Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Chapter 9

They hadn't left the cave after what had happened. since the rain had stopped, he had taken the horse outside and tied it near the entrance, so that it could graze if it wanted. He had quickly gone back inside and had watched her quietly as he took his place next to the entrance, warily wondering as to what she would try to do next. Suffice to say, he had been relieved when she had fallen into an exhausted sleep, once she had stopped…

Crying.

He had always hated it when girls cried. It reminded him too much of…other times, other places. Not to mention it got on his nerves and made him feel downright uncomfortable, especially if he had been the one to cause it, because he had always immediately found himself unable to do anything to stop it. That was probably the reason why he hadn't said anything and just left her to it. He was still angry with her, but that was nothing new. After all, he had known that he couldn't trust her. He had known she would of tried to escape, it was foolish to expect anything less from her. Of course she would.

So then, why hadn't he stopped her immediately when she had left?

Why had he let her do that?

Why?

Those questions, and the million others that had been plaguing his mind, all added to the disturbing impression that he had a massive weight bearing down on him. Now that she had stopped, he found that all he could do now was think these thoughts, and, now he was regretting it. He knew he shouldn't be doing this sort of thing, thinking these thoughts and experiencing these feelings. Because it only caused what felt like a constant pressure on the back of his mind, and a hollow pit around his stomach. The irony of it all was not lost on him. He knew what this was, he, contrary to what he always showed on the outside, had felt this before.

It was with reluctance that he had to admit himself what it was.

He was feeling guilt.

Guilt.

For his actions.

How many days had it been now? A few. He had what, two weeks to catch up with his sister, and more than a third of that time had already gone by. He knew that he was going to be pushing himself, and the girl, to their limits in the not so far off future, probably travelling from the moment the sun rose in the mornings and stopping long after it had disappeared from their sight. And to make matters worse, he knew that this guilty feeling that was tugging at his conscious would not leave him and the knowledge of what he would further have to do certainly would do nothing to lessen it.

All because of her damn tears.

'Really? Is it really all because of her tears? Or have I been feeling like this for a while now?' His own question caused him to lean back into the wall. He couldn't answer it the way he wanted to, and he really, really wanted to say yes, that it was all her fault. He wanted to be able to blame her for all of this, but he knew that he couldn't. That was a coward's way out anyway.

He wondered as to when exactly he had become quite so…he was unsure of how to explain himself. Whatever he was inside, it was becoming more and more difficult for him to hide on the outside, the side that was seen by the world. His uncle had always said that conscience and honor was what made a man, for without them, how can a man say that they have anything? He closed his eyes for a second at the thought, and with a barely audible sigh, he turned his head to look at her again.

He had no honor anymore, and his conscience? Seemingly non-existent, but it was still driving him insane.

It was all part of the harsh reminder that he didn't have a choice, and probably not a chance either.

OoO

She was there again. She didn't know where…but she was there.

And she was waiting. Waiting for something, something important. She was sure that it came in the form of something happening before she felt it. Suddenly she was falling through darkness, but she didn't scream because she knew that she had screamed enough.

It was in a brief moment, like a passing image in her mind's eye but she still saw it. It had burned its way into her memory.

She saw a river, one that she knew was strangely familiar, she knew it, or knew that she should know it, but just couldn't place it. It was just out of her reach at the very back of her mind. However, these thoughts were cast aside when it was what was on the river that she saw what she had needed to see:

Three boats.

A flag.

And bright red flames.

Then she was back to watching herself fall. Over and over again.

She cried out as it started again, screaming the same words: don't fall for it; don't let your guard down you stupid, stupid idiot! She cried out again in dismay as she saw herself let go of the glider.

Please, please. Please forgive me Aang…I'm so sorry.

"I'm trying."

The scene kept replaying in my head, and I found myself unwilling to wake up just yet, but the first image was still in my head even as I started to feel myself become lost amidst the smoke and screams and yells of my friends. All the while I kept telling myself how stupid I was, how weak and unable to have foreseen what had been bound to have happened.

I was supposed to guard and protect the avatar, but all I had done was sit around as we had walked into a trap. I had done the exact opposite of what I was supposed to do, and now, I was reaping the rewards of my actions.

The girl was screaming as she fell. I was screaming at the girl, myself.

My eyes snapped open and I sat right up. I could hear my own harsh breathing, which seemed louder than usual, magnified by the silence of the cave. My arm was hurting again, and I clutched it subconsciously, biting my lip so hard that I didn't realize it until I felt the sharp metallic tang of blood in my mouth. I shot a quick glare at the dark silhouette next to the cave entrance, scowling at him through the darkness.

