Shortly after his encounter with Bonnie, Damon arrived at the boarding house. He walked through with determination and believe it or not, an ounce of restraint.
He barely greeted the servants before he took to Stefan's room. When inside he closed and locked the door. When he went inside he was surprised to find a Stefan still in bed. But it did not stop him, he woke his brother up and pulled him out of his bed.
"What is the meaning of this Damon?" Stefan says half asleep.
"The meaning? What is the meaning behind your love affair with my wife?"
"What? Birdie and I are nothing more than friends, hell we are Kin now. She is your wife!"
"A married woman, that you kissed.?"
"Damon, who told you that, Birdie?"
"No in fact, you and her have too much to talk about, that I do not know of and it all stops. You understand me Stefan! It all stops now!" He demanded as his screams could be heard through the boarding house.
"Listen, I need you to understand that she has never acted on any affections for me. Okay. She does not even have affections for me. I can admit to you that I love her. But I told you this years ago. You already knew, you bastard and you forbid me from courting her. She does not love me in such a way, and I sincerely hope, you have not done anything unforgiveable to her."
"She is my wife. Mine. What I do to her, is no concern of yours." Damon attacked Stefan and began delivering relentlessly to Stefan face and body. Damon was out for Stefan's blood, and he delivered a hefty punishment to his brother. Stefan could barely get the words in but he admitted the truth as the blood dripped down his nose.
"I kissed her! Alright? I kissed her and she did not return the gesture. She loves you. She only has eyes for you. You are too stupid to see how much she loves you, you unforgiveable bastard!"
Damon stands up from his brother and looks him in the eyes with an unforgiving face. "If you were any other man, I would have killed you. Count your blessings, I do not consider it."
"You don't have to worry about me anymore brother, I have met someone. I am sorry for what pain I may have caused you and Birdie. It was a cowardly act to kiss her, knowing her heart belonged to you."
He leaves Stefan there in his blood and leaves the boarding house. His anger makes him do stupid things, and his anger is ignited more when he is drinking. Damon goes to the distillery for the rest of the afternoon.
~xXx~
Bonnie sits in her Garden at the Manor. She feeds the birds and ducks and in Damon's absence, she realizes that he hired two servants while she was in the boarding house. Two Women older than Bonnie. One by the name of Mrs. Brown, and the other by the name of Sue. Bonnie acquainted herself with them while she was alone at the boarding house, and she found it quite lovely to be around older black women. In her life, she was mostly around slaves her age or younger. She had only been exposed to slaves from the boarding house and the Gilbert's home. She was sheltered and naïve at the lives other slaves lead, that were not as privileged as she was.
She learned Mrs. Brown had a husband, who worked on a plantation at the Forbes residence. And Sue, had a daughter who was sold into slavery when she turned thirteen, as she was taken from her momma. All of these revelations were making Bonnie question her entire upbringing and wonder why she was so different. She had no idea, how good she had it, until she listened to Mrs. Brown's and Sue's stories.
"Do you ever see your daughter, Sue?"
"I did the first year. I would meet up with her at the monthly teas. We both travel with our Lady of the house, and I see her there. Then she got pregnant, by her husband. And I don't see her no more." But, I hear from the others she is doing alright. But they say she barely leave because the baby stay sick."
"Oh, I am sorry to hear that. How old is she now?"
"Prolly bout your age, baby." She is young, and married like you, but she married to a slave. He don't work at her plantation, he work at another one. She sees him once a month." Sue smiled. "I hear he a good man too."
Bonnie sat and listened and said little to few words. These women were filled with such profound lives, that Bonnie's own life, became a miniscule piece of the puzzle of the world she lived in. She realized how small she really was in these moments.
Sue was very talkative and loved to spend time talking with Bonnie because she reminded her of her own daughter. Mrs. Brown on the other hand, she was one to work, work, work and save chatter for her down time. She was already started on supper, and Bonnie helped her.
"Mrs Bonnie, now, you ain't got to help me. This my job."
"I know, but this used to be my job, and I have no problems with work. Please let me help you. I love having company to talk to."
Mrs Brown could tell Bonnie was a lonely girl. She could see the isolation all over her attitude. The second Bonnie met the two women she instantly clung to them and how much they reminded her of who she was on the inside.
