It took three weeks for Merlins leg to fully heal. During the first week Merlin learned how much his leg could hurt before he would have to be worried of the wound opening again. He changed the bandage two times, but he only had that much bandages. He briefly thought of stealing more the next monday, but he was sure that someone would notice if he took too much and he was too scared of the possibility of getting caught. Besides, when the monday finally came, his leg was healed enough that it wouldn't bleed anymore if he didn't stretch it purposefully really far, so he didn't really need the bandage that much that he would have taken the risk. At least not right now.
Uther had left him surprisingly alone. On wednesday he had taken hold of Merlins tight making Merlin yelp in pain. To his surprise Uther had actually let go and asked for an explanation. Merlin had made up a story of falling and hitting his leg (was that even possible, he wasn't sure…). Uther had been displeased, but hadn't touched Merlins tight many days after that.
After that week Huniths internship ended and she would be back to the regular school schedule. She was happy to be more home and Merlin was too. At first it almost seemed that Uther would really let him be now that his mother was home, but it only took five days for Uther to come to Merlins room just before midnight. He made Merlin sit on the floor and suck him off while he sat on the edge of Merlins bed. Merlins leg stretched and he was so tense that the wound cracked open partially. When he felt the rip, his jaw tightened and his teeth scratched Uther. Uther made a displeased sound and he had already pulled Merlin up roughly pushing him to the bed, when he saw the red staining Merlins thin pyjama pants.
There was a short silence and Uthers expression was weird. Merlin watched him very intently and he saw Uthers face change to a disgusted one again. He hadn't asked what was wrong with Merlins leg or why and Merlin was sure that he didn't care either way, but he had once more pulled Merlin from his hair to the floor and even if Merlins scalp was burning even after he had stopped vomiting, he felt relieved that Uther hadn't entered him. Now he was actually clad that he had cut himself.
Gwen and Lance seemed to get closer. Merlin had noticed how Gwen was in high spirits very often and when he saw Gwen chatting with Lance after lunch the first time, he knew why. His mood was made worse by this. First of all he was still cautious of Lance even if he was quite sure he had over reacted and he still felt shame for saying such horrible things to Lance. Second, he felt a bit jealous that Lance could make Gwen so happy with few sentences, he wanted to make Gwen smile and happy too. Of course things were entirely different with his and Lances standings in Gwens life, but Merlin only had Gwen and he feared that Lance could replace the little time Merlin could spend with Gwen. Feeling jealous of course made him feel like a lousy friend.
Only when Gwen had chatted to him almost whole lunch one day about what Lance had said to her and so on and so fort, had she said something that made Merlin regret every negative feeling he had had on the theme. "Thank you so much Merlin, for listening to my rambling. You are really the only one I can talk about these kind of things…" That had made Merlins day and he had even squeezed Gwens hand briefly on the table smiling brightly at her. Yeah, he was Gwens friend and even if she got herself a boyfriend, it was not like she would have to forget that Merlin existed. He had been stupid and selfish again.
On the way home when Uthers hand was in his pants once again, Merlin wondered if he was even worth Gwens time really.
Gwen was slightly worried. Merlin had been acting weird. Weirder than normally. He had seemed like he was hurting or sick or something, but he had refused to admit anything like that to Gwen. Even Lance had asked Gwen if Merlin was alright and Gwen didn't like that. Lance had seemed a bit uncomfortable and when Gwen had asked if Lance had some reason he asked this (Gwens loyalty was still strictly on Merlins side and she wouldn't want to tell about her worries before she knew what was going on and what Merlin wanted to do), Lance had looked even more uncomfortable and he had asked if Merlin had said anything about him. Gwen had been very surprised to hear that and she had needed a moment to think before replying that she had only heard Merlin say positive things about Lance. She blushed a bit confessing this and Lance had looked at her surprise written all over his face. This had made Gwen wonder if Merlin had actually something against Lance he hadn't shared with her.