It was all his fault. All of it. Everything.

But more than anything, he…scared me. He…was…stronger…than me.

Sure I was tired, and hungry, I had been for days now, but he had still beaten me.

And I hated that.

I hate staying here with him. I hate not knowing what's going on; when I know that something is going on. I hate not knowing anything about Aang or Sokka. I hate how unfair this all is.

Looking back now, I found myself shaken at how I really had taken for granted the freedom of traveling with them. We were all together, trying to do our part and often having to avoid our enemies yes, but we were still together. We had each other.

Now…

I didn't have anyone.

I had to make it through this alone.

OoO

The sun rose quickly, and for once in his life he thought, too quickly.

He slowly stood up, using his hands against the cold, hard ground as leverage. He turned over to her, noticing that she had woken up as well. Unlike him, however, she was making no attempt to get up; instead she was just glaring at him as if she was trying to burn deadly holes into him with her eyes. A truly evil look that, if he had been told of it before he had found her, he would have scoffed and claimed that she wasn't capable of such a thing. But obviously, she was.

He shook his head, before reaching into the pack and taking out a wrapped bundle. He scowled as he noticed that supplies were running low, and with distaste as he saw how stale the bread was.

He looked at her again; almost wincing as he saw how she was crouched in the corner, how she had made herself as small as possible. It was necessary, he told himself, repeating that over and over again to himself. It was necessary.

Walking over to her, ducking slightly because of the low ceiling, he thrust the bread towards her. His expression was grim as she drew up her knees and glared at him again. He gave her a look of his own, which he hoped would get the message across that she would eat without questions, or rather, not saying anything at all. He hoped in vain. She didn't even look at the food in his hand, instead choosing to just turn her head to the side.

He grit his teeth, really not wanting to talk to her, but knowing now that he had to.

"C'mon, you have to eat." No answer. Grimly, he recognised that this was all too familiar behaviour, nonetheless, he reached out with his other hand and placed it under her chin, and then used it to turn her head so that she would face him, trying to ignore how she cringed from his touch. Although if it was out of fear or disgust, he wasn't sure. Probably both. He felt another pang, before thinking that he actually hadn't meant to scare her as badly as he had done. He shook his head to rid himself of such thoughts. Of course he had meant it, it was better this way.

Wasn't it?

Snapping his attention back to her, he grimaced slightly when she tried to look away again but he was having none of it. "Eat." He insisted, more firmly this time.

No answer. This was beginning to get on his nerves now.

"Eat, Katara." Both their eyes widened when he said her name, but he quickly masked his own surprise at himself. He hadn't meant to say her name - it just tumbled out. In truth, he was shocked at himself. That was one of the things that he had been trying to stop himself from doing…He would make sure not to say it again.

"W-What did you say?" He narrowed his eyes. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"I told you to eat." Even though he knew what she had really meant.

"No." He set his jaw. He didn't want to fight with her, but he knew that she had to eat…she hadn't done so since yesterday morning.

"Eat." He put the bread in her hand, before he got up again. His anger was quickly rising up again, but he didn't want to lash out at her, not now. He had been angry with her long enough to make even himself feel uncomfortable, and then he had been angry with himself. Angry at his foolishness, angry at his thoughts, angry at his own shitty weakness.

Without another word he covered the evidence of the fire from last night, and retied the pack onto the horse, hoping that these simple tasks would allow him to take a break from punishing thoughts and feelings for at least a little while.

OoO

I looked at the bread, wondering with a sort of strange absent-minded feeling of detachment, if it was all right for me to eat it after all.

Inwardly, I snorted at myself. Since when had I become so melancholy? Wasn't I the one who was always supposed to be the optimist? I glared at the bread, almost as if it were the cause of all of my problems and not some self-righteous, egotistical, arrogant, rude, violent asshole of a firebender…

So, I had to make it through this alone hmm?

I had given this some thought last night after my little relapse. I had had enough now of self-pity. I had to make it through this.

I would make it through this. I had said that before, yes, but now I was even more determined to escape.

I bit into the bread savagely, tearing off a piece and slowly chewing, then swallowing, sticking my tongue out at it for being so stale.

What the hell was he trying to pull now?

I had decided, that he absolutely was not going to get away with this. I had been stupid last night.

Finishing the bread, I took the opportunity to look at my arm. Surprisingly, it was feeling a little better, I was sure it would have stung this morning after last night. However, it was aching again. I winced when I saw how filthy the bandages were, there was no avoiding it, they would have to be changed, and soon.