"I'm not one to pry, but since I live here now too, I just want to know, how you got them bruises on your face?"
Bonnie remained quiet. She looked at the woman with the darker skin than her own, and the honest face and brown eyes. This woman had to be in her forties, but she looked youthful enough to drop ten years. She had her hair pinned back and she wore a black and white dress. Same as Sue, Damon must have wanted the servants in uniforms. They didn't wear uniforms at the boarding house.
"Umm…"
"Did your husband hit you?"
Bonnie remained quiet. She did not enjoy speaking against Damon.
"Listen, I have seen everything. I have seen it all. I am asking, because I want to know what kind of household I am coming into? I have spent three days with him, and he seemed pleasant enough. He also seemed to be very lonely." The woman said as her strong voice emanated a certain fear in Bonnie, yet a certain need to confide.
"This morning he asked me to give him space and I kept pressing the issue."
"What issue?"
"Another man kissed me."
"Kissed you?" She looked strangely at Bonnie.
"Yes, I did not return his kiss, but I did not tell my husband." Bonnie's head remained down.
"Well child, no sense in keeping your head down around me. I'm not gone judge you. I will say that, you as a married woman should not be alone with another man that has the opportunity to kiss you. It may not be right, that things change once we are married but it is how things are. It is a matter of respect. But, he should not hit you. I will talk to him about that."
"No. No, please do not talk to him about it." Bonnie pleaded with the woman.
"Listen to me, I have been married for twenty-two years, my husband hit me a few times, when we were younger. Then one day I retaliated and then he learned his lesson. He never touched me again."
"You husband hit you? You did not contemplate leaving him?"
"Do you want to leave, Bonnie?"
"I do. I wanted to run away, then I saw you and Sue and I felt some sort of relief. I can't explain it, but I felt like I wasn't alone anymore."
"You are not alone. I am here and so is Sue. We ain't going nowhere. Best paying Job I have ever had." She smiled.
"So why did your husband hit you? If you don't mind me prying?" Bonnie asked.
"He did not like the relationship I had with my Massa. I had a very personal relationship with him. I was younger. Then I got pregnant and had my son. But I got pregnant by my massa. My husband did not like that. He was not my husband at the time, but we were in love. I and my massa had been together longer than me and Mr. Brown. So when my boy came out half white, he was angry with me for months, and he took his anger out on me whenever he couldn't control it. I finally had enough of it. I told him he not gone hit me for baby being by my massa because in a way my massa been there for me much more than Mr. Brown back then. But, Mr. Brown married me and he took my son as his own, and my son has his last name. Not my massa's."
"Why did you do that?" Bonnie asked her with confusion.
"Because, the man who give me his last name should be the man who loves my son as I do, and that is the man who will raise him."
"Where is your son now?"
"He works at the Forbes plantation with his daddy. He too strong a boy to let go of. His daddy too."
"The Forbes Mister was your Master?" Bonnie asked.
"No, My Massa was John Gilbert. Shortly After I had my son, he sold me to the Forbes because his wife Lady of the house, Mrs. Isobel did not want to bear the idea of her husband having a negro baby. Or in her words a nigger child."
"What?" Bonnie gasped for absolute air and breath as she lost hers in that confession.
"The Gilbert's are your son's Family?"
"No. They ain't no family to my boy. My boy's daddy is Mr. Brown. The only daddy he need to know. I prefer to keep it that way."
"Wow. Well, I did not know negro men hit their wives. I guess, I do not know many negro men."
"Well baby, you been sheltered. This your problem. They done got you living in a house and only talking to other women house slaves. How you ever gonna know the ways of the world lesson you see it. You know more white folk than black folk."
Bonnie sat and listened, and just remained stunned.
"And yes, all men hit women, it don't matter what his skin color is. This is the way they use their power." Mrs. Brown was speaking as a matter-of-fact.
"How did you make Mr. Brown stop?"
"I bit his penis."
"Bonnie's mouth dropped she did not say a word. She covered her mouth with her hand and she couldn't believe her ears.
"I surely did one day he was being rough with me and I wasn't going to have it, and I did that, and told him next time I bite it off. My husband never laid one more finger on me. And that was twenty years ago." Mrs. Brown smiled for the first time the whole day. "I really do love my husband, he just needed a lesson to know that a wife is not a slave. Massa Gilbert never hit me, but, I didn't stick around long enough. Once Lady Gilbert sold me, I was glad to leave. I did not want to be his warm body at night any longer. I loved my husband too much."
