Katniss
I can't wait for my shift to begin, I really need some time by myself and as pathetic as it may sound, the walk to and from the bar will help me clear my thoughts. This house is too crowded to think. Or maybe he will join me again and we can clear the air, I'm dreading having to talk about what happened but I also hate to see him so flustered and shy.
I thought we were pass that already and I don't want to walk backwards with Peeta.
Peeta's drunken confession made me laugh, yes, but he was so cute flirting with me. He also made me feel anxious filling my belly with butterflies I don't understand. I've never being this awkward around guys, probably because I only think of them as friends, well, not anymore apparently.
He is a really nice, easy-going guy, he is always laughing or making someone laugh, he is smart, and his good looks don't hurt either. He is handsome, with strong arms and broad shoulders, and every time he uses tight pants just makes me want to squeeze his butt.
But I'm not ready.
In case that what he said its true and he likes me, we still have the Glimmer issue over our heads…and Gale's. They're not out of my life yet. I'm not ready to trust. They were my friends too, and their betrayal still hurts.
But sleep with him was something else…
I don't think I'd fit that way with Gale, he always tried to hug me after sex but he was so warm that I just get suffocated and push him away.
Yesterday was different. I couldn't get closer enough to him, I wanted to feel him, breathe him.
When he start pushing against my backside in the morning I couldn't stop the gasp to leave my mouth, I was surprised but aroused too. He was so ashamed and I hated myself for not being able to control the sounds I made because maybe he wouldn't have stopped otherwise.
I'm pulled out of my reverie when I hear some argument between Cato and Finn, they're so loud. Life with the boys is never quiet, that's something I love about been here. They are always playing or competing, even fighting, but it's always fun.
I'm about to go upstairs to change when someone knocks at the door. I'm the closest one so I come to open.
The red-haired mad on the other side surprises me "Darius? Hi, what are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry to show up like this but your phone is off and I really wanted to see you." He answers sheepishly.
"It's everything alright?" I ask kind of worried.
"Yes, I just, um, I really enjoyed yesterday and I know I'm been pushy but like I said, wanted to see you again."
"Oh." I can't come up with anything smart to answer "I must have forgotten to charge my phone. Sorry, but I have to work today."
"Yeah I know, Tresh told me. I would love to keep you company, what do you say?" I turn to see Thresh accusingly. He turns away quickly.
I was kind of hoping Peeta will join me today, or have some time alone, now …Fuck.
"Okay," I answer unconvinced, not wanting to be rude. "Um, I was going to change."
"I can wait." He says hurriedly.
"Um, come in. I won't take long." I make room for him to enter, leading him to the couch where he starts to say hi to everyone and I hurry to my room, avoiding at all cost to look in Peeta's direction.
I change to the black ask-the- bartender - t-shirt for the bar, still in my yoga pants when a persistent knock at the door startles me, I'm coming but he keeps knocking. What the hell? "Jeez, I'm coming"
I open the door, angry at whoever is on the other side when a strong pair of hands cups my face. A pair of eyes like the sky with pupils dilated, stares at me with determination, he takes a deep, quick breath and presses his lips against mine, roughly, not giving me time to react. I don't know what's going on or what should I do but the warmness of his lips and his strong hands cloud my judgment and I feel myself closing my eyes and melting to his kiss. His tongue is insisting so much that I open my mouth for her, he grunts, walking me backwards. The back of my knees hit the mattress of my bed and I grab his arms for leverage. They are so strong and big and he tastes so good that I'm melting all over again.
His hand travels to my lower back pressing me to him, and I feel his erection, I wasn't able to stop thinking about it since this morning so the feel of him again against my body makes me moan loudly and I start to feel something aching in my lower abdomen, I want more of him.
Maybe he can hear my thoughts because he pushes me down on my bed but I start to panic. My mind begins to work again. What are we doing? Why?
"Peeta." He grunts again. Why does he make this so hard?
"Stop Peeta. Please." He releases me immediately. Panting hard, I am too.
"I'm sorry," he is trying to control his breathing. God he is breathtaking like this. "I'm sorry Katniss, I shouldn't have…" I detect the hurt on his face, and his confused stare, well I'm hurt too.