After Lance had needed to go and Gwen had sat down with Merlin, she had looked at Merlin very carefully while talking about Lance. She started to see it now. Merlin was in a bad mood and mentioning Lance seemed to put him into a worse mood by the second. Gwen faltered a bit with her words and then it hit her, she had been talking about Lance and made Merlin wait for her in the table many days now. She was so happy that she could share these kind of things so naturally with Merlin that she had completely forgot to tell that to Merlin who seemed grumpy, but not in a way that he was angry at Gwen or that he was bored, more like jealous.
She made extra sure that her words couldn't been mistaken as anything else than appreciation and the change in Merlin had been immediate. He had even squeezed Gwens hand, something that made Gwen happy because Merlin rarely did things like that. Not to her or anyone else. Not even Arthur and Gwen could see how close they were.
While walking to the schools library to do her homework where she usually waited for Elyans practice to be over so she could get a ride home, Gwen smiled at herself. She was so fortunate to have found a friend like Merlin. She didn't get along very well with these rich girls, they were too busy of talking what kind of whatever their daddies had bought them this time and fashion and the tone most of the girls spoke about boys just wasn't very fun for Gwen. Merlin was different and while she had gotten a crush on him at one point, it had been replaced by something stronger and more definite. Friendship, a true friendship.
Even if at some point Gwen had also wondered if Merlin could have a crush on her making it all awkward, Merlin had proved that that was not the case. Gwen laughed a little not caring if someone thought she was weird. Merlin really was something. She could see his happy expression after she had thanked him today. No boy with crush would act like that and Gwen felt that their friendship was somehow unique for there was not many boy and girl pair that could keep stuff like love and lust out of their relationship. The fact the she had gotten a crush on Merlin didn't count. She had barely known Merlin then. Gwen sighed when she reached the library. She didn't have much work to do and still she was stuck here for as long as it took for Elyan to finnish. Like every day. She wished that Merlin could stay with her someday and that Gwen could see him smile more. He didn't do that nearly often enough.
Arthur was lost. He couldn't stop himself from recalling fondly every little thing Merlin did or said. And when he smiled… something was just right in Arthurs universe. After listening boys in his class and his team mates go on and on about girls and crushes and what not for God knows how many years, Arthur wasn't clueless. He knew that this kind of obsession was closer to what normal people had towards girls their age, not for ones step brothers!
For a while Arthur had tried to pay a little bit more attention to what people were talking about the theme, but seriously while someone told about how some porn star had 'huge melons' or how they had seen a 'fine piece of ass' Arthur couldn't care less. He never had, but now he felt he was different from the rest much stronger that he ever had before. He had always been busy and he had just thought that he didn't have time for idling around like that, but now he was busier than ever, but he still seemed to have all the time in the world to try and make Merlin smile at him or even just to sit closer than an arms length from him.
The last one was much harder than it sounded. Arthur had given up totally on trying to just hug Merlin and see if he would get over his obsession. He wasn't sure what Merlin would do if he even tried and actually… these feelings didn't seem so bad. He enjoyed Merlins company and alright, when he wasn't around, Arthur did feel a bit empty, but he could still concentrate and actually he found some new energy on the things he did. Especially if he knew Merlin would find out about them or if he was present. For example when he got full marks on a pop quiz in biology, just seeing Merlin notice it made all the trouble for reading his home works with thought all worth the trouble.
It was just… that sometimes Arthur felt these sudden impulses to touch Merlin when he was near. Like if he was sitting next to him in class, he wanted to reach for his shoulder or if his hand was on the table he wanted to take a hold of it. And his hair… That was like the most bizarre feeling Arthur had ever had in his life. Arthur wanted to touch it. And not just to ruffle, he wanted to feel how Merlins hair really felt like if he touched it slowly stroking and letting Merlins short hair slip trough his fingers… He found all of this absurd and he was clad that it didn't happen too often. He had no idea how others could even function if being interested in girls and dating was anything like this. And directed to half of the worlds population…
Arthur had seen Merlin hold Gwens hand briefly one day when he had taken his tray away and he had felt something close to jealousy. How could Gwen get Merlin to do that? Of course Gwen and Merlin were good friends and Gwen was a girl. Even if Merlin didn't like her that way, it was still much more normal looking to hold her hand than for example Arthurs. He imagined himself actually taking Merlins hand at school and that certainly would have looked weird. At home it would have been maybe a bit different, but then again Merlin was like twice as cautious and tense there and he still rarely got out of his room. Arthur wasn't looking forward for summer. 'I really am weird…' He thought while trying not to feel inferior to Gwen in how close she was to Merlin.