Her words rang true and Bonnie's ears rang like she had just heard church bells go off.
"Bonnie, I am not telling you to bite your husband. Okay. After all I do not know him well enough yet. I can only tell you that life for a woman is hard, especially a black woman. We have to work ten times harder than any other man or woman, and it will more than not go unnoticed. Sometimes, we have to learn how to be our own strength. When the time is right to be strong, we can feel it in our bones. It just comes naturally."
Sue walks back in the room after doing some outside chores.
"Bonnie, I thought you was gone come feed the birds and fish?"
"I was, then I decided to help Mrs. Brown cook, if she'll let me." Bonnie smiled at the woman with the strong face and the beautiful skin that.
"Child, you not gone stop til I say yes, are you?"
Bonnie shook her head no.
"Fine come on now, I supposed a little help ain't never hurt nobody."
oOoXoOo
Stefan was supposed to meet Caroline today at her compound. After Damon's visit this morning, he was going to be visiting her with a black eye.
"Oh my Stefan Salvatore, what kind of trouble did you find yourself in Mr?" Caroline said with a girlish grin on her face.
"Eh, just a friendly conversation with my brother. Not big deal." He said.
"What could you have possibly done to your brother to make him beat you up the day after his wedding day?"
"Being in love with his bride."
Caroline really laughs. "You can't love another man's woman. You are being unfair to that woman. Because when her love may be unrequited for you, she may now have to deal with the idea of having dastardly thoughts and impure intentions and it wouldn't be her fault if you hadn't proposed the notions to her. Besides, she seems to be utterly smitten with your brother." She sips her tea and smiles a little.
Stefan gives her a look of disdain. "I loved her first. He refused my courtship to her, because she was his slave. Then he made his move."
"Still, you can't do such things Stefan."
"Says the woman, who wants to pretend marry me, so she can be happy with her slave."
"Yes, but I am upfront and honest with you about it all. Since you and I do not have feelings for each other it is a perfect plan."
She was brilliant, Stefan thought. "Yeah, well, I have learned my lesson." So I guess I am supposed to meet Jesse today?"
"Yes, he is finishing up some tasking my father gave him."
"If we are to Marry, eventually, how do you propose getting Jesse away from this compound?"
"That I am not sure of. I shall figure it out with my accomplice though." She looks to him for agreement.
"Well, we shall see." He looks to her, with his bruised face and grins.
~xXxXx~
Bonnie and Mrs. Brown finished cooking. She set the table for she and Damon and she waited for his return. He did not come home in time for supper. She invited Both Mrs. Brown and Sue to eat with her. She was quite pleased to be having conversations with other people. People she had not known most of her life. It felt eye-opening and relieving.
When Supper was done, Bonnie tried helping Mrs. Brown with her clean up. After all, Bonnie had done it all of her life. Bonnie was trying to find comfort in her new lifestyle, and somehow she couldn't. She literally felt as though she was betraying Mrs. Brown and Sue for allowing them to do a job she was capable of. They both suggested Bonnie go up to her room and relax, as she helped them with every single chore for the day.
She sat in her room anxious and lonely.
As she looked at the spoils surrounding her she just had to ponder why her life as a black slave was different from the others. She remembers getting whoopings. She remembers getting punished, but the stories she heard today from Mrs. Brown and Sue were almost unbearable. Her and Damon's problems seemed so meek in comparison to the darkness all around her. But she knew she and Damon had problems and that they alone had to fix them.
Right when she gets lost in her thoughts, Damon walks through their bedroom door. He barely looks at her. She watches his every movement. He undressed and readied himself for a bath, which Bonnie began to draw for him. Once it was ready he called to her.
"Take your clothes off wife. Bathe with me." He was still cold and heartless towards her. He barely looked at her.
"Bonnie took her clothing off and walked into the bathroom with her husband. She stepped inside of the warm water with him and sat across from him. He looked at her for minutes with no words. She slowly tensed up and held her breast with wrapped arms. She felt uncomfortable under his gaze. Eventually he turned her body away from his so he would stop looking at her. When she did this he slowly pulled behind her in the bath tub and turned her all of the way against him. He bent her over the tub with her arms hanging over the top. He positioned himself and spread her legs. He entered from behind and proceeded to use her body for his own needs.