This is the second time he regrets something like this with me. "Well, if you keep regretting this you shouldn't keep doing it." I tell him, feeling the blush on my face and the anger in my words.
"Regret? Oh, no Katniss, I have no regrets for this, not one. I just..."
"So why you keep saying you're sorry?" I fold my arms over my chest.
"Well, I didn't exactly ask for your permission and you did stop me right?"Peeta looks up at me with burning eyes.
"Yeah, because I don't know what we're doing and whatever it is we're doing it too fast."I mumble.
He stares at me intently for a few seconds, and then he must have decided something because he takes a deep breath "I like you, like, really, really like you. Probably more than that. And I don't know what I'm doing because am such an idiot when I'm around you but I couldn't stand that after what happened between us yesterday you will go out with him again. I wasn't thinking straight I just had to stop it somehow."
I can't stop the corners of my mouth to lift "Are you jealous?"
He laughs softly "Guilty. If you want me to be more accurate, I'm fuming about it. Can I kick him out?"
"No."I almost shout at him.
"Why?" He pouts, he looks so cute like this.
"Peeta I'm not ready to date."
"What's that supposed to mean, you go out on a date with him last night." He asks with resentment.
"I don't like him enough, it wouldn't be serious with him."
"What does that even mean…" and smiling cocky says "Wait, are you saying you do like me enough?"
"Don't look so proud of yourself." I say petulantly.
"Well, I am." He cups my face again and begins to close the distance between us but I press his chest with my hand to stop him.
"Peeta." I warn.
"What? God! Just let me kiss you," he whines.
"I'm sorry am not ready."I say sadly.
"But you're ready for him?" he snaps.
"Come on, don't be like that. I don't know if you listen to anything that happened before but he just showed up, I didn't invite him."
"But you go out on a date yesterday, and you kissed him!" His jaw is clenched and his hands pinching into fists, I don't want him to feel like this so I take a deep breath and try to explain myself.
"First of all, he kissed me, and…Peeta, I'm not good with words." I sigh. "I like you, I really think I do. And how could I not? You're so handsome and smart and sweet. You seem to be a really nice guy and a good friend but I've been there before. I haven't healed yet and honestly, I don't want to expose my heart again."
"I'm not like him." He says firmly.
"You aren't?"
"Why do you doubt me?" He asks sadly.
"For starters you are with the same girl he was with."
"I'm not with her anymore. I never was actually, I'm not proud to say this but it was just one night, you have to believe me."
"That's exactly what he said after I caught him with her, you know?"
"Katniss I'm telling the truth, it only happened once, after I saw you that day I couldn't spare a second look to anyone else, I swear."
"Peeta, I'm not saying that you are like him, but Gale and I were best friends, I thought I knew him like the back of my palm and look how it ended. I'm not ready to trust again and I'm not sure I'll ever be."
He hangs his head low. "I care about you, I had a crush on you since we were kids, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you again. No one has made a lasting impression like you did. Katniss, if you'll give me a chance with you, a single opportunity I promise you I'll never waist it. I'm not like him, I swear it."
I hold back tears, I hate that he does this to me. I wish to say yes but I can't do this again, I already ruin a friendship once.
"Give me a chance," he begs "we won't date yet, I will show you that you can trust me, and we'll go slow, as slow as you need. I promise. I will never hurt you."
I've been through enough to know that words sometimes mean anything; it's the intensity behind his eyes and the firmness on his statement what weakens my resolution "Let me think about it."
"Of course." He smiles so wide that his face must be hurting, next thing I know he is hugging me hard "Thank you."
When he is at the door he turns again "Katniss?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you still going out with him today?" he asks in a small voice.
"Yes." His face fell and nods resigned. I feel bad for making him feel like this.
"I'll go to work, I'll talk to Darius, I'll tell him am not interested and then I will come to you." His eyes light up nodding again, closing the door behind him.
Thanks to Jgllove113 for being back and for her help in this chapter. I will be extra nice so she wants to stay for the rest of my story. ;) And thank you all for reading, favorite and reviewing, means a lot!