Uther took Merlin less and less when the school neared its end. When he came to Merlins room, it was always very late and he seemed happy that Merlin was always still awake and studying. He mostly made Merlin take head or some nights he would just make Merlin touch him and tell him how his studying was. Merlin kind of knew that he should be relieved, but having an almost normal conversation while he had to move his hand up and down Uthers thing… that left him shaking and anxious. He was so afraid of slipping from the reality and things like that were just what he didn't need. His memories were a mess and Uthers words rang in his ears making him fear that he was really that delusional and that desperate for perverted things that he actually had imagined some of the things that had happened. He feared school, what if he would slip up in there? He really wanted summer to come so he could just hide from the world. Even if it meant not being able to leave the house.
When the school ended, both Merlin and Arthur had great report cards to show to their parents and Arthur was over the moon. He would get his car and he would start his driving lessons next week. Merlin was happy for him. For once he didn't have to listen Uther to tell Arthur that he would need to do better and the car… that meant that Arthur would be able to leave the house by himself and go anywhere he wanted. Merlin was jealous of that and he wished he had the guts to ask if Arthur would take him out with him.
Merlin had worked hard to get full marks on every subject so Uther wouldn't be angry at him and partly because he wanted to make the best notes ever for Arthur so he would get his car. And while Merlin had been up late in fear of Uther coming to his room and at some nights he hadn't get nearly enough sleep, he managed and the fact that he had thrown up just twice in the last three weeks had done wonders to his appetite and to his weight. The weather was warmer now and Merlin had given up on using two shirts underneath his long sleeved one. It felt weird and exposing at first, but soon liberating. He couldn't even see his ribs so clearly anymore and it felt like a small victory itself.
Huniths school had ended for the year and she was full of energy. The first week of the vacations she had tried to get them all together for some family time and they had even managed to go to the city to see some attractions and eat in a cafe like a normal family. Merlin would have had good time if Uther hadn't been there. He was just too tense in his presence. Arthur had chatted with him happily and that had made Merlin able to act at least a little bit normally even if that was mostly listening Arthur talk.
Uthers work had taken him away of the family soon and eventually Hunith had given up on the 'family time' thing. That suited Merlin just fine. With annual tour on all the business Uther had, he was rarely home. However Merlins good mood couldn't last very long. He didn't know what to do with himself now, that Uther wasn't there to force the direction of his thoughts and he found himself wanting Arthur more than ever. He fought it and he kept in mind his resolution of loving Arthur with no physical means, but it was hard. Arthur seemed to be everywhere and if Merlin let himself relax for even a moment, Arthur was there, sitting next to him or just generally being too close. Merlin was worried. Had Uther been doing him a favour after all? Was him touching Merlin and making him touch Uther the only way Merlin could be satisfied and not yearn for Arthur all the time? The thought hurt.
Merlin couldn't see anything in his future and he was as depressed as ever even if Uther was not home. Being constantly anxious and afraid made him moody and he fought with his mother on weekly basis. Arthur he couldn't even look at on some of the days. It was a mess and Merlin had nothing real to do. Until Arthurs written test for the license started to come nearer.
"Merlin, could you ask me some questions from this?" Arthur said one day Merlin had been loitering around their garden not really having enough energy to do anything. He looked at the pile of paper in Arthurs hand. It wasn't especially thick and it had been bound together with a staple. It was clearly read at least once and not held in a folder judging by the state the front leaf was. Merlin couldn't be bothered. Really, he had no interest in driving whatsoever and even forming a sentence to Arthur needed extra energy. Everything was so arduous nowadays… "Why don't you just read it yourself? It can't be that hard…" He said not paying any attention to the fact that he himself found it too hard a task to actually do.