He was not rough this time, nor was he aggressive, but he was not loving and he was cold. He didn't kiss her, he just had sex with her. He remained gentle, realizing she was still so fragile, but he could not look her in the face. She wanted to fight the fact that it felt good, but she could not. She was still reacting to him, and he knew it. He loved making her wet, and he loved that only he had ever done it.
His thrusts were slow and steady. His face lingered in the crease of her neck and shoulder and she was getting excited just feeling his breaths on her skin. Her breathing became strong, and she released before he did. She was trying to come down from her high and he was still going. He went for a while and her body was feeling every nerve ending reignite as she was coming to another heated peak. This time her body could not control it and she began to shake like the night before. He held her in place, pleasing her with his torturous thrusts. Her peak lasted longer and he was relentless.
She was ready to rest, her body was tired and she wanted to sleep.
He took her out of the bath and reignited her heat among other things for the rest of the night. Bonnie and Damon connected the one way that was new to them. Through sex. They were compatible that way, they didn't have to speak. They didn't speak. He wouldn't allow it, because he still felt betrayed. When she awoke in the morning, he was gone. She lay in their bed, and cried. She felt alone in her marriage. When she got herself ready for the day, she spent it with Mrs. Brown and Sue. She did chores with them and talked more to them. Listened to their stories and was able to find laughter and reason.
For the first time in many years, Bonnie felt like she related to someone. She felt like her struggles and her pain, and even her joys were matched by these two older women who were servants of the house household. She confided in them about Damon. The only other person she confided about Damon was Stefan, and that relationship was probably never going to be the same.
"So how is your Madam and you old Massa taking with you being married to their son?"
"Well, I am very close with Lily. She is the only mom I have ever known. She is the reason I left the Manor last week. She wanted our Union to be blessed as much as I did. And Giuseppe, well, he love me, but don't agree with our marriage. One of the servants at the boarding house over heard a conversation that Giuseppe had with Lily about an arranged marriage for Damon."
"Do you think they truly love you?"
"I do most days. Because I have seen how much they have all changed since I have been in the boarding house. But sometimes I wonder if they sheltered me so much it messed up my views of the world?"
"Well, in a way they kept you from the pain of the outside world to protect you. But it ended up making you feel their own darkness's. Shielding you from one pain doesn't ensure you won't have another."
"Once Damon got home from school, Giuseppe stopped whooping me. Then Damon was left to my discipline." Bonnie looked down.
"You look sad, is it because he has disciplined you?"
"Well he never disciplined me until he came from school. You know, they taught them how to handle their slaves, and he was taught to be the way he is now. He did not do these things before he left for school, and war."
"Those are two things that are liable to change a way of thinking. You know you have had a pretty sheltered life. Even by way of discipline, I have seen slaved killed for disobedience"
"Slaves are killed for being disobedient? that is horrific."
"Yea, but we got no choices, but to listen. Be obedient."
"Sometimes I wonder if my birth mother was killed, because she never came back for my sister and me."
"No. You can't think that way. Sometimes children are taken from their momma's with no choice."
"Do you think that is what happened to my sister and me?"
"I don't know." Mrs. brown said and reached over and held Bonnie. She could see Bonnie's questions and pain went farther than her husband, it went to the Salvatores, the separation of her sister and her from her own mother, and all around the need for unconditional love. So Mrs. Brown would hug her and hold her and be anything she needed in that moment.
"I think your husband tries to show restraint but he battles with his own mind. I don't think he wants to hurt you. But… He needs to learn to be stronger than the voice in his head. And he needs to learn to control that poison in his body. It ain't nothing but the devil that alcohol."
When Bonnie listened to Mrs. Brown speak she always felt as though she were in church. She felt like God sent her a messenger in the form of Mrs. Brown and in that she found peace with her daily life.
Damon has arrived home and Mrs. Brown told Bonnie to go to her husband. "I am afraid he will just stare at me again, and not speak to me."
"Your husband is hurting Bonnie. Sometimes we need to love them when they do not love themselves."
Damon walks into the kitchen and sees Bonnie and Mrs. Brown. "Evenin' Mrs. Brown. Bonnie."