I got up and followed him outside. He didn't spare me a glance, and for some reason that bothered me. What was I hoping? That there would be some off chance that he would even feel slightly guilty for what he had done. Not a chance.

Memories from last night surged foreword and I couldn't help flinching and looking away.

He had looked ready to kill me.

But he didn't. I looked up again, seething as I felt myself tense.

If he thought I was going to give up, he was wrong. Last night was a mistake, but it was a mistake that I will not make again. Ever.

I glanced at him again, before turning away, but something suddenly felt…different. I noticed something was different.

He wasn't looking at me at all. I frowned out of confusion, no, it couldn't be, but he was!

Usually, he didn't hesitate to glare, or scowl at me. Now, he was…I could have sworn that he was trying to do his best to avoid looking at me completely.

He finished what he was doing and started to lead the horse without saying anything.

I followed, knowing that there was nothing else I could do…at the moment.

A few hours later, and little had changed, save for the fact that I was already aching all over and having to focus more and more where I put my feet. I had thought that since the rain had stopped, it would make travelling easier. I was wrong, soon finding out that yesterday's rain only meant mud, mud and more mud.

I had long ago decided that for as long as I would live after all of this was over, I would make a point of staying well away from seemingly endless forests, no matter what.

But there was something else.

I couldn't shake this strange feeling that I was being watched. It had started around halfway through the morning, and was only increasing as time went by. I fidgeted slightly, wondering if Zuko felt it as well.

Although, if he did, he showed no sign of it. Or anything, for that matter. Not that I could see, walking behind him and all.

I renewed my attempts to squash this feeling, feeling slightly stupid. I blushed slightly, and kept walking, focusing once more on trying to keep up with Zuko. I was determined not to show him that I was suffering at all now.

I was not going to repeat the same mistake twice. That had become my mantra, and I made sure that I constantly kept repeating it to myself.

Around midday I felt a stream nearby and had to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything out loud. However, I had to stop myself from doing a double-take when we stopped. There was silence for a few seconds, then:

"Can you sense anything?" I blinked, momentarily trying to register what it was he had just said and realizing that he actually said something. After hours of not speaking or hearing his voice, I couldn't help but grit my teeth at how loud and strange it sounded.

"Sense?"

"You said yesterday that you could sense…when water was nearby. Can you sense anything?" I didn't miss the harsh tone with which he finished the question, almost as if he was reluctant or punishing himself by having to speak to me.

Hah. Serves him right.

"There's a stream…that way." It came out colder than I had intended, but I wasn't complaining. However, I felt no need to lie right now, too tired to fight with an angry firebender with an attitude problem at this moment in time.

"Good." I gave him a disbelieving look. 'Really? Doesn't sound like it.' Of course he wouldn't now, would he?"How far?" Oh yes, he definitely sounded reluctant…

"About five minutes." 'Yes, let the fact that I know this stuff and you don't make you squirm.' I was focusing on the back of his neck now, still wondering why he seemed so determined not to look at me. I knew that it wouldn't be because of guilt, it never was.

"Wait here." Excuse me? Wait…here? What? I was about to reply but the retort died on my lips when I saw that there was no one to speak to. He had already up and left me. What had happened to the whole 'not letting me out of his sight' thing?

Gods how I hated this.

What had I called him before? I wasn't usually one to swear, but right now I felt like cursing with every single word I knew.

The horse nudged me, and I looked to see that it had ambled over to me, and was now looking at me with two very big brown eyes. I could see myself reflected in them, a dirty, and dishevelled looking waterbender with matted hair (inwardly I winced at that, it was still down goddamnit!) and a grumpy expression. The horse nudged me again and I felt my anger start to drain away a little.

I sighed. Now that I came to think about it, I wasn't naturally an angry person. Sure I could get angry, I could get really mad if the situation deserved it, but that didn't necessarily mean that I liked it…

It's not as though I had actually expected that I would have been get away last night anyway. I had lost myself in a moment of panic and desperation, and in a way, I couldn't have expected anything less from Zuko for his reaction. I could blame him for a lot of things, and it was his fault, but…

I was painfully reminded of my brother and friend. Painfully reminded that I still had no idea if they were okay.

Aang and Sokka…They probably hadn't been there at all anyway. I really had been stupid.

Idly I realized that Zuko hadn't even hurt me last night. The scrapes and bruises from last night were caused because I ran. Why didn't he hurt me anyways, he had looked so angry. He could have hurt me, and I could be in worse shape than I am now, but he didn't, and I wasn't.