Arthur sat next to where he was currently lying and Merlin felt his skin tingle and suddenly he had all the energy in the world to use. He tensed and he had to tell himself not to move and especially not look like he cared how close Arthur was. "I have read it. I just want to know what I already know and you can make good questions…sometimes." Arthur told him making Merlin feel proud of himself. Too proud, he told himself. It wasn't like he had done much, it wasn't that special to be able to ask some questions… Merlin sighed. Who he was kidding. He was a sucker for Arthur when he said anything positive about him.
"Alright… Give me that." He took the stack of papers from Arthurs hand feeling his fingers tingle even if Arthurs fingers didn't actually touch them. This was getting old… Merlin felt tiredness like never before. How long would he be this excited of Arthur just sitting next to him? How many times had Arthur already sat next to him and Merlin still wasn't used to it? And still his stupid heart sped up under Arthurs calm, waiting eyes. Merlin sighed again. He opened the pile from random page and corrected his position and while doing that, he edged a bit farther away from Arthur.
After reading few pages he started to ask some standard questions from Arthur who faltered at some, some he got right and some he didn't. There was clearly still much work to do, but when Arthur outstretched his hand to take the stack back, Merlin didn't hand it to him. "This text is ridiculously boring… Let me read it once, I'll make you some notes." Arthur beamed at Merlin and Merlin actually felt some real emotions brake trough his dullness. This was actually something he could do, like when the school was on and the routine made Merlin feel alive again.
The next few weeks he used by reading the text, making notes from it bit by bit, searching answers he didn't get from every source he could and assaulting Arthur with questions at every turn. He had even drawn A4 sized traffic signs and sometimes he would just randomly take one of them out and ask Arthur what he was supposed to do when seeing one.
With this method Arthur was learning fast and Merlin popping from right and left asking him what he was supposed to do or what this or that mean with full of energy made Arthur amused and somehow calmer. In few weeks he knew everything there was to learn. After reading last of Merlins notes he was sure he would pass, but seeing Merlin so much more animate than in the start of the vacations, Arthur had no heart to tell him that this was enough. In reality he didn't mind at all. His driving teacher (a middle-aged man with no apparent humour in him who everyone he had talked to seemed to find too strict) had complemented him for his knowledge and Arthur had found that he was actually a likeable character when he relaxed. Which he did when he felt safe enough being on the passenger seat with a student on a wheel. Arthur found that he saw the point of being strict and he listened his teachers advice with an interest level he had not had before. After a while they could talk about their experiences and just traffic overall. Arthur often told those stories to Merlin afterwards and Merlin seemed interested. Arthur thought that it was mainly because Merlin had nothing to do, he wasn't that interested in driving himself after all.
Arthur had organised summer practices to be on mondays and thursdays for his team. Some days he would ask Merlin to come with him and sometimes Merlin joined him. He was getting to know Arthurs team mates more and more and he could now name most of them. He still wasn't that interested in football even if he had to admit that it was fun to play a bit if the game was not too serious. Lance didn't mind, he encouraged Merlin when ever he chose to play even if Merlin didn't talk to him much. He wondered many times if he should talk to Lance and apologize, but there was never a right time and gradually Merlin decided that it was too late anyway and that Lance had propably already forgotten his harsh words anyway.
Sometimes Gwen would join them and that always made Merlins day. He loved Gwens company and he actually could find himself enjoying her and Lances exchanging glances and Gwen trying to find excuses why she had come this time. Either for Merlin or for her brother, Merlin wasn't sure. "Really Gwen, I'm not making up any stories why I'm here, sitting next to a field where bunch of idiots are kicking a ball, so you don't have to make one for me either. Save those for your brother." He said once when Gwen was again babbling something about her having to take care that Elyan would remember that they were going to visit their grand parents after the practices. Gwen had blushed and admitted that Merlin was right. She was being stupid.
Merlin had grinned at that and joked how of course he was right, but at the same time he had felt that he wasn't really one to talk. He had half waited for Gwen to ask why he was there and he was half prepared to actually tell her how lonely he had been, but as the question never came, Merlin didn't bring up the subject. He kind of felt that he had no right to complain if Gwen didn't ask first.