He says to them both. "Where is Sue? I need to know if she finished the wash?"
"She is finishing it up as we speak." Bonnie said. He looks at her in a lingering way and she looks down. Mrs. Brown lifts Bonnie's chin.
"Evenin Mr. Salvatore. Sir, May I have a word with you?"
"Surely, ma'am." He says with a smile Bonnie has not seen in weeks
"Bonnie, please wait for me in the bedroom." He orders her.
"Sir, your wife gets lonesome at home, and she tends to every chore with Sue and me. She stays busy from the moment you leave til you get home. She really misses her job at the village she has said to me."
"Yes, well, I cannot trust her, so I think she needs to stay home."
"I don't want to intrude, but Sir, I seen how lonely you was those days leading up to the wedding day, you can't go on punishing her like this. She should be working like she was. She is a good woman, and she loves what she does. You do not want to change the core of her. She will be bitter towards you."
"She is spoiled. She has everything she needs here."
"Sir. She is lonely."
Damon looks to the woman talking to him. "Thank you for finishing supper. I shall be down shortly."
"Yes Sir."
Damon retrieves his wife and they eat dinner together. Quietly, but together. When they finish eating they retreat to their bedroom. Damon decides against bathing with Bonnie. They bathe separately and they do not make love to one another. Somehow, tonight Bonnie was yearning for his touch. She was aching for him to touch her. Instead he went to bed. She was crying on the inside.
~OoxoO~
Bonnie was surprised to be awaken by Damon the next day to get ready for work. He took her with him to the village and she felt such pleasure in the idea that she would be back with her students.
They welcomed her openly and receptively. She returned with some saddened news to find that some of her students were sent back to France, with no chance of retrieving citizenship here. Her classes were shortened but it helped her to realize she wanted to do somethings with her education. She was realizing that with the days she didn't come to the marketplace, she could educate slaves. When she discovered most slaves could not read what-so-ever, she hated knowing she was a pillar in her community and of no service to them. She would bring it up to Damon later, but for now she had to formulate a plane for free education to the slaves.
A couple of weeks later…
"Damon may I have a word with you?" Bonnie approached Damon in his office at the Market Place.
"Yes, what is it Birdie?" He was finally calling her Birdie again.
"I was thinking, since I only come to the Market place three days a week right now, maybe I can use the other days of the work week to teach slaves how to read. I know you are thinking it is a terrible idea, but just hear me. I will educate them freely. I can go to the negro church, and use the building to house small classes."
"Bonnie, what are you thinking? Do you want the towns people to cause an uproar?"
"No, but how good is a slave without an education when they tend to the whole needs of a house hold? Slaves go to markets, they can barely read prices and ingredients. Slaves have to make logical business decisions, as I have. I do not know how I would have gotten by if I never had my education."
"Bonnie, it was different with you, we-"
"Sheltered me! I walk around thinking I am normal, only to find out I am different." She raises her voice. "Not only am I different from you and the Salvatores, but I am different from slaves. I barely fit in this society my husband. I am just some entertaining negro who speaks French. Here to amuse these townspeople. The only ones who never make me feel left out are the French immigrants. They have accepted me from the beginning." She yells at him.
"How dare you raise your voice at me, Birdie, who the hell do you think you are talking to?"
"I am sorry. I am angry. I am a black woman, raised at the hands of white people, married to a rich man, and I have servants? This is not normal Damon. Slaves will not accept me, and whites will not accept me. You all did this to me!" She says crying.
"Did Mrs. Brown and Sue say something to upset you or hurt your feelings?"
"No, they have been very loving towards me. But through them I am learning more than enough to know what I am to be faced with. Virginia is a terrible place to live."
"Birdie, you are asking me to stir the pot in a town where people do not accept change freely."
"I am asking you, to give your wife, a fighting chance to make some changes."
"Why do you always have to help people? Why can't you just be my wife and be happy?"
"Because Damon, you are a white man, in a white man's world, and if I do not do my part, I am your nigger wife, sat on the shelf to look pretty and make babies!"
He stands up instantly and grits his teeth. "Watch your mouth!"