I wasn't sure if that was good or bad, perhaps it would have been easier for me if he had. I would have been able to blame him for something else that way. It would have meant that I could have another way of hating him.

Even though I didn't like hating anyone in the first place.

I needed to stop thinking about this soon; I was getting a headache.

I started to sit down, but the horse nudged me again.

"What?" It looked at me again. "What do you want, horse?" it snorted, and I suddenly noticed that it still had its pack on. Well of course that would be the reason.

I gave it a wry smile, before gesturing towards the pack.

"You want me to take this off?" It nudged me again. "I'll take that as a yes then." I untied the ropes and took the thing off it. It immediately lowered its head and started to eat, grass stealing its attention as my usefulness to it ended. I rolled my eyes and decided that that must mean that I was allowed to sit down now.

"Wonder what's taking him so long?" My voice suddenly seemed unnaturally loud, and I noticed just how quiet things had seemed to suddenly become.

I came out in Goosebumps and mentally I cringed. I started to feel slightly nervous, noticing how very alone I was…Wait a minute, I was just being stupid again. Although there was that feeling earlier…

The hairs on the back of my neck rose, and I knew that I couldn't just dismiss this as being just a stupid superstitious feeling. You didn't live most of your life in a frozen tundra and then spend months running from the Fire Nation with the Avatar to not know when something was feeling very wrong.

The bushes rustled, and I froze.

"don't make a sound." I yelped and spun around to come face to face with Zuko.

OoO

It hadn't taken too long to find the stream, and he took a moment to look around. Seeing nothing…suspicious…he knelt down by the water. They had been running low on their water supplies, and he had hoped that there had been a stream or river nearby.

He had not been disappointed, he thought ruefully, staring at the clear water for a moment. He had thought that there would a water source close to where they were. They had been going in the general direction of the smaller rivers that cut through the mountains to join the main river. On one of these rivers, he knew that Azula was travelling along. On one of these rivers, was his uncle.

He looked at Katara's canteen again, having taken it from her again, before he refilled that too. Briefly, he had wondered about leaving her on her own, he knew he was a idiot to do so, but he had needed to do this and couldn't have taken her here with him. That would have just been downright torturous. And after last night…he wasn't so sure that she would be so eager to pull off another stunt so soon.

Getting up again he headed back towards where he had left her, before he had heard it, and sensed it. Instantly going on the alert, he quickened his pace and got back in hardly any time at all, just enough time to issue his warning.

"Don't make a sound." He had seen her freeze and grit his teeth against her scream and sudden movement when she turned to face him. "I said don't make a sound."

"You surprised me! What do you expect?" Her voice came out slightly higher than usual. He watched as her eyes grew angry, but he cut her off before she could say any more. As quietly as he could, just so she could hear, he whispered his second warning, hoping that it would make her understand.

"We're being watched." The colour drained from her face, and she nodded dumbly.

"What do we do?" Her whisper was as quiet as his now, and he silently thanked the gods that she was not yelling at him now, seemingly believing what he said.

"I'm not sure how many there are, or if intentions are hostile."

"Is there more than one?"

"I think so." He felt a weird sense of déjà vu about this, and it only served to make him feel more tense.

"So what do we do?" She repeated. He turned away from her, and looked around with darting, hard eyes. Alert for anything and everything.

"We know you're there. Who are you and what do you want?" He raised his voice, letting controlled menace seep into his tone, and leaving his unspoken threat hang in the air. 'come out now and I won't be forced to kill you.'

He thought he heard something for a moment, before everything went still again.

One second, two seconds, three seconds…nothing happened.

Five seconds, ten seconds…still nothing.

A whole minute passed, and then another.

Five minutes passed, and Katara began to fidget. He himself was also beginning to feel impatient. Perhaps whoever it was had left, perhaps he had imagined it?

No, he couldn't have imagined it.

"Um…Zuko?"

He glanced at her for a moment, before looking around the area again. Slowly, very slowly, he started to relax, although he kept all of his senses alert for even the smallest sign of something, anything at all, that seemed out of place other than themselves.

Eventually, he allowed himself to let go of his wary tension and turned back towards Katara.

He instantly regretted it as he saw her eyes widen and cold biting metal press against the skin on the back of his neck.

"Don't move boy."

OoO

A/N: You must all hate me by now.

I am so sorry that it took so long for me to update, but (finally) I got my mind into gear and here it is. My only excuse is that it was a very hard chapter to write, and I hope you can all forgive me for the wait. Hopefully, the next chapter will be up much sooner than this one was, I'm aiming to have it up in the next two weeks or so at least.

Sorry…

Velori