Half of the summer holidays were already behind and Arthurs birthday party was nearing. His birthday was actually in late spring, but with the end of the year and after that Uthers work, Uther had decided that they would celebrate almost two months late. He had rented a space for the party and he had invited everyone from his business circles and all Arthurs team mates that had some social standing. Like Oliver whose family was mostly lawyers and doctors and Lee whose mother was a politician. Vivian and his father were also coming, but Arthur had reminded Merlin that he shouldn't talk to her when her father was precent.
Merlin didn't like this kind of things very much. He found it bizarre how Arthur had no say on how he would like to spend his birthday and how many of the quests were some old farts from Uthers company or some 'important' associations. Merlin couldn't care less. In a way he had a feeling that he would have been blown away if he had seen this all when he still lived with just his mother and now that he had been living in the city for so long, maybe he had been used to all this so nothing was enough? Maybe he was just picky.
But didn't have to dwell in the thought of being picky for long. When it was the date of the party and Merlin had dressed himself to the suit he had used last year on him mothers wedding (a taylor had done something to his trousers and sleeves to make them longer, he had grown some from the last year), Hunith came to his room and she straightened Merlins tie. Merlin had put on his tie pin and Hunith smiled at that. "Would you want this kind of party when you turn 16?" She asked while her fingers moved Merlins tie to a straighter position.
At first Merlin didn't know what to say. Would his mother be disappointed if he told that he didn't want this kind of party or that he felt this all was just a big circus show to let Uthers business partners see how much Arthur had accomplished? He hesitated but when Hunith rose her gaze, Merlin had to smile a little. "No way I would want to play a decoration in my birthday party." Hunith laughed softly at Merlins comment and Merlin felt a real happy smile form. He and his mother, they could still understand each others and even if they lived in this money filled world now, they still had those memories from a small village. From a house with no real heating and the constant saving and simple life.
After that he and his mother had talked lightly how tacky and exaggerated the whole party was. Hunith promised that Merlin would get a quiet birthday and even while the guests were coming in, she and Merlin spend most of the time together, listening how Uther bragged his son to everyone and smiling with amusement how simple these people were in a very different way than the country people in their village.
At first Merlin had generally good time in Arthurs party. Not only had he managed to relax in his mothers company the same way he had been able a long time ago, but he had felt like he was a bit above this kind of fuss. He couldn't talk with Arthur much because he was busy of talking with every single one of Uthers associates, but then again Uther had made Arthur the centre of the attention so there were many changes for Merlin to just look at Arthur who sat in the same table as he did. He normally didn't dare to do that much because he was so scared of Arthur, or Uther or anybody in that matter, noticing how he looked at him. But staring the centre of attention wasn't that uncommon right? Only when Merlin found a small smile play on his lips after he had toned a boring speech out of his conscious brain and stared at Arthurs chest, he turned to look at anything else than Arthur. He had let himself relax too much.
After they had eaten the main course, Arthur had to leave the table and Merlin let his mind wander. This really was like a play, made for Uthers goals of how Arthurs life should go. Oliver came to talk to Merlin briefly at one point and Merlin appreciated the gesture. Oliver was also dressed in a suit but he looked much more comfortable and natural than Merlin. Somehow even dressing in a suit didn't make Oliver look serious or stiff, like it made Merlin feel. Merlin had to wonder how different everyone of Arthurs friends looked in this formal setting. He watched especially Lee, who normally looked like a half boiled spagethi for he was thin and with the exception when he played he had a lazy posture. Now, however his posture was flawless and he looked taller and his shoulders broader. His suit fit him perfectly and his unusually bright coloured turquoise dress shirt went beautifully with his black hair and Merlin suspected that his mother knew a thing or two about making good and lasting impressions with clothing. Merlin wished he could look like he fitted in here too.