Damon, hated such words as Nigger, he never used that word. He preferred negro, and even then he was careful about the way he spoke. The way they sheltered Bonnie, his entire world changes to cater to this human being. The town they lived in was filled with people and their basic ideals of white supremacy, and black inferiority. He knew such a world would destroy that light inside of Bonnie, how they managed to maintain her light, was by sheltering her from the evil in the world. It was not common, but there did exist white people, who felt compassion for the cruel worlds they lived in, and people in general who treated their servants differently. The Salvatores were one of those families.
"No, they do not know we are married, do they? The townspeople? I'm just your nigger, right?"
"Stop this instant." He yells at her wanting to shake her sense back.
"No. I will not. You married me to appease me. You married me to keep me to yourself, but no one knows you have a negro for a wife, Damon! I'm a filthy secret. Like all of the bastard half white babies and slaves."
Damon slaps Bonnie across her face to shut her up.
She cries angrily, "It's true then, isn't it? Even you treat me like a slave when you don't think you do."
He tries gathering his breath, "Birdie…"
She speaks quietly, "Did you know Mrs. Brown, had a baby with a white man, and he think his father is a slave. But his father is a white man?"
"It happens sometimes Birdie."
"Is it going to happen to us? Am I going to have your unclaimed child? Sitting at home and locked in the rooms when you have company to entertain?"
"Where is this coming from? I have never treated you as someone I have to hide."
"You hide me at the Manor of Haven point, we are husband and wife at home."
"That is all that matters. The state of Virginia will not recognize our marriage. This is true. And I am sorry Birdie, but I cannot change the law. But God recognizes our union. Ask the minister who married us, God recognizes us, who cares about the state of Virginia. God should be all that matter to us, our union is blessed by God."
"I have no idea what the world really thinks of me, because you have kept me tucked away like a doll. You and Lily. Other than the French Market place, I have not seen much. And I thought I had seen it all. I have been deceived."
"Birdie, I have not deceived you, I have protected you."
"But you have, isolating me and not letting other men talk to me."
"Of course I forbid you having friendships with men. I cannot trust you. You lied to me."
"No, I didn't tell you, because it meant nothing to me."
"Birdie I am not going to talk about you kissing Stefan. I am not over that. I also cannot answer your other accusations right now, because it is so much more to it all than you can really comprehend. I can only give you one thing you are asking me for right now. I will say this, if you can get at least ten students. I will grant you your request. I will even fund your tools, but do not cause a stir in the town Birdie." He says with a stern face.
"Right. A negro with an education? All along I thought I was being normal, when actually I am as different as they come." She gives him a pained look.
"This world doesn't see you the way I do. The world is not fortunate as I, to know you and love you. I am blessed just by having you to know me."
She smiled half-heartedly. He gave her what she wanted materially. He substituted for his lack of emotional support. He was having a hard time opening up to his wife after she withheld information from him about Stefan. Bonnie walked to Damon and kissed him and thanked him, forgetting how detached he had made himself from her.
"I'm sorry. I forgot." She backed away slowly. "Thank you." She said once more.
"You don't ever have to apologize for kissing me, Little wife." He said to her with a smirk, simply because watching her smile, made him happy deep in his soul. He lived for the moments she smiled.
When they went home later that night, Bonnie had gotten into a routine with her husband since going back to the market place. They would eat supper together; she would spend time with Mrs. Brown and Sue while Damon finished up work in his home office. They would go upstairs and bath together. Though they had not been intimate since the day after they got married.
As important as intimacy was for Damon, before they got married, some how he felt against it. He had not felt secure enough with Bonnie. Something in him, and in the two of them as a couple was broken. Tonight, he crawled in bed behind his wife, and held her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly. "I am sorry. "
"What?" Bonnie asked of him.
"The day I found Stefan's letter, I hit you, out of lack of control. That morning, I had not slept all night. I found that poem and read it. I drank some whiskey because I was so angry. When I confronted you, I tried to tell you to get away but you did not listen to me. I did not want to hit you and I did. I am sorry."
She said nothing to him.
She lay and tears fall from her eyes. Her cheek became soaked in her tears. She had become some acquainted with crying silently, she thought he didn't know.
"Please don't cry, I don't deserve your tears." He said.
Bonnie wanted to feel Damon inside of her. He made her wait for his touch for two weeks. She just wanted to feel him all over. She turned to him and began kissing him. He tried kissing her back, he thought he might be ready but the more she kissed him the more he saw her and Stefan.