After a while Merlin sighed and turned back to face the table he had been sitting in and was about to make his way back to sit when he found himself looking straight into Uthers eyes. Merlins blood froze and he went pale. Uther didn't say or do anything, but his gaze was cold and Merlin knew those eyes too well. He wanted to somehow tell Uther that he hadn't been looking at Lee like that. That he had only admired how natural he looked. That he had mostly been wondering if a coloured shirt would suit him better than the white he was currently wearing. But he couldn't. Uther soon turned his gaze and started to talk with someone and left the table. Still Merlin couldn't make himself to move towards the table before his mother and Arthur had sat before him when the coffee and dessert were served.
The rest of the party Merlin tried to act natural and he made a point of not looking any male under 60 years old longer than few seconds. He had even tried to focus on the women in the party, but he had stopped that when he had apparently been looking too long at Vivians dress with mild curiosity and he had spotted Vivians father eyeing at his direction suspicion written all over his face. Did he really look that threatening? He had no idea and he wasn't sure if looking at women would help his case at all when Uther already knew that he didn't like women and the only thing he could pray was that Uther hadn't noticed him staring at Arthur. Merlin couldn't even think what would happen if Uther ever found out how Merlin felt about his precious son.
After the dessert Uther made a sure that everyone saw how he gave Arthur a key to his new car that would arrive on their front door tomorrow and that everyone got that Arthur needed the car because he was the captain of the football team that had won the second place in this years mach. Merlin glanced at Arthur then, it felt more suspicious not to look at his direction when everyone else was. Arthur was happy of the car, but Merlin could see he was a bit uneasy the compliments of how well he had done in the licence test. Arthur glanced at Merlin and Merlin smiled at him a bit. Arthur seemed to relax then and he returned to the smile widely before thanking his father with the smile still on his face.
Merlin had to look away again, he felt a tiny blush on his cheeks. Maybe Arthur had been wondering if Merlin also should get some of the credit? He had worked a lot for Arthurs drivers test after all… That thought made Merlin feel a bit better for a while, but when the party neared its end, Merlin started to feel afraid again. Would Uther come today? Or tomorrow if he didn't want to at the night of Arthurs birthday? Either way it was the same for Merlin.
On their way home in a taxi, Merlin squeezed in between his mother and Arthur, his mind kept flashing him pictures of what he might have to face in just few hours after his mother was asleep. He knew his body wasn't used to being penetrated and that it would hurt like hell. His stomach was turning and the four course meal they had eaten, didn't help. If Uther would make Merlin suck him tonight, there would be a lot to vomit. Merlin didn't even notice how Arthurs side was squeezed against his until Arthur climbed out of the taxi and the contact was lost. Merlin felt sudden coldness and he shivered in the night air. Still, he didn't want to go inside the house.
Uther and Hunith soon retired to their room for the night and Merlin and Arthur made their way upstairs. When Arthur heard the door of his fathers bedroom close, he finally had a change to talk with Merlin freely. He turned to look at Merlin who looked tired and Arthur smiled at him brightly. "Well, that was something, wasn't it? I can't wait to see you try surviving that." He said with a grin. He was in a great mood after he had been able to just enjoy his ride home, he had mainly ignored everything and concentrated on taking in how it felt to be squeezed to Merlins side.
Merlin had to rise his gaze to meet Arthurs and he smiled a bit. "Don't count on that. Mother already promised me that I don't have to do that." Arthurs grin faltered a little, but then he smiled a real smile. "Good. I don't want to spend my Christmas teaching you how to socialise with all the quest, seriously, you were so gloomy the whole night I thought that you didn't have fun in my birthday party." Merlin didn't know what to say. He tried to find a way to deny that he hadn't enjoyed the party, but then he saw Arthurs grin and he understood, Arthur would have preferred some other kind of party too. "In my old home we would just invite all the friends over and just eat some cake and do something fun." He said and Arthur made a comment of it sounding like little kids party, but Merlin just wondered if Arthur had ever had kids party even when he had been a kid and was not offended at all.
Merlin wished the time would stop right now. So he could just stand here in the corridor with Arthur forever and never face Uther. But of cource that wouldn't happen. He was tired and he wanted to sleep, but he knew that wasn't an option. He couldn't just sleep when Uther might come in the middle of the night. "Hey, would you like to go to a drive with me tomorrow when I get my car?" Arthur asked cheerfully at some point and Merlin had to smile. "If you promise me that you really can drive, I would hate to die because you forgot to check the dead ankle…" Arthur had failed to list checking the dead ankle at least hundred times when Merlin had questioned him and it had been mostly a joke in the end.
Arthur made a face at Merlin who just smiled a bit wider. Why couldn't he just be with Arthur like this? Why did he have to be so afraid that Uther would hear him talking with Arthur for too long or too happy or what ever? It wasn't that he had any ulterior motives right now. Merlins smile faltered. He couldn't pretend right now, he was too tired and too worried for that. Arthur sighed at Merlin dramatically not noticing Merlin mood and smiled again. "I'll take that as a 'yes'." he said and then his smile widened and Merlin saw his eyes sparkle. "I can't wait tomorrow! I want to see which kind of car it is…" Arthur only new the brand, not the model. So Arthur hadn't noticed Merlins mood and his happiness made Merlin happy and for a moment he felt that he couldn't wait for tomorrow either. Only when he heard some sound coming from downstairs he snapped back to his reality. "I'm going to sleep now. Happy birthday, Arthur." He said suddenly feeling the corridor too open.
Arthur jawed and nodded "Thanks, You better wake up tomorrow when the car comes, I don't want to wait your lazy ass the whole day." He said lightly and Merlin rolled his eyes at him at the same time he turned to go to his room. He heard Arthur open and close his door and Merlin was alone again. He hated this feeling. All sense of security was gone and now he couldn't look forward tomorrow anymore, he had just the fear of what would happen before that.
The wait wasn't long. Merlin had just taken his tie off and placed the tie pin to its holder when Uther opened his door. Merlin turned around with fright, he hadn't expected Uther to come this early. When Uther locked his door, Merlin already knew what was going to happen, but he still couldn't comprehend it. It felt too weird on the night of Arthurs birthday.
Uther stepped closer to Merlin and when he was close enough, he took a hold of Merlins shoulder and turned him around making his back press against Uthers chest his hands maiking their way to Merlins belt. Merlin was petrified. He could smell alcohol in Uthers breath and Merlin felt nausea rise its ugly head. Uther opened Merlins pants and slid them down just enough to put his hand in Merlins boxers. "I'm happy that you helped my son with his studies, this will be you reward." Uther whispered into Merlins ear making him shudder. 'Reward' didn't sound anything that Merlin associated this with. He was also confused, he had been so sure that Uther was here because he had seen Merlin stare Arthurs friend. What was this sudden 'I'm happy with you' crap?
Uther pushed Merlin towards his bed. Merlin didn't want to go there, he wasn't prepared at all and he was so, so afraid of the pain and… He held his ground and refused to lie to his bed. He took a hold on the edge of the bed when Uther pushed at him and kept his hands straight. He had more strength nowadays because he had been eating better and gotten some exercise. For a small moment he felt a little bit of victory that Uther couldn't just push him around as he pleased anymore, but Uther didn't seem to mind, he caressed Merlins behind while Merlin was leaning to his bed and Merlin could just stare at the bed not really seeing it. He had prevented Uther from pushing him to it, but now their position was lewd. He started to shake again and his strength was gone.
Uther lowered Merlins boxers some more and Merlin saw him take the lube from his drawer. He felt like crying. He bit his lip until he tasted blood and Uther caressed his entrance with cold fingers. The suit he had on felt too tight. It wasn't meant to bend to this kind of position and Merlin hated it. He wasn't naked and that should have made him feel better but the suit that Uther had bought for him felt repulsive. "I saw you enjoyed looking at Arthurs friends hmm? You wished to have them on top of you, fucking you?" Uther panted in Merlins ear and thrusted two fingers in Merlin at the word 'fucking'.
Merlin whimpered and bit his lip again and lowered his head. He found small comfort on the fact that he hadn't thought anything like that about Arthurs friends. That meant Uther couldn't see inside his head after all. But of course he couldn't feel himself innocent when he had used every opportunity to watch Arthur exactly like that. Uther moved his fingers too quickly and Merlin could keep himself from trying to escape just by distracting himself with the pain in his bleeding lip. The taste of blood felt fresh after Uthers breath and Merlin wished he could again bleed more so he didn't have to take this.