"I can't Bonnie. I am sorry. I cannot, without seeing my brother."
"Damon, he is nothing but kin to me. I do not see Stefan in such a manner."
"I want to Bonnie, I do." He tried convincing himself.
"Then do it. Touch me."
He pulled away from her. Bonnie slapped him, and became angry. "You torture me. You have tortured me since you have been home from school. Touching me, wanting me, needing my body, or so you say. We have been married for weeks and We have not touched since."
"You betrayed me, Bonnie. "
"I did not betray you. I did not kiss your brother."
"That wasn't the betrayal, Bonnie. The betrayal was not telling me about it. Keeping it from me."
"Now you see why. Because you have over-reacted. There is enough against us my husband, we have to be on the same side. I have never seen you so broken."
"Because, you broke my heart Bonnie! You hurt me, by sharing this relationship of yours and my brothers and being secretive. You and Stefan are very secretive. It is maddening. Walking in on you in the school house telling him to keep a secret, the touches, and hugs and coy smiles. You may not see it, but I see it Bonnie. You are in love with Stefan! I feel it in my heart. Until you can get over it. I will not touch you in such a way, I can barely look at you."
"This is untrue. Damon."
"No, a man knows when his wife has feelings for another. Part of me wants to just let you go. Let you go and see what it is you really want. Then I realize that if Stefan is what you really want, I would probably lose my mind. But I give up Birdie. I give up, go to him. I can't take it any longer. I can't keep you here, if you are unhappy. I refuse to be the reason you are unhappy if all I want to do is make you happy every day of my life."
"Damon, what are you saying?"
"Leave. Birdie. Go to the boarding house. I cannot give you what you need."
"I won't leave you. I won't."
"I am not asking you. I'm telling you."
She walks to his liquor cabinet in their bedroom and she takes in the whiskey like it is water, and she gags on the disgusting taste of it, but it worked for Damon, so she just knows it will work for her. Bonnie in her desperation starts undressing her husband, she rips at his clothes and decides she will take charge because she is tired of him making all of the choices on their intimacy. She pulls her robe off and she uses every muscle she has to force his natural aggressive side out of him.
"Stop. You don't want this."
"Don't tell me what I want, I want you."
She kisses him all over. She tries taking his mouth in a kiss and he pulls away, but turns her over and he lays her on her stomach. He crawls behind her and spreads her legs. Removing his own clothes, puts both hands on her cheeks and spreads her so he can enter her.
"This is what you want? You want me to touch you while I am angry?"
Bonnie was just anticipating his touch, she missed him she wanted him to touch her. She panted and moaned, and pulled him into her, and as she anticipated him he made her wait. "What do you want from me, huh?"
"I want you to be my husband, touch me."
"Where?"
"Here." She says touching herself.
"You want me to touch you?"
"Yes."
"Beg."
"No. I will not beg you."
"Then I won't touch you." He got off of her.
"You are unforgiving." He said nothing, but put his clothes back on.
"Tell me this Bonnie, what did you feel when Stefan kissed you?"
Bonnie should have thought twice about answering this question but she went with the first words to exit her mouth, which were the first words that came to mind, which was the truth.
"Confusion."
"Confusion? I have never felt confused about loving another, while I love you. This world doesn't even permit me to love you, and I do. Without question. I am not perfect, but there is never a question in this world about who I love."
"I am not perfect Damon, and neither are you. You tried to take me against my will before we got married. You hurt me too. You are not the only one hurting."
He just looks at her.
"My husband I am not perfect, but I only love you. So I guess I will ask again, please touch me."
"Why?"
"Because I need your touch. You have awakened my desires on our wedding night, and now I have the need to be close to you."
Damon decides to oblige his wife. He again turns her body over to her stomach, and although he cannot bear the thought of fucking her in such a disconnected way, he can't control his hurt from her betrayal.
He spreads her legs roughly, and places himself at her entrance. He uses his hands to spread her and without warning he thrusts into her. He pounds into her hard for a few minutes, thrusting and being aggressively rough.
"You shall never know the touch of another man! Your body belongs to me." He says angrily, as he penetrates her so deeply, to the point she can't move. He moves his hand around and rubs her sensitive bud to the point she feels increased pleasure. Making her body yearn for him, and his touches. Being inside of her, makes him feel better, makes her feel better, but they are both still lost in each other's minds. Not knowing what the other one is truly feeling. He brings her to her release and decides he is unfinished with her.
He pulls out of her, and flips her on to her back. He looks at the mouth that Stefan kissed, and he covered it with his hands refusing to allow her to kiss him. He covered her mouth tightly and put his head down, not looking at her as he thrusts himself into her. Push after push, he gave her the anger he felt, from her betrayal. He did not want to be this way with her, he did not want to be angry, but the burning image stayed in his head. The dark image was burned inside of him and the worse part of the picture he sees in his head, is he had to imagine it, so he was probably imagining it worse than it was.
She tried pulling his hand off of her mouth to which he put both of her hands above her head. She tried wiggling out of his grasp, so that she could take control and he would not allow it. He was going to control it, and she was going to take it. "Your body belongs to me, wife. Til your last days."
She closed her eyes, and gave up on trying to get him to look at her. Damon became the darkness. He was surrounded in it. She allowed the darkness to engulf her and she swallowed every loving word she wanted to feel and instead formulated words of peace in her own mind to keep her from hating him for being so cold-hearted. He grunted, and pushed and used her in the most selfish way. She realized he would not look at her adoringly as he did on their wedding night. All he would see is Stefan. She wanted it to all be over, the nightmare of their problems that involved Stefan. She wanted it to go away after he gave in and gave her his body, in the most selfish way he could. Not letting her speak, and not letting her look at him. When he was finished he went into the bathroom and he cried. He cried like a man who lost is way.
Damon knew he loved Bonnie with everything in him, but he did not know how to love her the way she needed to be loved. He knew Bonnie was his light, all she ever asked him was not to make her like him. Not to take her light away. Slowly he felt himself pulling her into his darkness. Bonnie was the only thing good in Damon's world, and he knew he had to protect her from him for a while. He needed to keep her safe. On the spectrum of their love, he needed to keep her on the good side.
Society did not want him to love her, Stefan saturated their union, and he knew it was not her fault. But he knew the only way to heal her was to let her be a woman without him. After he cries alone, he walks to her and offers her his peace.
"Sometimes I look at you and wonder how much we may have messed up by sheltering you. I realize you are a woman of a unique background and status. Not quite free, not quite a slave. You deserve a chance to see what it is like without, Lily, Stefan and me."
Bonnie felt some cold-hearted feelings towards Damon when he spoke to her. She doesn't have energy to argue. "What are you saying?"
He cries again. His love for her is so deep, he pains having to speak to her as if he has to let her go. The thought of letting her go, literally makes him want to die, and on the inside, he is dying.
"I am a selfish man. I always will be. I do not think I am capable of changing when it comes to you. I want you to myself, and I won't apologize for loving you, the way I love you, to anybody. Not one got damn soul. My way of loving you is not delicate like it was when you were a child, because my fear for losing you and need for protecting you in the God awful world make me love you so intensely. I cannot bear the thought of losing you, in any way."
"Damon…" She reaches to him.
"Shhh. I'm tired, and you are too. Let's get some sleep." He turns her over and holds her for the first time and a while, and for what would be the last time for a while.
Bonnie had that feeling in the pit of her stomach and she could barely sleep. It took her hours to sleep where as he fell asleep instantly. She tossed and turned for hours, and when she finally fell asleep, she slept heavily. She woke up to an empty bed. A letter left near her vanity. Few words were written.
My Sweet Birdie,
A Business opportunity has arisen. I have no words on how long I will be away. I will return when things are legitimized.
With Sincerest Love, Your husband.
Bonnie sat there stunned. He left without a word, and there was no mention of a return date.
At first she sat and cried. Her heart broke instantly. Then she got angry. She had never felt such anger in her life.
In his own way Damon is giving her space, no matter how much it hurts him to be separated from her, he feels himself getting worse, and he battles himself with her. He loves her, truly loves her, and he knows as long as he is around, he will cloud her judgement. He sees how these two new servants are helping her to see things differently, and since he sheltered her, he can't show her the world from a slaves POV or a negro POV, so he does what he thinks is best for her right now. Allows her to see the world without him, so she can understand how to be stronger.