Uther banged him hard and caressed Merlin while doing it, but there was not much reaction. After Uther came in Merlin with a grunt, he actually had some napkins to press on Merlins entrance. 'For not to dirty the suit' Merlin realised. After Uther had gone, Merlin was left with his now sweaty and wrinkled suit. He teared every part of it off as quickly as he could. When his dress shirt, jacket and trousers alongside his boxers and socks were on the floor, Merlin sank. His breath was ragged and he hated everything. He wanted to do some damage. To anything. He wished he could throw this suit out of the window, but of course he couldn't. The only thing he knew he could damage was himself, but the amount of pain he felt already made him unable to even think of the possibility long enough to actually do something.
'It will start again…' He thought and he hugged his knees while leaning to his bed. He wasn't prepared and he didn't want to be. He felt few tears roll down his eyes and he hated them. When he felt a tear drop to his knee, he scratched it angrily until it hurt. He did the same for every new tear he felt running down his neck or drop in to his hands or legs. Just the face he left alone and just brushed the tears off angrily. He had that much sense left that he realised that his mother would ask questions if he showed up to breakfast tomorrow morning with scratch marks on his cheeks.
After he had scratched many long red marks on his skin, Merlin felt slightly better, but not by much. He hated the time ahead of him and not even the thought of how he could spend time with Arthur tomorrow, could make him feel like tomorrow coming was a good thing. If just the time could stop for him. But eventually he got cold naked in the floor and Merlin forced himself up and to shower.
When he stood up from where he had been sitting behind his bed, he felt exposed and he ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He needed something solid in between the rest of this household and himself. His mother could get angry at him for all he cared. The hot shower water burned his cold skin and made his scratches sting, but Merlin just scratched the areas some more. He felt his pain was better than his fear and the first seemed to distract him from the second.
Merlin stayed awake for a long time. The time would go slower that way. He just laid on his couch and concentrated on the sting on his skin. Eventually he must have fallen asleep because he woke up when the sun hit his face early in the morning. He normally didn't wake up to light, but he hadn't been sleeping very soundly. He remembered what Arthur had said last night and he didn't want to be found from his couch by Arthur again, so he made himself get up.
After finding a shirt that hid most of his scratches and putting on a neckerchief to hide the rest, Merlin sat on the couch and tried to think of something, anything he could do now that he couldn't help Arthur study for any tests. Could he ask Arthur to take him to a library? There he could find something to read, but that didn't sound too exciting and really Merlin couldn't remember what he had used to do for fun anymore. Only things that popped into his head were impossible here. Like going to stroll into a forest or going to swim in a nearby lake with Will. Will… he hadn't called him for a while now… Merlin decided to do that later at least. And maybe he could also call Gwen now and then. But in two hours of waiting, that was all he got.
A/N Hello! Many thanks for MillaMaxvell12, Skypeoplephoenix732 and of cource mersan123 for reviews, you make me look forward to update new chapters and make my days!
I especially enjoyed mersan123 review and I have to answer you that I feel the same. I am also disapointed with Hunith right now. I really enjoyed her character in the show and her and Merlins relationship was very nice to watch, so while I have been writing this story, I have tried to make excuses for her like 'She doesn't want to nag at Merlin, he has always told her if something was wrong' or 'She's really busy and tries her hardest to make this relationship work while she is not exactly sure if she's in love' or 'She has talked to her friends in school and they all have told her not to worry so much', but really, you are right, there is no excuse for not noticing something like that happening under your very eyes. I am also very dissapointed to Merlins school. I have been a teacher for six years now, and while problems like that are not nearly as easy to spot when you are trying to manage with a large group of teenagers, there should be some signs and any teacher can offer an ear and recommend a visit for a school nurse at the very least. But I will get back to that later...
I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I promise the next one will not be as depressing as this was!
Untill sunday! Have a nice week!
-L